DCM Showed Up Early To Hang Out?

[Nickel]

Okay... So I had an awesome weekend with the family. We put up the fence around the play area, played with the kids and jsut had an awesome time spending time together. Mind you my husband works all the time, and we got to spend the entire weekend as a family.

That meant I do zero cleaning. Nothing but general wipe down counters/dishes. I also live in Texas and have dogs. Big dogs, so that meant that there was lots of dust and hair that needed to be picked up this morning.

I no longer have my early dcb screamer, so I woke up at 6:30am did my daughters hair, packed lunch, got a shower and sent my oldest off to school. When I came home I had an hour to vacuum, dust, sweep, mom, scrub kitchen and set up daycare stuff. No problem, I do this every morning.

DCM knocks on my door before 8am! I couldn't believe it. I didn't even have a bra on because I got a bad sunburn and was going to put it on before she got here So I asked her, are you early, or am I late!?!?!

She says no, she was ready so she figured she'd just come over. I apologized and told her I was sorry but I hadn't expected her until 830, so I wasn't ready yet. I let her hold the baby and chit chat with me, while I finished cleaning my house! And I kept thinking, thank god I put my dogs in the crate early today or I would have never gotten them away from the door. AND they have the scariest barks ever! One is a lab and one is a beagle mix that just has this deep, big dog scary bark. He's real gently, but still!

I just coudln't believe it. So finally a little before 830 she puts her daughter in the high chair and gives her some puffs and leaves. I wasn't able to run the vacuum with her here, so I got it out quick and finished up my cleaning while dcg and my daughter were at the table!

I just coudn't believe it. She also stayed for almost an hour last Wednesday when she picked up! So today I'm going to get dcg up at 2pm and feed her her pm snack so when dcm comes there is no reason for her to stay around. I like her, but I do have things I'd like to get done before picking up my own adaughter from school at 3pm.

It would have been one thing if she would have dropped off and left but NOPE. She hung out for about 30 minutes while I cleaned! Wow!

[Willow]

I wouldn't have answered the door.

Or, if I felt obligated to, I would have informed her that she needed to come back at her scheduled time as you weren't ready to start the day yet. No if's and's or buts about it.


You just showed her that what she did was ok, don't be surprised if it happens again.

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

I would have been a little thrown if she was my first for the day (although I always plan 30 min before to be "ready" because I have some that are early people) I didn't have my dishes done this morning before first, or second kidlet arrived. (I have had a dad catch me still in pjs once- good thing I have known him for like 10 years!)
I do love my moms though and often times they are here longer that just dropping off and picking up. They truely are friends at this point. Sometimes it is a cup of coffee or some ice tea.. sometimes it is breakfast or dinner! I think that welcoming them here, dispite the chaos sometimes, makes them more comfortable with their kidlets being here. Sometimes they need someone to listen about their day, or something with kidlet and I understand that. It makes them feel like I am on their side, which generally I am. And if I am not, I try to kindly offer suggestions. I guess I don't just think I watch their kids. I am part of their families. I want to hear about their lives, their jobs etc. If I am in a hurry, I will tell them. One mom stayed to paint with golf balls one day! That is why I consider myself a HOME that happens to have a business in it. My job is to help these moms raise their child. (and sometimes I have had to help raise some moms)

[Heidi]

I would have been a little thrown if she was my first for the day (although I always plan 30 min before to be "ready" because I have some that are early people) I didn't have my dishes done this morning before first, or second kidlet arrived. (I have had a dad catch me still in pjs once- good thing I have known him for like 10 years!)
I do love my moms though and often times they are here longer that just dropping off and picking up. They truely are friends at this point. Sometimes it is a cup of coffee or some ice tea.. sometimes it is breakfast or dinner! I think that welcoming them here, dispite the chaos sometimes, makes them more comfortable with their kidlets being here. Sometimes they need someone to listen about their day, or something with kidlet and I understand that. It makes them feel like I am on their side, which generally I am. And if I am not, I try to kindly offer suggestions. I guess I don't just think I watch their kids. I am part of their families. I want to hear about their lives, their jobs etc. If I am in a hurry, I will tell them. One mom stayed to paint with golf balls one day! That is why I consider myself a HOME that happens to have a business in it. My job is to help these moms raise their child. (and sometimes I have had to help raise some moms)

I guess I am more in this camp, as well. Since I don't have a lot of grown up interactions some days, I like it when my dcp's hang out a bit.

In you scenario, I would have said "oh, that's not a problem, BUT, I have a crap-ton of stuff to do in the next half hour. I'd love to chat, but I'm going to have to work while we visit. How about if you make us a coffee), and I vacuum real quick.."

If I really know them well, I'd probably add..."unless you want to pitch in" (hint hint).

[cheerfuldom]

I have set pickup and drop off times for families, parents are not allowed to hang out at all. I dont babysit parents, just the kids.

Better be careful OP otherwise you might end up with this mom hanging out for hours every week.

[Sunchimes]

My dcm has never arrived more than about 10 minutes early, I think she has a hard enough time getting to work on time as it is. But, she likes to hang around at pick up. Most of the time, I don't care. She hasn't really made any friends here and her family lives in another town. Her work is sort of solitary, so she really doesn't have a chance for grown up talk there, and her husband works long hours, often at night. I think she is desperate to talk to another grown up-it's the only reason I can think of that a hip young kid like her would want to hang out with an old lady the age of her grandma. ::

We talk about the kids, her family, crafts, photography, weekend plans, garage sale finds, etc. If I need her to leave quickly, I tell her, and when I'm through visiting, I pick up the baby and make a show of getting his things together.

The truth is that I'm in much the same boat--not a lot of friends here, my family isn't here (actually, they are in the same town as hers), and it's nice to talk to someone who likes to talk about kids, crafts, and missing our hometown.

[Heidi]

My dcm has never arrived more than about 10 minutes early, I think she has a hard enough time getting to work on time as it is. But, she likes to hang around at pick up. Most of the time, I don't care. She hasn't really made any friends here and her family lives in another town. Her work is sort of solitary, so she really doesn't have a chance for grown up talk there, and her husband works long hours, often at night. I think she is desperate to talk to another grown up-it's the only reason I can think of that a hip young kid like her would want to hang out with an old lady the age of her grandma. ::

We talk about the kids, her family, crafts, photography, weekend plans, garage sale finds, etc. If I need her to leave quickly, I tell her, and when I'm through visiting, I pick up the baby and make a show of getting his things together.

The truth is that I'm in much the same boat--not a lot of friends here, my family isn't here (actually, they are in the same town as hers), and it's nice to talk to someone who likes to talk about kids, crafts, and missing our hometown.

[Country Kids]

I love when my parents stay and talk! It gives me some adult interaction besides my hubs. I could literally go days without another adult to talk to and really thats not healthy.

Maybe she just wanted a lady to talk to for awhile. If it becomes a habit you might let her know you don't have time for it everyday but every once in awhile is great.

I remember one time I was invited to a friends house along with another friend for a planning session of a class we were doing. Well I got there 15 min-30 min early (I'm always early to things) and the other gal was already there too. I thought I would get there early so we could chat and catch up before we started our planning part. Well the next day I received an email about arriving so early and how it messed her families dinner time up, how unprepared she was, etc. and I guess the other gal received one also. I felt really embarressed and never showed up for anything early again if it involved her.

[Nickel]

I appreciate all of your responses. It's not that I don't want adult interaction. I totally get it. My husband works long hours, I don't have a ton of adult friends, and my family isn't in the area.

If the conversation flowed it wouldn't be so bad. But it's awkward. There just isn't much to talk about with her and it doesn't feel comfortable. I'm not sure if that makes sense. And if she wants to chat in the afternoon, great, but I am NOT a morning person and I do NOT want people dropping off earlier than they said they are. I already get up about 6am to get ready for the day. I don't need here coming 30 minutes earlier than expected and I'm not waking up an earlier.

I get it, I really really do. But I don't want someone here in the morning when I'm not prepared for them. Now if my house was spotless and everything was set, we could sit on the floor and play with the kids together. But I could also use that time checking my email, looking that this forum, spending time with my husband before he goes to work, getting my youngest breakfast, cleaning, whatever... It's MY time, and one of the few times of the day that is MINE.

idk, maybe I'm selfish. But I do appreciate all the responses

[spud912]

I don't mind chit chat at pick-up, but it's usually way too chaotic in the mornings for talking. I also would not be able to accommodate the first child coming early without pre-approval. If that were the case, I probably would either not answer the door or tell them that they have to stick to their contracted hours unless there is pre-approval.

[Heidi]

I appreciate all of your responses. It's not that I don't want adult interaction. I totally get it. My husband works long hours, I don't have a ton of adult friends, and my family isn't in the area.

If the conversation flowed it wouldn't be so bad. But it's awkward. There just isn't much to talk about with her and it doesn't feel comfortable. I'm not sure if that makes sense. And if she wants to chat in the afternoon, great, but I am NOT a morning person and I do NOT want people dropping off earlier than they said they are. I already get up about 6am to get ready for the day. I don't need here coming 30 minutes earlier than expected and I'm not waking up an earlier.

I get it, I really really do. But I don't want someone here in the morning when I'm not prepared for them. Now if my house was spotless and everything was set, we could sit on the floor and play with the kids together. But I could also use that time checking my email, looking that this forum, spending time with my husband before he goes to work, getting my youngest breakfast, cleaning, whatever... It's MY time, and one of the few times of the day that is MINE.

idk, maybe I'm selfish. But I do appreciate all the responses

No, you're not selfish. I am a bit guarded about my morning time, too. Come to think of it, the one mom that does hang with me some mornings does it on HER time, not mine. Meaning, she comes at the scheduled time (not early), and then dilly-dallies a bit. Not the same as comming early.

[cheerfuldom]

I appreciate all of your responses. It's not that I don't want adult interaction. I totally get it. My husband works long hours, I don't have a ton of adult friends, and my family isn't in the area.

If the conversation flowed it wouldn't be so bad. But it's awkward. There just isn't much to talk about with her and it doesn't feel comfortable. I'm not sure if that makes sense. And if she wants to chat in the afternoon, great, but I am NOT a morning person and I do NOT want people dropping off earlier than they said they are. I already get up about 6am to get ready for the day. I don't need here coming 30 minutes earlier than expected and I'm not waking up an earlier.

I get it, I really really do. But I don't want someone here in the morning when I'm not prepared for them. Now if my house was spotless and everything was set, we could sit on the floor and play with the kids together. But I could also use that time checking my email, looking that this forum, spending time with my husband before he goes to work, getting my youngest breakfast, cleaning, whatever... It's MY time, and one of the few times of the day that is MINE.

idk, maybe I'm selfish. But I do appreciate all the responses

you are not being selfish by setting boundaries with your daycare families. just because lots of "play dates" and visiting is cool at another daycare, does not mean it is the right fit for you. its important you do what you need to do to keep your sanity in this business! If you need to tell DCM to stick to her drop off time and do a quick drop off....that doesnt make you a bad person.

[Willow]

Nickel - Don't feel bad or selfish at all.

Having a parent stay and chit chat at pick up is not at all the same as showing up way before opening when you're not even dressed for the day.



You have every right to have been thrown by that, just like you'd have every right to draw the line next time it happens.

[Sunchimes]

Oh Hon, you aren't selfish. Early morning visits are hard, and we sort of took the topic of afternoon visits and ran with it--totally off topic. Ok, at least I did that. Sorry.

You might have felt different if she was easy to talk to-I can imagine how uncomfortable that must have been. I wouldn't hesitate to ask my mom to do something, but I'm pretty lucky that we are comfortable.

[Crazy8]

I am surprised by the number of people saying how they like the parents hanging out - that may be true, but the fact that this parent showed up over a half hour early with no notice is NOT ok!!! If my first parent of the day showed up a half hour early I'd have just walked into the shower!!

I would remind them of their contracted time and that if they need changes to that they need to let you know. I've seen many posters here talk about fees for being early - may be something you want to add to your contract.