The Recording Doll Update And More DCF Weirdness (DCM Asked Me To Sing For Her)???

[Unregistered]

Registered but logged out bc I want to discuss specifics but dont want dcp's to know my screen name. I'm sure some of you probably know me just by the details

Anyway, this is the same family I posted about with the alleged recording doll: The doll never came back so far, but there was more weirdness today). I am at a loss.

This morning, dcg came in with her mom. I smiled and asked dcg if she was ready to come in and play with her friends and she said yes, and dcg reached out for me to take her hand, walked in, and asked me to help her find her favorite toy. Then, mom made a comment and said that she looked very apprehensive. (????) It’s comments like that that are really getting under my skin, and I am having difficulty dealing with it. Why would you think dcg is apprehensive? She walked right in, reached out a hand to me, and asked for her favorite toy?!? How can that be catagorized as apprehensive?

So, today, we did some coloring, and turned on some fun music and all of the kids and I were silly and danced around. It was really a fun time for all. The entire time, dcg just stood off to the side and scowled at all of us. At naptime, she woke up after 45 minutes , (she’s 2 and naptime is generally 1.5 – 2 hours long), and just kept saying my name over and over and over (which is what she does when she wakes up). I went in to her room and told her that naptime was not over yet, and that I would be back when it was over, and all she did was just kept repeating my name. She didnt yell or cry, but just hearing her repeat it over and over and over was grinding on my nerves. If I let her get up after 45 minutes, she would have woken everyone else up- not a trend that I want to start, especially since she is part time. I am at al loss concerning what to do. I really, really, really need the money. I know that some of you say that the money is not worth it, but we have trimmed everything to the bare minimum and if I cut dcg it could literally put my home and family in foreclosure. So I can't. I am losing 2 kids in the winter time, and I am 8 months pregnant, so terming and replacing is not a current option.

I am looking for ways to make this work, and solutions. I have tried so much to get this girl to be happy and play with the other kids, and nothing is working. She isn’t crying during the day, but she just stands and scowls at everyone almost all day long. I have literally tried holding her, singing to her before naptime, giving her extra special attention- nothing is working. If I give her a toy, she may play with it for a minute, then just stand there and hold it while she scowls at everyone.

I also feel like the parents (or mom at least- I have never met dad) want this to fail for some unknown reason. The mom keeps looking and looking for problems. I almost wonder if she is negatively prepping dcg before she comes to my house? I know that sounds weird but after a month of the child being here- things should be different. ALL of the other children are happy, and have fun, and play together and love coming here. I have never seen a child scowl like this before. Dh came home one day and said hello to her and smiled and was so taken aback by her scowling at him. (All of the kids love my dh). Its just so weird! Any advice? I am going to have to tough this out at least until February so any advice to make things go smoother is appreciated.

Then, at pickup yesterday, the mom asks me to sing the song for her that we usually sing at circle time. I am very animated around the kids, but it was extremely uncomfortable to be asked to be put on the spot while a parent just stands there and watches you sing a song at pick up. Of course, none of the kids helped me out- . But those little comments like the apprehensive comment, and her requesting I sing in front of her just make my skin crawl. Are the pregnancy hormones making me extra sensitive or is this not-normal?

[Meeko]

I would have declined to sing to the mom. I have a great time singing with the kids, but I won't do it in front of other adults as I can't hold a tune that well. I would have told her the same.

If the child wants to stand in the corner and scowl...let her. She is probably lapping up the attention it gets her as you try hard to make her happy. Don't try so hard. Make it so she has to come to you and not the other way around.

As for the mom's comments. ignore them best you can for now (I suggest terming when you feel you can afford to) She is trying to be difficult and get a rise out of you.

She is obviously the kind who has to be desperately needed by her daughter. Seeing her walk in, take your hand etc without fussing didn't sit well. Some parents simply aren't happy until their child is clinging to them and screaming bloody murder. In a strange way, it makes them feel needed.

Your hormones are probably making you extra sensitive too. Been there. Done that.:: I am in the middle of menopause right now and having the same problem. Waaaay too sensitive sometimes!!! I cry at commercials! Dang hormones!!

Hang in there.....try not to try so hard!!!!

[littlemissmuffet]

terming and replacing is not a current option.

But replacing and then terming is. Start advertising and interviewing now.

The mom sounds like a complete freak... and I wouldn't want to deal with her any longer than necessary. I think in a lot of situations where a child has a controlling or paranoid parent the child start picking up on it and acting the same way...

Good luck!

[countrymom]

my niece does this scowling and its very rude and annoying. I think the problem is that she may be watching too much tv. Thats what my niece does so she picked it up. Oh she's 4 and she also talks under her breath which is wierd too.

when mom asked about the apprehensivness you should have asked her "why is she doing this to other people too" you need to ask mom why every time she asks you a question. Its only a couple of more months.

[rhymia1]

I agree with the pp in that I would ignore the scowling - that's her choice and she's not hurting anyone.

That said, I would confront the mom. "Mom, it seems you have some aniexty about your child being with us. We have lots of fun with Sally and she seems to enjoy playing with friends. Is there something specific you are unhappy with? We can certainly address it if in fact there is an issue. I would remind you that little ones are especially senstive to their parents emotions and if she thinks you are unhappy/anxious about her being here, then SHE will become unhappy/anxious about being here. I know you would not want your child to be unhappy."

I know a provider who had to do this recently with her dc parent. She actually came out and told mom that if things didn't change then she would have to reconsider the arrangment. So far the child and parent have been much better.

[cheerfuldom]

I would stop worrying about all the "whys". As someone who is also very pregnant, I understand the pull to keep kids for financial reasons, knowing it would be extremely rare for a parent to be willing to start their child right now.

Address the behavior with the little girl when you must, ignore the rest, stop trying to cater to making her happy....I think you are probably giving her too much attention at this point and making it worse. Your job is to make sure everyone is clean and fed and rested. If they choose to be unhappy after that, let them.

Ignore the mom as best as possible and just hang in there until after your maternity leave. Then interview to replace this family.

[Sunchimes]

I have a granddaughter that does this. She's just not a smiley sort of kid. They did eventually find some issues, but they are minor and probably not related, although that is not clear. I don't care what we do, she doesn't smile, and only participates to be polite-at least that is how it feels. :confused:

She has a good loving family, does well in school now, she is just not a smiley child.

I agree with just treating her normally. Don't try to cheer her up-it probably won't work. If you can, just act like she is responding like the other kids.

I'm not sure about the singing. My dcm often asks me about our songs. Her daughter goes home singing-at a 2 year old level-the songs we sing here. Mom wants to encourage it, but she usually can't tell exactly what it is she is trying to sing. I sing it to her, and she can help the little one. She also sometimes sings songs to me that she learned from her teacher friend or other moms. I've picked up some good stuff this way. But, we have a good working relationship. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't think anything about it, but your mom seems to be a bit different. Still, maybe that's all it is-kid sang something she couldn't understand and she is curious.

Hope things work out for you.

[Blackcat31]

But replacing and then terming is. Start advertising and interviewing now.

The mom sounds like a complete freak... and I wouldn't want to deal with her any longer than necessary. I think in a lot of situations where a child has a controlling or paranoid parent the child start picking up on it and acting the same way...

Good luck!

I completely agree with this! I think child is picking up some behavioral cues from mom.

I also think you should advertise and then term.

That said, I would confront the mom. "Mom, it seems you have some aniexty about your child being with us. We have lots of fun with Sally and she seems to enjoy playing with friends. Is there something specific you are unhappy with? We can certainly address it if in fact there is an issue. I would remind you that little ones are especially senstive to their parents emotions and if she thinks you are unhappy/anxious about her being here, then SHE will become unhappy/anxious about being here. I know you would not want your child to be unhappy."

I know a provider who had to do this recently with her dc parent. She actually came out and told mom that if things didn't change then she would have to reconsider the arrangment. So far the child and parent have been much better.

I most definitely agree with this! Say something and address it. I think if you did, it might make mom be a little more in tune with the vibe she is putting off to you. Maybe she doesnt even realize she is being that way and if you say something, she can either fix it or hide it better.

Plus paranoia is like cancer, once it gets in it will spread and infect everything.

Address it with mom and put a stop to this before the paranoia gets the best of you.

[NeedaVaca]

The singing thing...I'm not a great singer but don't care around the kids and we sing like crazy. I did sing a song to a dcm once because she couldn't understand her son when he was singing. However, in this case I probably would have said sure I'll sing it to you but you have to sing it with me the 2nd time

[daycare]

sound like you have what I call a HMMM.....High Maintenance Mary Mom...they make you always go hmmm.

It sounds like the mom is feeling a lot of guilt about having to drop off her child with you and is taking it out on you to make herself feel better. I have one here that does that. She won't leave until the child scream cries for her so taht she will feel better about having to leave DCK here each day. I would not take it personal, I would deal with it in humor if you could..

I would have made a comment to DCM about her saying she seems apprehensive back in a joking mannor. Keeps things professional, yet don't take it personal.

As for DCK and the way that she is acting, you really need to just let her be her and ignore the behavior that you don't like. Also, don't worry so much about you needing to be the one to make her happy. You can't be responsible for making her happy, you can only give her the love and tools to be happy and it's up to her if she will make herself happy with them or not.

the way I see it, as long as the kids are loved and safe, there really is not too much more you can do. Perhaps she is not used to be around other people and being part time she is taking a lot longer to catch on.

As for the singing, I would have totally sang. That is awesome that the mom is wanting to be able to sing with her child when she is with her....

[tenderhearts]

Sounds like she's looking and waiting for something to happen, but maybe she's just jealous in a way that her daughter enjoys going to your house, maybe it hurts her feelings like her daughter doesn't want to be with her.
As for the scowling, I had a girl for 6 years that did this, she was with me since infancy and she only did it at the other kids, she was annoyed VERY easily, she did not like playing with the younger kids at all, she didn't like noise unless she was making the noise, just anything she'd do that, it really bugged me at first and I learned to ignore it, however if she started saying something with the scowling I reminded her that everyone is here to play and if she felt she needed to be "alone" I could do that for her and she would always stop.

[Crazy8]

I know for me when I find I don't particularly like a parent, or they've done something that rubs me the wrong way I then start nitpicking everything they do. I have to remind myself to just LET IT GO sometimes. Of course not important things, but the little things. Right now you are sweating the small stuff. If you want to put mom in her place a bit, at drop off I would have just said "oh really? I am not seeing how her taking my hand and going to find a toy is apprehensive, can you explain why you think it is?". Just put it right back on her. The girl scowling I would totally ignore. Don't make an extra effort to include her, just go about your normal fun day. I would not be singing for any parent. If someone inquired about a song I would tell them I will copy down the words for them if they'd like but I don't sing in front of grown ups - kids are the only audience that appreciates my off key voice, LOL!
And is this the first time child woke after 45 minutes?? I wouldn't get too worked up over one lousy nap, it happens. I would tell her she needs to lay quietly and stop calling your name, that you will come get her when nap time is over.

I know its easy for us to say term them, but I can't imagine finding a replacement when you are 8 months pregnant so I would say just let it all roll off you for the time being. I think you are over thinking it a little too much.

[Kaddidle Care]

I realize I'm probably really off base but I'm pretty sure in both threads you mentioned the child scowling. My Grandmother always looked like she was scowling but she wasn't. She had glaucoma and couldn't see well.

Hang in there - only another month right?

My oldest was one that wasn't a huge smiler - he was always concentrating on something.

Some will pout to get all the attention. Not sure what's up with this child. Maybe something truly is off with the child and the mother is thinking child care has something to do with it?

Only you know your tolerance for nonsense. If it bugs you enough, let her go early.

[Unregistered]

Thank you everyone, just hearing all of your comments and support helpe feel better and give me a better idea of how to handle all of this nonsense!

[dave4him]

I cant sing