Kids and Departure - Kind of Long

[tenderhearts]

Lately during the kid pick ups, all of them seem to act out in some way. I have done everything I can opposed to them sitting on the front steps waiting for parents to stop this. I get their shoes on, remind them when mommy/daddy gets here we need to listen and not run around ect. However, as soon as the parents gets here it starts.

All of them do something. They start to try and run around the other part of the house where my family is, go back into the daycare room and run around in there, 2 of them insist on pushing the buttons on our door, we have a keyless entry, one starts to whine/cry and scream like crazy when his mom gets here, she said he's done this since he was very little, he's 3 now, but he'll whine and cry, then when he gets outside he runs around and kicks my rocks all over the place, he does not do this when dad picks up, but that's rare that he ever does, he runs through the garage and this is after they are in parents care. I've told my parents that for safety reasons they need to not play around in the garage, and unfortunelty when we are outside during pickups going through the garage is the only way other than going through my house to get to and from the front and back.

I've told ALL my parents due to the issues I'm having with this pickups need to be quick, I'm not only trying to control their child but keep the rest of the group under control, because as soon as they see and hear what the child is doing and I'm by the door, then they start in the daycare room, it's frustrating because parents do nothing, they see their child causing caos and they just say come one lets go, and I have to be the one to say something to the child.
As I said I talk to the kids before pickups and tell them how they need to act, I have 1 2 yr old that I dont' think he "gets" what I'm saying at all, but the others I know they do. With the 3 yr old, the worse one at pick up but the best child during the day (I know that sounds strange) I have told him that if he doesn't cooperate at pickups and keeps running around my yard kicking rocks ect, he'll lose priveledges the next day.
Do any of you have this issue or have any ideas on how to help this? It goes ok inside if the pick up is quick, if the parent doesn't need to talk to me but parents don't seem to have control once the door is closed. I've even told the child and the parent to please not play in the rocks or touch my lights or play with my decorations, one parent looks at me like well what do you expect they are kids.
I really need some ideas on how to stop this?

[daycarediva]

I think a letter to everyone stating the general rules of your home and how it is difficult for children to know which rules they are now following/who is in charge when two authoity figures are present.

I KNOW my daycare kids don't have the same rules at home as they do here, or the parents would be APPALLED at their behavior instead of tolerate it, kwim?

I think it is a way for the kids to show YOU that when the parent/s are around, they run the show. I had a 4yo spay his mother with a hose in my front yard once. My dh had to go outside and turn the hose off and tell him that was unacceptable behavior. The mother told me the next day that it was inappropriate of my dh. Um, REALLY!? I was MORTIFIED because other daycare parents saw it. The daycare Mom only thought it was embarassing because my dh went outside, turned the hose off, and told him (nicely) to put the hose down and that he knew he wasn't supposed to touch it. The behavior happened so frequently that I had to MOVE MY HOSE.

[Willow]

There's no easy or "nice" way to handle this one for some kids.

I have two here who lose their heads when parents show up and it drives. me. bonkers.

They were plenty old enough to understand so I tried removing privileges the following day too for quite some time and it didn't work. I tried firing off an email about liability and safety concerns and that didn't work either.

I ended up doing two things:

1.) confronting the child right in front of the parents. It was bad enough that I didn't care if I was viewed by mom or dad as the meanie. I got right down to their level and asked them loud enough for parents to hear "Why are you behaving like this? You never kick the rocks during the day because you know it's a rule, so why are you doing it now?" Kids know why they're doing it, but if they're old enough they are going to be pretty hard pressed to answer, maybe even embarrassed. If they're young enough to have no filter and respond with a "because mom and dad don't care" you can bet your bottom dollar mom and dad will protest and THEN put a stop to it.

2.) on the occasion that sort of confrontation doesn't work long term you get the child ready, have them waiting out on the step, and then literally escort them by hand to the vehicle. Don't let the parent intercept midway as the kiddo will generally peel out the second their hand leaves yours. I've gone so far with one family as to put the child right into the carseat for them. Once the pattern was established it was easy to start weaning both child and parent off of the routine.


I realize the above will only work if your home set up is just right. I am lucky enough that parents can literally pull up to my front door, so that's what's worked for me. If you've got a lot of kids or your driveway isn't set up in such a way that you can just leave the front door ajar while you walk them the few steps then I realize it would be infinitely tougher.


Any way you dice this one though it's tough

[Blackcat31]

Willow is right. This is a tricky situation no matter how you deal with it.

Personally, I say something if it gets out of hand. I HATE having to discipline someone else's child in front of them but I guess at this point in the game, I am older than most my daycare parents so it is easy to speak up for me.

I also require ALL parents to hold their child's hand to and from the vehicle if they are wild and don't mind the parents. If they have more than one crazy child, they will need to make multiple trips to the car but I won't allow a child to destroy or ruin my property because a parent doesn't stop them.

I also have in my handbook under drop off and pick ups, the following:

"Behavior for some children during these times can result in needing to be disciplined. Should this occur, you will need to be the one in charge.

As your child's parent, you need to be the ultimate authority.

If it becomes necessary for me to step in and discipline your child, alternate drop off/pick up routines will be discussed. "

[tenderhearts]

Thank you, that's just it too, I feel that I should not have to discipline their child when they are here, and I as well hate doing it when a parent is here too. It's just so frustrating when a child runs away, back out into the daycare room and starts just doing everything they know they aren't suppose to, then all the other kids join in and all the while I'm trying to control it and the parent says and does nothing, or when they decide to run in my house.

I feel like one parent in particular may take it offensivly that I have her child ready to go when she gets here, but like today for instance, I said mommy is here lets go, he said no and ran the other way, so I said yes it's time to go, I had to carry him to the door all the while he's trying to get away to run. I explained to her that departures have been difficult and explained why and she didn't really say anything just smiled and said oh yea, she is the type of parent that likes to see her child interact so at drop off sometimes she'll come out here with him and I don't want someone to feel as though I'm pushing them out but I also need to keep my house in order too. Another child at pick up is running around me, rolling on the floor and the entry way is hardwood so it's just loud he's sliding and I told him he needed to settle down, his mom did speak up and told him to stop and he did, this boy usually isn't an issue. My age group is all 2 -3 yr olds so it can get out of hand easily, and when it does it's hard to settle them down.
I would like to send something out but I don't know how to nicely word it, any suggestions?

[Heidi]

Is there any way to block of your entry area so that can't go back into the daycare or into your family area? That would eliminate that problem, anyway.

I would definately have a discuss with each family that there have been A NUMBER of issues with pick up time. Don't single anyone out, but say something like "From now on, I need EVERYONE to hold their child's hand until they are secured in the car. It's simply not safe for them to run around".

You might want to write a letter and add something to the affect that once the a parents have their child, that child is their responsiblity. Any injuries or damages caused at that point will be the responsibilty of the parent.

[tenderhearts]

I do close the gate back into the daycare room but I have no way to block it off into the main part of my house from where our front door is.
I just feel like with a couple of my parents that they are offended that I bring their child to the door and have them ready. For instance when on Friday the 2 yr old wouldn't come so I carried him to the door, he didn't want to go so when I set him down he wouldn't stand and laid on the floor, then he got up and tried running back out into the daycare room, but the gate was locked, I told mom briefly that I've been having issues at pickup and briefly explained but I still feel like she could be offended, she's one of those people who likes to see their child interact and likes to watch him play for a few minutes which turns into longer because he wont go and so on, I think where he was before they went into the daycare area and retrieved the children, plus I know she likes to talk and ask questions about the day. I have 3 that mess around inside, running all over (well try to) and then I have 3 that do it outside.
Do think it's rude to have them ready at the door and have quick pickups?

[Blackcat31]

It is NOT rude to bring children to the door for parents. I TOTALLY understant why providers need to do it.

I can also understand why parents like to see their child interact and playing too.

HOWEVER, with that being said, pick up and drop off times can be really hard on everyone because the child sees an opportunity to run wild as he "tests" his boundaries and checks to see which adult is in charge. I have had my fair share of crazy, off the wall behavior from kids too all the while, the parent simply stood there like it was no big deal...

If I were in your shoes, I woud write a quick letter to parents explaining the issues you have been having, why you have been bringing a child to the door and whay your ultimate goal is for pick up and drop off times. I think taking the time to explain it from your perspective (which is often hard for parents to see/understand) might help a lot.

If you need help writing a letter, let me know. I will be glad to help you out. Just drop me a PM and I will get an example letter to you.

[Heidi]

I do close the gate back into the daycare room but I have no way to block it off into the main part of my house from where our front door is.
I just feel like with a couple of my parents that they are offended that I bring their child to the door and have them ready. For instance when on Friday the 2 yr old wouldn't come so I carried him to the door, he didn't want to go so when I set him down he wouldn't stand and laid on the floor, then he got up and tried running back out into the daycare room, but the gate was locked, I told mom briefly that I've been having issues at pickup and briefly explained but I still feel like she could be offended, she's one of those people who likes to see their child interact and likes to watch him play for a few minutes which turns into longer because he wont go and so on, I think where he was before they went into the daycare area and retrieved the children, plus I know she likes to talk and ask questions about the day. I have 3 that mess around inside, running all over (well try to) and then I have 3 that do it outside.
Do think it's rude to have them ready at the door and have quick pickups?

So...for the mom that likes to see things in action, why not have her take off her shoes and come in for a few minutes? Give her child a chance to show her something they did and have 100% of her attention for 3 or 4 minutes. Then, let HER take the child and get him ready. That may work wonders. Just make it clear that you are still working, so it's not visting-with-the-provider time, it's visit-with-your-child time.
I think I got this from NannyDe, and ended up using it for one of my ECE classes. You are welcome to use any or all of it:



Changing of the Guard

Once a child is comfortable in childcare, we sometimes start to see some negative behaviors at morning and afternoon transition times. This is sometimes called the “changing of the guard”.

Here are some ways we can help your child with that:

• On these occasions, keep goodbyes brief. If you have established a morning ritual, stick to it, but keep it short & sweet. As they say, sometimes “less is more”.

• At the end of the day, please feel free to come in and hang out for a while. Let your child show you some things she’s done today , or sit down and read a book. Your child has missed you, and a few minutes of your full attention will do wonders for her mood (the bulletin board at the front entrance always highlights some things we’ve done today, and is a great conversation starter).

• If there are things we need to discuss, and your child appears anxious to go, please feel free to call me after hours (7-9 pm works best).

• Your child may want to see if the “rules” still apply when parents are here. They do! Please, do not be offended if I remind your child of a rule . Your child will feel comfort and confidence knowing that the people that care for her are all on the same team….hers!

It's customer friendly, and I'd say worth a try. If, after 2 weeks or so that doesn't seem to change the behavior, then go back to the "bye bye outside" program

[tenderhearts]

It is NOT rude to bring children to the door for parents. I TOTALLY understant why providers need to do it.

I can also understand why parents like to see their child interact and playing too.

HOWEVER, with that being said, pick up and drop off times can be really hard on everyone because the child sees an opportunity to run wild as he "tests" his boundaries and checks to see which adult is in charge. I have had my fair share of crazy, off the wall behavior from kids too all the while, the parent simply stood there like it was no big deal...

If I were in your shoes, I woud write a quick letter to parents explaining the issues you have been having, why you have been bringing a child to the door and whay your ultimate goal is for pick up and drop off times. I think taking the time to explain it from your perspective (which is often hard for parents to see/understand) might help a lot.

If you need help writing a letter, let me know. I will be glad to help you out. Just drop me a PM and I will get an example letter to you.

Thank you, I think that's a great idea giving them a letter explaining this.
As for what Heidi said, I would do that BUT the child whos parent is here starts to not listen and do everything they know they are not suppose to be doing then everyone else tries to join in, so I don't think that's an option at this point.

[Fruitloops1]

I have this issue with only ONE child. The mom is very laid back and doesn't really discipline. The child knows the rules; no hurting others, no climbing the toys, no standing on chairs or tables, no throwing, no screaming, no running. But once mom comes it its ALL out the window!!! Come 15 min before mom is supposed to be here they are all ready to go. Jacket hats and everything. For up to 30 min before go time I keep talking about all the awesome stuff they can do at home. It works once in a while. I really think its up the mother. If she didn't allow it then it wouldn't happen. But I have an itty bitty group. I'm afraid at what will happen when I have a larger one!!
Good luck

[Meyou]

I don't have much advice but I wanted to add that I ALWAYS bring children to the door. Parents are welcome in my home (if they remove their shoes) but most don't come past the front entry unless I invite them to see something specific. Part of the reason they chose a home daycare is that it IS my home and their children are part of it. That doesn't mean it's a free for all for anyone other than their children.

[AnneCordelia]

I also meet parents at the door with their child wearing shoes and coat. Don't feel bad about that!!