New DCB Bad Behavior

[sahmdevon]

So yesterday I had a new dcb start, age 4. During the short interview I didn't see any bad behavior except he did not now how to treat furniture and mom didn't care that he walked on my furniture with his shoes on. He attends a local preschool(first day was also yesterday). I am friend with someone there who warned me prior to him starting that Mom had told her that he had been kicked out of daycare before. I figured I would only have him for 2 hours so it wouldn't be too bad. Well yesterday was awful. My kids got home from school and asked everyone to clean up. He did not want to clean up so he punches my daughter. I then ask him to come upstairs, he is crying and throwing a fit. I told him to sit in the chair and I would discuss what happened when he could calm himself down. He continues to scream and throw himself all over the chair. At one point I had to ask him to sit on the floor because he could not behave himself on the chair. He starts stomping his feet in anger and telling my husband to not look at him. At this point I tell him if he doesn't want anyone to look at him then he needs to go in the corner. He continues to stomp and not listen to me at all. When I tried to discuss why he was in trouble, he denies that he did anything(even the stomping and screaming). I told him he would not get up until he understood why he was in trouble. Once he finally admitted to everything I let him go back and play. He then becomes destructive and starts to break toys. So repeat everything again.

I know there is a transitional period but with the background information I had been told and now this, I really don't feel like I should stress myself out over a very part time kiddo. I have kept kids like this before and it was awful. I almost told her he couldn't come back. What would you do? How long do you wait to terminate care?

[Blackcat31]

I wouldn't wait one second longer. Anyone who outright behaves that way in my house, earns themselves a one way ticket to outta here!

I would have called DCM immediately and had her pick up and would not have let them return. If you think he is only going to get better, I think you are only fooling yourself.

I don't mean to imply at all that any of this is your fault as I don't think it isn but I surely wouldn't be waiting around doing a trial period with a kid who is so out of control and disrespectful

Thankfully it was YOUR dd he punched because had it been another DCK and that parent found out, they might opt to pull their child from your care as I would if I were the parent.

I think the "info" your friend gave you was probably something you should have listened to.

I am sorry you are dealing with this.

[sahmdevon]

You are exactly right! I should have listened to her. And it is too hard to deal with a child who seems to need one on one when I feel that I am at my capacity with kiddos...kwim?

[sahmdevon]

I just struggle with what to say to his mom. I told her what happened yesterday and she acted like she has heard these things before and told me it is a huge change for him.

How do you terminate care so fast? What should I say?

[rhymia1]

I just struggle with what to say to his mom. I told her what happened yesterday and she acted like she has heard these things before and told me it is a huge change for him.

How do you terminate care so fast? What should I say?

"I'm sorry, but I am unable to meet your child's needs. Today is his last day."

Less is probably better in this case.

[Blackcat31]

I just struggle with what to say to his mom. I told her what happened yesterday and she acted like she has heard these things before and told me it is a huge change for him.

How do you terminate care so fast? What should I say?

I think this mom is playing you. I think she KNOWS full well that her child is that badly behaved.

I would write up a termination letter stating that you are discontinuing services immediately due to aggressive and unsafe behavior.

Something like:

"Dear Daycare Mom

Effective immediately, I will no longer be providing care for *** as his behavior requires much more care and supervision than I am able to provide. For the safety and well being of the other kids in my care, I cannot continue to provide care for your son.

Thank you

Daycare provider. "


Hopefully, she paid you already.

Don't feel bad. This has NOTHING to do with you. Your job is to provide a SAFE environment for the kids in your care and this little guy is making that impossible. This kids behavior is on mom not you.

Again, (((hugs))) for dealing with this. It is a hard situation to be in but one you don't have to put up with.

[providerandmomof4]

Wow...I don't think I've ever had one act that way on the first day! Usually they honeymoon for a few days at least. I'm afraid I'd have to tell dcm that I couldn't handle the destructive behavior and I'd probably give it until the end of the week. If at that point he is still unwilling to listen, follow rules, be destructive to others and my property...I'd hand her the term letter on Friday (or whatever is his last day of the week in care) Good luck...

[Heidi]

I don't know if you remember that the first time I came on this board, it was about a 4 year old that behaved exactly like that. It took me one year of trying to finally terminate him, and I think everyone here let out a collective sigh of relief, as did my family.

There are some you just can't "fix" or make things right for. It can only be done with lots of cooperation and honesty, and you aren't going to get that from this dcm.