Stealing DCG...Yes I Still Have Her (Hanging My Head In Shame)...

[Soccermom]

Okay so I still have my Stealing DCG
I almost termed her last week when she returned another bag full of items that were pretty valuable BUT they were items that were taken before she got caught so I couldn't really punish her for returning our things. (They were in a box which I hid after I found out she was stealing, that is how I know) I did end up taking her playroom playing privileges away for 2 days though. I told her it was because she held onto to those things for 2 weeks and did not return them.
She has not taken anything since she got caught (that I know of....) but there are still things missing from before that she swears she does not have...I can't prove that she does have them. I can only assume she does which bugs me.
Anyway long story short. I don't trust her and in order for her to stay here, I need to trust her.
I had told DCM that the next thing she takes, she is out. I have a lot of measures put in place to prevent her from taking anything though. Backpack is put away, coat and pockets are searched before she leaves.
But there are days when she seems so suspicious to me. It drives me batty!

I am considering leaving some things of value around the house to see if she takes them. If they stay there for the whole week, she will have earned my trust. If she takes them, she is done. I would leave them in the bathroom on the counter and in the playroom to see if they disappear. Things like cash, DS Game, a wannabe gold ring...
What do you think?

[DaisyMamma]

Good idea. Set her up.

[Cat Herder]

Personally, I'd give her an amnesty week to return everything, no more discussion. Somethings may be so well hidden she forgot where they are.

From then on I'd simply pat her down everyday after clean up time until I could trust her again.

I'd most likely just leave Mom out of it since your other post said she defends the child. Just adding drama to the issue IME.

It is possible this will turn out to be a true compulsion she may not have the ability to control until older, it may also be attention seeking behavior. Either way, the more you feed into it IMHO the longer the cycle may take.

[Soccermom]

Personally, I'd give her an amnesty week to return everything, no more discussion. Somethings may be so well hidden she forgot where they are.

Great mind think alike I did just that when she returned the last bag of items. She was not aloud in the Playroom Thursday and friday and was told that she needed to go through her whole entire room over the weekend and bring back everything she may have taken on monday morning. Anything found or returned after that would be considered newly taken and send her packing.
She showed up with nothing and said she did clean out her whole entire room looking. Confirmed with DCD.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Ok, don't get mad OP, but I think its a bit mean to set her up. If you just can't trust her, simply tell the parents "I appreciate that you returned the stolen items, but your daughter makes me uneasy and I don't like having to check her bag.and pat her down daily" Why not just part ways? I just think the set-up scenario is not so nice. Yes,.very mean and wrong of this little girl to steal from you, but maybe the truth and the high road is the answer.

[countrymom]

hmm how about school. I wonder what she has in her desk. But dcd probably has no idea what is her's and whats not.

there was a girl in my dd's grade 1 class who decided one day to go in her desk and steal her zooble. My dd knew it was her because she would always talk about it and ask to see my dd's zooble. Well one day, my dd gets off the bus (99% are bussed) and she sees that girl sitting in a car with her dad and playing with dd's zooble. Omg she was so upset. So I went to school and had a chat with the teacher. The girl broke it but the dad repaired it, but my dd never brought another toy to school again. Apparently the child was known in the classroom to steal things.

the dad had no idea that the toy wasn't hers

[Soccermom]

Ok, don't get mad OP, but I think its a bit mean to set her up. If you just can't trust her, simply tell the parents "I appreciate that you returned the stolen items, but your daughter makes me uneasy and I don't like having to check her bag.and pat her down daily" Why not just part ways? I just think the set-up scenario is not so nice. Yes,.very mean and wrong of this little girl to steal from you, but maybe the truth and the high road is the answer.

That doesn't make me mad Sugar Magnolia I really want honest opinions because I do feel terrible about setting her up but I don't know any other way to make myself trust her again. I want to trust her. I want her to do well.
It is no fun to have to check her things every day, it is not something I want to do anymore. If she stays I need to feel confident that she can be treated like all the other DCKS. If she does not take the items left out, I will be thrilled but if she does take them, then it means she can't be trusted and it is time for her to go.
Set up or not...if she is going to continue to steal she will take something else eventually right? Why not have it be sooner than later so I can know for sure....IDK. This is hard.
I am so stressed about this. I know I should term but it is hard because she tells me so often how much she loves it here and is so glad she gets to come here. DCM brags to everyone in town about how great of a DP I am....
IDK.

[Soccermom]

hmm how about school. I wonder what she has in her desk. But dcd probably has no idea what is her's and whats not.

there was a girl in my dd's grade 1 class who decided one day to go in her desk and steal her zooble. My dd knew it was her because she would always talk about it and ask to see my dd's zooble. Well one day, my dd gets off the bus (99% are bussed) and she sees that girl sitting in a car with her dad and playing with dd's zooble. Omg she was so upset. So I went to school and had a chat with the teacher. The girl broke it but the dad repaired it, but my dd never brought another toy to school again. Apparently the child was known in the classroom to steal things.

the dad had no idea that the toy wasn't hers

I am sure her desk is full. DCM said she had taken things from other kids at school as well.
I wonder that about DCD too...

[Unregistered]

Why can't she just sit at the kitchen table and color, read books or do homework? I wouldnt allow her to do anything but those things. Can't steal if you don't have access to things.

I think she has already PROVEN she is a thief, she is obvisouly dishonest and may have some issues deeper than you can deal with.

Won't you be so mad at yourself later in life thinking about weather or not she stole this ..... or this.... What about when your kids remind you years from now about this situation? Wont that make your heart hurt and make you think you should have gotten rid of her from the first incident.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

She may have some underlying issues mentally that are causing her to do this and there's nothing you can do to stop it beyond not letting her in the playroom, patting her down, checking her bag, etc.

I would let her go. I can't handle stress like that.

[Sugar Magnolia]

....... I know I should term but it is hard because she tells me so often how much she loves it here and is so glad she gets to come here. DCM brags to everyone in town about how great of a DP I am....
IDK.

Oh man, that really makes it tough, I have definitely been there. You are a great provider, but the girl broke your trust and seems to make you uneasy in your own home. (?)I think you should just reconsider the whole set up idea..... I just kinda get the vibe you really don't want to do that, but feel like you've been left with no better options. Do you want to trust her again, or truly rather be done with her? I'm so sorry you have had this happening, its heartbreaking. (hugs)

[Sugar Magnolia]

Why can't she just sit at the kitchen table and color, read books or do homework? I wouldnt allow her to do anything but those things. Can't steal if you don't have access to things. because being restricted to one chair at one table after all day in school is inappropriate

I think she has already PROVEN she is a thief, she is obvisouly dishonest and may have some issues deeper than you can deal with. but has also shown remorse and returned things

Won't you be so mad at yourself later in life thinking about weather or not she stole this ..... or this.... What about when your kids remind you years from now about this situation? Wont that make your heart hurt and make you think you should have gotten rid of her from the first incident. yeah sorry but giving the op a guilt trip is not helpful. She has posted a lot about this child/incident, so she needs our help with ideas and solutions, not guilt.

I answered in bold.

[lovemykidstoo]

I would definately not set her up. If she is struggling with trying to change, that's not helping her. Also, she might be smart and know you're trying to set her up and therefore not take it. That would give you a false sense of security IMO.

[Soccermom]

I would definately not set her up. If she is struggling with trying to change, that's not helping her. Also, she might be smart and know you're trying to set her up and therefore not take it. That would give you a false sense of security IMO.

Good point. My DH said the same thing.

Everyone has been so great helping me out with this DCG. What a nightmare this has been. Hearing everyone's suggestions and opinions is so nice.

[lovemykidstoo]

Good point. My DH said the same thing.

Everyone has been so great helping me out with this DCG. What a nightmare this has been. Hearing everyone's suggestions and opinions is so nice.

It is so nice to have each other to bounce ideas off. Helps alot!!! I really hope this works out for you, I know it's been very stressful for you.