DCG Stole My Daughter's Toys...

[Soccermom]

How would you react to this?

My playroom is our family playroom and my children are fine with sharing their toys and enjoy having friends to play barbies and polly pockets with every afternoon. So today I notice one of my new DCG's run to her schoolbag after playing in the playroom. I was pretty sure she stuck something in her bag but didn't say anything. I asked what she was doing and she said she was just getting her snack...I told her that her snacks are in the fridge and she said - Oh silly me, that's right.

I gave her the snack bag and she went and ate. Afterwards they went outside and I looked into her bag...it was FULL of Polly Pocket clothes!! She had stolen them!!

I didn't know how to react. I put her bag away in my room and waited until her mother arrived. I showed her mother the bag and told her what had happened. She asked why I had not confronted the child and I told her it was because I wanted to confront her in front of her mother. ( I wanted mom to see the reaction of the child so she would know she had in fact stolen them..). DCM was mortified and asked why she had done it since she didn't even own any of the dolls to go with the clothes.

Thing is - I have seen her run to her bag several times before and tell me that same thing but I just trusted her and sincerely thought she was looking for her snack. I now assume she does have some dolls at home..dolls she has taken from us!!! Why else would she be taking home the clothes?!

I discussed with DCM and told her that her child's backpack and pockets will now be searched before she leaves every morning and evening but I can't stand the thought of having a child I don't trust in my home everyday. I am going to have to watch her like a hawk....not sure what else to do..

Any thoughts?

[youretooloud]

You might confiscate the bag as soon as she walks in. How old is she?

That way, if she comes in with nothing, she leaves with nothing.

[Soccermom]

You might confiscate the bag as soon as she walks in. How old is she?

That way, if she comes in with nothing, she leaves with nothing.

She is 8. I have never had anything like this happen in my home before..this is a new one for me. Scary thing is, she puts on a show and appears to be a perfectly sweet little girl.

I think I will take her bag and coat each day and return it to her at the end of the day when mom picks up, that is a good idea.

The mommy part of me just wants to term because she stole from my kids but I know I have to at least give her a chance.

[Crystal]

At 8 years old, she certainly understands her actions. Now, there need to be consequences. I would talk to Mom and ask her how she handled it.....if she did not reprimand her in some way, I'd be concerned about it continuing.

I would talk to the girl....ask her why she took these items, ask her why she felt it was okay to do it , ask her how she would feel if someone stole her special belongings, ask her what she thinks the consequences of her actions should be. I would insist on complete answers, not one or two word "excuses" but meaningful language about it.

Then, I would not even allow backpacks to be brought in to your home. If it is for school, hang a hook on your front porch and she can hang it there before she enters. If that is not feasible, then I would def. put it away. When she is not in school, she can leave her backpack at home. I would do that with all backpacks anyway. Kids bring em' here but they go behind the gate on the stairs and only I get into them as needed for clothing/etc. School aged kids get their homework out, but otherwise, no one gets into backpacks.

Have you talked to your own child about this? How does she feel about it? I would offer her the opportunity to talk to the other girl as well. Maybe if the little girl hears it from her victim, she will decide she doesn't wanna do it again.

[Soccermom]

At 8 years old, she certainly understands her actions. Now, there need to be consequences. I would talk to Mom and ask her how she handled it.....if she did not reprimand her in some way, I'd be concerned about it continuing.

I would talk to the girl....ask her why she took these items, ask her why she felt it was okay to do it , ask her how she would feel if someone stole her special belongings, ask her what she thinks the consequences of her actions should be. I would insist on complete answers, not one or two word "excuses" but meaningful language about it.

Then, I would not even allow backpacks to be brought in to your home. If it is for school, hang a hook on your front porch and she can hang it there before she enters. If that is not feasible, then I would def. put it away. When she is not in school, she can leave her backpack at home. I would do that with all backpacks anyway. Kids bring em' here but they go behind the gate on the stairs and only I get into them as needed for clothing/etc. School aged kids get their homework out, but otherwise, no one gets into backpacks.

Have you talked to your own child about this? How does she feel about it? I would offer her the opportunity to talk to the other girl as well. Maybe if the little girl hears it from her victim, she will decide she doesn't wanna do it again.

DCM allowed me full control of the conversation when we confronted dcg which was good. I told her that what she did was considered stealing and that it would not be tolerated in my home. I also told her that my girls are nice enough to share their toys with her every day and she turns around and betrays them like that..I asked her how she would feel if someone came into her home and did that to her. I also told her that from now on her things would be searched before she leaves everytime and told her that the other children will wonder why and may no longer trust her either. I emphasized the word stealing many times and told her that if ever she took anything again she would no longer be welcome in my home..

The best part about the whole thing (Sarcasm) is that she is supposed to be coming to my DD Bday party on saturday and I am taking them to a movie..sure don't feel like dishing out the cash for her now! If mom has any sense she will tell her DD that she can no longer come.

[cheerfuldom]

I think Crystal had good points about getting a discussion going on this. I know you or your daughter might feel sort of violated by this girl but I would have this discussion and give her a chance to prove herself. Kids make mistakes and a heartfelt discussion and appropriate consequences might be enough to curb this behavior. I would also add that she write out an apology to your daughter or write a little paper on why stealing is wrong.

[Unregistered]

Tell dcm your dd doesnt want her at the bday now. Tell her she has expressed concern about dcg actions. Dont let some dck ruin you dd party.

[rhymia1]

I had a DC girl do this, although not with my own kids toys but with the dc toys that she really liked. She was much younger than your DC girl, though.

I think Crystal had good points about getting a discussion going on this. I know you or your daughter might feel sort of violated by this girl but I would have this discussion and give her a chance to prove herself. Kids make mistakes and a heartfelt discussion and appropriate consequences might be enough to curb this behavior. I would also add that she write out an apology to your daughter or write a little paper on why stealing is wrong.

I totally agree with this. You caught her, you've called her out, you've put some new policies in place to deal. Let her prove herself. I would be on her anytime she goes anywhere. Make it clear (in a nice way) that you want to be sure she is making good choices because she has shown she has trouble with that (obviously not in front of the other kids, you want her to think not be humiliated).
But please don't uninvite her from the birthday party. She made a horrible choice and will have to deal with those consequences (being searched, followed, not allowed to play with certain toys, etc). Your child liked her enough to invite her in the first place. You liked her enough to allow it.

[lovemykidstoo]

I had a DC girl do this, although not with my own kids toys but with the dc toys that she really liked. She was much younger than your DC girl, though.



I totally agree with this. You caught her, you've called her out, you've put some new policies in place to deal. Let her prove herself. I would be on her anytime she goes anywhere. Make it clear (in a nice way) that you want to be sure she is making good choices because she has shown she has trouble with that (obviously not in front of the other kids, you want her to think not be humiliated).
But please don't uninvite her from the birthday party. She made a horrible choice and will have to deal with those consequences (being searched, followed, not allowed to play with certain toys, etc). Your child liked her enough to invite her in the first place. You liked her enough to allow it.

I totally agree. You caught her, you discussed it with her and her mom, you told her that her bag would be searched now let it go. I know she stole and that is terrible and one of my huggest peet peeves, however, she's a child and obviously made a bad decision. I don't think you need to remind her on a daily basis that she made a bad choice. Hopefully she's learned her lesson. Definately keep the bag somewhere that she can't put anything in it. She shouldn't need the bag while at your home anyway.

[DCMom]

I think Crystal had good points about getting a discussion going on this. I know you or your daughter might feel sort of violated by this girl but I would have this discussion and give her a chance to prove herself. Kids make mistakes and a heartfelt discussion and appropriate consequences might be enough to curb this behavior. I would also add that she write out an apology to your daughter or write a little paper on why stealing is wrong.

I totally agree with this ~ kids make mistakes that's how they learn.

That being said, at 8, I think she knows what she was doing is wrong. I would be keeping a close eye on her for awhile, just to make sure. Your child has to know that you are keeping an eye on it.

[Meeko]

Whether or not she goes to the birthday party should be up to your daughter and nobody else.

I would never tell my daughter that she HAD to include a child who had stolen from her.

In my opinion, that just screams "her feelings are more important than yours"

If the thief is upset...so be it. She is 8 years old and should be held 100% accountable for her actions. Welcome to life and it's consequences.

[rhymia1]

Whether or not she goes to the birthday party should be up to your daughter and nobody else.

I would never tell my daughter that she HAD to include a child who had stolen from her.

In my opinion, that just screams "her feelings are more important than yours"

If the thief is upset...so be it. She is 8 years old and should be held 100% accountable for her actions. Welcome to life and it's consequences.

Eh, if the daughter was very upset by it, then yes. But often things like this upset the parents more than the kids.

[countrymom]

you got some good advice. I would take the bag away and thats it. Oh don't forget to do a pocket search too.

now that she has been caught, I wouldn't let her play with pp for a week. also, maybe the mother will buy "extra stuff" for your dd's birthday as sort of an apology, so it may work out.

[Meeko]

Eh, if the daughter was very upset by it, then yes. But often things like this upset the parents more than the kids.

I agree. I would take how my daughter feels into account. If she's fine with it, then great.

But I would never tell my daughter "Don't care how you feel, the child is going to your party regardless"

[Blackcat31]

I agree. I would take how my daughter feels into account. If she's fine with it, then great.

But I would never tell my daughter "Don't care how you feel, the child is going to your party regardless"

I agree. My DD had a similar situation with a "friend". I cannot even begin to tell you how hurt my dd was by it all. Having something stolen from you makes you feel so hurt and vulnerable. Having the thief turn out to be your own friend is life changing. IMHO.