I Should Be More Patient But Am Already Getting Annoyed.....

[cheerfuldom]

Have a child starting this week. A 3 year old on the second day of care. She is SOOOO quiet but in a very stubborn, unhappy way. She doesnt eat here, just pick at food. She doesnt play, just stand close enough to the kids to get in their way. She doesnt talk except to ask me to do things with just her, excluding all others. She does not respond to me when I talk to her or ask her a questions. She stand stiff and tight if I direct her to do anything and stares at me blankly although I know full well she understands what is being asked of her. She didnt want to cooperate for anything this morning so I just put her down for early nap....of course, she stiffened up and held her arms to her body and would not bend her legs to walk down the stairs to nap. I cant carry her....I dont carry big kids and besides that, I am 29 weeks pregnant. So I did have to pry an arm away from her body and pull a little....she was being so stiff that she hopped down the stairs one step at a time because she refused to bend her legs.

This whole thing is weird because she is being very disruptive without making a sound. She previously was in nanny care so this is a whole new ballgame for her. I know its going to take time but I would love to hear any advice or experience!

[Heidi]

I think you just have to be a little patient with her. Try to think of it from her perspective. You are a complete stranger to her, and she doesn't understand "group" routines one bit. I would NOT "punish" her with a nap, as it will only backfire. Just give her a little time and be as friendly as you can manage.

I know when I was pregnant I really wasn't the most patient, either, so I empathize. But yeah, it does sound like you are being a teensy bit harsh.

[lovemykidstoo]

If this is only her 2nd day and she's 3, then give her some time. I have had children start with me and if they're any older than a 6 week old infant it can take a month or two before they adjust. This is a whole new world for her. Maybe she can feel your stress with her and reacting. I had a 15 month old start today (napping right now) and I was totally expecting a rough day, but to my surprise, he's having a wonderful day. Kids can feel our emotiion. She's just out of her norm. Shower her with hugs and smiiles and she'll come around. I don't think you're giving her a fair shot.

[cheerfuldom]

I think you just have to be a little patient with her. Try to think of it from her perspective. You are a complete stranger to her, and she doesn't understand "group" routines one bit. I would NOT "punish" her with a nap, as it will only backfire. Just give her a little time and be as friendly as you can manage.

I know when I was pregnant I really wasn't the most patient, either, so I empathize. But yeah, it does sound like you are being a teensy bit harsh.

I will rephrase by saying that she was not punished with a nap. Her mom said to put her down at a certain time (which was not the same time as the other kids). I was going to let her play and have all the kids go to bed at the same time (about 30 minutes later) but since she was not playing, eating or cooperating in any way, yes I did put her down for a nap earlier than the other kids. Not because she was being punished but because she refused to do anything else and the timing wasnt that far off from what the other kids were doing anyway. Daycare can be very mentally exhausted for a kid not used to it and I was assuming that might be the case today.....that maybe more of a nap/break would be better for today, versus less.

[Heidi]

I will rephrase by saying that she was not punished with a nap. Her mom said to put her down at a certain time (which was not the same time as the other kids). I was going to let her play and have all the kids go to bed at the same time (about 30 minutes later) but since she was not playing, eating or cooperating in any way, yes I did put her down for a nap earlier than the other kids. Not because she was being punished but because she refused to do anything else and the timing wasnt that far off from what the other kids were doing anyway. Daycare can be very mentally exhausted for a kid not used to it and I was assuming that might be the case today.....that maybe more of a nap/break would be better for today, versus less.

Got it...please don't think I was picking on you. It's so hard to read tone of voice in yours or mine, so I'm clarifying.


Personally, even if she usually takes a nap earlier, I'd keep her on YOUR schedule. But, I don't do individual schedules at all, except with wee little ones. It's better for me that way, and it's better for her in this case, because she'll learn the routines; which will comfort her.

If you don't already have a cuddle corner, then I'd make one. If she is just standing there, direct her there gently and say "I know this is all new to you, and maybe you just want to watch for a while. Just sit here and relax until your ready to play. That way, the other kids won't fall on you". Put a few stuffed animals in there to cuddle with.

I'd also invite her to sit by you and lead a little activity here and there. I'm not a big fan of entertaining kiddos, but she may need a little help at first to get her started.

As for eating, give her small portions to start and drop it for now.

[cheerfuldom]

thanks ladies....this was more of a vent than anything else. I have already been working hard at offering all that was already suggested. She's going to be a tough nut to crack for sure! Totally FREAKED out at nap time....screaming, throwing things, slamming doors, yikes! I am doing my best to be 100% patient and not let her antics get to me but as you all know, that is easier said than done. We are going on 2.5 hours of tucking her back in over and over for nap and she is finally quiet....not sleeping though. This could be a long adjustment period but we will see. Sometimes kids surprise us and maybe just a week of tough days and she will be over it....hope so!

[Heidi]

thanks ladies....this was more of a vent than anything else. I have already been working hard at offering all that was already suggested. She's going to be a tough nut to crack for sure! Totally FREAKED out at nap time....screaming, throwing things, slamming doors, yikes! I am doing my best to be 100% patient and not let her antics get to me but as you all know, that is easier said than done. We are going on 2.5 hours of tucking her back in over and over for nap and she is finally quiet....not sleeping though. This could be a long adjustment period but we will see. Sometimes kids surprise us and maybe just a week of tough days and she will be over it....hope so!

ohhhh boy!

I have a 17 mo that started today. He is comming 2-3 days a week, starting half days this week, then going to full days. Does not take a nap at home until 3:00 in the afternoon, and climbs out of his crib! He's been with great-grandma and mom only so far. Can't wait until next week....


On the good side, he only cried for a total of about 1/2 hour today, and while he didn't touch breakfast, he ate lunch and laughed and smiled while I took his picture. So, once we kick the nap thing, we should be a-ok..

[Blackcat31]

(((hugs)))) Cheer...what a tough situation to be in. I have one who is sort of like that but he is a new two year old so a majority if his behavior is his age. He even furrows his brow and gives me dirty looks...I have to put my hand over my mouth so I don't burst out laughing at his attmept to intimidate me with nasty looks. ::

I wish I had some advice but I really don't as I have never had a kid come from nanny care and act like that at daycare.

I would maybe talk to the mom/dad and see if they ahve any tricks up their sleeves about how to handle that stubborn streak their little darling has. If not, I guess worst case scenario is that you will just have to keep doing what you do and it will look like so much fun she will cave and join the rest of you. Sounds to me like her stubborn tactics worked like a charm for her nanny.

[cheerfuldom]

she finally slept for about an hour this afternoon....hey thats better than nothing! Mom also told me (at the end of the day!) that last night they started putting her in her own big girl bed at home. I wish they would have started earlier and yes, we did talk about the co-sleeping/co-napping issue at interview but they did not do anything till last night. So we are on the same page for now, its just a shame that they didnt start adjusting her sooner, as we spoke about.

also, this little girl ALWAYS speaks in 3rd person....is that normal? she either does not speak at all or will refer to herself as "A wants this", "A needs to go potty"

[Blackcat31]

she finally slept for about an hour this afternoon....hey thats better than nothing! Mom also told me (at the end of the day!) that last night they started putting her in her own big girl bed at home. I wish they would have started earlier and yes, we did talk about the co-sleeping/co-napping issue at interview but they did not do anything till last night. So we are on the same page for now, its just a shame that they didnt start adjusting her sooner, as we spoke about.

also, this little girl ALWAYS speaks in 3rd person....is that normal? she either does not speak at all or will refer to herself as "A wants this", "A needs to go potty"

I think at 3 that is common although not all kids do it. I also bet you it might be how the nanny talked to her. "Does A want a snack?" "What does A want to do today?" etc...kwim?

I would just calmly correct her each time and eventually she will start catching on. Pronouns are tough for kids to grasp at this age.