Teenage Brother of DCK's......

[Sugar Magnolia]

Oh my heart is so broken.DCF has 4 kids, two teens from his previous marriage, two young ones with new wife. They have been with me for a couple years. The oldest teenage boy just knocked on the door to my center. "I want to say goodbye to my little sister, I an leaving to go to California. " His sister is not here today. I told him that. His face fell. He went across the street and just say there on the curb. I called his dad. Dad.said he had not seen him or talked to him in 2 months, they were having problems with him at home, he moved out when he turned 18. Dad did not come down here. 40 minutes later, he was still sitting there. I went across the street to talk to him. He said he was riding his scooter to Cali, no his parents don't know he was here, no he was not hungry, no "I am fine". I came back and called his step mom. She was working, but said she would call his dad too. Another 20 minutes go by. He finally left. I don't think it was all because he just wanted to say bye to his sister. I firmly believe he wanted me to call his dad. It was a cry for help.
I love these parents. They are good people. But I don't get it. I have a 17 year old son myself. I sit here now typing this as the kids nap, just upset beyond belief. Your son is riding a scooter 3000 miles? Why aren't they here? Why not come talk to him? How can they let him just leave? He had a phone in his hand. I didn't see him.talking on it! I don't think his dad even called. Its NONE OF MY BUSINESS, I know, but I think of my own son and I cry cry cry. This boy is running away, they are letting it happen! Yes, he is an adult now, but he is still someones son. I wanted to run after him and beg him to stay, my heart is broken. Wwyd????

[countrymom]

I would chase him down and offer a room. Thats awful. Sometimes I just don't understand people.

[Sugar Magnolia]

I don't have a room to offer him, my two sons 17 and 8 already share a room.

[MizzCheryl]

You did exactly what you could do. You offered him a meal and a shoulder.
You are awesome
You also called his dad and opened the door for communication. You can't make them talk.
I had a group of SA boys a few yrs back. They are all 17, 18 and 19 yrs old now. I love them but I can't help them now. I hear they are into drugs and getting into trouble. When I see them they still hug me and talk about old times but I can see in there eyes they are doing things they should not be. They could never lie to me anyway
I could just cry cause I know in some cases their parents are alot to blame.
Just knowing you care about him is great.
We can't take them all in even if we want to.

[MarinaVanessa]

I know that you are heartbroken and I don't mean to offend but could it be that you don't know all of the situation? One reason to me that comes to mind of a parent not going after their child is if they are badly into drugs and are waiting for him to hit rock bottom. Many times with drug abusers they have to face the worst of the worst before they will accept that they need help. Perhaps the dad has just said no to enabling him by not giving him shelter, money, food or contact.

If it's anything else then I don't understand why he wouldn't go after him either .

[Sugar Magnolia]

I know that you are heartbroken and I don't mean to offend but could it be that you don't know all of the situation? One reason to me that comes to mind of a parent not going after their child is if they are badly into drugs and are waiting for him to hit rock bottom. Many times with drug abusers they have to face the worst of the worst before they will accept that they need help. Perhaps the dad has just said no to enabling him by not giving him shelter, money, food or contact.

If it's anything else then I don't understand why he wouldn't go after him either .

Yes, he is not an angel, he's been in trouble. I don't know the whole story, I'm sure. All I know is that boy looked sad. I know you're right about enabling, but I couldn't let my child be hungry or homeless in California.

[Sugar Magnolia]

You did exactly what you could do. You offered him a meal and a shoulder.
You are awesome
You also called his dad and opened the door for communication. You can't make them talk.
I had a group of SA boys a few yrs back. They are all 17, 18 and 19 yrs old now. I love them but I can't help them now. I hear they are into drugs and getting into trouble. When I see them they still hug me and talk about old times but I can see in there eyes they are doing things they should not be. They could never lie to me anyway
I could just cry cause I know in some cases their parents are alot to blame.
Just knowing you care about him is great.
We can't take them all in even if we want to.

Thank you for the kind words.

[Cat Herder]

When you talked to the parents did they tell you whether or not they would have allowed him to see his sister? Is there a reason she is not there today?

Maybe that will help you in understanding what is going on. :confused:

They will need to give you some heads up if for no other reason than how this is going to effect her.

[Sugar Magnolia]

When you talked to the parents did they tell you whether or not they would have allowed him to see his sister? Is there a reason she is not there today?

Maybe that will help you in understanding what is going on. :confused:

She is not here today because there is no public school today, and since dad was keeping the first grader home, he kept the little girl home too. The parents are not here, obviously, I would have let him come in and see her if she was. How could I say no? I did not ask them on the phone. I burst into tears when the step mom.called, so they know I am really upset.

[Michelle]

I agree with all the other posts and if he does ever make it to California on his scooter , there are a lot of programs here that can help him http://www.teenchallenge.org/site/c.....BD98/Home.htm

There may even be some programs in your area that you can refer him to.

[Cat Herder]

She is not here today because there is no public school today, and since dad was keeping the first grader home, he kept the little girl home too. The parents are not here, obviously, I would have let him come in and see her if she was. How could I say no?

See. That is the grey line.

That is what I'd have to clear up.

Please don't take it wrong.

[Sugar Magnolia]

See. That is the grey line.

That is what I'd have to clear up.

Please don't take it wrong.

I think its too late now, he is already gone...... I think they would have allowed him to see her but I just don't know. I envision my son, going to his brothers elementary school to say goodbye before he ran away, and I just can't fathom it. I adm so grateful for nap time right now, because I'm losing it.

[Sugar Magnolia]

I agree with all the other posts and if he does ever make it to California on his scooter , there are a lot of programs here that can help him http://www.teenchallenge.org/site/c.....BD98/Home.htm

There may even be some programs in your area that you can refer him to.

Thanks for the link. But how to get him that info? He's gone. That scooter won't make it to Cali, it was a POS. I am so scared for this kid.

[MizzCheryl]

AHHH don't be upset Sugar. BE proud! You cared about him and that could make a difference. He was waiting for a reason.
You gave him some kindness and that is great.
Just be glad you have a great relationship with your own kids and pray for him.

[Cat Herder]

I think its too late now, he is already gone...... I think they would have allowed him to see her but I just don't know. I envision my son, going to his brothers elementary school to say goodbye before he ran away, and I just can't fathom it. I adm so grateful for nap time right now, because I'm losing it.

I am so sorry, hun. You did give him an opening to talk. He may just have not been ready. He may very well come back to you since you showed him you can be trusted.

I can see my teenaged son's, too. It is such a difficult age.

I also just can't imagine what it would have felt like to be that little girl being told the story without her mom & dad there.

It is rotten situation altogether.