AP and Child Care

[Chambermaid08]

I have a question/comment/story. I'm fairly new to this child care industry and I currently have one opening. I have my child and an 8 month old. My child is 2 and very very busy. The baby crawls and is starting to pull up, also very very busy. I recently had a mom call me about child care. She has a 3 month old. One of the first things mom says to me is "We are big into attachment parenting and we expect that our parenting style is carried over at your house." I have a vague idea of what attachment parenting is but I know that not everyone adheres to every rule so I played dumb and asked her to elaborate. Basically, she adheres to every rule but the staying at home. She said she wears baby all day and he won't sleep anywhere but on her she expects that here. She wants his cries responded to immediately and that requests that no TV be on during the time her child is here and that he not be left by himself. There were many others but these were the one's that stuck out the most to me. I told her I didn't think their situation was a good fit here. She got angry then. She said "You are the 7th place I've called that has told me the same thing. What do you people do with kids all day? Plop them in front of the TV while you eat candy?" :confused: So I told her the truth. I just don't have time for that kind of thing. I have 2 very active children in my care and responding immediately to a cry and wearing a baby all the time is impossible in my situation. It's fine if you choose to practice it at home but in most child care settings, we just don't have time. I told her if she wanted that kind of individualized care she needed a nanny. Then the weirdest thing of all happened. She thanked me for telling her the truth. She said she wished more places were as honest with her as I was. So here comes my question, I know that not everyone is upfront about their parenting styles when they enter a child care arrangement for different reasons. Has anyone had trouble with a parent like this before? How do you handle it? Do you adhere to their requests? I know AP is becoming more and more popular (at least in my area). Do you feel that style of parenting meshes well with child care?

[Willow]

I am a huge advocate of AP, it's what I practiced with my own kids.

It was important to me so I stayed/worked from home so I could tend to their needs in the ways I felt were best.


I do try to utilize a lot of AP techniques in my daycare and go so far as to thump it on my website, but it is impossible to go all in in a childcare setting. There are too many other kids, too many rules and regulations that prohibit much of it, and too many variables day to day to guarantee anything.

As with every interview with any kind of parent I am honest about what I can *shoot* for and what is likely not going to happen due to the circumstances.


Someone looking for all in needs to either stay home themselves or get as close as they can by obtaining a stay at home nanny.

[Blackcat31]

Do you feel that style of parenting meshes well with child care?

::::::::

No.

Attachment Parenting = "Parenting" being the operative word here.

I don't parent anyone's child. I care for them while the parent is working.

If a parent wants to use that method of caring for their child, major kudos to them as I do believe it is a great way to raise your children but again, for the parent to raise their child....not for a child care provider to use.

AP'ing and child care RARELY mix.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

We are AP parents (to an extent...).

But, do I think you can actually do AP for a client? No. There is no such thing as AP in a daycare setting unless you have a very small number of children present (2?) AND you love AP and practice it already. There are Moms of twins who wear one on the front and one on the back all of the time, and if you already were practicing AP with one child then it wouldn't be too difficult to do so for another. But, if you aren't already then it would completely change your daycare.

When I was a nanny I was able to do AP for a family...

[youretooloud]

I am very into attachment parenting. But, the TV is a deal breaker. I don't plop them in front of it, but there are days where the tv is on all morning, or all afternoon. I have had days where is was on most of the day.

Sleeping on me would also be a deal breaker. I'll wear a baby his entire awake time, but he or she is sleeping in a crib, or cradle...not on me.

I love baby wearing, and can't imagine how people get anything done without it.

I respond to cries as soon as I can. I do not use cry it out methods. (unless I have been asked to by parents, or I honestly have no other choice)

Babies here actually rarely cry. A few exceptions sure..but, for the most part, they just don't really cry much.

[Nickel]

I am and was an AP parent. I don't believe in letting a baby cio or leaving children alone. They need to be held and loved. That being said, it is nearly impossibly to be perfectly AP in child care setting. And realized this quickly and I've been doing home daycare for 2 mnths? The baby realistically cannot sleep on you. That just isn't going to happen. However they can still sleep safely in a bassinet, play pen, crib, etc. Mine here usually fall asleep while feeding, anyway and I just lay them down. Sometimes I pat them to sleep while I do other thigns. Sometimes they sit hapily in the swing or bouncy. Occasionally I have to wear one of them because they are crying and I don't have time to rock and smooth. I don't wear them to sleep, but just so I can get some things done.

I would tell her you can accomodate some of those things, but realistically you cannot always answer her cry the very minute she cries. And because of safety guidelines, you cannot wear her to sleep. But let her know that her child is cared for and you do hold, cuddle, and play with the infants. I think the main thing is that they aren't left alone, their cries are answered in a reasonable amount of time and they are not left to CIO.

I'm not sure if that helped at all,,,

[DaisyMamma]

I say no thanks!

There is no way I would do this. I'm utterly and COMPLETELY the opposite. I think infants shouldn't be held all the time, should not be picked up as soon as they cry and should be able to soothe themselves to sleep. BUT that's me and my opinion.

What are your views?
If you don't agree, are you willing to do it the way dcm asks? If so, will you get sick of it?

If you decide to do it, charge double. Lol jk....sort of...

[crazydaycarelady]

Do you feel that style of parenting meshes well with child care?

Absolutely Not!

I had an AP family awhile back. I wasn't very familiar with AP when I agreed to it but I gave it a shot. It was 2+ years of he!! on Earth! In the dc setting they were the whiniest, neediest, most unpleasant children to be around. Dcm suggested I wear the baby in a sling. She obviously has absolutely NO idea what I do during the day, how many times I get onto the floor and up from the floor and how much time I spend bent over. It was horrible, just awful, terrible.

If parents want to do AP that is fine with me but it does not work unless a parents is actually with them doing the parenting.

[spud912]

I just have a quick question for those who do APing. I guess I could never figure it out myself and it's why APing would never work for me (for my own children). How do you cook/prepare meals, clean and help older children with homework? I think cooking and preparing meals is downright dangerous when holding a child (I don't care if the baby is on my back!). Maybe I'm unusual in that most of my meal preparation involves chopping with a sharp knife and standing over a splattering stove top, all of which adds up to about 2 hours per day. Second, cleaning would be really difficult for me. I'm pretty particular with cleaning and it involves me bending over, sitting on the floor, and standing on things to clean up above. Again, this takes up approximately 1 hour of my day. Lastly, I spend about at least an hour doing preschool and arts and crafts projects with my older child and daycare children. Again, this involves bending or stooping over, going back and forth, sitting on the floor, and using both my hands. I've found that when I'm holding an infant in one of the carriers, bending over and getting up and down are very difficult to do. Maybe it's my body and how the infant is placed, but I really feel like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle.

Yes, I can do AP'ing, but that would mean I would have to eliminate or drastically cut down on all 3 of those activities, which would make me extremely frustrated and unhappy. Unhappy me = unhappy everyone. I don't know, I held both of my children a lot, but they spent plenty of time not being held so I could get things done (yes, even as a little newborn). Both of my children are extremely attached to me, yet confident little individuals. I think it's absolutely great that others can do it, I guess it's just not for me and they ended up ok .

[daycarediva]

I am and was an AP parent. I don't believe in letting a baby cio or leaving children alone. They need to be held and loved. That being said, it is nearly impossibly to be perfectly AP in child care setting. And realized this quickly and I've been doing home daycare for 2 mnths? The baby realistically cannot sleep on you. That just isn't going to happen. However they can still sleep safely in a bassinet, play pen, crib, etc. Mine here usually fall asleep while feeding, anyway and I just lay them down. Sometimes I pat them to sleep while I do other thigns. Sometimes they sit hapily in the swing or bouncy. Occasionally I have to wear one of them because they are crying and I don't have time to rock and smooth. I don't wear them to sleep, but just so I can get some things done.

I would tell her you can accomodate some of those things, but realistically you cannot always answer her cry the very minute she cries. And because of safety guidelines, you cannot wear her to sleep. But let her know that her child is cared for and you do hold, cuddle, and play with the infants. I think the main thing is that they aren't left alone, their cries are answered in a reasonable amount of time and they are not left to CIO.

I'm not sure if that helped at all,,,

I agree with this. I had an AP family come into my daycare, I just explained that in a group setting, I couldn't be perfectly AP. There were times when I was with the other kids that I would HAVE to put someones more pressing needs in front of her dd's less pressing ones. I wore her dd (I love baby wearing though and wore all four of my kids) and only put her down for naps or play time in front of me. She was a great sleeper too! She is 4 now!

I think that there is never really a time when parenting styles match perfectly. When I interviewed, I told her that I liked the AP philosophy and applied it to care as much as possible. I did tell her the concessions about safe sleeping while here and such, and was very upfront.

[littlemissmuffet]

I am completely against AP, and do not agree with the methods used with it at all. The first question I ask in interviews are about the potential clients parenting styles - if they are 100% APers, I don't/can't take them on because it just never works out for my program - even if they don't expect me to AP with child... I just find that those children aren't very well adjusted or daycare-ready (even after months of tryiong to transition them here).

If a parent chooses to AP, that's fine, but they either need to stay home with child until school-age or hire a nanny, because expecting a childcare provider of multiple children to parent your kid (especially the way you do) is completely ridiculous!

[Sugar Magnolia]

Avoid! For your sanity, please.

[SilverSabre25]

First and foremost, as an AP'er (I'm lots of other things too though...loving Magda Gerber/RIE right now), I have to debunk the myth that Attachment Parenting is an all-or-nothing style. At it's heart, it's about treating babies with respect and care that is responsive to their individual needs and desires.

If I were you, since it is so popular, I would read up on it. Many of the principles are very sound --though often carried out to extremes. Read up on the whats and whys and hows, and then find some ways you can "sell" your care style to Attachment Parents. Find some ways you can do things, or ways you DO do things, and sell that. Then when parents call up saying "Do you do attachment parenting in you daycare?" you have something ready and you can say something like, "While Attachment Parenting does not work 100% in a group care setting, I do.......and I'm unable to...."

[youretooloud]

I just have a quick question for those who do APing. I guess I could never figure it out myself and it's why APing would never work for me (for my own children). How do you cook/prepare meals, clean and help older children with homework? I think cooking and preparing meals is downright dangerous when holding a child (I don't care if the baby is on my back!). Maybe I'm unusual in that most of my meal preparation involves chopping with a sharp knife and standing over a splattering stove top, all of which adds up to about 2 hours per day. Second, cleaning would be really difficult for me. I'm pretty particular with cleaning and it involves me bending over, sitting on the floor, and standing on things to clean up above. Again, this takes up approximately 1 hour of my day. Lastly, I spend about at least an hour doing preschool and arts and crafts projects with my older child and daycare children. Again, this involves bending or stooping over, going back and forth, sitting on the floor, and using both my hands. I've found that when I'm holding an infant in one of the carriers, bending over and getting up and down are very difficult to do. Maybe it's my body and how the infant is placed, but I really feel like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle.

Yes, I can do AP'ing, but that would mean I would have to eliminate or drastically cut down on all 3 of those activities, which would make me extremely frustrated and unhappy. Unhappy me = unhappy everyone. I don't know, I held both of my children a lot, but they spent plenty of time not being held so I could get things done (yes, even as a little newborn). Both of my children are extremely attached to me, yet confident little individuals. I think it's absolutely great that others can do it, I guess it's just not for me and they ended up ok .

Basically This. <-- http://www.babyhawk.com/

I can do most activities with a carrier. I don't like the most popular Ergo <-- http://store.ergobaby.com/ But, it's just not as user friendly to me. I don't know why I can't manage it...everybody else seems to.

I am not, nor have I ever been an extreme AP person. I don't use punishments, I don't allow crying it out, and I'll carry the baby (because it's easier for me)

I hated the idea of extended breast feeding (love it for anybody else, just not me) I REALLY hated the idea of bed sharing.

I expect kids to be almost fully self sufficient BY age three, if not before. I am not into coddling, or saying "The baby" when he's two. I expect far more from the kids than most parents do.

I am a cross between Free Range and Attachment parenting.

[Willow]

Many of the principles are very sound --though often carried out to extremes.

Completely agree.


I'm not sure why but many people assume Attachment Parenting means being physically connected to a child 24/7/365.

The premise behind it is merely to be responsive so as to create a child is who is confident that their needs will be met. That in turn creates a more secure, capable and independent individual in the future.


My daughter HATED being worn and loathed snuggling so I didn't push it. There is so much more to it than having a child touching you every minute of every day. You listen to the child and what they're telling you they need, that is what is offered.

(I then secretly begged God to send me the opposite and that's exactly what I got when my son was born )


If the product of AP is a child who is whiney, spoiled or otherwise very poorly behaved that's not the fault of the theory or methods, it's the fault of the parents for either carrying them out to the extreme or falling short elsewhere.....as can happen with any parenting style.