AP and Child Care

[renodeb]

I dont think AP is realistic in a child care setting. I'm not a big advocate of the whole idea of it. (dont shoot me) There is something a little bit dettached from reality in the therory. Children need to learn how to cope, not be shelterd from it. To me they are not being given the tools to cope in the real world. What I have gotten from the few apers that Ive known is a "why isnt every one doing it attitude". I certainly dont think it would mesh well in a dc situation. JMO!
Sorry for my bluntness, I hope I didnt poke to many hornets nests!
Debbie

[cheerfuldom]

interesting thread.

I am supportive of AP in general and practice some of it in our home. I am fine with considering anything really as long as it is not disruptive and realistic to group care.

I do wear infants but certainly not toddlers or preschoolers and I dont promise that babies will be held at all times or responded to immediately at all times. I have had some "worn" babies do just fine on their own, others want constant holding.

I dont care if parents co sleep at home as long as children are able to nap independently here. I have had several co-sleepers able to make the transitions, other did not.

I am absolutely supportive of extended breast feeding but baby must be able to take a bottle while in my care.

Really, it is about the individual parents and the individual child. I dont count any parent out just because they are APers nor do I count anyone out because they arent. To be honest, I have had several families that are not AP and children are nurtured and "attached" despite that. I have had some AP families where children were so needy they did not know how to play on their own or do anything for themselves even up to 3 and 4 years old.

I dont think the label AP means anything. Parents arent guaranteed any type of relationship or type of child just because they do or do not practice this method.

In a general way, the vast majority of hard core APers will not find a good match for childcare outside of a nanny. Hard core APing means A LOT of time and attention and physical contact between parent/provide and child and lets face it, this is not realistic for anyone with more than two kids. I find most AP families to be single or double child homes. Once you add that third or more child, things HAVE to change. There are always exceptions out there....super moms that seem to be able to do more but in general, APers need to be flexible when looking for daycare, and more flexible as the ratio of kids to provider grows.

[MNMum]

I think all the previous posts made many of the points I was going to say. A few things I wanted to add.

I extended bf, co-slept, and baby carried when necessary. I wouldn't say I was 100% AP, but many of the things made sense to me. However, when I put my children into a childcare arrangement or even a babysitter, I never expected they would do any of these things. I expected they would meet my babies/toddlers needs as they would any other child. My kids always did fine with babysitters. With my 3rd, he went to a center occasionally as a baby. I don't think they expected to be cared for in the same way. But mostly, I was comfortable and confident when I dropped them off, and I think kids can sense that.

It's not possible to do all this in a child care setting. You can't say I'm 100% AP except the working aspect. The biggest contributing factor with AP is that the parent needs to be with the child. Maybe a grandparent, close friend, or exceptional nanny could meet the baby's needs in the same way. Basically, many things are put on hold while the infant is soo young. Which works at home, because there isn't always a tiny infant around, they grow up! In a daycare setting, there are babies around all the time. You can't put off cooking or cleaning forever. I could do this for my daycare clients - IF they wanted to pay for an additional cook, housekeeper, and preschool assistant. At my rates, that's not feasible!

[SilverSabre25]

Completely agree.


I'm not sure why but many people assume Attachment Parenting means being physically connected to a child 24/7/365.

The premise behind it is merely to be responsive so as to create a child is who is confident that their needs will be met. That in turn creates a more secure, capable and independent individual in the future.


My daughter HATED being worn and loathed snuggling so I didn't push it. There is so much more to it than having a child touching you every minute of every day. You listen to the child and what they're telling you they need, that is what is offered.

(I then secretly begged God to send me the opposite and that's exactly what I got when my son was born )


If the product of AP is a child who is whiney, spoiled or otherwise very poorly behaved that's not the fault of the theory or methods, it's the fault of the parents for either carrying them out to the extreme or falling short elsewhere.....as can happen with any parenting style.

Precisely!!

Furthermore, something that a lot of parents, regardless of parenting style, seem to forget that it's okay to still be a person with needs, feelings, and an identity *outside* of the child and the child's needs. In fact, in an approach I'm loving quite a bit right now (which doesn't have a name because it's just how the French do things as a culture--Read "Bringing Up Bebe" for more info!), the parent actually puts his/her needs first, in order to be a better parent.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Basically This. <-- http://www.babyhawk.com/

I can do most activities with a carrier. I don't like the most popular Ergo <-- http://store.ergobaby.com/ But, it's just not as user friendly to me. I don't know why I can't manage it...everybody else seems to.

I am not, nor have I ever been an extreme AP person. I don't use punishments, I don't allow crying it out, and I'll carry the baby (because it's easier for me)

I hated the idea of extended breast feeding (love it for anybody else, just not me) I REALLY hated the idea of bed sharing.

I expect kids to be almost fully self sufficient BY age three, if not before. I am not into coddling, or saying "The baby" when he's two. I expect far more from the kids than most parents do.

I am a cross between Free Range and Attachment parenting.

We are a good mixture as well.

[Chambermaid08]

I guess I am one of the few here that feels this way.

I don't have an issue with AP'ers. What everyone chooses to do with their children is great as long as it works for them. My issue was her insistence that I adhere to those strict guidelines. Which is why I don't think this style of parenting meshes well with a daycare environment. If the provider chooses to do it with their children then it's a parenting choice. I just think it's unrealistic to expect someone else to care for your child in such a way. I won't wear a baby all day, every day. Every now and then if they are fussy is fine but not all the time. I don't think it's fair to the other children. If I have that baby on me at all times (per mom's request of not being alone, not to let it cry, needs to sleep on me etc.) I can't play with them like I usually do. I get on the floor and play with them most of the day. I can't run with them, I can't kick a ball with them, heck, I can't even hold them if I have a baby on me all the time. I wouldn't feel comfortable cooking lunch (what would happen if the kid got burnt?). I just don't think it's right. I'm paid to take care of all of the children equally and if I'm only able to continually meet basic needs for some and all the needs of another, I don't feel I'm being a good caregiver to the other children.

I'm sorry if this thread or this post offended anyone. Once again, I'm not roping all AP'ers into a group. Just this particular one.

[Crystal]

I don't think you offended anyone.

What you did do was open up a dialogue about a very important topic, which is a good thing!

As more and more parents are practicing AP (especially with more Mom's waiting until they are older to have children) providers need to start thinking about how they feel about it....if they could be supportive of it....if they could work with an AP child and meet that childs needs, as the AP child's needs WILL be very different than a child who has lived the CIO, less "hands-on" approach to parenting. Providers need to KNOW what AP is, they need to THINK about it, BEFORE an AP parent calls for an interview. They need to KNOW before they enroll a child who is an AP baby if they can do the work that it entails to provide care for them. And, if they don't feel that they can, then in the best interests of the child, provider and parent, it's best to say PASS!

[cheerfuldom]

I guess I am one of the few here that feels this way.

I don't have an issue with AP'ers. What everyone chooses to do with their children is great as long as it works for them. My issue was her insistence that I adhere to those strict guidelines. Which is why I don't think this style of parenting meshes well with a daycare environment. If the provider chooses to do it with their children then it's a parenting choice. I just think it's unrealistic to expect someone else to care for your child in such a way. I won't wear a baby all day, every day. Every now and then if they are fussy is fine but not all the time. I don't think it's fair to the other children. If I have that baby on me at all times (per mom's request of not being alone, not to let it cry, needs to sleep on me etc.) I can't play with them like I usually do. I get on the floor and play with them most of the day. I can't run with them, I can't kick a ball with them, heck, I can't even hold them if I have a baby on me all the time. I wouldn't feel comfortable cooking lunch (what would happen if the kid got burnt?). I just don't think it's right. I'm paid to take care of all of the children equally and if I'm only able to continually meet basic needs for some and all the needs of another, I don't feel I'm being a good caregiver to the other children.

I'm sorry if this thread or this post offended anyone. Once again, I'm not roping all AP'ers into a group. Just this particular one.

Dont feel bad to say that this type of parent is not the right fit for you! I actually think more people agreed with you than you think. I would never promise to do any of the things this mom was asking for. I do what I can but would absolutely turn away a parent that was demanding nanny style care and not realistic in their expectations.

[Nickel]

I did want to add that even though a parent is AP doesn't mean a provider still can't care for their child... My oldest was in a daycare center and we still breastfed and coslept and she wasn't left to cio, either at the center or home and she is a well adjusted, flexible little girl now 10. My other dd I stayed home with until she was 2. We still co sleep at night, she was breastfed until she was 1, was never left to cio or anything and my provider had 0 problems with her when I started school. She would lay down and go right to sleep for her. I just made it clear that I didn't agree with cio. And I think many parents are going that route.

An child whose parent practices AP doesn't necessarily mean more work for the provider, unless they are trying to push that care onto the provider, as in the OP. In that sense it is not realistic to expect a provider with multiple children to be able to do that. I understood that when both my daughters went to daycare. I knew that occasionally they would have to cry for a few minutes because there were multiple children. But I also selected facilities with low ratios and adequate staff to ensure that time was minimized.

I think most parents just want to know that there child isn't going to be in their car seat all day, is going to be held and talked to, and isn't going to be left alone to cry. That their cries will be answered. And I think most providers do all of this anyway. I mean, sure baby might have to cry a minute or two while you finish diapers or get lunch together, but most people aren't going to stick an infant in a room and close the door.

I wasn't offended by anything anyone posted. It is a different style from back in the day when parents thought it was good to let a baby cry. To each his own. But not all AP parents are the same, so take each family as they come. Let families know what you can and cannot do so that neither one of you is surprised or disappointed down the road.