Making Exceptions Gets Me Burned Every Time!

[mysonsmom1]

New DCF comes in for an interview. Mother of an 18 month old and the toddlers grandmother. The grandmother does all the talking for the DCM. I could tell that the DCM felt really uncomfortable with the idea of putting her child into a home instead of a center. I made an exception for the parents to open up at 6:00am instead of my normal time of 6:30am. I needed the money so I didn’t think that it would hurt. I also gave the parents a two week drop off trial because the grandmother was saying that DCM just started a new job and funds were tight. During the interview the DCM hit the DCC for playing with the letters on my refrigerator (Which they are there for the kids to play with). The grandmother later told me that she flicked the child with her finger. I didn’t witness it but thought that it was weird when she made a statement that “I know when my grandson has been abused and if there are any scratches or bruises on him, I will speak my mind.” I already gave her my discipline policy and the DCM signed the form that stated “I DO NOT USE CORPORAL PUNISHMENT.” None of the events raised a red flag until I was laying down thinking about how awkward and dysfunctional this interview went. I was too busy trying to help the family out because they did not have anyone to watch the DCC the following day.

Wake up at 5:30am shower and get read.. Ready to start by 5:40am. The DCM comes walking in the door at 6:30am with no apology or explanation. I ask her, is this the normal time that you will be here.. She says “Yeah, sometimes a little earlier.” During AM play time the new DCC for no reason tried to hit another kid that was playing quietly by herself. It bothered me through the day and after sleeping on the idea of the family being a part of the daycare home. I realized why I felt uncomfortable with the family but was because it wasn’t a good fit. I was too busy trying to help them out that I didn’t say “NO”. plus I needed the money.. Later I told the grandmother that I would no longer make the exception of opening my doors at 6:00am. They would have to wait until 6:30 am if they wanted their child to remain in care.

[cheerfuldom]

New DCF comes in for an interview. Mother of an 18 month old and the toddlers grandmother. The grandmother does all the talking for the DCM. I could tell that the DCM felt really uncomfortable with the idea of putting her child into a home instead of a center. I made an exception for the parents to open up at 6:00am instead of my normal time of 6:30am. I needed the money so I didn’t think that it would hurt. I also gave the parents a two week drop off trial because the grandmother was saying that DCM just started a new job and funds were tight. During the interview the DCM hit the DCC for playing with the letters on my refrigerator (Which they are there for the kids to play with). The grandmother later told me that she flicked the child with her finger. I didn’t witness it but thought that it was weird when she made a statement that “I know when my grandson has been abused and if there are any scratches or bruises on him, I will speak my mind.” I already gave her my discipline policy and the DCM signed the form that stated “I DO NOT USE CORPORAL PUNISHMENT.” None of the events raised a red flag until I was laying down thinking about how awkward and dysfunctional this interview went. I was too busy trying to help the family out because they did not have anyone to watch the DCC the following day.

Wake up at 5:30am shower and get read.. Ready to start by 5:40am. The DCM comes walking in the door at 6:30am with no apology or explanation. I ask her, is this the normal time that you will be here.. She says “Yeah, sometimes a little earlier.” During AM play time the new DCC for no reason tried to hit another kid that was playing quietly by herself. It bothered me through the day and after sleeping on the idea of the family being a part of the daycare home. I realized why I felt uncomfortable with the family but was because it wasn’t a good fit. I was too busy trying to help them out that I didn’t say “NO”. plus I needed the money.. Later I told the grandmother that I would no longer make the exception of opening my doors at 6:00am. They would have to wait until 6:30 am if they wanted their child to remain in care.

keep us updated! you are doing the right thing in seeing these red flags right now and putting up boundaries. I am in the opposite situation where I made exceptions and didnt listen to my gut and am in a hot mess trying to get rid of one family that was not the right fit to begin with. I wish I would have paused and just changed direction with them when they started three months ago!

[Cat Herder]

I am sorry you are going through this.

Sometimes we have to remind ourselves to Just say:

[Blackcat31]

My sister recently sent this to me. It helps. If anything it makes me laugh and that helps standing my ground.

50+ ways to say no to various requests, social or otherwise, for time/sanity/control we simply can’t spare/compromise/relinquish:

MATTER-OF-FACT NO:
1) I can’t do that.
2) I have a conflict.
3) I’ll be out of town (or out of the country, or checked out, or out of range, etc.).
4) I never even considered that.
5) I’m not planning on it.
6) I have no intention of doing that.
7) It’s not part of my agenda for today (or this week, or this month, or this lifetime, etc.).
8 ) I’m unavailable.
9) I’m not interested.
10) It’s not my thing.
11) It’s not a priority for me.
12) No.
13) I’m just not good at that.
14) I don’t have room in my life for that right now.
SAYING NO WITHOUT SAYING NO:
15) Listen, I have to get going but thanks for asking.
16) I’ll be sure to let you know if it’s looking likely. (For the times when we just don’t know for sure if something is likely to happen.)
17) You go ahead. Let me know how it goes.
18) I promised my _________ some quality time. Insert “family”, “special someone”, etc. in the blank.
19) The last time I did that, I didn’t love it.
20) Been there, done that.
21) I’ll call you when I’m ready to do that.
22) My schedule’s up in the air.
23) I’m focusing on other things right now.
24) My spouse wouldn’t approve. (For more drama, My spouse would divorce me.)
25) I need some alone time right now.
26) If I agreed to this, it would be extremely low priority.
PHILOSOPHICAL NO (ALSO APPLIES TO THOSE WITH COMMITMENT PHOBIA):
27) It’s my policy to be more discriminating about what I commit to now that I’m older (or “wiser”, “experienced”, etc.).
28) Life is too short to commit to things and people we don’t love.
29) I have commitment issues.
CURRENTLY NO THAT LEAVES ROOM FOR A YES:
30) Let me check my calendar.
31) I’ll have to check with my family.
32) I’ll see if I can get a babysitter.
33) I need more information.
34) I’ll have to think about it.
PASSING THE BUCK NO:
35) It’s out of my hands.
36) My jurisdiction doesn’t cover that.
37) I love the cause, but I’m not the best person to execute.
38) I’m afraid I’m not the right person for it.
39) I’m slammed right now but let me recommend ____________ who would be excellent at that.
40) I don’t want to hold you up so feel free to ask someone else.
41) I bet you’ll find someone who can do a better job than I can.`
42) I’ll have to check with the powers that be.
43) My mother taught me not to say yes to everything.
CONSIDERATE AND GENTLE NO:
44) Sounds tempting but I’ll have to pass.
45) I wish I could but I simply can’t.
46) I better pass. I don’t want to make anybody sick.
FATAL ATTRACTION/RESTRAINING ORDER NO:
47) Absolutely not.
48) For the last time, no.
49) Talk to my lawyer.
AND FINALLY, SOME TONGUE-IN-CHEEK NO (aka as REJECTS):
50) I’d rather beat myself with sticks than do that (or crawl on broken glass while firewalking, or pose as a pinata for adolescent boys, etc.)
51) I prefer to lick my wounds in private (or with strangers, or with Dom & Beluga, etc.)
52) I no longer do things that depress me (or kill me softly, or rub out the thin line between truth and fiction, or confirm my ignorance, etc.).
53) I’ll do it if you do my grocery shopping for a year (or do my laundry, or pay my bills, etc.).
54) I’m on fire for the idea but the execution leaves me icy.
55) My window for this is now or never. Gotta go.
56) I’d like a hefty chunk of the back end. (Very presumptuous and very vague.)
57) Fax me about it when I’m on vacation. (Faxing is hopelessly out of date and being on vacation further de-prioritizes the request.)
58) My phone is ringing. (Phones are meant to ring. The mere sound of the phone ringing does not indicate its importance.)
59) Asking me to do this is like apples and oranges. (Purposely does not make sense and meant to confuse the other person.)

http://thehalfwaypoint.net/

[Willow]

During the interview the DCM hit the DCC for playing with the letters on my refrigerator (Which they are there for the kids to play with).

Interview - OVER.

The grandmother later told me that she flicked the child with her finger.

Interview - OVER.

I didn’t witness it but thought that it was weird when she made a statement that “I know when my grandson has been abused and if there are any scratches or bruises on him, I will speak my mind.”

Interview - OVER.

Wake up at 5:30am shower and get read.. Ready to start by 5:40am. The DCM comes walking in the door at 6:30am with no apology or explanation. I ask her, is this the normal time that you will be here.. She says “Yeah, sometimes a little earlier.”

"Ummm....no. And I'm sorry DCM, but it's obvious this arrangement isn't going to work, good luck finding alternate care!"



Anyone who feels the need to THREATEN me not to abuse their child/grandchild....is not welcome in my home. I would not let them back another day no matter how badly I needed the money or how bad they needed the care. This seriously sounds like the biggest disaster waiting to happen. I'd hate to see you get any further into it than you already have.

[Willow]

50) I’d rather beat myself with sticks than do that

Cataloged for future use ::

[daycaremom76]

I LOVE all you ladies on here!!!! Everyday when I start feeling down I look on here and see other people with the same issues, sometimes I feel like I am complaining to much...............
I am dealing with a family like this too! I am NOT a morning person, it takes everything I have to get out of bed in the morning. My old start time was 7am then I took on a family that needed a 6:45am start and couldn't find anyone else. I did it cause I figured what's 15 minutes earlier.............WRONG!!!!! I am dead!!!! So I timed myself to be ready by 6:40am now they are coming to the door then, sometimes when I peek out the window before then they are sitting out front (not knocking but there) I am very careful not to open the door before 6:40am. Well then i picked up another one that needs a 6:40am start. Neither have come to the door prior to 6:40am so far but honestly I am opening the front door like a zombie!!! Before I had one that started at 7am sharp (she still gets here that time) and I would be wide awake and fine! I don't charge either family anymore for the earlier start but it's really killing me, it's been like 3 months now and I am not used to it. I am a total night owl to the point where I have joked that I should do overnight care instead cause I could easily stay up all night. I know if I change my hours back to 7am I am going to lose both families! I wish I could just say NO sometimes too!!