Making Lemons Into Lemonade!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I wish I had some advice but unfortunately I'm going trough a similar situation with parents testing boundaries. Mine has nothing to do with coats but late pick ups and some other small things. Like you, I just don't nag, I love the children involved and really like the families. If I had to nag and stress out every day I would quit with no notice because it would make me miserable. Right now it seems like half of my parents are breaking/bending at least one rule every day and of course I just sent new contracts/policies out a few weeks ago so to me it seems purposeful. I usually say everything in a nice way and include something happy. I have been slowly getting more strict and less friendly and the parents are reacting by acting out more and being less friendly.
I just don't understand it. The children love it here which is obvious to the parents and parents seem to like having their child here. Why do they have to push boundaries. Sometimes I wish they would just leave on their own so they could find out how good they had it here. I had that happen once and a month later the parents were asking for their spot back and apologizing. It felt good to say "sorry, I filled your spot a week after you left but I can let you know if anything opens up".

You are rowing in the same boat as me.

My husband says that I "just mean business." He says I'm not rude or unfriendly, I just want my business rules to be respected and followed. That is a huge compliment from him since I tend to be a no nonsense black and white Aspie girl. He will often tell me I am being too rude and need to reword things, so I know it isn't that when it comes to the parents!

Crazy the things we see day in and day out. I just stopped investing a lot of emotion into the things I am cracking down on and say what I need to say and leave it at that. If they break the rule again they have consequences and it's no sweat off my back.

[LK5kids]

What are the rules are they pushing? I did fcc for 10 yrs. and really didn't have problems. Kids had coats and shoes, they didn't come early or late, diapers bags were packed with diapers, etc. I charged by the hour and was open 6:00 to 6:00. Do you think things have changed LOTS in the last ten years?
I'm trying to brace myself

[nanglgrl]

What are the rules are they pushing? I did fcc for 10 yrs. and really didn't have problems. Kids had coats and shoes, they didn't come early or late, diapers bags were packed with diapers, etc. I charged by the hour and was open 6:00 to 6:00. Do you think things have changed LOTS in the last ten years?
I'm trying to brace myself

:::: I started 10-11 years ago and would have to say yes, yes, yes, things have changed in the past 20 years! Here is what I've noticed:

1. Parents are more likely to leave their child at daycare for the full time your open even if they get off work earlier or go in to work later. It's not uncommon to hear, "I can't handle he/she in public".
2. More parents practice the skill of lazy parenting. Example: They can't find the child's shoes right away so they give up and bring them to daycare without.
3. Children rule the house more. Suzie doesn't want to put on clothes today? That's fine they will bring her in her pajamas and diaper form the night before.
4. Children potty train a lot later.
5. Children are most certainly less active and more obese.
6. Unless you have a rule that imposes immediate termination or huge fees some parents will do it. If you have a rule against something and large fees/possible termination a good amount of parents will still do it.
7. Discipline went from spanking to time outs and redirecting and then to reinforcing positive behavior and now is edging towards never saying no to a child and avoiding time outs. As a result children have little discipline at home, maybe because parents have no idea what they are supposed to do but probably because they are just lazy.
8. Many more families have grandparents involved in the care of their child and rely on them like never before. They will often bring them to interviews.
9. You are much more likely to have the parents tell you "he/she wouldn't let me" or "he/she made me" when they are responding to you asking why they didn't make their child put their shoes on or why they let her eat a cookie for breakfast.

[LK5kids]

Thanks Nanglgrl for all the tips.....
You're right, children do rule the house more. Parents seem afraid to say, "No." Parents seem hesitant to upset their kids.

You're right, they are potty training lots later. I never saw or heard of a child in diapers at age 3 (or older) when I did child care before.

I have a good story....I was in the grocery store about two years ago in the cereal isle. A mom and her child were having a discussion. She kept saying can't I PLEASE get my cereal this week. We also get what you like. This argument went on for three/four minutes. I never knew if mom was allowed to get the kind of cereal she liked. Now I'm not sure if she was on a very tight budget and couldn't get two boxes of cereal but I wanted to say, "Just get what you want. Jr. will survive!"

Thanks again for the advise. I'll keep tweaking my policies and I'll try to grow a backbone, which has always been a bit wobbly! One thing I won't have trouble with is a child coming in with soda for breakfast....I'd have a meltdown on that one!

[Former Teacher]

:::: I started 10-11 years ago and would have to say yes, yes, yes, things have changed in the past 20 years! Here is what I've noticed:

1. Parents are more likely to leave their child at daycare for the full time your open even if they get off work earlier or go in to work later. It's not uncommon to hear, "I can't handle he/she in public".
2. More parents practice the skill of lazy parenting. Example: They can't find the child's shoes right away so they give up and bring them to daycare without.
3. Children rule the house more. Suzie doesn't want to put on clothes today? That's fine they will bring her in her pajamas and diaper form the night before.
4. Children potty train a lot later.
5. Children are most certainly less active and more obese.
6. Unless you have a rule that imposes immediate termination or huge fees some parents will do it. If you have a rule against something and large fees/possible termination a good amount of parents will still do it.
7. Discipline went from spanking to time outs and redirecting and then to reinforcing positive behavior and now is edging towards never saying no to a child and avoiding time outs. As a result children have little discipline at home, maybe because parents have no idea what they are supposed to do but probably because they are just lazy.
8. Many more families have grandparents involved in the care of their child and rely on them like never before. They will often bring them to interviews.
9. You are much more likely to have the parents tell you "he/she wouldn't let me" or "he/she made me" when they are responding to you asking why they didn't make their child put their shoes on or why they let her eat a cookie for breakfast.

I can not like this enough or agree more with you!

Esp. number 4 about the pottying. When I started daycare back in 1991, the children were potty trained by 2-2.5 (the latest) years old. I, myself, was potty trained at 18 months happyface

Nowadays its common for a 3-4 year old to be still in diapers :confused: Which I think is ridiculous because why go through the added expense if you can help it ::

Anyway I would like to add to your list:

Another thing I have noticed within the past few decades is that parents go by what doctors and books say-not what their heart and heads say. Perfect example: 40 odd years ago my sister would not sleep. She was constantly crying and not sleeping. She was only 2 weeks old. My mother took her to the dr and he said shes fine...she's just a newborn.

Well my grandmother told my mother to add a little cereal to her bottle. My sister slept for 18 HOURS straight. My mother said she was so terrified because my sister slept so soundly. So with the rest of us that's what she did...at 2 weeks old we were given cereal.

Fast forward to last year. My great niece was born (my mothers great granddaughter). Her doctor told her NOTHING but formula until she was 6 months old. But of course my mother didn't listen and she was already giving her the good stuff by 4 months ::

[Blackcat31]

I wish I had some advice but unfortunately I'm going trough a similar situation with parents testing boundaries. Mine has nothing to do with coats but late pick ups and some other small things. Like you, I just don't nag, I love the children involved and really like the families. If I had to nag and stress out every day I would quit with no notice because it would make me miserable. Right now it seems like half of my parents are breaking/bending at least one rule every day and of course I just sent new contracts/policies out a few weeks ago so to me it seems purposeful. I usually say everything in a nice way and include something happy. I have been slowly getting more strict and less friendly and the parents are reacting by acting out more and being less friendly.
I just don't understand it. The children love it here which is obvious to the parents and parents seem to like having their child here. Why do they have to push boundaries. Sometimes I wish they would just leave on their own so they could find out how good they had it here. I had that happen once and a month later the parents were asking for their spot back and apologizing. It felt good to say "sorry, I filled your spot a week after you left but I can let you know if anything opens up".

This is EXACTLY where I am. But, don't misunderstand. I am NOT unhappy about it. I prefer it.

I am a business and I prefer to NOT be friends with or act like family to my child care parents. (I have an entirely different relationship with their children...but that is beside the point). I am NOT friends with parents. I may be "friendly" in my conversation with them and may chit chat with them during pick up and drop off times but we are NOT friends.

I know that sounds harsh but this is my income, my business and what I do to pay my bills. I cannot afford for a parent to be my friend because doing so would mean doing special. Discounts, waived fees, and disregarded rules. Nope. Not happening here.

I set my rules, enforce them and make no excuses for that. I am VERY clear about this during the interview process so parents know full well that I am 100% business.

I don't mince words and have no issues telling a parent to not allow little Jimmy to bring food into my home or that Sally cannot stay today because she doesnt have the required clothing. Rules are rules and I take them seriously and I fully expect my parents to do so as well.

I know it is hard for some providers to use their backbones but I will tell you that setting the stage in the VERY begining IS the KEY. You will not have to come across as rude, harsh or mean if the parents know ahead of time that you mean business and make no exeptions. If you enforce your rules the first time, then everyone gets it.

For me I add the personal element in AFTERWARDS.

Many providers here will say, "Well, I waived their fees because this was the first time it has happened" or "I let it slide and didn't say anything because it has never happened before"

THAT is crack in the dam....kwim? Why not make a point of showing how much YOU value your rules and policies right off the bat? and save the "special" for when a family has proven to you that they can and will follow your rules.

Just like a child and rewarding. I refuse to reward a child for doing something they are already suppose to do. I didn't give my own children allowances for doing regular household chores. I reward for things that are above and beyond normal expectations and rules. If a family has had a great attendance and payment record with me for a while, then I MAY consider waiving a late fee or allowing an early arrival for no charge...etc.

Aproaching things from a different angle makes all the difference.

Parents need to show me first that they CAN follow rules and policies before I will ever waive or bend a policy.

Looking the other way because it was the first time is the nail that seals the coffin IMHO.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

This is EXACTLY where I am. But, don't misunderstand. I am NOT unhappy about it. I prefer it.

I am a business and I prefer to NOT be friends with or act like family to my child care parents. (I have an entirely different relationship with their children...but that is beside the point). I am NOT friends with parents. I may be "friendly" in my conversation with them and may chit chat with them during pick up and drop off times but we are NOT friends.

I know that sounds harsh but this is my income, my business and what I do to pay my bills. I cannot afford for a parent to be my friend because doing so would mean doing special. Discounts, waived fees, and disregarded rules. Nope. Not happening here.

I set my rules, enforce them and make no excuses for that. I am VERY clear about this during the interview process so parents know full well that I am 100% business.

I don't mince words and have no issues telling a parent to not allow little Jimmy to bring food into my home or that Sally cannot stay today because she doesnt have the required clothing. Rules are rules and I take them seriously and I fully expect my parents to do so as well.

I know it is hard for some providers to use their backbones but I will tell you that setting the stage in the VERY begining IS the KEY. You will not have to come across as rude, harsh or mean if the parents know ahead of time that you mean business and make no exeptions. If you enforce your rules the first time, then everyone gets it.

For me I add the personal element in AFTERWARDS.

Many providers here will say, "Well, I waived their fees because this was the first time it has happened" or "I let it slide and didn't say anything because it has never happened before"

THAT is crack in the dam....kwim? Why not make a point of showing how much YOU value your rules and policies right off the bat? and save the "special" for when a family has proven to you that they can and will follow your rules.

Just like a child and rewarding. I refuse to reward a child for doing something they are already suppose to do. I didn't give my own children allowances for doing regular household chores. I reward for things that are above and beyond normal expectations and rules. If a family has had a great attendance and payment record with me for a while, then I MAY consider waiving a late fee or allowing an early arrival for no charge...etc.

Aproaching things from a different angle makes all the difference.

Parents need to show me first that they CAN follow rules and policies before I will ever waive or bend a policy.

Looking the other way because it was the first time is the nail that seals the coffin IMHO.

Thanks for posting that. I see everything in black and white and was having a hard time understanding WHEN to give a little bit (in terms of policies). You really helped me.

[crazydaycarelady]

I haven't had time to read all of the responses but if this happened at my place I would take photos of all of the kids playing outside and post them on my dc facebook page. If the parents have any common sense they would see all of the kids in coats that fit and how ridiculous their behavior was to make their kids wear a giant coat so they could prove a point.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

We have a coat in the child's size now! Yippee!

However, the child came in today wearing size 4 capris (which look like pants) which are falling off. The sibling is wearing the same pair of capris (they are in her size).

I think we are just going to have to buy some leggings to keep here to change the child into. We're not talking about a CCA child, we're talking about a child from two parents with well paying jobs.