Thoughts On Particular Child -

[Unregistered]

I am a user but logged out. I have a child that I have had for some time. The child had some issues that linger from time to time such as not listening, grabbing toys from others etc. I have worked on this and while the child still does these things they do not occur as often.

The problem I have now is..curriculum and simple directions. I have a daily curriculum and the child has been part of the curriculum since day one. However the child does NOT participate in group activities, does not follow directions, does not answer questions when I ask etc. The child does play well and seems to communicate normally with other children..., just not me LOL

This is making it extremely difficult to teach not only the child but others when in group because at times it seems like the child does not understand what I am saying so I spend more time repeating my question only to get the wrong response time after time.

Here is an example: We played a game of Alphabet Bingo. I not only verbaly said the letter but also showed the children the letter card. The children's bingo cards only had a couple of letters on it to make it easier to grab the concept. When we began, the child just sat there spacing out. I stepped in..called her name and asked her to find the particular letter on her board. The child just stared at me. I repeated then put the letter card next to the child's board..blank stare....I then asked the child to pick up the marker and put it on the letter I had. Child picked up the marker...and stared. :/ I asked child where the specific letter was that I had in front of the child. Child pointed to 3 other letters but not the one I had. I explained that the one I need the child to find looks just like the picture. I then placed the letter card next to the one on the child's board and asked again for child to find the letter that looked just like it. This went on for 25 minutes before I finally got the child to put the marker on the correct letter.

When asked to clean up..I have to call child's name out directly and repeat clean up twice before the child responds.

When asked to sit at the table (after clean up) child responds no problem :/

I asked the Mom how child responds to direction at home and was told..the child does not at all.
I then received four excuses that SAME day from the child was tired...up to child is afraid of me. None of the excuses made any sense to me seeing how this is an every day occurrence and child has been here a year - expresses NO emotion. I have NOT seen child cry once..which I find odd to begin with. Every child I have ever had here has cried at least once. Child comes into my home willingly and goes right to playing..Mom has to ask for child to say good bye and give a kiss. Child does NOT run to the door when told parent is here.

I do not know what to do here...Mom goes into complete defense mode with a million excuses for child's actions but I can not help this child if I do not know what is wrong....any thoughts..has anyone had a child like this???

thanks in advance

[countrymom]

sounds to me that she has a hard time understanding basic instructions. How old is the child. Also, can she hear.

I'm also wondering if she is doing it on purpose--and yes children do it on purpose to get attention or to get their way. I wonder if she does this so she doesn't have to clean up or do anything, its all being done for her.

does she talk at all, or interact with the kids, does she watch you watch her.

[Unregistered]

The child is 3 years old...she interacts fine with the other kids..talking, playing, responding etc. I thought about hearing..however she responds to the other kids fine and I am usually right next to her when I am trying to get her to do her work.

I thought at first she was doing it on purpose (her mother told me she was just defiant) but in the back of my mind I am wondering...I have had defiant kids but they have always participated with curriculum. The kids LOVE that part..so i am a bit confused on what the issue could be. I have noticed with parents when faced with an issue they are quick to jump to..oh they are just being bratty! So I try and look from every angle. But this one..I am pushed to wonder if something else is going on..

[cheerfuldom]

how old is this child? how do they react with other kids?

the only kids I have ever had that were very, very unemotional was an adopted child that had bonding issues with mom and a special needs child that had social issues with everyone from mom to the kids. I personally would be concerned when there is not that attachment to others around them.

[Blackcat31]

Does your school distrcit have early childhood screening requirements?

Usually when I have a child who has some behaviors that concern me, I refer the parent to the early childhood screeners and leave it at that. If the parents are concerned about their child too, they are usually pretty willing to get the screening done (it is free) and they are usually pretty willing to work with me as well in doing whatever is necessary to help the child succeed.

If the parents are full of excuses for the behaviors or in denial about it at all, they won't do anything and no amount of trying on your part will help. If they parents arent' willing to address it, then there is not much you really can do.

I would pass along to the parents the info you have observed as far as where the child is developmentally and give them whatever info you may have for your school districts early childhood screening process and then hope they follow up with it.

[Unregistered]

I am thinking Mom is not going to do much...so i will give her a detailed progress report expressing my issues in writing and leave it at that.
I can only do so much, I just feel bad either for the others kids since I take more time helping her and for her if I do not..ahhhhh the joys of other people's children LOL

[countrymom]

this is going to sound bad, but then don't help her. When you call her and she doesn't come, well let her sit there. If she sits at the table and does nothing, don't help her. By doing this you will be able to see if she is doing it on purpose or she doesn't get it. kwim.

[Crystal]

I wouldn't stress about it. Perhaps she is not developmentally ready to play games such as alphabet bingo, and that's okay. What is NOT okay is you insisting that she do it and do it right....IMHO 25 minutes of going back and forth with her to get it right is WRONG and I would be downright LIVID if a provider was demanding my child get it right. Maybe Mom is right, maybe the child IS afraid of you. :confused:

I would allow her to play other activities while you engage with the other children who ARE ready for these types of activities.

As far as the not showing emotion, I would keep an eye on it and if it gets worse, perhaps have her screened, but it is quite possible that she is just an introvert and this is how and who she is.

[Angelsj]

The child is 3 years old...she interacts fine with the other kids..talking, playing, responding etc. I thought about hearing..however she responds to the other kids fine and I am usually right next to her when I am trying to get her to do her work.

I thought at first she was doing it on purpose (her mother told me she was just defiant) but in the back of my mind I am wondering...I have had defiant kids but they have always participated with curriculum. The kids LOVE that part..so i am a bit confused on what the issue could be. I have noticed with parents when faced with an issue they are quick to jump to..oh they are just being bratty! So I try and look from every angle. But this one..I am pushed to wonder if something else is going on..

I don't know the child, but is she REALLY responding to the other kids? When my son (aspergers) was younger, he would SEEM to be talking to other kids, but if you listened closely he was not really responding, just talking.

Child, "Do you want to play cars?"
Son, "Cars are red, blue and green. Cars go vroom. (Some random movie quote using the word cars)" Etc
Other child, "Do you want to go outside?"
Son, "Go, cars go, balls go, etc"

Often he would speak in random, or unusual phrases, but NOT an actual response to the question or other person.

[Unregistered]

Most 3 year olds won't want to do a packaged curriculum. If it is a developmentally appropriate, play based activity, they may chose to do it. A game of bingo may not be developmentally appropriate. Also, I don't know too many kids who want to start cleaning right when you say it's time to clean up- some do, most don't.

If the child has a legitimate delay, I'm sure the parents and doctor would know. If they didn't know before, they will figure it out now that you mentioned it.

Try planning curriculum that will work for each of the children at their own level... if you really want to make it about letters: open ended art materials with no instructions or expectations but include letter stamps, cut out letters, letter stickers, with block play you could use rocks with letters painted on or alphabet blocks, in a sensory bin you could place water with foam tub letters or sand and have letter 3d stamper thingies, with lacing cards cut cardboard letters and poke holes all around the perimeter and have the children put the yarn through the holes.... anything like this where you don't have expected results will make all of you happier.

Each of these things I've mentioned will work to support development of the children at their own levels- for example the letter stamps- some will chose to make words, others will develop fine motor skills just by pressing the stamp, others might learn colors, others will feel a sense of pride by making a stamp picture. They all gain from the experience in different ways.

[Play Care]

My first thought is that alphabet bingo was a bit advanced for the age. Yes, some kids might get it and do well, but I would be most of my 3's wouldn't.

That said, the fact mom has mentioned the child may be/is afraid of you is a RED FLAG. I'm going to assume you have the child's best interests at heart and are not drilling her so much as trying to see what the issue may be (or if there is an issue at all) Why would a parent send their child to a provider that they claim the child is afraid of?:confused: I agree with the others, I'd back off the structured curriculum stuff with her, but I would also be thinking about replacing the child - not because of the child's behavior, but because of mom's reasoning.

[daycarediva]

My first thought is that alphabet bingo was a bit advanced for the age. Yes, some kids might get it and do well, but I would be most of my 3's wouldn't.

That said, the fact mom has mentioned the child may be/is afraid of you is a RED FLAG. I'm going to assume you have the child's best interests at heart and are not drilling her so much as trying to see what the issue may be (or if there is an issue at all) Why would a parent send their child to a provider that they claim the child is afraid of?:confused: I agree with the others, I'd back off the structured curriculum stuff with her, but I would also be thinking about replacing the child - not because of the child's behavior, but because of mom's reasoning.

This.

Drilling a small child is not an appropriate way to teach them anything. We play alphabet bingo. I call the letter, and sometimes the kids get it right, and sometimes they don't. It's all in good fun. They aren't corrected. They see me holding the letter and saying it, and the letter sound a few times. EVENTUALLY, they will get it but for the majority of 3's, especially ones I was concerned about a delay with, they won't. The main reason for playing games in prek is listening skills, sitting, taking turns, following directions, good sportsmanship, that kind of thing.

I think you should voice your concerns to Mom, but her saying maybe the child is afraid of you says that 1. her child behaves different towards you and 2. the mother has considered the possibility and/or the child has expressed that to her. NOT GOOD.

I would be MUCH MUCH more gentle with this child. He/She may have anxiety, selective mutism, or have a developmental delay that pressure isn't going to solve. If you can't ignore these behaviors, the child needs to be let go to someone who can.

[Blackcat31]

OLD thread ladies... Unregistered revived it yesterday.