1 Year Bit Everyone Today !!

[Provider_Manda]

I have a dcg who just turned 1 in July. Well she has only bit once and it was her older brother, so we really didn't think to much of it. That has been atleast 2 months ago, and she has not bite anyone else. Well today she seemed tired so I laid her down for her morning nap. After she woke up my 2nd dck came in..Within 20 mins. she chomped on his arm..Ok so we got that taken care of. Well about 30 mins. after that she bite him again in the same spot.

After this she got ahold of another dcg who is 2 and bite her on the arm and then on the leg, as I was coming over the gate to get her. When you tell her "no" or "thats not nice, we don't bite" she gets a little whinny and then laughs and goes on.

When her mom called to check I went ahead and told of her the situation, bc I won't see her till tomorrow. She felt bad and kept apologizing, which I told her it was ok. But then she had her dad pick up the child early. I feel bad, I didn't mean for her to have to leave :confused: So now I am going to call the mother later and let her know that everything is ok, and that she can come back tomorrow..Or should I not ?

[daycare123]

Did you say she couldn't come back tomorrow or did the mom make that choice. I have a boy that has been biting for over a year and i have not ever sent him home. we are just consistant with watching him closely and putting in time out. He is 22 months. It's very common for them to bite but just be prepared for it to last awhile. I would call her and tell her she can come back otherwise the child may just see it as if i bite then i get to go home?

[Willow]

Although it may be common for toddlers to test their limits and bite, it is 100% a providers responsibility to keep it from happening over and over again. After the first bite the child would have been glued to my side for the foreseeable future.

The more opportunities she has to perpetuate the behavior the more likely she'll begin to view it as acceptable or normal.


I wouldn't have sent the child home, unless even while at my side the child was still keen on launching themselves at and assaulting others. Then I'd likely just terminate. If I can't keep the other kids in my care from bodily harm then the group dynamic itself needs to change.

I would appreciate the heck out of parents who took it upon themselves to pull their child without prompting when she was obviously having a tougher than normal day.

[Provider_Manda]

Did you say she couldn't come back tomorrow or did the mom make that choice. I have a boy that has been biting for over a year and i have not ever sent him home. we are just consistant with watching him closely and putting in time out. He is 22 months. It's very common for them to bite but just be prepared for it to last awhile. I would call her and tell her she can come back otherwise the child may just see it as if i bite then i get to go home?

No I never said she couldn't come back or that she could not stay. I think mom was just so upset that she bite 2 kids, twice. I sent her a msg. and told her that it is ok and that some kids just like to bite. And she is going to bring her back in the morning. I havn't dealt with biting since I worked in a center..so I am a little out of practice.

[cheerfuldom]

I have a dcg who just turned 1 in July. Well she has only bite once and it was her older brother, so we really didn't think to much of it. That has been atleast 2 months ago, and she has not bite anyone else. Well today she seemed tired so I laid her down for her morning nap. After she woke up my 2nd dck came in..Within 20 mins. she chomped on his arm..Ok so we got that taken care of. Well about 30 mins. after that she bite him again in the same spot.

After this she got ahold of another dcg who is 2 and bite her on the arm and then on the leg, as I was coming over the gate to get her. When you tell her "no" or "thats not nice, we don't bite" she gets a little whinny and then laughs and goes on.

When her mom called to check I went ahead and told of her the situation, bc I won't see her till tomorrow. She felt bad and kept apologizing, which I told her it was ok. But then she had her dad pick up the child early. I feel bad, I didn't mean for her to have to leave :confused: So now I am going to call the mother later and let her know that everything is ok, and that she can come back tomorrow..Or should I not ?

I wouldnt say "its okay" because really, it isnt. I would use the opportunity to forward to mom your policy on biting....what are you going to do at daycare to overcome this issue and what can the parents do to support you in that? let them know that you are not requiring them to pick up their daughter if she bites (right?) unless they choose to pickup early. you just need to clarify what you need from them. at this point, they feel like they are helping by picking her up early but you dont want them to think that this is a requirement, when it is not. besides that, its not a solution to the problem.

[Provider_Manda]

Although it may be common for toddlers to test their limits and bite, it is 100% a providers responsibility to keep it from happening over and over again. After the first bite the child would have been glued to my side for the foreseeable future.

The more opportunities she has to perpetuate the behavior the more likely she'll begin to view it as acceptable or normal.


I wouldn't have sent the child home, unless even while at my side the child was still keen on launching themselves at and assaulting others. Then I'd likely just terminate. If I can't keep the other kids in my care from bodily harm then the group dynamic itself needs to change.

I would appreciate the heck out of parents who took it upon themselves to pull their child without prompting when she was obviously having a tougher than normal day.

Well for the most part she was right with me, but there are moments when she wasn't. The weird thing is, that she had a great day. No crying took a morning nap, ate lunch well and played. But I guess she just thought it was a good day to chomp on her fellow dck's. I did not send her home, her grandpa who lives downt he street picked her up, bc mom was upset. Her mom is a sweetheart, and I know she felt bad. I am glad that she cares enough of the other kids to remove her child..I just felt bad and in no way shape nor form did I mean for her to leave early.

[Provider_Manda]

I wouldnt say "its okay" because really, it isnt. I would use the opportunity to forward to mom your policy on biting....what are you going to do at daycare to overcome this issue and what can the parents do to support you in that? let them know that you are not requiring them to pick up their daughter if she bites (right?) unless they choose to pickup early. you just need to clarify what you need from them. at this point, they feel like they are helping by picking her up early but you dont want them to think that this is a requirement, when it is not. besides that, its not a solution to the problem.

But what kind of solution is there really to a 1 year old biting ? My son never went through that..and at the center I worked out, they would have some many chances and then be term. I said it is ok, bc she is a baby and I know of a lot of kids that bit at that age. And I really have no policy on biting, it has never been an issue. Mom doesn't know what to do, and really neither do I. And your right I never said they had to pick her up.

[cheerfuldom]

But what kind of solution is there really to a 1 year old biting ? My son never went through that..and at the center I worked out, they would have some many chances and then be term. I said it is ok, bc she is a baby and I know of a lot of kids that bit at that age. And I really have no policy on biting, it has never been an issue. Mom doesn't know what to do, and really neither do I. And your right I never said they had to pick her up.

Basically what I do is have the child with me at all times and "shadow" them. If I cannot be right there to intervene BEFORE a bite happens, then the child is put in a safe space (like if I was making lunch, I would put them in a high chair instead of letting them free play). Right now you need to be figuring out her "triggers" are so you can watch for those moments and teach her right in the moment that biting is not okay. Usually its either the biter is being way too aggressive and needs to learn boundaries OR perhaps the other kids are overwhelming her and getting into her space or taking her toys and that is when the bites are happening. For now, she wont be able to handle unsupervised play, for the safety of the other kids. If you come up with a plan (beside "three bites and your out"), it should help mom see that there is an end in sight, its a normal phase that kids can overcome, and nothing that she needs to be overally stressing about. When you have a plan and can express it well, it shows parents that you are in control and ready to work WITH the kids and parents to overcome the issues, versus just terming every time something hard comes up.

[Willow]

But what kind of solution is there really to a 1 year old biting ?

Super easy:

1.) You don't let her leave your side.

2.) Put her in a sort of an invisible bubble, and don't let other children breach that space either.


After awhile (few days to weeks even seeing how many times she was able to bite today) you can slowly start to let her interact with others again. Only while very very supervised though - read. in your lap literally.

Only after she proves that she won't hurt another child should she be allowed to directly interact with them again.

[SilverSabre25]

I would suspect teething to be the culprit, or possibly just experimenting with the action/reaction of biting.

Not really something to terminate over, IMO.

When a biter bites, or even TRIES to bite, I scoop up the victim and give her lots and lots of snuggles and hugs. The FIRST thing I say to anyone is to the biter and it's a VERY severe, "NO BITING. BITING HURTS." And then I turn my back. I walk away. I ignore biter while very obviously comforting the victim.

I shadow the biter pretty closely (not "in a bubble" but closely). If my attention isn't on biter (surreptitiously of course), then biter is attached to me one way or another. Every time biter goes in to bite, my hand goes between the mouth and the victim. I have gotten adept and doing it in such a way that if anything get's bitten it's the biters own lip . "NO BITING. BITING HURTS."

Repeated too frequently in one short span of time, biter might get thirty seconds to a minute of solitude behind a gate, or a dose of Motrin if you suspect teething to be the culprit. <--I don't usually dose for teething but when it's a biter I'll try.

I've had several biters and have kept them each through the biting phase. Eventually we come through on the other side with the child in a stable care situation and no one the worse for wear.

If you were a family and these children were all yours you wouldn't kick one out of the family for biting, would you?

[Willow]

If you were a family and these children were all yours you wouldn't kick one out of the family for biting, would you?

How does what one does in regards to their own family have anything to do with the liabilities that come along with running a business and caring for other peoples children?


Why some providers think it's normal and acceptable for children to assault other children with their mouths -but- not their hands, feet, other toys etc is beyond me. It's all the exact same ball of wax and IMHO none of it is acceptable.


It would be absolutely appropriate for any provider to term if they were unable to prevent or stop a child from assaulting/abusing another.

[cheerfuldom]

How does what one does in regards to their own family have anything to do with the liabilities that come along with running a business and caring for other peoples children?


Why some providers think it's normal and acceptable for children to assault other children with their mouths -but- not their hands, feet, other toys etc is beyond me. It's all the exact same ball of wax and IMHO none of it is acceptable.


It would be absolutely appropriate for any provider to term if they were unable to prevent or stop a child from assaulting/abusing another.

agreed!

The daycare kids are not family and there is a completely opposite set of "rules" when caring for other children. I dont keep aggressive kids, period. Yes biting is something that kids do....but as a provider, if you dont have a plan of action to deal with this immediately and appropriately, you are going to have major issues with the biter AND the bitees.

Additionally, not every kid comes thru the biting phase easily....some kids need A LOT of supervision for months and some kids escalate to really aggressive behaviors. Providers shouldnt have to feel like they HAVE to put up with anything a kid doles out.

[SilverSabre25]

How does what one does in regards to their own family have anything to do with the liabilities that come along with running a business and caring for other peoples children?


Why some providers think it's normal and acceptable for children to assault other children with their mouths -but- not their hands, feet, other toys etc is beyond me. It's all the exact same ball of wax and IMHO none of it is acceptable.


It would be absolutely appropriate for any provider to term if they were unable to prevent or stop a child from assaulting/abusing another.

agreed!

The daycare kids are not family and there is a completely opposite set of "rules" when caring for other children. I dont keep aggressive kids, period. Yes biting is something that kids do....but as a provider, if you dont have a plan of action to deal with this immediately and appropriately, you are going to have major issues with the biter AND the bitees.

Additionally, not every kid comes thru the biting phase easily....some kids need A LOT of supervision for months and some kids escalate to really aggressive behaviors. Providers shouldnt have to feel like they HAVE to put up with anything a kid doles out.

I'm *not* saying it's not appropriate, I'm just saying that I don't think it's the only course of action.

I haven't termed either biter because frankly, I preferred to keep them and deal with the problem myself rather than shove them out where they'd likely just bite *more* in a new and uncomfortable envrionment and start a vicious cycle of daycare changing. Especially those of you who seem to be so common and prone to terming an "aggressive" child at the first sign of aggression. It's a child, not an unruly adult. I feel comfortable teaching a child gentle behavior and better approaches to things; I know I'm not going to hit them or ridicule them or other horrible things that we hear of happening in other daycares all the time.

Willow, I do find it fascinating how AP you are and sometimes I agree with you....but somehow we are opposite ends of the AP spectrum. I just don't see biting in a young child as aggression...I see it as part of their development and a sign of something else needing addressed. Either it's experimentation with a behavior, or brought on by teething pain, or the only reaction a non- or limited- verbal child has to stressful situations (tussle over a toy, chaos, etc).

Just as I can't stop every hurled toy from flying across the room, or every curious 15 month old attempt to see if the 12 month old's ears are removable, or every frustrated shove...I can't stop every bite. But I DEAL with these situations with my daycare kids the same way I deal with them in my own kids.

I don't expect kids to be perfect little angels--they're KIDS. I cannot figure out where this culture of "omg if the kid isn't perfect then throw them out!" comes from, but it makes me really sad.

[Willow]

I'm *not* saying it's not appropriate, I'm just saying that I don't think it's the only course of action.

I haven't termed either biter because frankly, I preferred to keep them and deal with the problem myself rather than shove them out where they'd likely just bite *more* in a new and uncomfortable envrionment and start a vicious cycle of daycare changing. Especially those of you who seem to be so common and prone to terming an "aggressive" child at the first sign of aggression. It's a child, not an unruly adult. I feel comfortable teaching a child gentle behavior and better approaches to things; I know I'm not going to hit them or ridicule them or other horrible things that we hear of happening in other daycares all the time.

Willow, I do find it fascinating how AP you are and sometimes I agree with you....but somehow we are opposite ends of the AP spectrum. I just don't see biting in a young child as aggression...I see it as part of their development and a sign of something else needing addressed. Either it's experimentation with a behavior, or brought on by teething pain, or the only reaction a non- or limited- verbal child has to stressful situations (tussle over a toy, chaos, etc).

Just as I can't stop every hurled toy from flying across the room, or every curious 15 month old attempt to see if the 12 month old's ears are removable, or every frustrated shove...I can't stop every bite. But I DEAL with these situations with my daycare kids the same way I deal with them in my own kids.

I don't expect kids to be perfect little angels--they're KIDS. I cannot figure out where this culture of "omg if the kid isn't perfect then throw them out!" comes from, but it makes me really sad.

I'm really not sure where you got most of the above from so just to clarify....

No one said they expect any child to be perfect.

No one said biting is always rooted in aggression.

No one said terming a biter immediately at first bite was the only course of action.

No one said terming a biter immediately at first bite was any sort of action they'd ever take.

No one said they would or should "shove" a child out at the first bite and not try to work the problem first.



What was said is that biting shouldn't be allowed and brushed off as normal and acceptable. And if a provider cannot prevent other children in their care from being hurt repeatedly by a biter then it IS the most responsible course of action to send the child on to another provider who is hopefully better equipped to handle him/her.


Attachment parenting theories and techniques have nothing to do with how one perceives or handles biting IMHO. If an infant bites the breast a swift and clear response is still recommended. I have never heard of a mother continuing to nurse a child that uses the breast as bubblegum. Either you extinguish the behavior, or you extinguish the ability to perpetuate the behavior.


If as a provider you (general you) cannot extinguish the behavior, or the ability to perpetuate the behavior on others - something needs to change.

A providers deficiency in this area should not come at the expense of the health and well being of other children in their care.

[SilverSabre25]

And what if the biter belongs to you? As in, is your own child?