My DS's Tantrums!!!-OT

[EchoMom]

Please give me any advice you might have...

My DS is 12 months but acts much much more like a 2 year old. He's been walking since 10months and has excellent spatial sense and control of his body. We've been doing home daycare since he was 4 months. He has ALWAYS been an intense, high needs baby, ALWAYS.

He is extremely social and LOVES the DCKs. He is so confident and brave, but only if I'm with him. The minute I attempt to leave him for Sunday school or leave him with grandma (who sees him EVERYDAY, she lives downstairs), he is a basketcase screaming crying his brains out.

He is a monster in the car seat, for diaper changes, change his clothes, trim his nails, brush his teeth, stay in your seat when eating, etc. ANYTHING that means that he is inconvenienced, restricted, or uncomfortable in any way at all he throughs INSANE tantrums. You would think someone was killing him or he was on fire!!!

The SECOND I attempt to put him in a crib or PNP he goes balistic. Even if I put him in his bedroom WITH other kids WITH toys and put up a baby gate to keep him safe for a bit while I clean up he goes INSANE.

WHAT do I do???!!!! I am still nursing him and he still nurses down for both his 2 naps and bedtime and in the morning, and all night... We co-sleep too so he never ever is in his crib, ever. He makes it almost impossible to do my job taking care of the other kids when he's like this! When he's free to do as he pleases he is the happiest kid ever, but the second I put a boundary in place or can't attend to him he's horrible.

[Blackcat31]

Please give me any advice you might have...

My DS is 12 months but acts much much more like a 2 year old. He's been walking since 10months and has excellent spatial sense and control of his body. We've been doing home daycare since he was 4 months. He has ALWAYS been an intense, high needs baby, ALWAYS.

He is extremely social and LOVES the DCKs. He is so confident and brave, but only if I'm with him. The minute I attempt to leave him for Sunday school or leave him with grandma (who sees him EVERYDAY, she lives downstairs), he is a basketcase screaming crying his brains out.

He is a monster in the car seat, for diaper changes, change his clothes, trim his nails, brush his teeth, stay in your seat when eating, etc. ANYTHING that means that he is inconvenienced, restricted, or uncomfortable in any way at all he throughs INSANE tantrums. You would think someone was killing him or he was on fire!!!

The SECOND I attempt to put him in a crib or PNP he goes balistic. Even if I put him in his bedroom WITH other kids WITH toys and put up a baby gate to keep him safe for a bit while I clean up he goes INSANE.

WHAT do I do???!!!! I am still nursing him and he still nurses down for both his 2 naps and bedtime and in the morning, and all night... We co-sleep too so he never ever is in his crib, ever. He makes it almost impossible to do my job taking care of the other kids when he's like this! When he's free to do as he pleases he is the happiest kid ever, but the second I put a boundary in place or can't attend to him he's horrible.

:::: I am soooooo NOT laughing at you but WITH you as I too had a baby like this. He is 21 (today as a matter of fact) and I thought I would never live through his early years.

I wanted 4 kids but have only 2 and he is my youngest. I sometimes tease him and say that he was excellent birth control!!

I sometimes think that the ones that are really smart or advanced also have the most issues with anger because although they are smart there are just certain things (Impulse control, frustration ) that just happen with age and can't be pushed.

He is angry because he can't do something or have something (which is smart) but can't handle the frustration yet because he is so young....make sense? Eventually all those things will catch up with each other, but in the meantime, I would just keep being firm and setting limits (for his and everyone else's protection...LOL!) and pray you make it through....

FWIW~ My son is now the most sweetest, easy going, happiest young man you will ever meet!

[EchoMom]

Thanks BlackCat, I needed to hear that! He's just so so DRIVEN. He's only a baby, you wouldn't think a baby could be described in such adult terms. He's just not the type to relax and lounge around, he pushes himself to develop so quickly, but yes, anger and frustration explode out of him when his goal is blocked!

I'm so glad your son mellowed out in adulthood, I'll keep reminding myself of that.

[Jessie]

Without knowing your son, it's hard to be of too much help, but with the sleeping stuff, I had very similar issues.

My daughter could only be nursed/rocked to sleep until she was about 13 months old. This made naptime really difficult, and made me really stress and fear naptime - could I get her down without her crying and waking up the rest of the kids, would she sleep through my designated rest time and not wake up the other kids after her short little naps, etc.

What really helped me was to get her off nursing to sleep - Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution" book was really helpful for this. I'm totally not against nursing to sleep, but it really stopped working for us when it came to naps during daycare hours, and for other reasons - my daughter couldn't sleep more than a couple hours at night without waking up to nurse. (But that's a whole other story.) Just a thought, but you might find that it helps your day run more more smoothly, and your son is old enough that he should be able to fall asleep on his own.

Good luck!

[NiNi.R.]

:::: I am soooooo NOT laughing at you but WITH you as I too had a baby like this. He is 21 (today as a matter of fact) and I thought I would never live through his early years.

I wanted 4 kids but have only 2 and he is my youngest. I sometimes tease him and say that he was excellent birth control!!

I sometimes think that the ones that are really smart or advanced also have the most issues with anger because although they are smart there are just certain things (Impulse control, frustration ) that just happen with age and can't be pushed.

He is angry because he can't do something or have something (which is smart) but can't handle the frustration yet because he is so young....make sense? Eventually all those things will catch up with each other, but in the meantime, I would just keep being firm and setting limits (for his and everyone else's protection...LOL!) and pray you make it through....

FWIW~ My son is now the most sweetest, easy going, happiest young man you will ever meet!

My girl and first born was also like this. By 18 months old she had the vocabulary of a 3 year old. She was everything the OP described...She would throw fits that lasted an hour over something I considered small. Generally fits don't bug me but after minutes and minutes after it...I thought I'd go crazy and I certainly didn't believe I was going to survive parenthood.

I look back now and I think because she talked so well I also expected her to have the same reasoning and comprehension skills that an older child would have. I swear the day she turned 3 she snapped out of it. Or she finally gained those skills I was expecting her to already have.

She is 4.5 now and is seriously one of the most well behaved children I've ever came across. Honestly, I'm not just saying that because she is mine::
I love having conversations with her now and it's easy to see now that she is a very analytical mind. Something she gets from her father

I'm not going to lie though. I'm terrified for her teenage years! ::

[EchoMom]

Any thoughts about seperation anxiety with intense/high needs babies/toddlers???

I have tried on and off to put my DS when he was younger in the nursery at Sunday school but he would freak out even from a very young age (again, too smart for his own good!) and we've never been successful with it and I don't push it very much. But now he's 12 months and I'm trying to volunteer to serve in the Sunday school rooms too and I can't leave him in the one year olds room because he freaks the second I leave and won't calm down at all for them.

What do I do???? Is he just not ready? Am I supposed to just leave him for an hour and let him wail? That seems extremely traumatizing.

[Blackcat31]

Any thoughts about seperation anxiety with intense/high needs babies/toddlers???

I have tried on and off to put my DS when he was younger in the nursery at Sunday school but he would freak out even from a very young age (again, too smart for his own good!) and we've never been successful with it and I don't push it very much. But now he's 12 months and I'm trying to volunteer to serve in the Sunday school rooms too and I can't leave him in the one year olds room because he freaks the second I leave and won't calm down at all for them.

What do I do???? Is he just not ready? Am I supposed to just leave him for an hour and let him wail? That seems extremely traumatizing.

I have no idea what to do about the separation anxiety because my son got kicked out of 2 daycares due to his separation issues so ultimately that is the entire reason I have a daycare now. I had a full time, well paying job with benefits and summers off but my child was the high needs, rage babies the providers here post about so I became a child care provider. (*sigh*)