DD's Classmate Comes To Our Door Constantly - WWYD?

[rhymia1]

I think what bothers me is that as a dc provider, I feel taken advantage of when neighborhood parents *ass/U/me* that I will keep an eye on their child since I'm already home anyway Maybe that's not the case here, but you don't know that since you don't know the parents.

I see nothing wrong with kids going back and forth *provided* everyone is okay with it and the kids know not to be pests (ie: don't hang at someone's door watching them eat dinner cause you are waiting for Johnny to come back out to play ). My own kids go back and forth between neighbors - but we all know each other, and everyone is very aware that their kids can't be here during dc unless I have paperwork and they are paying me

[laundrymom]

I have in the past. About 9 years ago my daughter and a dayfriend were both 10 and they rode all over the neighborhood, went three blocks to the park, had fun. It wasnt the first time either but maybe my neighborhood is different? We are lucky ours is much the same as mine was growing up in the 70s I don't keep anyone over 4 now but yes, I do let my own kids go out of sight. They are 14&11 My youngest doesn't have a fb. Nor an email addy. She uses mine for games.

Would you allow your Daycare children, the ones you are paid to watch, the ones you are responsible for, to walk unsupervised down the street, around the corner and out of sight? Probably not. Think about it.

We are not living in the 1970's any more. I was a child in the 70's. My mother had no idea where I went to play until supper time. Things happend then but it's more frequent now.

Watch their internet use and Facebooks too. This particular girl had over 600 friends on Facebook. I wasn't a "friend" but I could see that she had her address mapped on it. She had her school listed and claimed she was in High School. (She was 12) I don't know if she posted to her 600+ friends that she was going out for a bike ride but I wouldn't be surprised if she did.

Too much information, too much freedom = too much risk

Edit: They caught 2 boys that did it and one of them was a "friend" on her facebook account. In fact, the mother of the boys saw a post one of them made on Facebook which prompted her to turn them into the authorities.

[Blackcat31]

I don't take SA kids anymore but when I did, they were allowed to leave my property and go 4 blocks away and play at the school on the playground or the rink or to the sliding hill.

My licensing rules/regs state that SA kids must only have an adult available. Which translated by my licensor meant as long as they knew who to come to when they needed adult intervention, help or assistance.

The parents had to sign a permission slip for their children to be able to do this but it was/is pretty normal here.

I also live in a pretty small community where everyone knows everyone and although I know things can or could happen, I refuse to live in fear because of what "could" or "might" happen. If I know we have taken all the precautionary measures we can and the kids know their rules and boundaries, then I can't do anything more than that.

[DBug]

I have 3 SA kids of my own, and random friends show up every now and then. Some of them I know, some of them I don't. I live in a small neighbourhood, so maybe it's different, but I let my own child's age be the judge of who I allow them to play with and where.

For example, my 5 year old can play out on the sidewalk within her "boundaries". If a friend comes over to play, she is allowed to play with them within those boundaries (during daycare hours). If a friend comes over for my 12-year-old, he has boundaries as well, but they're alot wider. He can't go into someone's house without telling me who and where (in person, not by phone), but he can roam a street or two over, and then back in the field. Same with my 10-year-old. They can also have friends in the house as long as they play in the basement. I'm always with the dc kids in the playroom or backyard, so they don't cross paths with the neighbourhood kids.

If I haven't met the friend's parents, my kids don't play at their house. My 5-yr-old doesn't play at other kids' houses anyway, because I feel she still needs to be within line-of-sight of me. She also can't have friends inside during daycare hours for the same reason.

I know towns vary, but I would be more than happy to let the "neighbourhood roamer" play with my own kids even if I didn't know the parents. At least the roamer has a safe place to play, kwim? I've even taken a few SA kids home from the bus stop when they've been locked out of their own houses so that they didn't have to sit outside waiting for mom or dad. I'm okay with being known as the "safe house" and I've had neighbours check with me first when they can't find their own kids.

BUT, I've never been taken advantage of. Maybe if I was I'd think differently. Still, I'd hate to be the mom that said "no" only to find out that the roamer went missing afterwards, kwim?

[ritah]

Hello, OP here...

May I first say that you folks ROCK! Thanks for all the very thoughtful and helpful replies. You gave me lots of food for thought.

Since my original post, I've read the replies, given a lot of thought to this situation and talked to my hubby and DD. Here's what we decided...

* My DD wants to explain to this girl that she is not able to play during the week but that she can sometimes on weekends.
* If she continues to come over during the week, I will get her phone number and call her parents to explain why DD can't play during the week (daycare, homework time, dinner, etc.).
* The next time she comes on a weekend when DD can play, I will get her phone number and call her parents to confirm that they know where she is, let them know how long DD is able to play and tell them I will either call or text them when she leaves so they can watch for her.
* While speaking with them, I will also ask that, in the future, they call or text me in advance to make sure it is a good time for DD to play.

We believe that this girl is just lonely, wants a friend to play with, and probably doesn't have the best family life (not based just on this situation, but other things she has told my daughter and I). While there does need to be boundaries, we want to support her and keep her safe in the ways we can.

Thanks again to all of you who replied and helped me get this all straightened out in my brain - I really do appreciate it! happyface

[jen]

I don't take SA kids anymore but when I did, they were allowed to leave my property and go 4 blocks away and play at the school on the playground or the rink or to the sliding hill.

My licensing rules/regs state that SA kids must only have an adult available. Which translated by my licensor meant as long as they knew who to come to when they needed adult intervention, help or assistance.

The parents had to sign a permission slip for their children to be able to do this but it was/is pretty normal here.

I also live in a pretty small community where everyone knows everyone and although I know things can or could happen, I refuse to live in fear because of what "could" or "might" happen. If I know we have taken all the precautionary measures we can and the kids know their rules and boundaries, then I can't do anything more than that.

All of this!

[ritah]

I get what some of you are saying about living in fear, I really do. In many ways, I wish I could be that brave.

However, to me, the Jessica Ridgeway story is just one recent example of why DD doesn't walk to and from the bus stop alone, doesn't leave our cul-de-sac without an adult and isn't allowed to play at another child's house unless we've met the parents. This took place less than an hour from our home...

http://kdvr.com/2012/10/24/exclusive-details-about-arrest-kidnapping-of-jessica-ridgeway-revealed/

It's SO very tragic and terrifying. I would never, EVER forgive myself if something like this happened to my DD. Call me overprotective but, in my mind, times have changed from what they were when I was growing up in the 70's.