Would You Ever ?

[Unregistered]

Would you ever adopt a dcp's unborn child ? The pregnany is a surprise, and unwanted. She didn't find out till 7 months along. And now has been hinting for us to adopt. We have 1 child who is adopted, and we will only grow our family through adoption due to medical issues. I would want nothing more than to adopt, but Im wondering if it is the right thing to do. This will be a biracial (white/mexican) child. I have known dcm all my life. Race is not an issue with me, but Im sure some people it is. I am sure I would have to find them other care since it would be too hard to have bio mom and bio siblings here all the time.

Just looking for some insight please!

[youretooloud]

It's hard to say.

I have a friend who adopted her sister's child, and it tore the family apart. It would be very hard to come to your house every day and see her birth child as part of your family. It would be very hard on her if you made a decision that she was totally against.

She would have no rights at all, but it would still be hard for her.

Where I am from, Hispanic/white, isn't exactly biracial....it's pretty much the norm here. So, that wouldn't even get a thought.

Beyond the feelings of the birth mother, I would worry that she wasn't taking care of herself during the pregnancy, and you might be taking on some health issues. I didn't take care of myself at all during my first pregnancy. I didn't find out for almost five months, I took medication, drank tea and soda, took super hot baths... SO many things I did wrong, and my child was a very unhealthy baby.

But, so far, those are the only things I can think of that would stop me. I would research open adoption, and go from there. Be prepared for her to change her mind. That would be devastating to me if she changed her mind.

[itlw8]

yes if I was wanting another infant. But if she changes her mind at the end can you deal with it ?

[cheerfuldom]

I would not adopt from a family that I would be seeing on a regular basis....I am assuming you would continue to work with this daycare family and their other child? That seems like too many areas of life overlapping. We have considered an open adoption before but would not consider doing this with anyone local, let alone anyone that we know very well and would be seeing on a daily basis.

[DBug]

I would totally adopt the child. Can you get your homestudy, etc., updated in time? (I'm from Canada, so there may be different requirements where you are ...)

However, I would seriously consider discontinuing care for the family though. If you adopted this dcm's child, she would then be "extended family" in a manner of speaking, and I don't mix business with family.

Most importantly though, do what you believe is in the child's best interests. Having local access to his or her birth mom and siblings is ideal, and you wouldn't have to travel too far for visits .

[Heidi]

Heck Yeah!

If you and your family want another child, do it!

Obviously, it would take a lot of heart-to-hearts, and laying out some ground rules if the sibs still come to your dc. I think it could be done.

[momofsix]

Yes I would at least consider it. We know the birth parents of our 2 dd's that were adopted. (dad is my dh's nephew)
I would make sure you each are represented by someone and be VERY clear about what/any boundaries/limitations/freedoms (for both parents and for grandparents)) will be involved.
I would do as much research as possible on open adoptions and the pros/cons of it. It can be hard when you see the birth parent on a regular basis if you aren't prepared ahead of time with what your guidelines are.
Nanny D once posted an article on her open adoption, but I have no idea where I read it! (maybe someone else has the link?)

I think for a birth mother the thought of releasing her baby to someone she knows and trusts is a lot easier than trusting strangers to raise her child. You should feel honored either way that she trusts you enough to ask you this.

[Unregistered (logged out)]

It is an honor..I am up for the challange, my ds whom is adopted is 2 1/2 and I would love for him to have a little brother. Infant adoptions are hard to come by..Now my dh on the other hand is not so ready..I just spoke with him and he says he is not ready, that we are not ready. Which is hard to hear. I hate the thought of an unborn child having no one to love him..and the sad thing is, I already do the moment I seen his ultrasound picture. I am not giving up hope and I will continue to pray. If he is not meant for me, God has placed me in her path for a reason and I will back dcm all the way..and help her make the best possible decision.

[Loveyoustinkyface]

I think you're pretty lucky if she is hinting around to you to adopt her unborn baby~!

[DBug]

If he is not meant for me, God has placed me in her path for a reason and I will back dcm all the way..and help her make the best possible decision.

SOO true! I'm in the same position as you. Hubby & I started on the adoption process and a few months later, a friend became unexpectedly pregnant. We've been able to track with her as she goes through the process of placing this child for adoption, and as we go through the approval process. We weren't sure if we should step forward until we found out the gender of the child -- the opposite of what CAS would approve us for . Still, we know that we're in each other's lives for a reason. If nothing else, than to have her back when other people ask if she needs baby clothes (or a crib or whatever) and she has to tell them that she's placing.

This dcm is so lucky that you're in her life and that you can help her with the decisions she'll be making, especially since you've already been through it!

And also, give your husband some time to process the idea too, before you both write it off completely. 2.5 years between kids is an ideal span .