Why Is It That One DCF Can Burn You Out??

[wahmof3]

I have posted about issues with this family before and had great feedback!

But I could just cry right now. I try really hard to be nice and professional and HATE coming across as the "babysitter with an attitude" (and that's putting it nicely)

I know this career is right for me at this moment, but some of these DCP make it very hard. I often ask myself if it IS the right thing for me.

I have this one family that Blackcat has helped me out so much with!!

But why is that some DCP just don't get how home child care works????

Today I finally verbally addressed the late pick up issue, but honestly I don't think they will get it and then complain because I am not flexible for them. This is the family that never gave me contracted hours in writing but said DCC would seldom be here past 345.

How do you NOT let ONE DCF burn you out and how do you prevent it for the next DCF you enroll??

I honestly don't think the concept of home child care is that hard to understand. IMO & I have been on both sides.

Thanks for the vent.

[cheerfuldom]

Do you have a written agreement now?

The only way to prevent this is to have EVERYTHING in writing before hand and hold the parents to it. Even then, there will be drama. Its part of the job. But holding parents to verbal agreements almost never works.

I am sure that BlackCat told you all those and your life will be much easier if you just hold fast to your policies. Term the drama families and start over if need be.

[wahmof3]

Yes we have a written agreement (which is getting re-written as we speak) & I have an excellent policy book, they just don't get it.

And what I don't get it why is it that when I do stand up for myself, contract, policy book I am the "bad guy"????

What is happening is that I am to the point that I don't care how *itchy I come across......... if this DCF decides to leave then see ya later!!

I hate feeling this way!

[daycare]

it does stink that one family can tear you down and take you out. As they say it only takes one to ruin it for everyone else.

I had this happen to me before.

If you don't already have their hours in writing, I would be making sure that I have it now. Meaning, pick up the phone, call the parents, talk to them about it, come to an agreement and let them know the consequences if they do not follow the contract. Then email the contract to them and tell them that they must have this turned in before you will provide care for the child. So if the child returns tomorrow, then they need that in your hot little hand first thing tomorrow morning. I would not beat around the bush about it anymore.

I think that we all often more times than not are very passive with our policeis and the parents just think oh well since she didnt' say or do anything it must not be a big deal.

I am sure that BC told you that communication is your golden ticket. You have to spell things out for some parents. If they are not following the rules, then you have to assume that they don;t get it and you need to just flat out spell it out for them.

Don't let one family get you down over something like this. Take control, tell them what you want and expect and if they don't comply, then get ready for the family to leave. One family that is a PITA is not worth having to deal with every day if you ask me. I would rather have less money in my pocket.....

Good luck to you.....

[daycare]

Yes we have a written agreement (which is getting re-written as we speak) & I have an excellent policy book, they just don't get it.

And what I don't get it why is it that when I do stand up for myself, contract, policy book I am the "bad guy"????

What is happening is that I am to the point that I don't care how *itchy I come across......... if this DCF decides to leave then see ya later!!

I hate feeling this way!

can I show you how I write letters to the families when things are not going the way that they should be..... I will PM it to you....this way you don't ever sound or feel like the bad guy.

[momofboys]

can I show you how I write letters to the families when things are not going the way that they should be..... I will PM it to you....this way you don't ever sound or feel like the bad guy.

Can you please PM me this letter also??? Thank you

[daycare]

I'm not at home right now but will do it first thing tomorrow
Promise.

[daycarediva]

I have a dcf that follows every single policy to a T, they never deviate, but the Mom drives me NUTS. She is nitpicky and ALWAYS asks for special. I am CONSTANTLY restating my policies to her, yesterday she said well we are on vacation next week what should your check be for? Me: Regular amount, have a great time on vacation! I mean, she has been here for two years, you would think she checked the parent handbook the FIRST time I said parent's don't have a vacation policy as you pay for a spot.

[bunnyslippers]

I don't know why it happens...but it sure does happen. I think it is that whole "one bad apple" thing. I had a family give me a hard time yesterday, b/c I have to close on Friday for a funeral. I told all the families that this was coming and to be ready for it over a month ago. Everyone took it well, except for ONE mother who was put off b/c it is a holiday weekend here and so she can't get time off on Friday. Every other family took it very well. I stewed about it for a while last night, and then decided that I just don't care. She can leave if she doesn't like how I do things.

I think in a situation like yours, it is best to address it directly. It is very difficult to do, but once you confront it head on, I think you will feel better. When it comes to pick up and drop off times, I think even the best families will take advantage if you let them. It is so important to be clear and make sure that you have it written down.

In the past, when I have had families that are chronically late, I make it a point in the morning to say, "Who is picking up this afternoon? Please make sure they are here by ___. I close at 4:00, and need to be in my car by 4:01. I can't have late pick-ups." This strategy worked well with my one very late family.

Good luck, and be direct!

[wahmof3]

I don't know why it happens...but it sure does happen. I think it is that whole "one bad apple" thing. I had a family give me a hard time yesterday, b/c I have to close on Friday for a funeral. I told all the families that this was coming and to be ready for it over a month ago. Everyone took it well, except for ONE mother who was put off b/c it is a holiday weekend here and so she can't get time off on Friday. Every other family took it very well. I stewed about it for a while last night, and then decided that I just don't care. She can leave if she doesn't like how I do things.

I think in a situation like yours, it is best to address it directly. It is very difficult to do, but once you confront it head on, I think you will feel better. When it comes to pick up and drop off times, I think even the best families will take advantage if you let them. It is so important to be clear and make sure that you have it written down.

In the past, when I have had families that are chronically late, I make it a point in the morning to say, "Who is picking up this afternoon? Please make sure they are here by ___. I close at 4:00, and need to be in my car by 4:01. I can't have late pick-ups." This strategy worked well with my one very late family.

Good luck, and be direct!

I can totally relate! This DCF had a fit because I had to go to jury duty a couple weeks ago. They were ticked bc they had to take that monday off & I wouldn't know for sure until Sunday evening if I was to report. What am I supposed to do? If I didn't show up I would be breaking the law!
Funny thing is the DCM took off thursday & friday that week!!!

My policy clearly states the DCP has to have a back up plan for days I need off- which aren't too many.

I like the way you addressed your late pick ups. This week I started hanging a sign on the door reminding them of required pick up times. I hate hanging signs on my door, but if it works.

[wahmof3]

I have a dcf that follows every single policy to a T, they never deviate, but the Mom drives me NUTS. She is nitpicky and ALWAYS asks for special. I am CONSTANTLY restating my policies to her, yesterday she said well we are on vacation next week what should your check be for? Me: Regular amount, have a great time on vacation! I mean, she has been here for two years, you would think she checked the parent handbook the FIRST time I said parent's don't have a vacation policy as you pay for a spot.

This type of DCM exhausts me. I really like this DCF, they just don't understand the whole concept. I am not confrontational, but I am pretty close to having the I just don't care if they leave attitude.

[cheerfuldom]

Yes we have a written agreement (which is getting re-written as we speak) & I have an excellent policy book, they just don't get it.

And what I don't get it why is it that when I do stand up for myself, contract, policy book I am the "bad guy"????

What is happening is that I am to the point that I don't care how *itchy I come across......... if this DCF decides to leave then see ya later!!

I hate feeling this way!

you'll get used to it

right now you are focusing more on being a people pleaser and not on being a business owner. You have to learn the skill that makes you feel confident in your decisions whether someone else likes them or not. Just because someone else is upset does not mean that you did anything wrong. Dont worry....pretty soon you will get better and better at it. It doesnt make you a witch or anything.

I am sure a lot of the time, parents get it but they still dont like it. Even adults throw tantrums and about 90% of this job is dealing with parents...the kids are the easy part most of the time.

[wahmof3]

you'll get used to it

right now you are focusing more on being a people pleaser and not on being a business owner. You have to learn the skill that makes you feel confident in your decisions whether someone else likes them or not. Just because someone else is upset does not mean that you did anything wrong. Dont worry....pretty soon you will get better and better at it. It doesnt make you a witch or anything.

I am sure a lot of the time, parents get it but they still dont like it. Even adults throw tantrums and about 90% of this job is dealing with parents...the kids are the easy part most of the time.

This is EXACTLY me!! How can I "practice" being confident in my business??

I thought I did a decent job when DCD arrived late yesterday. He text me to see if DCM could pick DCC up at 4:45 & I replied No DCC needs picked up by 4:30. When he arrived still at 4:45 he said sorry was today an early pickup? I told him no I close at 4:30 and haven't told you that because when we met you told me that DCC would seldom be here past 3:45 and I don't typically give a closing time because I work on contracted hours. He said he had to stop at home and get DCC carseat that is why he is late. I REALLY REALLY wanted to say, sorry but that is not my problem. And why do I feel bad because I was responding to him being late with the facts they had told me? I didn't make up the whole seldom be past 3:45 pick up part.

I will put money on that the DCC is here until 4:30 everyday from here on out now.

I am revising their contract and giving this one more shot. If its not one thing with this DCF its another & its nothing personal. If that makes sense.

[Blackcat31]

Are you guys not seeing the correlation to how we have to treat parents and how parents treat their children?

They are "afraid" to say no or if they do, they don't do it firmly enough that the child some how feels there is room for negotiation so a struggle ensues and tantrums start until the parent can't take it any more and gives in.

That is EXACTLY what this family is doing to you. You are being firm but they are still testing and pushing boundaries because bottom line is your aren't being firm enough.

Sometimes you really do just need to say it and say it without mincing words or being polite and nice and all that jazz....kwim? Just say, "Late pick ups will NOT be tolerated. If you do it again, I will terminate." period.

Sometimes people will not listen to you until you are FIRM. They may hear you but they aren't listening so treat them like you would a daycare child or ayour own child and just tell them point blank.

You are at a definite advantage here as you are totally willing to risk them leaving so use this opportunity to tell them EXACTLY what you want and don't want them to do. Worse case scenario, they leave and you have practiced using your firmness and will now have the skills to do it in the future with anyone new who tries to push your limits.

I guess if worse comes to worse, you can give me their number and I will call them for you
Sometimes I think that would be the perfect job for me. I will call any family that needs to be reminded of the rules/policies they signed on to follow and that way the provider doesn't always have to be the bad guy.

[cheerfuldom]

the only way you will learn to do this is by doing it OP.....just like any other habit that needs to be formed. Most people are not born being authoritative, firm and confident....you have to learn how to be a leader. Non one likes confrontation and you cant wait until you like doing it in order to do it.

Life is doing things we dont like doing, right? Its just another thing. You dont like saying it, they dont like doing it.....so what, thats just life.