Has Anyone Had To Term A Nice Family Because They Wouldn't Take No For An Answer?

[cheerfuldom]

I'm sorry for sounding rude but honestly, I am sick to death of coming on here looking for advice from other providers and being constantly told (by the same few users here, mind you) that I am doing things wrong, my contract isn't specific enough, can't blame the parents for the confusion, it's my fault, blah blah blah. No freaking wonder I want out of this job. I have to constantly keep the parents in check and then get no support from fellow providers. Good gravy.

I am sorry you arent feeling supported. I would much rather you stay and learn everything you can here. There are numerous providers here that have been doing childcare for 15 or 20 plus years....they have a lot of experience to share. I think we all have more that we can learn.

I know you arent hearing what you want to hear and I agree that parents really drive us all crazy at times. But sometimes there IS something we can do to change a situation and make things better. Its important to consider that perhaps if a dozen providers are all in agreement about something that perhaps it warrants a second look at your own stance on it. No the majority is not always right but sometimes they are. You have come here asking what you should do but getting upset when people give opinions on what they think you should do.....

If you are wanting to just vent and not get any opinions on a solution, it would be best to say that. "I am just venting...please just sympathize but I am not open to changing anything here, I just need some support"

[Cat Herder]

I'm sorry for sounding rude but honestly, I am sick to death of coming on here looking for advice from other providers and being constantly told (by the same few users here, mind you) that I am doing things wrong, my contract isn't specific enough, can't blame the parents for the confusion, it's my fault, blah blah blah. No freaking wonder I want out of this job. I have to constantly keep the parents in check and then get no support from fellow providers. Good gravy.

Do you want honest advice or unconditional support?? It is hard to figure out which you want.

We can't do both if they are not one in the same.

Everyone IS trying to support you with what they learned through trial and error. Nobody is trying to judge and condemn that I can see.

ad·vice (d-vs)
n.
1. Opinion about what could or should be done about a situation or problem; counsel.
2. Information communicated; news. Often used in the plural

[MaritimeMummy]

A question about changing policy, though.

I update my contract every January and the parents all sign off on the new one. I make changes in my policy when I see a need, but I try not to change them around a time when I'm trying to deter a parent from doing something. the last time I did something like that, it turned into an all-out war and it made things extremely uncomfortable to continue caring for hte child. If they hadn't been moving soon and leaving care, I would likely have termed. I don't take terming lightly, I don't do it often. I've only ever done it once.

So, when I get the suggestion to change my policy, I think since she's asking for this service right now, that she'd take a huge offence to my changing my policies at a time when she's asking me about it...kwim? So, to avoid a big conflict, shouldn't I maybe just wait until my new contract rolls over in january? That way it's not so fresh on everyone's mind...? I don't know...what would you do?

[Cat Herder]

My opinion is that waiting until January is the way to go. It does not come off passive aggressive and is consistent.

[cheerfuldom]

A question about changing policy, though.

I update my contract every January and the parents all sign off on the new one. I make changes in my policy when I see a need, but I try not to change them around a time when I'm trying to deter a parent from doing something. the last time I did something like that, it turned into an all-out war and it made things extremely uncomfortable to continue caring for hte child. If they hadn't been moving soon and leaving care, I would likely have termed. I don't take terming lightly, I don't do it often. I've only ever done it once.

So, when I get the suggestion to change my policy, I think since she's asking for this service right now, that she'd take a huge offence to my changing my policies at a time when she's asking me about it...kwim? So, to avoid a big conflict, shouldn't I maybe just wait until my new contract rolls over in january? That way it's not so fresh on everyone's mind...? I don't know...what would you do?

In this case, I see three options

1. Change your contract right now and be ready to deal with any drama from DCM about it if she takes it personally. Just because she doesnt like it, doesnt mean you are doing something wrong

2. Continue as is and just deal with saying no over and over until new contracts come out at which point you will tighten your policy and enforce from there

3. Write her a letter and talk to her further explaining your current policy. To me "emergency" is pretty vague because while you might think this means maybe a death in the family, she might think that a week end out with friends is an emergency. You can explain EXACTLY what you think constitutes an emergency or a date night, what you need as far as notice and payment and then refer to that every time she asks. If you dont consider a girls night out or extra hours at work as an emergency, say so in your letter AND to her.

[lovemykidstoo]

It really doesn't need to be a big fight with her. Just be honest with her. I guess she is confusing me because she doesn't seem to be asking for your 1 time a month offer of date night because she said that she couldn't afford the $10 an hour. So what does she think she will pay for these other times she's asking for care. If she is asking for something other than date night, she's asking for something that is not even in your current contract so there is nothing to change, just reinforce your existing contract. You can ask her and not make it a conflict. You can even put a chuckle in it and say, Susie, you've ask me that a few times and the answer is still no haha!!

[MaritimeMummy]

If you are wanting to just vent and not get any opinions on a solution, it would be best to say that. "I am just venting...please just sympathize but I am not open to changing anything here, I just need some support"

I do appreciate solutions to my issues. But telling me that my contract is "wishy washy" isn't a suggestion of change, it's a criticism. And not constructive criticism, either.

The issues aren't with my contract. My home day care agency has read and re-read my contract and based on what we've talked about, my wants, my business needs, etc, it's fine tuned and perfect. I am always open to changes, but my contract is anything but wishy washy (can you tell I took a bit of offence to that?). I take great pride in how detailed my contract is. My problem really isn't with the contract, my problem is with learning how to deal with parents, keep them from walking over me, because they know I wear my heart on my sleeve. I mentioned in my post yesterday with closing during our sick days that I need to "grow a set". THAT is my problem. :-(

[lovemykidstoo]

Just a thought too is if you are offering everyone a 1 night a month for date night, maybe you could designate the night. For instance, the first Wednesday of every month is date night. Type a letter about it, making it seem like a big deal, and that way there are no surprises. You can plan for it, they can look forward to it and you have all the kids there on one night instead of taking up several nights a month.

[HappyHearts]

OP, I am so sorry you are feeling the way you are. I'm kind of new here, and read more then I post, just haven't found much time to respond much lately. I sympathize with you. I've been running my daycare for almost 20 years, and no matter how long I've been doing this, sometime, a parent catches me off guard, and I don't know how to respond to certain things, just like this parent with you.

My suggestion, you obviously like this family, so if this is the only problem you are having with her, I wouldn't term her. Because you don't want to change your contract right now, and I absolutely understand your reasoning there. I suggest you say something to her like this...

" Mary, We have had this discussion many times and frankly, I need you to stop. Today. I will not be doing after hours care. Period. Your continual requests are frustrating me and I am tired of the guilt trips. If you need that kind of care, please feel free to look elsewhere. If not, please stop asking. "

You can reword this to make it more personal between you and the parent, but I think this would be the best advice. This is what I would do, but I communicate quite well with all my parents, so it may be a little easier for me.

Good luck.

[lovemykidstoo]

I do appreciate solutions to my issues. But telling me that my contract is "wishy washy" isn't a suggestion of change, it's a criticism. And not constructive criticism, either.

The issues aren't with my contract. My home day care agency has read and re-read my contract and based on what we've talked about, my wants, my business needs, etc, it's fine tuned and perfect. I am always open to changes, but my contract is anything but wishy washy (can you tell I took a bit of offence to that?). I take great pride in how detailed my contract is. My problem really isn't with the contract, my problem is with learning how to deal with parents, keep them from walking over me, because they know I wear my heart on my sleeve. I mentioned in my post yesterday with closing during our sick days that I need to "grow a set". THAT is my problem. :-(

Your contract is fine. She is not asking for something that is in your contract, she's asking for additonal nights.

[MaritimeMummy]

It really doesn't need to be a big fight with her. Just be honest with her. I guess she is confusing me because she doesn't seem to be asking for your 1 time a month offer of date night because she said that she couldn't afford the $10 an hour. So what does she think she will pay for these other times she's asking for care. If she is asking for something other than date night, she's asking for something that is not even in your current contract so there is nothing to change, just reinforce your existing contract. You can ask her and not make it a conflict. You can even put a chuckle in it and say, Susie, you've ask me that a few times and the answer is still no haha!!

I think she thinks that because she'll be working during the evenings and weekends that her daughter is here, that she'll have earned the money to pay for it? Rather than having a date night once a month, going out, spending money on me and on the date. More cost effective? i dunno.

[lovemykidstoo]

I think she thinks that because she'll be working during the evenings and weekends that her daughter is here, that she'll have earned the money to pay for it? Rather than having a date night once a month, going out, spending money on me and on the date. More cost effective? i dunno.

That could be her reasoning. So, you will do the 1 night a month if the parent/parents go out, but not if they're working is that how you do it?

[MaritimeMummy]

Just a thought too is if you are offering everyone a 1 night a month for date night, maybe you could designate the night. For instance, the first Wednesday of every month is date night. Type a letter about it, making it seem like a big deal, and that way there are no surprises. You can plan for it, they can look forward to it and you have all the kids there on one night instead of taking up several nights a month.

This is nice.


Like, I don't want to be like, this hard a** that has absolutely no flexibility. Child care is hard to come by around here. I like to be able to give people this service without it eating into time from my other business, keep my parents happy, earn a bit of extra money, keep our family time OUR family time, etc.

[MaritimeMummy]

That could be her reasoning. So, you will do the 1 night a month if the parent/parents go out, but not if they're working is that how you do it?

Frig, I don't care what they use that one night a month for. They can take part in satanic ritualistic sacrifice for all I care. I don't provide more than that one night a month, unless DCM calls me suddenly and says, "look, I am running late because my husband is in the ER". It's not something they should, or even CAN abuse on more than a one-shot basis.

[Cat Herder]

I know it is frustrating.

You are trying to do something special, once a month, and keep getting asked for more after they turn down your original offer. It ****s.

For what it is worth, I think you have a heart of gold and try really hard for those kids. lovethis Adult care is just the hardest part of childcare.