Trying To Please The Parents

[daycare]

Ok, don't cyber smack me...

So I am sure those of you that know me have read my post about DCG age 4 that is still not PT.

Well, the parents kept pushing for her to train, was doing a lot of wrong things at home PT her and so on. I got all of that stop, or so at least I think.

Well for the past 30 days I have told DCK when to go to the bathroom and we have had a very successful month of either zero to two accidents a week. I know that I am the one that is TRAINED to tell her when to go. So yesterday, I decided it was the day that I was not going to tell her when to go anymore. AND FLOP...she did not use the bathroom once all day and the same goes for today..........

I am so beyond done with this and I say this every time. Only to have the parents come back at me with this is not a choice, she is 4 and going to the bathroom for her is not a option.

Am I doing more damage by using the method of telling her to go to the bathroom, than just to let her learn to listen to her body? Remember, we are dealing with a very stubborn and willful child.

So now what??? Ok you can smack me now....

[SunshineMama]

You may have already addressed this in a previous post- but is there any way that there is a sensory issue or other medical issue where the child doesnt know when she has to go the bathroom? I just feel like accidents at age 4 are a choice, if there is no medical issue present. I could be wrong, but this is just my experience.

I wish I had better advice for you. If it were me, and I have tried talking to her and everything else, I would probably just tell her when to go and take herself and prevent having to clean up any accidents. I dont know what else you can do. I'm sorry, that situation stinks

[daycare]

You may have already addressed this in a previous post- but is there any way that there is a sensory issue or other medical issue where the child doesnt know when she has to go the bathroom? I just feel like accidents at age 4 are a choice, if there is no medical issue present. I could be wrong, but this is just my experience.

I wish I had better advice for you. If it were me, and I have tried talking to her and everything else, I would probably just tell her when to go and take herself and prevent having to clean up any accidents. I dont know what else you can do. I'm sorry, that situation stinks

pretty much that is what I have to do. I have to tell her when to go. Most of the time we get her there, but not always. My concern is that if I keep doing it this way, am I doing more harm than good? She is obviously not able to listen to her body tell her its time to use the toilet. She has to be told when to go and without me tellig her she can't.

[Blackcat31]

[daycarediva]

Ugh, I feel your pain. We have regular potty breaks where everyone goes, but I have an almost 4yo dcg who does the same thing. MY issue is that the parents are too lax. It's like it doesn't even concern them that their pefectly healthy 3 year, 11 month old isn't even CLOSE to being pt'ed! My dh thinks I should term over it. She poops and pees in her pants, doesnt tell me, sometimes refuses to try to use the potty and lies to her parents about using it here daily.

[daycare]

....I know I know I know...

But honestly, what else am I to do? This kid should be using the toilet at this age. This is the only thing that I can do to make it work.

I read a great article about PT a willful child and it said to make them responsible for their actions. Which I have been doing. When she has an accident I make her clean herself up. Well except for when she has a really bad poop, then I assist in the process.

I am just baffled over this. I guess the only thing I can say at this point, is that the parents are NOT PT at home like they say they are??? Do you also think this is the case???

[daycarediva]

....I know I know I know...

But honestly, what else am I to do? This kid should be using the toilet at this age. This is the only thing that I can do to make it work.

I read a great article about PT a willful child and it said to make them responsible for their actions. Which I have been doing. When she has an accident I make her clean herself up. Well except for when she has a really bad poop, then I assist in the process.

I am just baffled over this. I guess the only thing I can say at this point, is that the parents are NOT PT at home like they say they are??? Do you also think this is the case???

I absolutely do. My parents at first were telling me that they were putting DCG in undies and bringing her every 30 minutes all weekend. BUT dcg talks....like a teenager. I called them on it "Well, dcg says she is in a DIAPER and doesn't have to use the potty at home at all." Then it was, well we had a busy weekend JUST last weekend, etc. The more I called them out on it, the more I found out that dcg wasn't lying. FINALLY Dad told me that they only put her on when she asks (um, NEVER) and they figure she isn't going to college not pt'd. They wanted me to shame her (I have trained 2yo in care) that little ***** uses the potty and you don't. NOPE. Now I only bring dcg if she asks and just change her as needed the rest of the time.

[Happy Hearts]

I would just keep telling her when to go. What happens after she's in your care now or in the future will not be your problem, it is the PARENT'S problem. I can't see how you telling her when to go is detrimental to her versus having her mess her pants on a daily basis. All you can do is keep her dry and focussed on potty training when she is in your care; the rest is up to her parents.

I am so beyond done with this and I say this every time. Only to have the parents come back at me with this is not a choice, she is 4 and going to the bathroom for her is not a option.
I'm not sure I understand this about the parents and choice part. The parents don't want you to bring her to the potty to check if she has to go? They want her to listen to her body and go only then? I feel for you, so frustrating.

[Blackcat31]

....I know I know I know...

But honestly, what else am I to do? This kid should be using the toilet at this age. This is the only thing that I can do to make it work.

I read a great article about PT a willful child and it said to make them responsible for their actions. Which I have been doing. When she has an accident I make her clean herself up. Well except for when she has a really bad poop, then I assist in the process.

I am just baffled over this. I guess the only thing I can say at this point, is that the parents are NOT PT at home like they say they are??? Do you also think this is the case???

I was only kidding ya know. You told me to cyber smack you!


Yes, I think the parents are probably not doing any type of supportive potty training at home.

I also think that this girl is probably so turned off or screwed up about PTing now that it would just be best to back off for a while, regroup and begin again later with a different attitude and method. (the parents NOT you).

You have done and are doing all that you can or could do in your situation.

The parents need to take control and do this from a better place.

[daycare]

I was only kidding ya know. You told me to cyber smack you!


Yes, I think the parents are probably not doing any type of supportive potty training at home.

I also think that this girl is probably so turned off or screwed up about PTing now that it would just be best to back off for a while, regroup and begin again later with a different attitude and method. (the parents NOT you).

You have done and are doing all that you can or could do in your situation.

The parents need to take control and do this from a better place.

the parents lives are very unsettled so it seems. They never seem to be home over the weekends, which I am sure is normal, but I am sure this also means that DCG is not getting put on the toilet ever. I feel that if getting her PT was that important to them, then they would lax on the weekend activities until they got her using the toilet successfully.

I am so conflicted over this and I keep going back and forth on it.

Do you think that starting and stopping the PT is a good idea? I read that when you do that, it makes the process more confusing for the child. HOwever, I am also one to not want to beat a dead horse...... did I say the saying correct??? hahhahaha

[daycare]

I would just keep telling her when to go. What happens after she's in your care now or in the future will not be your problem, it is the PARENT'S problem. I can't see how you telling her when to go is detrimental to her versus having her mess her pants on a daily basis. All you can do is keep her dry and focussed on potty training when she is in your care; the rest is up to her parents.

I am so beyond done with this and I say this every time. Only to have the parents come back at me with this is not a choice, she is 4 and going to the bathroom for her is not a option.
I'm not sure I understand this about the parents and choice part. The parents don't want you to bring her to the potty to check if she has to go? They want her to listen to her body and go only then? I feel for you, so frustrating.

Sorry if I confused you, Im just as confused about this myself.

The parents did not say don't put her on the toilet, I am the one that thought that if I keep telling her and not allowing her the opportunity to learn to listen to her body that she won't truly ever be potty trained.

BUT you have a great point. What happens with her after she leaves here will not be my issue and will eventually fall back on the parents, making it there problem. I did not look at it that way before and I am happy you reminded me of this.... Very true. I guess all I need to do is just keep having her put it in the toilet and if she can't do it without being told, them i am just going to tell her.

It's either I tell her or I change her. I'd rather tell her....

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

That's a headache.

Do they send her to you in underwear? Do they provide diapers/Pull Ups?

[countrymom]

dont you have potty breaks, well technically you really aren't telling her, its sort of routine (just like changing bums) but to me it sounds like the girl is very lazy. I know people won't agree with me, but I think this is where sitting in the corner needs to be used. She is old enough to know better, and know it won't hinder her ability to go to the bathroom, she's already choosing not to go.

[daycare]

dont you have potty breaks, well technically you really aren't telling her, its sort of routine (just like changing bums) but to me it sounds like the girl is very lazy. I know people won't agree with me, but I think this is where sitting in the corner needs to be used. She is old enough to know better, and know it won't hinder her ability to go to the bathroom, she's already choosing not to go.

sadly, I think that you are correct and the mom says that it is pure laziness. I for one could never punish a child for this, but I do think that in this childs case it's like BC said she is just so messed up over it.

I do think that she is not disciplined enough to tell herself to stop what she is doing and go to the bathroom. I would say that is about 75% of our problem.

[daycare]

That's a headache.

Do they send her to you in underwear? Do they provide diapers/Pull Ups?

they send her in pull-ups, however, she has showed up in undies that the parents claim she dressed herself and they did not know. I require pull ups until she can do it on her own......

I have already had to clean my carpets once because of the underwear issue and this child...so they know I mean business..