Need Advice On A 3yo DCB That Will Not Listen

[PolkaTots]

A little background on this DCB. Have had his 1.5 years now, and he comes full time, but really only needs to be here 2 half days a week. His parents drop him off as soon as they can and pick him up right before close. His behavior leads me to believe they have little interaction with him at home, and he pretty much just does what he wants. It is obvious he does not get regular baths as well.

Anyway, he isn't overly aggressive and is a pretty decent kid, but will just not listen. I ask him not to do something, and as soon as my attention is somewhere else...he does it again. It's not usually anything too major, screaming, running, throwing toys, not picking up, banging toys on the wall, waking kids up at nap time...ect. It's just so frustrating because it is happening more and more, and time outs dont really do anything.

I've tried to talk to his parents about this, and their response is, "yeah, he doesn't really listen at home either." Ugh! I just want to tell them to spend more quality time with their child and quit brining him here when he doesn't need to be. Wednesday was a gorgeous day out and the mother told the DCB that "mommy has the day off, so maybe I will pick you up early from daycare and we can go to the park." Wouldn't you know she showed up later than her contracted time and right before I closed for the day Yes, I know I am getting paid for a position and a parent can do whatever they want while their child is in my care, but I need ideas on better ways to get this child to listen while in my care.

[Oneluckymom]

A little background on this DCB. Have had his 1.5 years now, and he comes full time, but really only needs to be here 2 half days a week. His parents drop him off as soon as they can and pick him up right before close. His behavior leads me to believe they have little interaction with him at home, and he pretty much just does what he wants. It is obvious he does not get regular baths as well.

Anyway, he isn't overly aggressive and is a pretty decent kid, but will just not listen. I ask him not to do something, and as soon as my attention is somewhere else...he does it again. It's not usually anything too major, screaming, running, throwing toys, not picking up, banging toys on the wall, waking kids up at nap time...ect. It's just so frustrating because it is happening more and more, and time outs dont really do anything.

I've tried to talk to his parents about this, and their response is, "yeah, he doesn't really listen at home either." Ugh! I just want to tell them to spend more quality time with their child and quit brining him here when he doesn't need to be. Wednesday was a gorgeous day out and the mother told the DCB that "mommy has the day off, so maybe I will pick you up early from daycare and we can go to the park." Wouldn't you know she showed up later than her contracted time and right before I closed for the day Yes, I know I am getting paid for a position and a parent can do whatever they want while their child is in my care, but I need ideas on better ways to get this child to listen while in my care.

You have hit the nail on the head. This is exactly where I personally see what the problem is..IMPO. It is so hard for the children when they don't get enough "at home time". I really don't have any advice, as I cannot speak from personal experience as it pertains to your particular situation.

I hope you can continue to work with this family and esp. the little boy. It sounds like he really needs you.

[Kimberli]

I have this same scenario in the majority of the kiddos I watch right now too... which is one of the main reasons they are such a challenging group. Kinda makes me wanna become a truck driver or a butcher instead of a Child Care Provider some days.

It is an epidemic - and for certain I think we experience it here in my neck of Southern California to the extreme because in order to make ends meet financially, both parents must work full time and usually with a lengthy commute tagged on both ends. Many of my kids are in care almost 12 hours a day.

I would probably be frustrated and angry at my parents if they didn't spend more time with me too! BUT - that doesn't mean we can tolerate all the acting out that comes along with it ... and little by little it definitely takes its toll on my rosey disposition!

If you find an answer, share it with me, will you? I'm sending big TGIF hug to you. Happy Weekend!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I totally understand. It.wears.on.your.nerves. (Insert twitching face here)

[Lefse&Kids]

I have the same thing going on with my 4 yr old

She is lovely, smart and sweet. But has lots of trouble respecting authority. I don't give 2nd chances in my daycare for children of this age. I'm not mean about it, but I have learned that they will push more and more if the get "chances" to be good. I take them away from the situation, they serve the consequence (usually sitting completely quiet-time starts over when they object). I then explain what they did wrong, what I want them to do in the future, and ask if they understand.

I am also careful not to use phrases like " I would like to you do ___" or phrases that may indicate they only have to do something if the child desires to do so. I tell them "You will need to do ___, or you will sit on the chair again".

The issues I usually need to dissolve day to day are jumping on the beds, screaming, climbing on the furniture, and teasing. My 3 year old jumps on the bandwagon to make it worse. They feed off each other a lot.

After a few rounds of this, she wants to go home (background, parents are much more lax on acceptable actions), and asks to call her mom. (The mom doesn't want her to behave like this though, funny)

These methods works only until her mother arrives then she goes completely wild. Screaming that wakes up the entire house and hurts the ears. She will run and hide under the bed, hang on her moms hair, and throw herself in a fit if she doesnt get a treat from her mom. I only see this at the end of the day though.

She loves coming over here, she just doesn't like the "mad" me as she calls it.

Hope this helps. I'm not sure everything that goes on.

[LK5kids]

She is lovely, smart and sweet. But has lots of trouble respecting authority. I don't give 2nd chances in my daycare for children of this age. I'm not mean about it, but I have learned that they will push more and more if the get "chances" to be good. I take them away from the situation, they serve the consequence (usually sitting completely quiet-time starts over when they object). I then explain what they did wrong, what I want them to do in the future, and ask if they understand.

I am also careful not to use phrases like " I would like to you do ___" or phrases that may indicate they only have to do something if the child desires to do so. I tell them "You will need to do ___, or you will sit on the chair again".

The issues I usually need to dissolve day to day are jumping on the beds, screaming, climbing on the furniture, and teasing. My 3 year old jumps on the bandwagon to make it worse. They feed off each other a lot.

After a few rounds of this, she wants to go home (background, parents are much more lax on acceptable actions), and asks to call her mom. (The mom doesn't want her to behave like this though, funny)

These methods works only until her mother arrives then she goes completely wild. Screaming that wakes up the entire house and hurts the ears. She will run and hide under the bed, hang on her moms hair, and throw herself in a fit if she doesnt get a treat from her mom. I only see this at the end of the day though.

She loves coming over here, she just doesn't like the "mad" me as she calls it.

Hope this helps. I'm not sure everything that goes on.

I love your advice....thanks
and....a 4 yr. old that acts out that way when mom comes?....oh, boy-I think I'm in for it when I open my center. How do these parents survive their kids acting like this. Everyone has to be so miserable. That's what I've noticed about kids with no rules or boundaries. They are SOOOOO UNHAPPY!

[Hunni Bee]

I have a 4 year old who does not listen at all. Although in this case, I dont think it's because he doesn't get enough facetime with parents. He's the last drop.off and one of the earliest pick ups, and he's an only child. And it doesn't seem like there's a lack of boundaries at home, although I think a lot the issues I have with him just simply would not be issues at home.

He's constantly bothering other kids- touching them, being in their faces, teasing. That's probably the biggest thing, because it usually turns into hitting and name calling. Naptime is a joke. Im limited in my options for discipline, basically talking is the only acceptable method at my job....which of course he doesn't respond to at all. Time out is the last resort. The only thing he really responds to is total removal from the situation, but of course that's frowned upon as well.

So I'm just as frustrated, and its only this one child.