Should I Term?

[EchoMom]

A 5 year old half day Kindergarten boy?

I agreed because it was a friend of family...
It was supposed to be summer only...
Turned into they needed care for the whole school year too...
He goes to PM Kindergarten but is with me 7:30am-Noon and then back again 3:15-5pmish.
He comes 3 days a week.
The money is very good and he perfectly fits opposite my other PT family.
I could replace him, but it would take some time to find another perfect schedule...
He's very loving, very helpful.

The rest of my group are infants and toddlers.
All one and 2 year olds.
He is big for his age.
He is clumsy.
Spills more than the littles do.
Accidentally breaks things.
Accidentally flooded my house!!!
HE GETS BORED HERE.
When he's bored, he's just too BIG and there's nothing age appropriate for him to free play with.
I give him Kinder. activities and special things to do, but it exhausts me and takes away from my free times, cleaning times, and attention to the littles.
He talks to me CONSTANTLY, my ears are bleeding...
He's too big for most of my outdoor toys.
He gets sulky when I make him sit down and complete a Kinder activity.
MY HOUSE IS VERY SMALL; HE IS VERY LARGE AND CLUMSY.
Winter is coming.... We'll be stuck inside the house most of the time and then it will be even more cramped and boring for him.
He sometimes has an attitude, but the parents have nipped it in the bud.
Sometimes his helpfulness is actually just getting in the way and slowing me down.
Sometimes his lovingness comes across as odd to parents.

He's not "BAD" and hasn't done anything "WRONG" but yet it's just a major MISMATCH... I dread the days he's here. I LOVE the days he's not.

I've never termed anyone before. I don't want to make anyone mad or enemies. He's a good kid, but he's just not a good FIT for my infant/toddler daycare group...

What should I do? **** it up and just continue to deal with it? Term?

[littlemissmuffet]

Hmmm. I think I'd keep him. He sounds like my nephew! He's not bad or wrong, he can just be very clumsy and annoying - but you'll only have him until grade 1. There's an end in sight. If there were other issues, I'd consider terming, but what you described, I could handle (in comparrison to what I would term for).

Just curious about being stuck inside for winter - how cold/snowy does it get where you live? We have winter six months a year, LOTS of snow, and it can get to -50 degrees celcius (average is -20 to -25 celcius)! But I still manage to get 5-7 kiddos bundled up and outside for at least 20 minutes a day, at least 3 days a week!

[rhymia1]

I am going to be the odd man and say that yes, I would let him go. I don't think it's fair to keep him with your group knowing that the placement isn't appropriate. Yes, you could keep him and he would be fine. Bored out of his mind, but fine. Or you could suggest an age appropriate placement to his parents and he could blossom.
I think this is a case where you can be *somewhat* honest with the parents. "Steve is a great kid, and I'm sorry to see him go, but he has really outgrown my care and I know there are times despite my best effort that he is bored. I think he would really love an "older" program."

[MamaBearCanada]

Why are there no age appropriate toys? This would probably be the biggest reason he's bored. I would invest in a few age appropriate toys and also some outdoor sand/garden toys that can also be used in the snow. What about cars, trains, duplo, stuff to built a fort - cardboard, pegs, fabric/sheets, etc & he could camp, make signs. Could you give him some computer time for things like Starfall, Alphablocks, SuperWhy? What about a 'big kid' area he can read/play like a special mat/beanbag so that the play space is divided but not isolating to protect the littles.

It's hard when you have a mix of ages but if he is happy and occupied I think you might find you enjoy having him around

[cheerfuldom]

i would term. hes not the right fit and its too much time and money to create the right environment. why make more work for yourself?

[cheerfuldom]

Hmmm. I think I'd keep him. He sounds like my nephew! He's not bad or wrong, he can just be very clumsy and annoying - but you'll only have him until grade 1. There's an end in sight. If there were other issues, I'd consider terming, but what you described, I could handle (in comparrison to what I would term for).

Just curious about being stuck inside for winter - how cold/snowy does it get where you live? We have winter six months a year, LOTS of snow, and it can get to -50 degrees celcius (average is -20 to -25 celcius)! But I still manage to get 5-7 kiddos bundled up and outside for at least 20 minutes a day, at least 3 days a week!

i would imagine outside is a problem because the op has alot of tiny ones

[DaisyMamma]

I think that if he is really cramping your style go ahead and term. It sounds like he is really to big for your setup.
I would just let mom and dad know that he is having a hard time fitting into your program and would be happier with kids his own age.

[littlemissmuffet]

i would imagine outside is a problem because the op has alot of tiny ones

The OP said she has all 1-2 year olds. That's what I have as well. My oldest child just turned 3. I think if a daycare provider cannot handle taking their children outside, at least some of the time, due to ages then something is wrong. Children need to be outside on a regular basis, especially during the winter months to get vitamin D and just not be cooped up for that many months. It's not fair to the kids, or the parents who pay for childcare. In my opinion there is just no excuse.

[rhymia1]

The OP said she has all 1-2 year olds. That's what I have as well. My oldest child just turned 3. I think if a daycare provider cannot handle taking their children outside, at least some of the time, due to ages then something is wrong. Children need to be outside on a regular basis, especially during the winter months to get vitamin D and just not be cooped up for that many months. It's not fair to the kids, or the parents who pay for childcare. In my opinion there is just no excuse.

I agree to an extent. I know when I have more little ones our outdoor time is not as long as when I have an older group. Add diaper changes, potty training, etc and time can be cut even further.
That said, *if* the OP chooses to keep this child than she has an obligation to invest in age appropriate toys for both in and outdoors.

[EchoMom]

The OP said she has all 1-2 year olds. That's what I have as well. My oldest child just turned 3. I think if a daycare provider cannot handle taking their children outside, at least some of the time, due to ages then something is wrong. Children need to be outside on a regular basis, especially during the winter months to get vitamin D and just not be cooped up for that many months. It's not fair to the kids, or the parents who pay for childcare. In my opinion there is just no excuse.

Whoa whoa whoa! I never said I don't take the kids outside! I take my kids outside EVERY DAY for at LEAST 1-2 hours/day. And we also take a 30min-1hour walk around the neighborhood several times a week.

And yes, last winter I bundled up six kids in winter gear and took them to play in the snow too, even with newborns-toddlers. Getting outside is not the problem.

The problem is what does the 5 year old have to do once he's out there? He can't throw snowballs at the littles, he'll kill them! Remember I said, this kid is not just a 5 year old boy, he is a BIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG 5 year old boy!!! He's easily the size of a second grader. He is over the weight limit for all of my toys, cannot use any of the ride ones, swings, etc.

I do give him MANY special things to do, like special legos I bought exclusively for him, Kindergarten school activities, yard work (he enjoys), etc. etc. But the problem is I can't be ON for this kid all the time. I can't cater to just him when I have 5 other children ages 1 and 2 that need activities and supervision.

I just feel BAD terming him and have never termed before. He's not BAD or agressive, but he's huge, bored, and he's only going to get bigger and older as the school year goes on...

[EchoMom]

And he does not like the computer. It only keeps his attention for 10min. When we go on walks he pushes my DS in the single stroller while I push the double, or I let him walk the dog. But then he gets bored and rowdy and the dog runs away or I have to keep telling him to push my DS nicely. But if I don't give him these special accommodations on the walk, then he's just bored because 2 year olds walk much slower than he wants to. And he WON'T STOP TALKING.

[littlemissmuffet]

I agree to an extent. I know when I have more little ones our outdoor time is not as long as when I have an older group. Add diaper changes, potty training, etc and time can be cut even further.
That said, *if* the OP chooses to keep this child than she has an obligation to invest in age appropriate toys for both in and outdoors.

Agreed, it might take me 20 minutes for me to get everyone ready and then we only stay out for 20 minutes... but I couldn't imagine being stuck in the house like that all winter, or putting poor kids through it. I have yet to meet a kid (even the young 12 months old) that don't like to go out,m crawl in the snow a little, etc.

I also agree that if the OP doesn't want to invest money into age appropriate toys than yes, she should term (and not feel bad, because this is just part of the business sometimes); especially if she doesn't plan on keeping that age-group ever again.

[rhymia1]

And he does not like the computer. It only keeps his attention for 10min. When we go on walks he pushes my DS in the single stroller while I push the double, or I let him walk the dog. But then he gets bored and rowdy and the dog runs away or I have to keep telling him to push my DS nicely. But if I don't give him these special accommodations on the walk, then he's just bored because 2 year olds walk much slower than he wants to. And he WON'T STOP TALKING.

Oh my! It does sound like you have done everything you can do - this boy need FRIENDS his age and more his size (maybe an 8 yo:: )
If it makes it easier stop calling it "terminating" And try to see this as a positive. You know he needs more than you can give him, and there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that. So often we try to keep every kid and it's not really fair to anyone. Good luck!

[littlemissmuffet]

Whoa whoa whoa! I never said I don't take the kids outside! I take my kids outside EVERY DAY for at LEAST 1-2 hours/day. And we also take a 30min-1hour walk around the neighborhood several times a week.

And yes, last winter I bundled up six kids in winter gear and took them to play in the snow too, even with newborns-toddlers. Getting outside is not the problem.

The problem is what does the 5 year old have to do once he's out there? He can't throw snowballs at the littles, he'll kill them! Remember I said, this kid is not just a 5 year old boy, he is a BIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG 5 year old boy!!! He's easily the size of a second grader. He is over the weight limit for all of my toys, cannot use any of the ride ones, swings, etc.

I do give him MANY special things to do, like special legos I bought exclusively for him, Kindergarten school activities, yard work (he enjoys), etc. etc. But the problem is I can't be ON for this kid all the time. I can't cater to just him when I have 5 other children ages 1 and 2 that need activities and supervision.

I just feel BAD terming him and have never termed before. He's not BAD or agressive, but he's huge, bored, and he's only going to get bigger and older as the school year goes on...

Thanks for clarifying that for me. Sorry for misunderstanding!

The more you say, the more it becoms obvious he shouldn't be in your care. I know you feel bad terminating, but I think it would make it easier for you if you looked into other options for him to suggest to mom and dad... daycares that take kiddos that age and actually have the toys and resources to keep him happy during the day! He's obviously driving you crazy, and the situation has you worried - so I think there are only 2 choices here - invest in new toys (indoor and outdoor) for the child and see if it helps; or let him go. You can't feel guilty about giving the child what he wants/needs... and if the parents don't see it that way it's on them, not you. Part of being a great provider is knowing when to let go.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Oh my! It does sound like you have done everything you can do - this boy need FRIENDS his age and more his size (maybe an 8 yo:: )
If it makes it easier stop calling it "terminating" And try to see this as a positive. You know he needs more than you can give him, and there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that. So often we try to keep every kid and it's not really fair to anyone. Good luck!

I completely agree.

I am also of the mindset that if ONE child is making me dread the day then that child has to go.