How Would You Handle...

[Logged out]

DCB, age 2 (27 months so a new 2) is a very physical child. He is always in motion:running, jumping, climbing, throwing, and hitting. He is really a very sweet, loving, creative, fun child. That is just how he is wired. When I hear the expression "all boy" I think of him. I know his behavior is entirely age appropriate. It is not always acceptable (running inside, hitting others) but it is certainly not unusual for age 2. His mother is extremely sensitive about his behavior. She is very careful to correct him when he does something unacceptable and fully supports my guidance techniques. Well, twice over the past two weeks another child's father has made comments about DCB. Once he commented that he seemed "more aggressive" than his brother and today he made a face when he dropped off his child and DCB took a toy away from a child and swatted at her. I was sitting with the children, playing with them and handled the situation quickly and, I think, effectively. I caught the look on DCD's face and informed him, "You know, D***** is really a very loving, affectionate child. Sometimes when he is physical it is because he doesn't yet know how to interact in another way. He really loves his friends." DCD responded, "Really? Oh ok," and sounded like he genuinely heard what I said. I mentioned the incident to DCB's mom at pick-up and immediately regretted it when she got upset. I reassured her that DCB's behavior is not "out of control" or "too much" - he is a little boy! I am super annoyed that the DCD feels like he needs to judge the other children. It really is annoying that he felt the need to do so after two very short observations. I feel like I need to say something more... I feel this need to defend DCB. Would you just let it go or would you set DCD straight?

[cheerfuldom]

DCB, age 2 (27 months so a new 2) is a very physical child. He is always in motion:running, jumping, climbing, throwing, and hitting. He is really a very sweet, loving, creative, fun child. That is just how he is wired. When I hear the expression "all boy" I think of him. I know his behavior is entirely age appropriate. It is not always acceptable (running inside, hitting others) but it is certainly not unusual for age 2. His mother is extremely sensitive about his behavior. She is very careful to correct him when he does something unacceptable and fully supports my guidance techniques. Well, twice over the past two weeks another child's father has made comments about DCB. Once he commented that he seemed "more aggressive" than his brother and today he made a face when he dropped off his child and DCB took a toy away from a child and swatted at her. I was sitting with the children, playing with them and handled the situation quickly and, I think, effectively. I caught the look on DCD's face and informed him, "You know, D***** is really a very loving, affectionate child. Sometimes when he is physical it is because he doesn't yet know how to interact in another way. He really loves his friends." DCD responded, "Really? Oh ok," and sounded like he genuinely heard what I said. I mentioned the incident to DCB's mom at pick-up and immediately regretted it when she got upset. I reassured her that DCB's behavior is not "out of control" or "too much" - he is a little boy! I am super annoyed that the DCD feels like he needs to judge the other children. It really is annoying that he felt the need to do so after two very short observations. I feel like I need to say something more... I feel this need to defend DCB. Would you just let it go or would you set DCD straight?

absolutely let it go. You need to pick your battles as a daycare provider and nit picking on the face you saw a parent make or the comment you heard is just asking for trouble. Continue an open and professional discussion with the parents as issues come up, but dont berate them with your opinions and try to "fix" the attitude you think you are seeing. While it may seem that Dad was judging from two short encounters, arent you doing the same thing? Judging Dad from these two encounters?

[daycare]

first off, you need to stop trying to defend any of your DCKs behavior to any of the parents. I would not do that any more.

Also, I would not be running to tell DCM that another DCP is upset at her child's behavior.

I think that if you keep doing this, you are going to see fireworks go off and not in a good way.

I personally think that his behavior does sound a bit aggressive for a child his age, but if you work with the child daily, so I guess you would know better than I would.

I always say what happens here happens here, unless the child is hurting others, themselves, or any of my property/toys/equipment then you need to just let it go.

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I hear ya cheerfuldom. Maybe I am being oversensitive about this DCD's comments because he has made other inappropriate comments about other things in the past. This urge to defend the children is hard to fight sometimes!

[Logged out]

first off, you need to stop trying to defend any of your DCKs behavior to any of the parents. I would not do that any more.

Also, I would not be running to tell DCM that another DCP is upset at her child's behavior.

I think that if you keep doing this, you are going to see fireworks go off and not in a good way.

I personally think that his behavior does sound a bit aggressive for a child his age, but if you work with the child daily, so I guess you would know better than I would.

I always say what happens here happens here, unless the child is hurting others, themselves, or any of my property/toys/equipment then you need to just let it go.

Sigh. Yes, I realize that it was a mistake sharing it with DCB's mom. I didn't do it in a catty, "run and tell" kind of way. We were talking about DCB's behavior (as we do almost daily) and it all just kind of came out. I am a very sensitive person so these things tend to sit with me.

[cheerfuldom]

okay I will backtrack and say that I misunderstood a portion of the post. I thought the DCD was commenting about his own child, not other children.

But anyway, in general, I dont address anything with parents unless it is something they can change and that needs to be changed. I REALLY pick my battles. The majority of random comments from parents I just ignore because otherwise I would be getting worked up several times a day! Keep your sanity and just learn to let things go. that doesnt mean that Dad is in the right, it just means that you cant drive yourself crazy trying to change every single thing.