OT - Rudeness from Toddler

[Hunni Bee]

My almost three year old nephew is very bright, very verbal and also very rude, in my opinion. Most requests to him are met with balled up faces, yelling/slamming and rude remarks. For example "Please be quiet" gets "You be quiet!!", "Its time to go in" gets "No! I dont WANT to go in!!" etc etc etc.

He usually won't stop with the rudeness until he gets a consequence, and then he screams and cries. If we say "okay, that's rude" or "you're not to talk to us that way" he just talks over us and says "No, you rude!!" and so on until he gets in trouble.

I've only had a couple kids speak to me like that more than a few initial times, and they had other issues going on that were not good. I really dont want to ser that with my nephew in a year or two. He has a few issues that I believe are related to having several different "parents" with varying expectations. But he's basically a good kid, and he responds pretty well to discipline.

How would you handle this?

[CAPA]

Well if I was his age back in the 80's, I would have gotten a nice smack acting that way. I don't see how an adult should have to put up with a toddler's verbal abuse. His parents should teach him better or he should face consequences. Not saying you should smack him but you should take away his favorite activities and let him know who'se boss. A kid is a kid, and should understand punishment.

[countrymom]

my neice is like this and she is 4. My own children can't stand her. She's going to school this year, so it'll be intersting to see what is going to happen. Oh she's not allowed to come to my house anymore because she tried to strangle a dcb over a water gun because she wanted that one, even thou there were 10 other ones to choose from.

[Kaddidle Care]

I would start with sharing my concerns with his parents.

We had a child like that - drove me crazy. He was also very whiny about everything - the worst of it being at lunch time. His mother would pack him the same lunch every day, day after day and he was just plumb sick of it. (And I don't blame him - it was those little canned chef-boyardee things.) When we mentioned it to his parents their reply was "Well he eats it at home."

I think you have to get a bit more creative with your requests and how you ask him to do things - perhaps letting him know the consequences if he doesn't comply before he throws it back at you.

In the old days they used to call kids like this Whippersnappers.

[Hunni Bee]

I would start with sharing my concerns with his parents.

We had a child like that - drove me crazy. He was also very whiny about everything - the worst of it being at lunch time. His mother would pack him the same lunch every day, day after day and he was just plumb sick of it. (And I don't blame him - it was those little canned chef-boyardee things.) When we mentioned it to his parents their reply was "Well he eats it at home."

I think you have to get a bit more creative with your requests and how you ask him to do things - perhaps letting him know the consequences if he doesn't comply before he throws it back at you.

In the old days they used to call kids like this Whippersnappers.

His parents are my sister and BIL, and then my mother. He lives part time with in both homes. Not the best way to raise a toddler at all, but from what everyone says it really can't be helped and its been this way for almost 2 years.

We all have the same concerns with him, pretty much. My sister is really young and was totally permissive until recently. Want to go to bed at 1 am? Sure, just watch tv. Want to eat cold cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Fine. In exchange, he had to be up for random trips to the mall, late night dinners and other stuff young people without kids do

My mother on the other hand, is a lot more strict - regular food, bedtimes, tv limits. But she still is at a loss on what to do about the rude behavior.

My thing is request-warning-consequence. He usually follows the direction,but it's accompanied by the mad faces, yelling and smart-aleck. I ask him to do x, warn him that the rudeness must stop, then give a consequence if it doesn't. That works, but nobody but me wants to deal with the whining either.

I guess maybe I wasn't looking for advice as much as needing to vent. Advice still welcome.

[daycarediva]

I had dcb talk to me (and everyone) like this, and it was because HE was spoken to that way. Once I figured that out, it was pretty easy to correct. "Billy, Miss ******* talks to you in a nice voice and that is the way you should talk to Miss ******* also." In addition, every single time he said something nasty or rude, I would give him good words "Oh that wasn't a nice way to say that. How about 'I really don't want to go inside right now?' " and have him repeat me, to help him learn to speak nicely. I gave lots of praise for that, and lots of praise for everytime he did it without prompting. Now I only have to go over this when he has been with him Mom for a long weekend/break.

[Blackcat31]

I feel for you Hunni! My sister's little guy is the same way. He is 5 and getting ready to go to Kindy so I am sure he will be in for a rude awakening when he finds out they don't take too kindly to kids being so smart mouthed.

He says things like "Make me" and "I don't heeeaaar you" and "You can stop talking anytime now" and stuff like that all the time.

Honestly because I don't spend a ton of time with my sister, it isnt a huge deal for me but when we are at family gatherings and such, it is kindof embarrassing. I know my sister wants to be a good mother and I know she has the tools and the knowledge yet for some reason she just has trouble following through on any type of consequences or discipline for her DS.

I have to admit, that is also kind of funny. Not because it is but because it isn't MY issue to fix, he isn't in my daycare and he isn't my kid. I do feel sorry for my sister sometimes but like I said she knows what to do to control her child, she just doesn't.

If I were your mom, I suppose it would be super tough to discipline this little guy and even teach him anything if he is not having the same rules at his other house. I suppose she could really crack down and send him to his room each and every time he is rude and/or says something that is smart mouthed. She could teach him that he isn't behaving in a positive social manner so he can't be in the presence of others if he has that attitude. if she is firm, quick, and consistent each and every time, he just might figure out that if he wants to be in the company of others, he must act appopriately and nicely.

I would even consider planning a couple fun activities that you are perfectly willing to cut short or cancel just to show him you mean business. You can't always change a kids behavior when their two main environments differ so greatly with each other but I think at his age he IS capable of learning that he can and cannot behave in certain ways while at certain places.

Other than that, I got nothin'.....hang in there and (((hugs))) to your mom for being a wonderful grandma/mother to this little guy.

[youretooloud]

I have physically turned a child around the other way, and sent him in the other room, or put him in the other room. They "get" it at this age.

I say "I will not be talked to that way". Turn him around, little push, ignore. He won't just walk away, but you can pretend he did.

If his parents are there, this won't work at all... it only works if you are the boss at that time.