DCM Ruins DCB Appetite Everyday!

[crazydaycarelady]

This is the second year of this routine and I can see that things won't be any different this school year. Dcm brings dcb to my house after preschool, where he has had a snack at 10:30. They arrive at noon and I serve lunch immediatley. Dcm gives dcb a snack everyday on the drive over. Sometimes it is an orange but usually it is kool-aid and candy or chips or crackers because they stop at a convenience store for a treat. Everyday dcb says he is not hungry, everyday I serve him lunch. and everyday he doensn't eat a bite.

I have talked to dcm about him not being hungry - it doesn't matter - she can't say no to the kid.

Would you continue to serve him lunch? I am half tempted to serve lunch at 11:30 (which I prefer anyway) and not waste my time/food on dcbs lunch.

[daycare]

This is the second year of this routine and I can see that things won't be any different this school year. Dcm brings dcb to my house after preschool, where he has had a snack at 10:30. They arrive at noon and I serve lunch immediatley. Dcm gives dcb a snack everyday on the drive over. Sometimes it is an orange but usually it is kool-aid and candy or chips or crackers because they stop at a convenience store for a treat. Everyday dcb says he is not hungry, everyday I serve him lunch. and everyday he doensn't eat a bite.

I have talked to dcm about him not being hungry - it doesn't matter - she can't say no to the kid.

Would you continue to serve him lunch? I am half tempted to serve lunch at 11:30 (which I prefer anyway) and not waste my time/food on dcbs lunch.

I have parents that do this first thing in the morning.

Really there is not much that I can do about it. I have told the parents if you decide to feed your children before arrival make sure that you give them a full HEALTHY meal that will hold them over for at least two full hours. Our meals are spread out to eat every two hours.

I still have parents feeding dount cakes or li's on the way over to my house. I have to take them away and be the bad guy, which I don't mind. Then the kid does not want to eat.

I have also tried talking to them about the importance of healthy meals, but it goes in one ear and out the other.

If the kid does not want to eat, then maybe they should just go straight to nap when he arrives

[Happy Hearts]

I would continue to serve him lunch, very small portions however. Sometimes you just have to pick your battles. I don't consider this a deal breaker, but I know how irritating this can be. If mom wants to feed her kid crap, then there's nothing you can do about. Her special snowflake wants chips for lunch, how can she argue with that!
I wouldn't change your schedule over this, either. He must learn that he must still sit at the table with the rest of your kids even if he isn't eating. Poor little guy doesn't even realize he's being 'poisoned' (for lack of a better word right now) by eating garbage for lunch. When this happens I would feel compassion for the little gaffer as he has absolutely no control at this point of what goes in his mouth, his mother does. She could say 'no' but she doesn't so he eats it.
Good luck!

[Unregistered]

This is the second year of this routine and I can see that things won't be any different this school year. Dcm brings dcb to my house after preschool, where he has had a snack at 10:30. They arrive at noon and I serve lunch immediatley. Dcm gives dcb a snack everyday on the drive over. Sometimes it is an orange but usually it is kool-aid and candy or chips or crackers because they stop at a convenience store for a treat. Everyday dcb says he is not hungry, everyday I serve him lunch. and everyday he doensn't eat a bite.

I have talked to dcm about him not being hungry - it doesn't matter - she can't say no to the kid.

Would you continue to serve him lunch? I am half tempted to serve lunch at 11:30 (which I prefer anyway) and not waste my time/food on dcbs lunch.

If he ate the food, it would still be gone so what difference does it make if he actually eats it or if you ahve to throw it away?

If you are on the food program, you MUST offer him lunch regardless of if he eats it or not.

If mom wants to ruin his appetite, then oh well...I don't see how that is a problem for you.

Offer him lunch and what he does with it -eats it or not- is his business. He is the only one who has to suffer the conseqence of being hungry later.

If lunch was offered to this family as part of their rate or the service you provide, I would be angry if you switched lunch times just because one child chooses not to eat.

[rhymia1]

This is the second year of this routine and I can see that things won't be any different this school year. Dcm brings dcb to my house after preschool, where he has had a snack at 10:30. They arrive at noon and I serve lunch immediatley. Dcm gives dcb a snack everyday on the drive over. Sometimes it is an orange but usually it is kool-aid and candy or chips or crackers because they stop at a convenience store for a treat. Everyday dcb says he is not hungry, everyday I serve him lunch. and everyday he doensn't eat a bite.

I have talked to dcm about him not being hungry - it doesn't matter - she can't say no to the kid.

Would you continue to serve him lunch? I am half tempted to serve lunch at 11:30 (which I prefer anyway) and not waste my time/food on dcbs lunch.

I guess I would put my meal time at the best time for me/my program and notify the food program/parents accordingly. We eat at 11:30 every day, and children coming after that are required to be fed before coming in. Everyone knows this when they sign on. As for the other - I do think that's mom's business. I would not *not* feed a kid if they were coming in time for the meal just because I knew they were getting donuts on the way in. I might start them off very, very small, to see if they eat (which is allowed per food program rules so long as you do have enough on hand/prepared to make up the servings) And like another poster, everyone sits at the table for meals even if they are not hungry. It's a supervision issue. I always tell the children that they don't have to eat, but we all sit together (even me) and make nice conversation with our friends. Good luck!

[MarinaVanessa]

If lunch was offered to this family as part of their rate or the service you provide, I would be angry if you switched lunch times just because one child chooses not to eat.

Why? I serve lunch at 11:30 as that's the time that the other kids start getting hungry anyway and it makes the transition from lunch into naptime easier. In group care it's better to think about what benefits the whole group, not one individual child so if her changing the lunch time to better meet her needs and the needs of the other kids then why not? This one kid already doesn't eat unch anyway.


Back to OP:
If it works best for the general group I don't see the problem in changing the lunch time, especially if he doesn't eat it anyway. He's not missing out on anything that he wasn't missing out on before. I would just let the other DCP's know about the change, it sounds like a good idea to me if it works better for you and the other kids. The DCB isnt eating lunch anyway so it won't affect him. You can't do anything about DCM and what she serves DCB at what time so I would start with letting her know about the change first. Just make sure you explain it to her the same way you explained here "Hey Sally. I'm changing lunch time to 11:30am starting on [date]. It works better for the group at that time. Timmy doesn't eat lunch anyway since you always stop to get him something to eat before dropping him off so it won't affect him at all except now he won;t have to sit at the table while the rest of the kids eat. It's a win win all the way around" and go from there. Who knows, maybe she'll change her mind about giving him a snack before DC.

[crazydaycarelady]

It's a problem for me only that I usually serve lunch at 11:30 and am changing my schedule to accomodate him, then he doesn't eat anyway. 11:30 is the scheduled lunchtime.

[rhymia1]

It's a problem for me only that I usually serve lunch at 11:30 and am changing my schedule to accomodate him, then he doesn't eat anyway. 11:30 is the scheduled lunchtime.

Then I would enforce your lunch time. I have families that want to send their kids to preschool, which is fine. That is their choice, but they all are know from the get go that I will not change my meal times so they may need to feed the child before coming in. Good luck!

[MarinaVanessa]

It's a problem for me only that I usually serve lunch at 11:30 and am changing my schedule to accomodate him, then he doesn't eat anyway. 11:30 is the scheduled lunchtime.

Then perfect!! I agree that you shouldn't accomodate for one child, you have other kids to think about and this child doesn't eat anyway. Just tell DCM that you're going back to lunch at 11:30 since she feeds him before arriving anyway and he never eats.

[countrymom]

Then perfect!! I agree that you shouldn't accomodate for one child, you have other kids to think about and this child doesn't eat anyway. Just tell DCM that you're going back to lunch at 11:30 since she feeds him before arriving anyway and he never eats.

I agree with this too. Maybe then mom will realize and start to feed him.

[itlw8]

if they have time to stop an buy a snack then if they do not do that they would get there in time to eat if you saved a plate of food. Or she can buy a sandwich instead of donuts.

[daycare]

i think that we all know and can agree that no matter what we do, in the end the parents are always going to do what works for them.

You have to do what works for you and the rest of your kids. 1 kid alone should not dictate your schedule.

if you are on the food program, YOU don't have to feed him, if he does not come to eat. I have kids that arrive right at our breakfast time but they choose to eat before arrival. I do not claim these children, because I am NOT feeding them.

they come in, they sit at a table and they color or draw. This way all eyes on everyone.

[My3cents]

Why? I serve lunch at 11:30 as that's the time that the other kids start getting hungry anyway and it makes the transition from lunch into naptime easier. In group care it's better to think about what benefits the whole group, not one individual child so if her changing the lunch time to better meet her needs and the needs of the other kids then why not? This one kid already doesn't eat unch anyway.


Back to OP:
If it works best for the general group I don't see the problem in changing the lunch time, especially if he doesn't eat it anyway. He's not missing out on anything that he wasn't missing out on before. I would just let the other DCP's know about the change, it sounds like a good idea to me if it works better for you and the other kids. The DCB isnt eating lunch anyway so it won't affect him. You can't do anything about DCM and what she serves DCB at what time so I would start with letting her know about the change first. Just make sure you explain it to her the same way you explained here "Hey Sally. I'm changing lunch time to 11:30am starting on [date]. It works better for the group at that time. Timmy doesn't eat lunch anyway since you always stop to get him something to eat before dropping him off so it won't affect him at all except now he won;t have to sit at the table while the rest of the kids eat. It's a win win all the way around" and go from there. Who knows, maybe she'll change her mind about giving him a snack before DC.

I would do this too. I would also say to her instead of a snack maybe you could just feed him lunch from now on before arrival. I do lunch around 11:30 too and for the same reasons, this is when the group was starting to get hungry and tuckered out. It works well. If we don't hit it right at that time I don't worry either, a bit flexible but always shooting for this time and they know!

I also have parents that bring the child to care with snack and I see it all. I take it away if I feel it is not appropriate for daycare. I was flat out told it was because the child transitions better this way. Helloooooo who is the parent here. Ok make me be the heavy. Ugh