Worried About Another DCP Confronting Other DCP

[MommyD]

Most days I only have 2 dcks. 2 1/2 months ago Dcg got bit by dcb. The parents obviously knew who hurt their child, but I did not say it. About two weeks later the dc moms met in the driveway. The "victims" mom chewed into the biters mom about how it is "unnerving" having a biter here now. The dcb mom came in crying and feeling helpless. I have been doing all I can to not let it happen again, but unfortunately let my guard down today and it happened again. I tried telling dcp that sometimes it is not preventable, such as when dcg falls down right in front of them, but I know they are still pretty upset! I am worried for the dcb mom getting yelled at again, there isn't anything she can do, is there?

What would you do?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I would tell mom that she needs to handle any and all complaints with you. It is not acceptable behavior to confront another parent who is not even around during the day!

[Scout]

Not really advice but, I think as a mom that has to put her child into a setting with other children some things are to be expected! She should not feel the need to confront the other dcp. Just tell her that it did happen again but, you handled it. IMO, that should be the end of story

[Blackcat31]

While I completely understand "victims" mom being concerned, she was kind of out of line by confronting and yelling at the "biters" mom since "biters" mom wasn't on watch while it happened and "biters" mom can't do anything much about it.

I would find some really good resources about biting and why it happens and how it is a normal (although upsetting) part of the early years and give the information to BOTH parents.

I have some good links I will look up after lunch and post them for you.

It is unfortunate that the one mom is essentially blaming the other.

[MommyD]

Thanks for all the support!

One more question...

How often does biting happen in your settings? I would say the 3 that have happened here in the 34 months I have been going is pretty calm. I was in a group setting before and we would sometimes have 3 a week, or a couple times in one day!! Eight 18 mo. olds in one room for the cold winters is hard!

I also felt the same as all of you. It is not fair for her to be blaming the child or the other mother. The child is just acting on instincts and what can mom do from work?? I have been keeping a close watch on them and moving one or the other to the table while I make meals to prevent encounters when I can't be in the room.

Blackat31,

Some resources would be great! I have some, but they are more directed to the teacher and tons of different reasons it happens. I was hoping for something a little more concise. Also, something letting both parents know that the feeling is mutual as far as being upset and bothered by it?

[DaisyMamma]

I would be VERY upset with the mom who yelled. That is totally unacceptable and I would let her know this. She is trying to bully the other mom into dropping out!! I would also let her know that if HER behavior doesn't stop, SHE will be the one that is terminated.

For a while I was having problems with biting to the point that it was happening about once per week! It was awful. My DD was the one who started it. She taught two other kids who started it! Now it only happens occasionally. I would shadow the major offenders and even that didn't seem to help - it just happens so fast! One of the kids left and my DD stopped doing it. It's the third offender who still does it sometimes.

[Nickel]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I've had two different experiences with biting.

The first, my oldest daughter was a biter, but only at daycare. I would get letters sent home and I felt just terrible but I had no idea how to make her stop since I had never seen her do it. This went on for what seemed like forever, but eventually it stopped when she tried to bite me one day. I bit her back and told her no that hurts (this was years ago, before all the new information that is on biting now) She never did it again.

When i worked in a center there was a girl who was a biter. We had to be diligent with her. She couldn't be in a small space with too many children or she would bite. Somone basically had to sit next to her at all times. Luckily she would screetch and then bite so we were usually able to prevent it, but not all the time. I spent a lot of one on one time with this little girl (dcm was a single parent, she was in daycare full time, long hours-early morning to almost close) and eventually she stopped. But we had the staff to do that. 3:12 12-18month olds.

I'm sorry I don't have advice for you, but I would definitley give both parents information on biting. Letting them both know that it is common and you are doing everything you can to prevent it.

[Blackcat31]

Blackat31,

Some resources would be great! I have some, but they are more directed to the teacher and tons of different reasons it happens. I was hoping for something a little more concise. Also, something letting both parents know that the feeling is mutual as far as being upset and bothered by it?

Here is a great handout to print and give to parents:

http://www.ok.gov/health/documents/BITING%20IN%20THE%20TODDLER%20YEARS%20rev.pdf

Here is another really good article about biting. http://www.ucsfchildcarehealth.org/p...060604_adr.pdf

I would outline your policies about biting and send it home with BOTH parents. I would then let the "victims" parent know that YOU are handling this and her need to scold the other mom isn't helping. Also mention that the other mom feels horrible enough about it that it would be in everyone's best interest to work together instead of laying blame.

Toddlers bite. It happens. It could be the "victim" doing the biting next week.