Custody and Pick Up Question

[Alice Of Legend]

A DCG said something to me the other day that’s had me thinking all week about parental pick up for shared custody.

I have a DCG (3yrs) who is with me very part time (every other Friday, half day) and I’ve only met DCD and DCD’s girlfriend. They said that they have 50/50 custody with mom but that mom will never pick up or have any contact with me whatsoever because the time she is here is DCD’s time (she’s here while DCD’s GF is in class). I know nothing about mom, she not even listed as an emergency contact. DCD and mom do not have a good relationship from what bits and pieces I get from DCG and DCD.

So last week DCG said to me “my mom likes your Halloween ghosts” I thought she was talking about the ghost DCG made while here and she said “no, not my ghost! Those one’s out there!” and pointed to the decorations on my front lawn. I asked her when mom had seen them and she replied “she brought the car to see your house so she knows where to get me” :confused:

I asked DCD’s GF at pick up about mom possibly picking at some point as DCG had said and she replied that is never to happen but she was already late for an appt and rushing out the door, she said she wanted to discuss it next time (this Friday) at drop off when she had more time.

I know by law I cannot refuse a custodial parent to pick up their child but how does that work that in this case when I don’t even know mom’s name or contact information? What if mom just shows up at some point? Should I have DCD bring in a copy of the custody agreement for what days are mom’s and what are DCD’s?

I'm sure I'm over thinking it, and maybe mom just wanted to see where DCG was going (I know I would), but I feel like this is a subject I'm not really clear on but i definitely should be!

[Brooksie]

If you have no record of the mom and have no idea who she is, she needs to bring the birth certificate. Otherwise any one could come in and say yea, that's my kid. But you're right, unless there is a court order saying the child cannot be released to the mother, you have to do it. As long as she proves she is a parent.

[littlemissmuffet]

If she can prove she's the parent, you have to release her unless there is a court order directed at you stating you cannot.

As a mother I would want to know my child's caregiver, even if it is only very part-time... I'm suprised you two have never met.

It's really sad to me how adults can act when a relationship ends, and how much that can take away from the child who will always inevitably be stuck in the middle. So selfish and childish.

[daycare]

Here I would have to have two things happen:

1. dad show proof of custody agreement.
2. Mom needs to provide proof of being the mother (birth certificate) and bring vaild/current proof of ID.


I have had a situation like this before and this is what I did. I would tell DCD rigtht now that this happened and not wait until friday. I would also tell him that you can't keep her from her mother, however, if mom trys to pick up you can always call him and let him know before you release her to the mom.

Again, don't let it go, call him now and discuss this with him.

[daycarediva]

I would ask the Dad for a copy of their custody agreement. I require ALL custodial parents to be on the pick up list.

I also REQUIRE notice from the parent for a different pickup. IN WRITING.

I also require a valid driver's license for anyone, even if I have met them before.

I have NEVER met one of the kids Dads. DCB has been here 4 1/2 YEARS. He lives 10 minutes from here. I have a copy of their custody agreement and he is on the contact list (but I am to call him absolutely LAST per Mom's instructions) If he were to show, I would require a note from Mom in advance and he would need to bring a copy of his driver's license to prove his identity.

[daycare]

I would ask the Dad for a copy of their custody agreement. I require ALL custodial parents to be on the pick up list.

I also REQUIRE notice from the parent for a different pickup. IN WRITING.

I also require a valid driver's license for anyone, even if I have met them before.

I have NEVER met one of the kids Dads. DCB has been here 4 1/2 YEARS. He lives 10 minutes from here. I have a copy of their custody agreement and he is on the contact list (but I am to call him absolutely LAST per Mom's instructions) If he were to show, I would require a note from Mom in advance and he would need to bring a copy of his driver's license to prove his identity.

not sure what state you are in, but here in CA, I can not require the note. I can ask for one, but if the mom were to come to me and show proof, along with ID and there was not any form of court papers on file with me, then i would have to release her to her mother.

I would maybe call Licensing if you are licensed and check with your states regs on it

[Brooksie]

I also REQUIRE notice from the parent for a different pickup. IN WRITING.

I also require a valid driver's license for anyone, even if I have met them before.

Good points. It is MD law that anyone that isn't a parent provide a valid MD drivers license and I have to copy and file it. I also have it stated in my policy that if someone other than a usual is to pick up the child they need to give me WRITTEN notice in advance. Other wise calls will be made immediately to the usual parent and confirm the pick up. If its really not ok with them they can come and get the child them self.

[daycarediva]

There is no law for it in my state. (actually it's just vague) I require it because if it were MY child, that's what I would want.


Last year at our local elementary school a Dad walked in, picked up his Dd early, and skipped town. She is STILL MISSING. Remember that most abductions are people the child/family knows. Scary thought, but true. The school did everything to their policy/state law.