Seasoned in daycare, but new to the forum - tell me what you think ...

[blandino]

As I said in the title, I am season in daycare (my mother has owned and operated a daycare since 2004 - and I have operated it with her since 2009). Like most who have been doing this a long time - we have seen a spectrum of things - and from experience have developed a lot of policies and rules regarding them - and run our daycare accordingly.

However, today we had a grandmother of a prospective client stop by unannounced to see the daycare. Keep in mind the child was not enrolled, let alone in care at the time she wanted to be let in. I have met the child & his mother - but have never met the grandmother. So when she dropped in at nap (waking a few of the children) - I didn't allow her in and spoke with her at the door. This woman was a complete stranger to us and most importantly I don't feel it is safe to allow a stranger in the home with children present. But also, we were more than a lot turned off that she was so sneaky and distrusting - to not call and make an appointment before hand (as we had mentioned to her daughter). We feel like she was trying to catch us off-guard.

A little bit of background - this woman is a friend of a friend (who is also a daycare provider) and when the little boy was with my friend the grandmother was extremely overbearing and distrusting and had attitude that she was the boss in the childcare situation. So obviously this was the icing on the cake. We called the mother tonight and told her that we would be unable to place the child. Part of me feels like this was an overreaction - but the other part of me feels like this is habitual behavior for the grandmother - and was really starting off on the wrong foot by trying to catch us unprepared.

I have a complete open door policy for parents of enrolled children - and I don't really care if they catch me unprepared - as it doesn't really matter if they see the day as it really is. But for this woman to feel entitled, the way she did just set the wrong tone and I could imagine it would only get worse from that point. What do you think ?

[rhymia1]

I would say yes *If* the mom and little boy would have been a good fit, then I would have talked with mom to let her know that what happened today could never, ever happen again. That your contract is between the two of you - not Grandma. That you would only be discussing issues with her, not Grandma.
BUT, if you were already unsure about the situation - maybe mom is passive and let's Grandma run the show? Maybe the child is too much for child care? Then you probably dodged a bullet

[Crazy8]

I think you made the right decision knowing the situation with the last child care provider. Had it not been for that I would have thought you might have jumped the gun, not everyone understands that a home daycare isn't like a center in the way of "just stopping in to check it out" (even some centers don't allow that) but based on the history of grandma and the last daycare I'm going to say you saved yourself a future headache!

[Blackcat31]

I think you made the right decision knowing the situation with the last child care provider. Had it not been for that I would have thought you might have jumped the gun, not everyone understands that a home daycare isn't like a center in the way of "just stopping in to check it out" (even some centers don't allow that) but based on the history of grandma and the last daycare I'm going to say you saved yourself a future headache!

I kind of agree and kind of disagree that knowing the situation from the other provider was actually helpful or not.

I have gotten several families from other providers who "warned" me about things and rather than simply not enroll, I took the opportunity to let the prospective parent know how I run my program. Regardless of how the relationship was with a previous provider.

I do agree though that this grandmother was overstepping her boundaries and I personally, would have called the mom and chatted with her about the situation and ultimately found out if the mom would have been able to rein the grandmother in or supported the grandmother's actions.

If she supported them, I would have declined enrollment and told her exactly why. If she didn't agree with grandmother, I would have enrolled (if they were a good fit) and made darn sure she kept the grandmother under control or risk losing her space.

In the grandmother's defense, many articles tell you to drop in to prospective child cares you are interested in and "catch" them off guard to really get a good idea how things run. I have read this apply to BOTH centers and home child cares. I would have thought they meant parents not grand parents but many families are multi-generational and feel that ALL family members have a say in the child's upbringing.

Either way, if you aren't struggling to fill your space then I suppose you can chalk it all up to dodging a bullet but I guess I wouldn't have been so put-off by the grandmother and would have welcomed the opportunity to let her know how I run MY business and that I am the one in charge and will discuss necessary issues with the mother of the child ONLY and no one else.

[blandino]

Thanks ladies.

I definitely felt like I showed her how I ran my business when I didn't let her through the door (despite her pushiness and insistence). I told her that we don't allow unscheduled drop-ins from strangers. I definitely get your point when it comes to showing her that I am the one in charge, and I like your viewpoint.

I was already uncomfortable with the situation (mom was wanting to send her own meals - and they hinted that nap time might be "trouble for me") and I was worried about how they would fit in - so I feel like I was given a warning sign. It wasn't a big deal to not fill the spot, and actually yesterday one of my part timers asked to start coming the same days - so that part worked out fine.

[cheerfuldom]

Thanks ladies.

I definitely felt like I showed her how I ran my business when I didn't let her through the door (despite her pushiness and insistence). I told her that we don't allow unscheduled drop-ins from strangers. I definitely get your point when it comes to showing her that I am the one in charge, and I like your viewpoint.

I was already uncomfortable with the situation (mom was wanting to send her own meals - and they hinted that nap time might be "trouble for me") and I was worried about how they would fit in - so I feel like I was given a warning sign. It wasn't a big deal to not fill the spot, and actually yesterday one of my part timers asked to start coming the same days - so that part worked out fine.

glad it worked out. clearly there were plenty of red flags with this family.