Letting A Family Go :( Support Please

[rhymia1]

I recently started three siblings with no prior dc experience. A 4 yo and 2 yo twins. One twin cries all.day.long. the other cries for about three hours mid day (tired but refuses to nap) and the kicker is the 4 yo who cries on and off all day long, mostly when he doesn't get his way The 4 yo also gets the twins going. They could be playing well, and he starts sobbing and then they start. All refuse to nap, which would be fine, except they scream, cry and gag the entire time so others who need to nap are not.
I did not go in blindly and I knew there would be challenges, but the all day crying is too much. The other children in my care are starting to take on the behaviors - and I've had all of them since they were infants. If I just had the twins OR the 4 yo I think we would be fine. But I've seen NO improvement in three weeks. I do think the parents had some "nanny" like expectations, and I can't meet them and still be legal.
I found out yesterday that their grandmother told my summer assistant that she would be surprised if they were able to stay in dc because the oldest is so spoiled... (I can only think how bad it is if GRANDMA says so!)
In any event, I have never let a family go during the trial period before, but it's clear that they are not a good fit for my program. Honestly I can't think of a program they would be a good fit for I think a nanny would be best.
This is a very delicate situation in that we know the family socially outside of child care, I've already let them know that the kids seemed very upset/anxious despite many changes I've made to acclimate them, and that if we don't turn a major corner by the end of the week I will have to give notice.
Ugh, I hate this.

[littlemissmuffet]

I recently started three siblings with no prior dc experience. A 4 yo and 2 yo twins. One twin cries all.day.long. the other cries for about three hours mid day (tired but refuses to nap) and the kicker is the 4 yo who cries on and off all day long, mostly when he doesn't get his way The 4 yo also gets the twins going. They could be playing well, and he starts sobbing and then they start. All refuse to nap, which would be fine, except they scream, cry and gag the entire time so others who need to nap are not.
I did not go in blindly and I knew there would be challenges, but the all day crying is too much. The other children in my care are starting to take on the behaviors - and I've had all of them since they were infants. If I just had the twins OR the 4 yo I think we would be fine. But I've seen NO improvement in three weeks. I do think the parents had some "nanny" like expectations, and I can't meet them and still be legal.
I found out yesterday that their grandmother told my summer assistant that she would be surprised if they stayed in dc because the oldest is so spoiled...
In any event, I have never let a family go during the trial period before, but it's clear that they are not a good fit for my program. Honestly I can't think of a program they would be a good fit for I think a nanny would be best.
This is a very delicate situation in that we know the family socially outside of child care, I've already let them know that the kids seemed very upset/anxious despite many changes I've made to acclimate them, and that if we don't turn a major corner by the end of the week I will have to give notice.
Ugh, I hate this.

You've already given them fair warning. I'm certain they won't be shocked (though they may pretend to be) when you explain to them that your program isn't for their children - afterall, the parents KNOW how much these kids cry and whine too
These parents might be upset - most parents are when terminated - but that simply cannot be your primary focus right now. You and those three kids are unhappy and it's your responsibility to end the dayacre relationship. Chin up, it will all work out fine.

[lovemykidstoo]

That is hard, but you have tried your best. I don't see your situation getting any better. Good that you told them that it wasn't working so far. They won't be surprised and I'm sure they're expecting it. I had to term 2 families before that were in our social circle and it was fine. People know how their kids are. As long as you do it in a respectful way and I know by your posts that you will you'll be fine. As soon as you talk to them, you will have a weight taken off your shoulders. Or 3 weights in this situation LOL! Good luck, you're doing the right thing!

[DaisyMamma]

How long ago did they start?
I had a 2 yo who never went to daycare or away from mom. He cried for at least two weeks straight. Once he adjusted he was the best child in the class.

[rhymia1]

How long ago did they start?
I had a 2 yo who never went to daycare or away from mom. He cried for at least two weeks straight. Once he adjusted he was the best child in the class.

They have been here three weeks. If it were just one child, I think we would be fine by now - even if we still had occasional crying. But instead of helping each other settle, they seem to be feeding off each other's aniexty. I do think the 4 yo needs to be separated from the 2 yo, and maybe that would help - but no way to do that in my home day care. We don't really have centers in our town.
In my years of doing this by week 3 there was *some* visable signs of improvement. Not perfection, mind you, but some light at the end of the tunnel. The all day crying and especially the screaming/crying/gagging from the 4 yo during quiet time is just more than I can/want to deal with.

[Blackcat31]

(((hugs))) to you. It is hard to come to the realization that a family is just not fitting in. But it is ok too! It is ok to say you are not the right place for the kids. I think that makes you a great provider!

A bad provider would simply just stick it out and not admit that it wasn't working. That is so unhealthy for the kids, the current daycare kids and yourself!

I am sorry they aren't working out but it is obviously not due to anything you are or aren't doing. Sounds to me like you tried EVERYTHING and nothing is working so you have no other choice but to term.

I hope you don't have trouble filling spaces as 3 kids are tough to replace all at once. Wishing you the best and hoping you are ok with it all.

[rhymia1]

(((hugs))) to you. It is hard to come to the realization that a family is just not fitting in. But it is ok too! It is ok to say you are not the right place for the kids. I think that makes you a great provider!

A bad provider would simply just stick it out and not admit that it wasn't working. That is so unhealthy for the kids, the current daycare kids and yourself!

I am sorry they aren't working out but it is obviously not due to anything you are or aren't doing. Sounds to me like you tried EVERYTHING and nothing is working so you have no other choice but to term.

I hope you don't have trouble filling spaces as 3 kids are tough to replace all at once. Wishing you the best and hoping you are ok with it all.

Thank you! I've had more than one person say "but it's *only* been three weeks!" I'm not sure how long you are supposed to try to get a square peg to fit in a round hole? I feel like if I were to keep them for 3 months or 5 months then terminate it would be worse.

[DaisyMamma]

They have been here three weeks. If it were just one child, I think we would be fine by now - even if we still had occasional crying. But instead of helping each other settle, they seem to be feeding off each other's aniexty. I do think the 4 yo needs to be separated from the 2 yo, and maybe that would help - but no way to do that in my home day care. We don't really have centers in our town.
In my years of doing this by week 3 there was *some* visable signs of improvement. Not perfection, mind you, but some light at the end of the tunnel. The all day crying and especially the screaming/crying/gagging from the 4 yo during quiet time is just more than I can/want to deal with.

Yea, that's a long three weeks and I don't blame you one bit. I agree that they need a nanny.

[MyAngels]

I know it's hard, but it sounds like you're doing the right thing. Maybe by terminating care, you will help the parents realize they need to deal with the behavior at home and it will end up being better for them in the long run.

[MarinaVanessa]

Thank you! I've had more than one person say "but it's *only* been three weeks!" I'm not sure how long you are supposed to try to get a square peg to fit in a round hole? I feel like if I were to keep them for 3 months or 5 months then terminate it would be worse.

I had one girl come that would scream-cry for 15-20 increments all day long. She didn't even make it passed the first week. The other kids were becoming upset and covering their ears while staring at her with distraught faces. It broke my heart that the other kids were unhappy and she had only been here 3 days. I let them go on the 4th day and it was so calm around here and the kids went back to playing normally and peacefully. If you feel it's right for you don't hesitate. Only you know what you can and can't (or won't) handle. lovethis

[cheerfuldom]

If it makes you feel any better, I terminated one cryer after two days.....it was so intense and constant that I just couldnt bear any more than the two days. I would never have made it for two weeks. The other kids were having to deal with this siren noise ALL day long and it was just impossible.

As for the 3, you have done what your could and like you said, you may have made more progress with the kids separated but at this point, you are outnumbered and they are feeding off each other and making the other kids miserable. I absolutely feel for you. I am transitioning a 3.5 year old here to daycare that has never had anyone but a nanny before. Oh the crying and dramatics coming from that child.....yikes....I could never do 3 of that sort at once. I am barely hanging on for the one! She also has the other kids (that have been here forever...or even my own kids) crying for mommy and repeating the phrases and sounds that she makes so I know how hard that is.

Wish you the best. I think you are doing the right thing

[rhymia1]

If it makes you feel any better, I terminated one cryer after two days.....it was so intense and constant that I just couldnt bear any more than the two days. I would never have made it for two weeks. The other kids were having to deal with this siren noise ALL day long and it was just impossible.

As for the 3, you have done what your could and like you said, you may have made more progress with the kids separated but at this point, you are outnumbered and they are feeding off each other and making the other kids miserable. I absolutely feel for you. I am transitioning a 3.5 year old here to daycare that has never had anyone but a nanny before. Oh the crying and dramatics coming from that child.....yikes....I could never do 3 of that sort at once. I am barely hanging on for the one! She also has the other kids (that have been here forever...or even my own kids) crying for mommy and repeating the phrases and sounds that she makes so I know how hard that is.

Wish you the best. I think you are doing the right thing

YES!!! When the 3.5 yo dc boy I've had since he was 4 months started crying for mom mid day, I knew it was time! I've had my assistant come in several times on her days off, just so we can divide and conquer. While that helps, it costs me $15 an hour for that solution and that's not sustainable.

[rhymia1]

And to top today off, the 4 yo is crying for his mama, except when he pauses to ask me a questions or chat He's upset because I won't let him sit on his brothers who are finally sleeping to wake them up.
I'm honestly just ready to call the parents and have them pick them up.

[cheerfuldom]

And to top today off, the 4 yo is crying for his mama, except when he pauses to ask me a questions or chat He's upset because I won't let him sit on his brothers who are finally sleeping to wake them up.
I'm honestly just ready to call the parents and have them pick them up.

Have you considered allowing the twins to stay longer to keep trying to adjust and just terming the 4 year old? Maybe the parents would be open to separating the kids in order to avoid terming. maybe the 4 year old really belongs around kids his age or older and needs to be separated from the "babies". I would imagine that his parents accept his behavior partially because it is easy to just lump all the kids together and accept 2 year old behavior from him.

[countrymom]

wow, can the 4 yr old go to preschool. Sounds like the 4 yr old is the problem. Who was watching the kids before you had them. If they have never been in care before then where were they.