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We have a 3 year old boy in care, he has been with us over a year. He has never had any major behavioral issues before. He separated from parents well, played nice, was cooperative and generally friendly and well liked by all. Can't go into much detail, for privacy reasons, but lots of changes going on at home, including death in the family, job changes, perhaps some financial problems. Due to one parent soon to be working at night, they no longer need care, next week is supposed to be his last week. This week has been just hellish. He can't separate without massive tears and clinging to mom and dad. After they leave, he won't budge from the window for at least 15 mins. He won't play, he won't participate in activities, when we go outside, he just sits and cries. He is spending at least 50% of his day in tears, and 75% of his day laying down. He is not physically ill. I have had them pick up early twice already this week, simply because the other kids were getting very stressed by all the crying. Unless me or another staffer is sitting right next to him, talking only to him, he is in tears. Everyone is stressed out by this poor guy. Here is the major problem: one parent is going away on business next week, the other parent is completing the last week of their daytime schedule at work. I don't feel that the child should be here, it is a huge distraction, source of stress for staff and kids, and just not fair to the little boy. He is fully aware he will be "doing school stuff at home with dad" SOON, but he us just not understanding "soon". He just walks around all day crying for parents, saying he doesn't want to be here, etc. I also think he is sad he is leaving us, he has always LOVED coming here and was always pleasant and fun to have in our care. I tried telling the parents I don't think he should attend next week, we simply can't sit next to the child all day comforting him, we have other children to care for. They seem to understand it is causing major major major disruption this week, but insist he come next week. ??? My common sense tells me to just say "it is not working, today us your last day of care, I'm sorry, we won't accept him next week. BUT, my heart says these parents are having life issues, one will be out of town and they really need us right now. They have been wonderful, we really always adored their son and them as well. Should I **** it up and complete the last week of care next week and hope for the best, or just let them go now? Remember, they are really counting on us for care.
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I would probably **** it up and finish next week. I would feel so awful for him.
Is there anyway someone could make him their 'buddy' every day. That way he feels more secure?
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He has 3 buddies, all week these little dudes have been trying to comfort him and coax him into playing. epic fail. He rejects them completely. Their feelings are starting to get hurt, they are stressed out by him too.:confused:
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I am sure all of these changes are very upsetting to him and he isn't able to express that since he is such a little guy. How sad for him! I would say something to his parents about counseling.
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Poor mite! It sounds like MAJOR aniexty and not something that can ignored. I agree about counseling.
FWIW, one of the reasons I just let go a new family was because of similar behavior. Had they been with me for years and it just started, I would be willing to see out the last week - it's always much easier when you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.Comment
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My heart beaks for him, but what about the other 14 kids? What about us, the staff? My husband and I are at our wits end, we go home exhausted and stressed out. Even other parents are getting stressed out, because all they see at pick up and drop off is this sobbing child. I love this boy, but for his sake and our sake and the sake of the other kids, I truly dread another week of non stop crying.Comment
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I agree, he should get help. Mom and dad are having some issues at home, like going to bed and bed wetting, but not constant crying, apparently.Poor mite! It sounds like MAJOR aniexty and not something that can ignored. I agree about counseling.
FWIW, one of the reasons I just let go a new family was because of similar behavior. Had they been with me for years and it just started, I would be willing to see out the last week - it's always much easier when you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.Comment
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I'd do it for one last week. At least you know there is an end in sight.
I say that because you say for the last year you haven't had any problems and because the family is really depending on you. If they had been a "bad" family or were just using you for the last week to **** all they could out of you-that would be different.
You can come and complain and blame us for you stressful week next week if you decide to do it.
I hope all goes well either way.Comment
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Awww....poor little guy.
I had a similiar situation last year with a little boy who knew he was going to be leaving our care. He loved being here and it really upset him that he was leaving. Well, I figured out that he thought WE WANTED him to leave, based on some of his comments. I made sure to give him extra love and attention and let him know how much we loved having him here, that we were sad that he was leaving and that we really wished he wasn't moving away. When he relaized how much we wanted him here, the behavior stopped. He just needed reassurance that we still loved him, that we didn't want him to go away.
Maybe that's what's up with your little guy?
Also, I would ask him if he would like to draw/write to his parents when he is crying like that. Let him know they wish they could be with him right now but they have to work and maybe drawing them a picture will make them happy.Comment
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I have spent 5 days telling him we love him, it just isn't working. I have never experienced a child so distraught. I have had to simply walk away from him a couple times, because he was so inconsolable, and other kids needed me.Comment
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It sounds like you really would rather let him go now. There is nothing wrong with doing that. The posters here can easily type out "i would stick it out for one more week" but we arent there on a daily basis with 15 kids, all stressed out and exhausted plus staff and parents that just cant bear this another day. If you have to let him go, just do it. Yes, it is inconvenient for the parents but this is their issue to solve, not yours. It sounds like you have done everything possible, even having one staff member spend a good part of their day just consoling this child. Enough is enough. It might be best just to transition him out and get control back of the rest of your program. The parents will just have to figure it out.
Whatever you do, I support your decision to run your business as you see fit.Comment
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What a tough situation!!
My thought is to make him a chart with 5 spaces, 1 for each day he has left. Make it a countdown to his last day party. At the end of each day he could put a special sticker on it. It would help him understand how long he has left with you. I don't know if it would help with his sobbing, but it might help him understand what's going on.
Good luck!Comment
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Is he saying "I want Daddy" or "Mommy" or anything specific?
If he is, maybe a picture of the parent to hold would help?
Does he have a lovey or a special stuffed animal? If he's a stuffed animal kind of kid, maybe a parent could help him pick one to cuddle for the last few days? Or buy him a new one? One of my kids had no use for animals, but loves anything with wheels. For him, a "chuck truck" to cuddle would bring a lot of comfort. If it were long term, I wouldn't encourage it, but for 5 days...whatever works!Comment
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