Vent....I Have Never Been So Frustrated

[Unregistered]

I am a regular that has logged out.

I am on the verge of tears. I have been doing this for about 10 years and have never ever been so frustrated, irritated, upset and just at a loss.

Most of my frustration is due to my dcf's.......

Dont get me wrong, I have great families, they are great people...But I am really just wondering if there is a real PARENT left out there in this world.
What I mean is that parents dont parent anymore. At least not where I am from.

I have 12 dcks. Some are PT some are FT. I would say that 10 out of those 12 are sent to me daily with a tummy full of crap, candy, soda, and what not. My clients have MONEY, so that is not a reason for this. It's simply lack of parenting and the ability to say NO.

Then I have a family that is the MY KID MUST BE POTTY TRAINED now and will not take no for an answer. I know we all say let the kid go if he doesnt work out for your program, but I think that I could find one thing about every single kid here that does not workout for my program, however, they are minor enough that I can move on with my day. I would be out of business and broke if I had to let every kid go that had flaws in relations to my program.

UGH...............................and after writing this, I still don't feel any better...

am I the only one that feels like there are no longer parents that actually parent their child ????

[Blackcat31]

I am sorry you are feeling so frustrated. I guess if you do this job long enough you definitely see the parenting styles and teachniques change over time to meet the newest and latest trends in society.

Some of the thing that are now completely normal to do as a parent now were not ok or acceptable a few years ago.

I always tell my friends that I will never retire from doing child care because of the children. I will be driven out of business due to the parents.

Of course, I have to earn enough of a nest egg to retire and the way it is looking right now....I can't even afford to die so I will be doing this forever. LOL!

Hang in there. Find ways to refresh yourself. Rearrange your room/furniture. Take an unplanned veer from your normal daily routine. Have snack early. Throw down some pillows and cushions and just have a fun time having a pillow fight or make a tent fort with the table and chairs.

Find your inner child and play with her! I know this job has a high burn out rate but also know that the parents who frustrate you are the ones who are losing out. We get to play with their kid. We get to spend a majority of waking hours with them. We get to have all those fun moments that they miss while at their jobs or where ever they may be that they aren't with their child.

We really are making a difference in these kids' lives and no matter how many times we aren't thanked, or are forgotten about on our birthdays and holidays, no matter how many parents see us as the babysitter or hired help, no matter how many memos that get sent home and ignored or discussions get forgotten about the minute they leave our driveway doesn't really matter.

The smiling faces you see every morning greeting you are what REALLY matters.

[crazydaycarelady]

I have to agree that this job would be A LOT easier if it wasn't for the parents!

[Nickel]

I haven't been doing daycare that long, but I no what you mean about the parents! I can't believe what is now acceptable compared to years ago! Jeez... I think there is a serious lack of parenting in my area. Many times we've been at the store and saw kids screaming at their parents or even cursing at them and these are young kids. 6-10 years old. My husband and I both look at our girls and tell them, if you ever behaved like that I will beat your butt right in front of all these people!!!! And we don't spank our children. well, very rarely. But you don't have to spank in order for effective parenting. But that's another topic all together!

So, no you are not the only one who thinks this way!!!

[Unregistered]

My computer won't let me log in today! Ahh~!

I think that since we work in the field of childcare/education, we naturally tend to see the demographic of parents that are ok with leaving their child in alternate care for extended periods of time. These are also parents who obviously value their work life vs. spending time with their child. I work in a wealthy neighborhood with very high tuition rates for care and I KNOW that both parents don't *need* to be working to support their child. This is a choice they are making. I can understand if there is a single mom or something making ends meet and using care while she works to support her family, but its sometimes very difficult to understand how a family can afford $3,200 a month in full-time care for two toddlers. (The rates at our center.) Obviously income isn't an issue here for these parents.

I also get a ton of comments like, "Wow Bobby NEVER eats at home. Bobby never sits at the table at home. Bobby is never acts this great at home." Well, it's called structure, routine, and mindful discipline. You should try it!!!!

Just remember what a huge difference you are making in the life and development of these children and try to keep a smile on your face. I know it's frustrating but you can be such a wonderful influence for these kids. Hang in there.

[momma2girls]

I keep saying the same thing over and over. I have been providing care now over 9 yrs. and it seems like yr. after Yr. it get worse and worse!!!!!!!

[My3cents]

I am a regular that has logged out.

I am on the verge of tears. I have been doing this for about 10 years and have never ever been so frustrated, irritated, upset and just at a loss.

Most of my frustration is due to my dcf's.......

Dont get me wrong, I have great families, they are great people...But I am really just wondering if there is a real PARENT left out there in this world.
What I mean is that parents dont parent anymore. At least not where I am from.

I have 12 dcks. Some are PT some are FT. I would say that 10 out of those 12 are sent to me daily with a tummy full of crap, candy, soda, and what not. My clients have MONEY, so that is not a reason for this. It's simply lack of parenting and the ability to say NO.

Then I have a family that is the MY KID MUST BE POTTY TRAINED now and will not take no for an answer. I know we all say let the kid go if he doesnt work out for your program, but I think that I could find one thing about every single kid here that does not workout for my program, however, they are minor enough that I can move on with my day. I would be out of business and broke if I had to let every kid go that had flaws in relations to my program.

UGH...............................and after writing this, I still don't feel any better...

am I the only one that feels like there are no longer parents that actually parent their child ????

The family that is screaming the child must be potty trained now needs to be told. It begins at home first.

What happens at home we can not control, but when the kids are with us we do have some control. Kids are like sponges, they love to learn, they like routine, consistency, rules, and boundaries. Worry about the time they are with you and not home life- you can't control that and you will drive yourself batty trying.

We all have flaws- having understanding for other people is a big part of this job, even when we don't have understanding.

Many people feel the same way as you do- it has become taboo to talk about it, because we are somewhat ****ered into this new age way of parenting. I feel you need to find a balance of what works for you, and your children. The variables have been upped but the core principals are still there.

Anywhooooo happy thursday and thank you for the nap time break- back to work I go, hi ho hi ho.....

[itlw8]

I wish I knew what I know now back when my boys were small. I made many mistakes We all do. But they turned out fine.

As far as working. years off from a profession can really delay or cut short a career so not working may not be an option when they look at their future. They work now so they can send the kids to college or retire someday.

The other thing parents have not had all the training I have in early childhood development and they would not do all the activities I do with the group.So sending the child is a good thing. All we can do is keep feeding the children healthy foods and let the parents know they eat it and like it.

I had a mom work for nothing one year after paying childcare for 3 children. But she had great benifits and her dh had none. So she worked for her ins until grandma retired and took the little ones.

I have been reading a book I found at my Mothers. It was printed in 1939. Written by a nursery school teacher and dietition. She said parents are surprised how much better their children eat at school. But they are with their peers in childsize furniture and the meals are simple but tasty.

[HappyPennie]

I am sorry you are feeling so frustrated. I guess if you do this job long enough you definitely see the parenting styles and teachniques change over time to meet the newest and latest trends in society.

Some of the thing that are now completely normal to do as a parent now were not ok or acceptable a few years ago.

I always tell my friends that I will never retire from doing child care because of the children. I will be driven out of business due to the parents.

Of course, I have to earn enough of a nest egg to retire and the way it is looking right now....I can't even afford to die so I will be doing this forever. LOL!

Hang in there. Find ways to refresh yourself. Rearrange your room/furniture. Take an unplanned veer from your normal daily routine. Have snack early. Throw down some pillows and cushions and just have a fun time having a pillow fight or make a tent fort with the table and chairs.

Find your inner child and play with her! I know this job has a high burn out rate but also know that the parents who frustrate you are the ones who are losing out. We get to play with their kid. We get to spend a majority of waking hours with them. We get to have all those fun moments that they miss while at their jobs or where ever they may be that they aren't with their child.

We really are making a difference in these kids' lives and no matter how many times we aren't thanked, or are forgotten about on our birthdays and holidays, no matter how many parents see us as the babysitter or hired help, no matter how many memos that get sent home and ignored or discussions get forgotten about the minute they leave our driveway doesn't really matter.

The smiling faces you see every morning greeting you are what REALLY matters.

I LOVE this and it is so true! I find myself getting frustrated a lot lately with one of my families. This week has been especially stressful for me and I couldn't have read your post at a better time. Thank you for sharing your great words of wisdom happyface

[momofthree211614]

I feel your pain

I have been doing home day care for 11 years and center based 11 before that. And I have a degree in education. I have been treated as if I am a glorified baby sitter, to a prized employee, to a friend by some of my clients.

I took on a set of twins about 5 years ago. Now I have an open door policy as required by my home state. When these two started, they were 16 or 17 months old, I can't remember. Their parents had both worked, and the dad's parents had come in from another country to take care of them. At this time the parents were returning home so they searched out day care. I took them on, knowing they'd be full time. On the first day the kids arrived, with Grandpa in tow. Dad says , we'd feel more comfortable if my dad stayed for a bit. Knowing I had an open door policy, I said sure for today, but that if it continued I would have to have grandpa fill out a CORI check. Dad assured me grandpa would be gone by lunch time not to worry.
Well Grandpa didn't leave, nor did he allow the kids to interact with myself or the other kids, unless they needed a diaper change. So after lunch when Dad called to check I had to have him talk to dad. He assured me Dad wouldn't come the next day. He did. I was told Grandpa would leave before Lunch, and Dad even called to make him leave. Well the grandpa stood in my driveway for an hour before leaving listening at the door.
Then when he got home he called me three time in an hour, as well as the three or four calls each a day call I got from mom and dad.

Well it took a week but I got rid of grandpa all together. Kids were doing well when they got sick second week of care. That was hell, because neither parent was in a hurry to come get the kids even though I insisted they were ill and that a fever of 102 was a reason that they MUST go home by state regs. When they finally took them to the doctors, yeap, double ear infections. So they got over that. Grandparents left for home and all of a sudden mom decided she doesn't like her job. And that she's like to keep the kids home and have me save their slot until she could find a better job, that could take at least 8 to 10 weeks, was her claim.
At the time I had a 8 week leave of absence clause in my contract for teachers. These kids had been in my care 3 weeks when she wanted to use this clause. I thought about it and explained that the clause was for teachers, and that their child needed to be in care for a year before they could use it, and that after all the issues I had gone through I was in acting the part of my contract that says either party has 30 days to exit the contract with notice if things just don't work out. They weren't happy, but knew I had my right to do so. And needed to do it.

I learned a lot from taking on those clients. I took that clause out of my contract. I also put into my contract that checks must not be starter checks and from a bank in my state. The three weeks they were there I received three different checks one starter check, one from a bank in Texas, and one in California. I live in Mass. It took weeks for these checks to clear, because they weren't from traditional banks, they were out of some type of funds.