Help With a "Failure to Adjust" Termination Letter

[JenNJ]

So, the little boy who had a rough trial day had an even worse first day. I am 99% sure I am going to terminate by the end of the week.

He cried and threw tantrums all day yesterday. We couldn't play outside because I couldn't possibly care for the other kids and deal with him. I didn't even do circle time yesterday. He was a total disruption to the group and our schedule. It was so unfair to the other kids. And the hitting, kicking, and screaming at me continued yesterday as well. I now have a nice size bruise on my thigh from deflecting a kick He didn't interact with the other children at all and did not participate in any activities.

I spoke with mom and she just seemed very surprised. His entire mood changed when he saw her. She hung out for about 10 minutes and he danced, marched, played with the other kids, etc. It was very odd. After they walked out the door, I watched him with his mom when they were on the front porch and she indulged him to the point where he sat on my porch ignoring her and playing with a toy for 10 minutes while she coaxed him to leave.

Anyway, I need help drawing up a "failure to adjust"/behavior termination letter. Nice wording because I do hope this little guy finds a place that suits him. I just can't offer the kind of attention he needs to deal with this without ignoring my other little ones. Thanks!

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

I don't blame you a bit, I have tried sticking out with kids like this and it's not worth it. I don't have any termination letter advise right now..I just told the parents of 2 families that it wasn't working out. Both families knew their kids have behavior issues.

[Janet]

Failure to adjust

I'm sorry that he's having a rough time adjusting. That ****s! Just write the letter in a way that is nonjudgmental. It just happens that way sometimes. I have a 2 week trial period when a child starts because of this very situation. Noone did anything wrong. It just sounds like this little guy is just not a good fit. Don't feel bad!

[momma2girls]

I know you do feel badly about termination, but it does get easier.

[JenNJ]

I regret to inform you that I must terminate our child care arrangement. _____ continues to have trouble adjusting to being in daycare.

As you know, I have specifications in our contract for a two-week trial period. This gives you, as parents, as well as myself, an opportunity to see how your child fits into care here at _______ Daycare. I am afraid that after this trial period, I will not be able to continue with our contract. This has been a very difficult decision on my part, but I am not able to provide ____ with the level of care he needs, as well as the other children in my care concurrently.

I will continue to provide care for ____until July 28th, 2010 so that you may have time to find a provider that will be a better fit for your family. As we are still in the trial period, I will understand if you find care for _____ sooner than this date.




How does that sound? I found it online and added/changed a few things.

[MarinaVanessa]

How does that sound? I found it online and added/changed a few things.

Sounds really good. You're letting them go without making them feel awful. I like it.

[Bizzymom1111]

Sounds really good. You're letting them go without making them feel awful. I like it.

I agree! It sounds very professional. Make sure you make a copy for yourself. I'm going through a similiar situation also. I have four of my own children-6,5,3,&2, and I took on 2 dcb's-3&1, but they are both a handful. The older dcb and my ds3 DO NOT get along at all. The dcb1 is his mommys hip baby so he is constantly screaming when I put him down- I can't and won't carry him around all day. And I believe he also may have something wrong with his ears as his balance is just horrible. He can barely sit up without falling over, and does not walk at all yet. I can't even carry him on my hip because he falls backwards and can't hold himself up straight. Mom says dr. Says he's fine. I'm not sure about that. Anyways, Ive been debating letting them go because it just seems like no one is adjusting to them being here- other dck's too- but they are full time and I need the $.
Sorry so long! Sounds like you made the right decision though! Good luck!

[nannyde]

If it were me he wouldn't have lasted past the first time he put his hands on me. He would have been gone that day. I don't tolerate it at all. The parent would have been called to come get him with an explanation that I have a zero tolerance policy for any violence and he is unable to control himself.

She would get from me what she will eventually get from any school he goes to. NO hitting. NONE. No kicking NONE NO disrespect to the adult. NONE

A kid that feels comfortable hitting, kicking, and screaming at an adult is OUT OF CONTROL and needs to have one to one care with someone trained and allowed to restrain him and/or punish him in a manner that would change the behavior IMMEDIATELY.

The Mom needs the life experience of society saying to her: I will NOT tolerate your child's out of control behavior. If you are going to allow it then you deal with it and pay for it.

I commend you for terminating him and hope that you use this opportunity for the MOM'S sake to give her the life experience that she has allowed this and today is pay day for it. Today is the first day SHE gets told NO regarding her son's behavior. You couldn't give her a better gift than that life experience.

[nannyde]

Oh and I would not call this failure to adjust. That is not going to be helpful to the Mom. I would call it being violent with the adult. It is what it is... no need to sugar coat it. Once you let the boy go... if you have any obligation it is to mentor and set a good example for the parents. A good example is a truth teller. Tell her the truth.

This society is so afraid of telling parents what they are doing wrong or saying something bad about the kids. It's time we stand up and JUST tell the truth. "He hit me. I don't allow ANY violence in my home". "He kicked me. I don't allow any violence in my home". "He screamed at me. I don't allow disrespect to adults in my home".

Plain and simple truth.

[Michael]

Moore posts related to Termination Letters: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...ination+letter

[MarinaVanessa]

She would get from me what she will eventually get from any school he goes to.

Schools are different from area to area because I also tell the parents of any "fighting" child what schools in our area say to theirs appropriate to their age. A child at my daughters' pre-school hit her once and he wasn't kicked out. He was however shadowed. There were a few other instances with kids getting into arguments which led to a push, shove or smack throughout the year and they never got kicked out either. Just seriously reprimanded and sent home for the day and shadowed until they felt satisfied that it wouldn't happen again. They got the picture evidently because I never saw it happen again with the same kid (I was volunteering at her school).

Don't get me wrong, I don't condone fighting, arguing or even being purposely mean to each other but age difference does matter. A kid that was 8 and older I would NEVER tolerate but for a kid that was 2 or 3 I see it a little different.

[Crystal]

I agree MarinaVanessa.....I think if it's a toddler, you teach them what is and isn't appropriate. If it's a school-aged child, it's a whole different issue.

[Former Teacher]

If this is the SAME child that JenNJ has spoken about before, the child is 2 years old. Of course he is going to throw temper tantrums. ALL children do at one point in their life. Some more than others. As Marina stated, when a child is that young it is a little different.

As for comments made about the hitting etc..from any school...well maybe this child needs to go to my former center. I was bruised, slapped, spit at, etc from ALL ages (well 5 years and younger). Was anything done? Nope of course not.

There was once a child who was 2 years old. We had him as an infant however the parents were having marriage problems and pulled him out. However, he eventually came back in. Well he was a BEAST. He wasn't abusive to the teachers. He was to the other kids. The teachers and I had to CONSTATNTLY shadow this child. Every night I had to tell the mother how horrible the day was etc.

Well one day L (the child) was hiding in the log house on the playground. One of the teachers spotted something he was holding that was shiny. So she ran to him and asked him to let her see his neat toy! He, thank God, showed her without a fight. Yep, it was a pocket knife. Now had this been public school and he was older, that would be considered a weapon. Not at my former center. My former director called the mother who of course denied knowing he had it and then confessed that he must ve gone in her purse when she wasn't looking.

Anyway the mother called back later saying she was pulling L of our center because she felt like we were all against her and her son. And that since we were always telling her about his awful days she just doesn't want to bring him to us anymore. However she will wait until Friday for his last day (this was Monday)

Long story short, my former director told the mother that we would be "willing to work with L and his behavior issues" I was like WHAT?!?!? This kid could have stabbed ANYONE. Yet nothing was done.

So anyway Jen, while I totally agree that the child is probably needing adjusting, I also believe you souldn't deal with the abuse. No one should.

[QualiTcare]

If this is the SAME child that JenNJ has spoken about before, the child is 2 years old. Of course he is going to throw temper tantrums. ALL children do at one point in their life. Some more than others. As Marina stated, when a child is that young it is a little different.

As for comments made about the hitting etc..from any school...well maybe this child needs to go to my former center. I was bruised, slapped, spit at, etc from ALL ages (well 5 years and younger). Was anything done? Nope of course not.

There was once a child who was 2 years old. We had him as an infant however the parents were having marriage problems and pulled him out. However, he eventually came back in. Well he was a BEAST. He wasn't abusive to the teachers. He was to the other kids. The teachers and I had to CONSTATNTLY shadow this child. Every night I had to tell the mother how horrible the day was etc.

Well one day L (the child) was hiding in the log house on the playground. One of the teachers spotted something he was holding that was shiny. So she ran to him and asked him to let her see his neat toy! He, thank God, showed her without a fight. Yep, it was a pocket knife. Now had this been public school and he was older, that would be considered a weapon. Not at my former center. My former director called the mother who of course denied knowing he had it and then confessed that he must ve gone in her purse when she wasn't looking.

Anyway the mother called back later saying she was pulling L of our center because she felt like we were all against her and her son. And that since we were always telling her about his awful days she just doesn't want to bring him to us anymore. However she will wait until Friday for his last day (this was Monday)

Long story short, my former director told the mother that we would be "willing to work with L and his behavior issues" I was like WHAT?!?!? This kid could have stabbed ANYONE. Yet nothing was done.

So anyway Jen, while I totally agree that the child is probably needing adjusting, I also believe you souldn't deal with the abuse. No one should.

Former Teacher,

i know what you mean when you talk about working at a center and how things get overlooked. i worked for a "chain daycare" and they overlooked a LOT because they wanted the $$$. the director isn't the one getting hit or spit on - she's the one collecting the checks. it's her job to make you feel appreciated and give you advice (even if she knows it's useless) and to make the parents feel like everything is wonderful in order to keep that cash flow.

comparing daycare to school is like comparing apples to oranges. for one thing - schools are non profit. that's the MAIN difference. for another thing - teachers in schools get more benefits and respect than daycare workers - by the administration AND the parents. i've had daycare parents come and go week after week without ever asking how their child was doing or speaking to me. i've had parent teacher conferences where i thought the parent was going to have a nervous breakdown from nervousness. we had conference night at daycare and there would be a handful of people show up. conferences at school had a waiting area and parents dressed up like they were going for an interview and would take off work to be there.

when i was working at the chain daycare, there was a 9 year old girl who had asked 2 other girls if they wanted to help her kill me. this kid was one of those that knew WAY too much. she'd roll her eyes. one time she asked a boy if he knew what a "blow dryer" was and explained to him what a BJ was (not a blow DRYER) was. she knew in detail what it was....she just misunderstood whoever she heard talking about sex in front of her. anyhow, most of the kids loved me, but we butted heads because she obviously thought she was grown. the little girls she tried to get in on the plot to kill me came and told me about it. when i confronted her, she admitted it. do you remember what happened to those 3rd graders who plotted to kill their teacher and then brought duct tape/rope, etc. to school? it was NATIONAL news!! there was a little boy who spit on me when i was teaching and it was taken VERY seriously. i was actually his favorite person in the school and he did it because he was jealous of the attention i was giving another child. his mother got called at work. a report went in his file. he had to apologize and he REALLY was sorry. his mom ended up taking him to the doctor to be evaluated after that incident. you know what happened when the girl at daycare was plotting to murder me by her own words and admission? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! there are a few reasons that being a teacher is more rewarding than being an employee at a daycare - one is money and the other is RESPECT. the director at that daycare even said, "if she did that at school, she'd be in BIG trouble!" i was like yeah, exactly! too bad i was a measley daycare employee.

it's all about the money when you work in a place like that. they're making more money from one family (with 2 kids) than they're paying you. it would be more profitable to get rid of you and keep a family with two children than it would be to keep you and terminate a family. and as i said, it's all about the profit. in schools - the teacher is more valuable than one or two disruptive students. that's the difference.

[JenNJ]

I am 100% sure this IS failure to adjust. He is 2 years old. He doesn't have the impulse control needed to stop himself from hitting. It is totally typical toddler behavior and I have had other kids hit and kick at me before as well.

The reason this is different is because he is so angry when he does it that he throws himself on the floor kicking and screaming and I am worried about the other kids. He weighs more than my 4 year old so it is very likely that he could seriously injure one of my dck.

Is hitting acceptable in my daycare? No. Is it something that I would work on in a different situation? Yes. But I feel like this child is not a good match for my daycare or my current group of kids. I feel that he needs a different environment for care, somewhere where there is more than one caregiver so there is someone to focus on his needs and help him acclimate to the situation without disrupting the other children.