When Children Can't Follow the Rules

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

What do you do? Obviously, it depends on the age so I will say that we have one child that is a month shy of turning 3. This child was a biter when they began here and we got that stopped within a month. There were a couple of months where everything was fine. However, the child has progressively gotten worse about following the rules with each month since that point. Our rules are:
1. Listen.
2. Be kind to others.
3. Be kind to our things.

The child struggles to listen to adults. The biggest issue we're facing is keeping keeping that child's hands off of others.

In the last week the child has bitten another, tackled almost daily, headlocked others, headbutted others, pushed others, etc.

Would you ask the parents to start offering up suggestions as to how to get this behavior to stop? We are at a loss at this point in the game. Nothing seems to have stopped it or slowed it down in the least.

[My3cents]

What do you do? Obviously, it depends on the age so I will say that we have one child that is a month shy of turning 3. This child was a biter when they began here and we got that stopped within a month. There were a couple of months where everything was fine. However, the child has progressively gotten worse about following the rules with each month since that point. Our rules are:
1. Listen.
2. Be kind to others.
3. Be kind to our things.

The child struggles to listen to adults. The biggest issue we're facing is keeping keeping that child's hands off of others.

In the last week the child has bitten another, tackled almost daily, headlocked others, headbutted others, pushed others, etc.

Would you ask the parents to start offering up suggestions as to how to get this behavior to stop? We are at a loss at this point in the game. Nothing seems to have stopped it or slowed it down in the least.

Keep that child right next to you all the time- Your new best friend. or separated from the other kids. Look forward to hearing more suggestions. Firm NO, and remove the child. I was giving the hurt child attention and this back fired on me. It became a game of let's hurt each other to fix each other and make everyone ok. UGH! Now I do the firm no and removal. We don't do that! The face and change the voice.

[littlemissmuffet]

I have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to fighting/violence. For a minor incident both parents (perp and victim) are contacted and informed (major incident, the child is sent home right away). Second incident, child is sent home and put on a 2 week probationary period where parents are expected to help get the behvaior under control. If the behvior continues after trying several different techniques at childcare (verbal reminders, time outs/seperation from the group and favorite activities, providing personal space and redirection, keeping child in close proximity at all times, etc) the child will likely be termed. I have never had to term for violent behvaior/biting/hair pulling/etc - once a child is put on a 2 week probationary the parents usually take it from there and the child stops or consdierably reduces the behvaior to where it eventually stops.

[daycare]

here is what I have learned to do with kids like this. This is what works for me..


try to catch the behavior before it happens

catch him doing good...set him up for success.

try to ignore bad behavior with poitive redirection

if they hurt someone in anyway, they have to play alone away from their peers.

remind them kindly what they are doing wrong and how they can fix it..

example: Johnny, hands are for hugging, show him how to hug. Tell him it's not ok to hit. tell him you know he can make better decisions. teach him to be sympathetic for his actions when needed.....overall, keep your words to him short and brief.

Also, when he hurts someone, he gets zero attention of any kind. you take his hand, lead him to his "play alone spot". You retun to the victim making sure he is well within eye and ear shot and just go overboard on giving them lots and lots of attention.

As for the biting, I don't know how to deal with that. Only had it happen one time and it never happened again.... I hear horror stories about biting, but I think that if he bite someone, I would also take him to his play alone stop and do as I said above to the vitcim..

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I e-mailed Mom and told them exactly what we were doing and asked if they would do the same so that we were a united front to the child. I also told her we would try this for a month and then reevaluate his behavior at that point in time.