Has Anyone Had To Term A Nice Family Because They Wouldn't Take No For An Answer?

[sharlan]

Yeah, I just feel like I'm spinning my tires. Like, I try to do a little more to increase my income a little bit but I don't need to increase it so much that it sacrifices my family time.

BTW, this is the same DCM who told me I could have Mondays off, I took her up on it, then a week later retracted that and told me she still needed Mondays. So we worked it out that I'd be on call for just her and closed for the other families, since i had already told them. Pushover? Yes.

She's also the one who had signed her contract saying that her hours every day would be from 8 to 5. Then changed it with no notice and did it from 7am to 5:45-6pm...which is the entire time I am open. While I don't mind that she's here during that time since I am open, I was not made aware that it was happening, and that irritated me. But I never said anything.

Now suddenly, she's dropping her off at 8am and picking her up at like, 2pm, then says things like, "I probably could have picked up a few clients this afternoon but didn't want you to have to have her all day if I wasn't working", etc etc. I keep telling her I am open from 7am to 6pm, drop her off when she needs, pick her up when she needs, as long as it's in those hours I don't care, but with her rushing to pick her up because she thinks it's inconvenient for me to keep her any longer than 2pm makes me feel extremely guilty. I don't know. It's such a bizarre business relationship.

Then, on top of it, each morning she stands in my doorway for 20-30 minutes, bemoaning her financial status. Lady, my car has been parked in the driveway since December because we can't afford the repairs, you aren't getting any sympathy from me!

Ok, honestly, after reading your first post this morning, I really couldn't see what your issue was.

Now after reading this post, it makes a lot more sense as to why you are so frustrated with this parent. The best advice I can offer is to tell her plan and simple up front, I'm sorry, but I just can't do daycare outside of daycare hours. That way, if it is an emergency, you can offer it.

[cheerfuldom]

Here is what I am thinking. I don't think you necessarily SHOULD put that info in you handbook or written in your policies. I think if a family you have in care had an emergency, I would think (or hope) that they would feel alright asking you to provide care for their family because it truely was/is an emergency.

As a parent if I honestly felt close enough to my provider and a true emergency happened to me I would ask her to help me out. If I didn't feel that close to her, I would probably find a family member or friend to ask instead.

When my DD was about 3, I had her in daycare. I was due to pick her up at 3:00. Around 2:45 I found out my BIL passed away VERY tragically and unexpectedly. I called asked my provider if she would be willing to keep my DD (for how long exactly I was unsure, but for a few extra hours anyways) and she gladly accommodated me.

I couldn't ask family since it was a family issue and although my provider NEVER offered any kind of care outside of her normal business hours I figured she knew that emergencies can and do happen and completely understood why I would even ask her as my DD was used to being cared for by her so it would cause the least disruption in her life as well. If she had said no, I would have fully understood and respected her for it but I asked because we had a good relationship and viewed each other as partners in caring for my DD.

She didn't have to spell it out. I suppose it really doesn't matter if you do or don't include it in your handbook but I just wanted to share my perspective and that I think parents alreayd kind of know that in a case of a real emergency most of us would gladly help a family out.

Agree! I dont offer any outside of daycare care. I have had people ask me for a rare emergency and one time, for care during a wedding. Those I take on a case by case basis. But I never open myself up to doing anything outside of regular business hours and do not address it in my contract. I dont offer date night or anything else. That is what is easiest for me.

[saved4always]

IMHO, You may want to skip the date night offers from this point on. This will keep the after hours care issue black and white.

Offering it "sometimes" makes it grey. "If she can do it Wednesday, maybe she will do it for me Friday. I'll ask. It never hurts to ask, right?"

This is just what I was thinking...do away with the offers to anyone for date night care once a month. This mom seems to think it means that you will do after hours care of any kind. She must think she can wear you down by asking over and over.

[Chipmunk]

It sounds like she doesn't understand what she's paying for. Why is she picking up at 2 so as not to inconvenience you, then asking for evening hours to work? Why isn't the child there until 5 or whatever time you close?

It sounds like she needs to see a copy of the contract, with the time she's paying for all spelled out.

[dave4him]

Tell her you cannot offer care outside those hours.

[Unregistered]

Here is my honest opinion....

I can tell that Childcare is not something that you want to be doing but rather something you need to do in order to be home for your little ones. I totally get that because I know exactly how you feel. It makes it hard because you tend to sometimes resent the parents because quite frankly you wish those kids didn't really need to be there everyday.

You offer some extras and are really nice at first because you are really excited about the idea of being able to stay at home with your kiddies and you really want to get some daycare kids signed on. Then one day the reality of childcare hits you like a ton of bricks...the late payements, the no shows, the sick kids, the daycare parents taking advantage of you every single way they can...AND you are probably new to childcare so likely you are too nice and tend to give in but then feel really angry at yourself for giving in and feel like you are about to completely explode.

I completely know how this feels...my advice is to hang in there honey. It will get better, you will likely have to make some changes along the way and every time you stand up for yourself it will get easier and easier. (Mind you I am still WAY too nice and often still get walked all over but I've accepted that it is who I am and I can't get mad at others because I am a wimp.) Remember that this is YOUR business and you are the boss. You make the rules, not them.

I think you should revamp your contract. If you have a young family, unless you need the extra cash, I would scrap the date night as well as the emergency care policy. People always have a friend, relative or someone who can pick up within your regular daycare hours.
You have enough on your plate just taking care of these kids every day, you don't need the added stress and confusion...and if they think they can get away with it, they will take advantage of it.

Just send out a note saying - As of ........... date....... I will no longer be offering emergency or after hours care due to family obligations. My hours are from......., and all children must be picked up before closing. Thanks.

***Hugs**** to you.

[Unregistered]

Kill her with kindness

IK this is an older post but just some words of thought for anyone else who has this problem: A common problem in this field is that many parents forget that this is considered an underpaid job for all the work you do with little to no benifits if you are self-employed. Many parents see it as "professional babysitting" (a real "babysitter" would be getting paid $10/hr per kid, under the table, and free tv/food, etc.) or "just playing with kids" and forget that you a business woman/child care provider (NOT a sitter)/teacher and family woman, who has rules that you made that would work best for not only the business and children but you as the provider as well to make sure you are at the top of your game at all times.

Tell her something like this:
"I respect the fact that you do what you have to do for your family and I understand that you need after hours care, but it doesn't seem like you respect the fact that my husband and I work all day and that after hours is our time with our family. I have tried to tell you politely many times that I, too, am a businesswoman, a wife (if applicable in her situation), and a mother; and I also need time with my family. Also I set these hours so that I have enough time to do my house work, shopping, and everything else to prepare for the next day so that I can focus on all the children in my care. Caregiver burn-out is a very common problem in this field which causes many providers to give up their businesses; because, like most mothers, we want to give so much that sometimes we put the needs of other's before our own and if I spread myself too thin I am more likely to burn out sooner and then I wouldn't be in any position to properly care for anyone's children; which would upset me because I love what I do; and I would be glad to refer some actual babysitters for after hour care. But If you cant respect that and my hours don't work for you then maybe you would be happier at another FCC/DC/School etc..."

I bet that will make her think twice, if she does it again just tell her: "Maybe you would happier in a 24/7 daycare center". They are more common and popular these days, but I think that unless they do shifts or live alone and have nothing better to do they may be more likely to change hours soon or just go out of business all together due to burn out)