Severe Separation Anxiety or Spoiled?

[momofthree211614]

I have been doing day care for 11 years, and teaching multiple aged children in center based daycare for 11 years before that, and have never come across a child like "Mikki" Mikki is an 8 month old who has been in my care a month now. And unless she is NEXT to me she SCREAMS. Constantly. She will not play with her peers for more than 5 minutes, before she starts screaming. I can not use the bathroom, make a meal or leave the room without her screaming. I do not give in, I do allow her to scream, I verbally reassure her, I am here, you are ok. You are not alone the kids are with you and I will be back after I... Some days I can't even sit on the other side of the room where my computer is, to take observation note during free play, without her screaming. My computer is on the other side of a gate in the same room, due to the placement of my pellet stove. She will stand at the gate, less than 3 feet from me screaming, trying to climb the gate, shaking it, trying to get me to come back. the minute I go back over to the other side of the room, she stops, and goes to play.
I have spoken to Mom and Dad and they have seen it at home, my problem is I believe they are giving in. I have also spoken to the Grandma who says that she has no gates at home keeping her from following mom and dad everywhere. My other proof of that is that by Friday I can get her to play along with her peers for longer periods of time. Monday is screaming h3ll around here.

Anyone have suggestions? I do let her cry it out, I have too I have 4 other preschool age kids and a second infant starting in a few weeks. I can not put her into an excersaucer or jumperoo, that is instant melt down since she has learned to crawl, she hates being confined. She hates the high chair unless she's eating. Even with toys on the tray, she will push and push with her hands and feet trying to get the tray off.
Thank you for your time, the kids and I appreciate any imput.

[Blackcat31]

I had one the exact same way. He cried non-stop from the day he was enrolled at 4 months until the day he went on summer break with his mom at 11.5 months (His mom is a teacher).

He cried no matter what I did except when I held him. He screamed more than he cried. I tried EVERYTHING....nothing worked. Mom had kind of an attached parenting type parent and tried pretty hard to make sure he was "taught" how to be in daycare but no such luck. I know mom worked hard at it but I don't think she was as adamant as I was about letting him scream when he was mad and trying to learn the difference between needs and wants with this little guy.

I assume it was harder for her since she is his mother but lordy, if I didn't feel like I really really liked this family and kind of clicked with this little guy I would have termed after the first month. My other DCK's even grew to hate the days he was present.

My story has a happy ending though and the little guy went home for summer break with mom and I made a promise to myself that if he came back in late August the same way I would NOT keep him as I couldn't deal any more with all constant screaming which had morphed in to full out tantrums by this point.

Well, wouldn't ya know he starts back full time the last week in August and is the happiest most well adjusted kid I have ever had. I have no clue (neither does mom) what changed, other than he isn't an infant anymore but we are both sooooo relieved. He is happy and easy going, sleeps awesome and loves playing with the other kids.

I don't really have any advice I guess for you except that if had to do it again, I am not sure I would. It was hard and if mom isn't 100% on board and the screaming is getting to the other kids it gets exhausting and mentally draining. I would personally set a deadline for improvement and if there is none by that date, I would let her go as I am sure you nor the other kids can stand to do this much longer.

I think it is really important though that mom is on board with helping change her behaviors or they will probably not get any better.

[cheerfuldom]

I also had one kid like this that I finally had to term at 12 months because I just couldnt do it anymore. I tried everything. I think some kids are just very demanding, unhappy babies and this appeared to be the case with my cryer. She finally grew out of it at closer to 18 months after she went to a much larger daycare. I would imagine that they just let her cry all day and she eventually gave up because the ratio there was about 3 or 4 times of mine.