Touchy-Feely?

[Hunni Bee]

I have two children in my room, who are best friends. One is constantly all over the other one....kissing, hugging, touching the other one's hair and face...the one must be touching the other one at all times.

They are the same gender, so it isn't a girl-boy "I like you" type thing. The one child sometimes trips over the touchy one, if it's something where they're all sitting- both this child's hands will be on the other one. It drives me nuts! The other child has not complained, and the other teacher hasn't addressed it much.

So maybe its just me....does this bother anyone else??

[cheerfuldom]

Yes it would bother me. Even if the other child doesnt mind it, the first child needs to know what appropriate social skills are. Touching all over someone and getting in their personal space is not appropriate. I would start separating these two and encourage the toucher to start forming appropriate friendships with other kids.

[SquirrellyMama]

I have two kids of my own who are very touchy-feely. They unfortunately got stuck with a mom who is not touchy-feely. My daughter hasn't been very touchy-feely with people outside of the family but my son was with everyone especially friends. I had to have long talks with him about personal space. I've done the same with my daughter because she can be overwhelming for me and my older daughter at times.

My son has learned that not everyone has as small a personal space as him. I don't have much advice. I usually let them have a hug and then they have to be done or they can ask if they need more touchy-feely time but MUST respect the other person's "no".

K

[dave4him]

If it wouldnt be appropriate behavior for adults, than the kids should not being doing it. These are the stages of life where we have to direct their social skills to what is correct.

[clep]

I do not find this to be acceptable social skills. This child needs to be guided to learn what personal space is imo.

[Willow]

I have a sibling set like this and it irks me to no end.

We've had countless talks about personal space and came up with the "are you in someone else's bubble?" to explain that arms length around their bodies is close enough. A hug is fine, sitting next to a friend is great, but legs intertwined in someone elses legs intertwined in hands intertwined in arms intertwined in faces etc etc. in a big lump on the floor 24/7 is not. They too will trip all over each other and constantly take a heel to an eyeball and come to me crying but then it's right back to it. No matter what they're doing. Got to the point where I couldn't even have them sitting next to each other at the table for snacks and meals!

It's all fallen on deaf ears, and when I've tried to explain my concern to the mom she brushes it off as no big deal. Dad thinks it's hilarious and has since instituted his own "bubble" to keep them off of him but won't enforce any sort of boundaries between the two of them


The oldest, age 5 will acknowledge that hands and feet to yourself is the rule at school but also insists that climbing all over his brother and the others here is "just love."


Drives. Me. Bonkers.



(ETA - as to the why? I often wonder if there was a nurturing deficit in their early years, and that's why they're so desperate for touch. They're both literally obsessed with playing "babies" and will fight over who gets to be the coddled in the game. I have to redirect them several times a day to move on to playing something else because if it were up to them it's all they would do all day. I do take time out to hold each of them while reading books and those days they do seem to be less frazzled about being all up in other people's business. It's just a guess based on my intuition of their perceived family life in general, not necessarily an absolute.)

[dave4him]

I spend most of my day keeping my kids from killing each other... not sure those are good skills either

[Blackcat31]

(ETA - as to the why? I often wonder if there was a nurturing deficit in their early years, and that's why they're so desperate for touch. They're both literally obsessed with playing "babies" and will fight over who gets to be the coddled in the game. I have to redirect them several times a day to move on to playing something else because if it were up to them it's all they would do all day. I do take time out to hold each of them while reading books and those days they do seem to be less frazzled about being all up in other
people's business. It's just a guess based on my intuition of their perceived family life in general, not necessarily an absolute.)

Hmmm, interesting that you see it that way.... as I know someone who had VERY little touch and nurturing as a child and does NOT like touchy feely people and prefers a BIG bubble of personal space compared to "normal" people.

Wonder how much that kind of thing really does affect people as they age?

I know they say that EVERYTHING that happens or doesn't happen in our early years does affect us throughout life but I wonder what it is (genetically or environmentally) that leads a person in one direction or another.

I wonder how much is nature vs nurture....although I know this is the never-ending-debate but I still can't help wonder what happens when one over rides the other or has to make up for the short comings.

...now you have me thinking....

[Willow]

Hmmm, interesting that you see it that way.... as I know someone who had VERY little touch and nurturing as a child and does NOT like touchy feely people and prefers a BIG bubble of personal space compared to "normal" people.

Wonder how much that kind of thing really does affect people as they age?

I know they say that EVERYTHING that happens or doesn't happen in our early years does affect us throughout life but I wonder what it is (genetically or environmentally) that leads a person in one direction or another.

I wonder how much is nature vs nurture....although I know this is the never-ending-debate but I still can't help wonder what happens when one over rides the other or has to make up for the short comings.

...now you have me thinking....

I'm going to pm you if you wouldn't mind me picking your brain

[Hunni Bee]

Thanks ladies. I am a big personal space person, so I thought I may have been looking at it through the lenses of what I would prefer, rather than what's developmentally appropriate.

Its really kind of gross, with the kissing (on the lips) and hands in the face all the time. I even caught the toucher trying to follow the friend into the potty. I've done a general discussion with them about not putting their hands in people's faces, germs, etc., but it hasn't curbed it.

The toucher does this with other kids too, its like they equate liking someone with being a millimeter from their face.