Wording To Term Screamer

[Nickel]

omg I just typed this whole message and my computer deleted it! grrrr..

Anyway, I have dcb 8 mnths old on Monday and Wednesdays from 720-515. He screams from the moment he gets here until he gets picked up. If I talk to him, he cries harder. If I hold him he cries. I rock him, he cries. I put him for a nap, he screams. I walk away, he cries harder. he refuses to eat except a few bites of baby food an an ounce or two of formula. That's it. Nothing else. When I finally get him to sleep it's for maybe an hour and he wakes up screaming again. So I'm thinking about terming. Does this sound okay to say to dcm and dcd when they pick up today?

Hey, dcb hasn't had a very good day today. It was actually worse than Monday. He cried after he left and pretty much continued all day. I tried holding him, rocking him, playing with him, feeding him, changing him, and putting him for a nap, but it didn't really work. He only ate a little bit and pretty much refused everything else. I've tried everything I can think of, but I don't think he's adjusting well. I'm sorry, but I went ahead and refunded your tuition for next week.

Does that sound okay? Too harsh? Did I give him enough time? I just can see that h's making the other dcg cry and my own daughter misbehaves with him crying all day. My nerves are shot after 10 hours of nonstop crying. I was going to try again next week, but I think it will be even worse if he's gone for almost a week and then comes back again. If he was only here a few hours it would be different, but it's all day long ten hours straight!!!

Your suggestions please!!!!

[wahmof3]

I'm not sure if I would add all of the details.

I once had a screamer and had to term. I just told the mom that he wasn't happy here.

Trust me its hard and similar to the dcb you have the one I had was only here once a week. I think that makes it very hard, there is a slim chance of routine.

[Blackcat31]

"Dear DCM and DCD

I am sorry to inform you that I will no longer be offering child care services for Billy. At this time, I feel that my program is not a good fit for the care he requires and want to give you the opportunity to find care arrangements that better suit his needs.

I have refunded you tuition money that was paid for next week's care. I feel at this time that Billy needs a care provider who has more time to give him the one on one attention he needs.

Thank you

Daycare Provider. "

If they ask about specific details, I would tell them verbally that you simply cannot do anything with him since he does nothing but scream. If they don't ask, then they already know he is having issues. Especially if you have said anything to them before about him screaming.

It is tough, but if you have a screamer that only comes 2 days a week, it isn't likely to get much better. (Unless his screaming is due to something physical or medical) If it is just a screamer baby...then it will probably stay the same.

[Kim]

I had to let one go for the same reason. It is too difficult for a young one to be PT in my opinion. They can't adjust because it's not consistent enough.

Here's what I wrote to the family I let go. I did offer full time if they were interested but I basically did it because I knew they would never go for it.

Dear ***,

As we have discussed, *** is not adjusting as well as she needs to in order to be in this childcare setting. I believe that it is in the best interest of *** that she either attend full time to provide a more consistent routine or that a more suitable childcare situation be found for her. It is my recommendation that you seek a situation that would better meet her needs, such as a nanny, babysitter or a center with two teachers in the infant room so that one can devote more time to ***. I’ve enclosed a list of resources that may help you in your search.

As per our child care agreement, the first two weeks of care are probationary. ***'s last day in care will be ***.

[Nickel]

Thank you all for the suggestions. He isn't really a screamer for dcf. But he's only been with dcm, dcd, and dcgrama. So he's not used to me and he's never been in a group setting. But I do have time for individual attention. And I give him lots. For half of the time he's here it's just him me and dd. But nothing is working. He doesn't want to be held, he doesn't want to eat, he doesn't want to do anything!!! But cry and when he isn't, he's fussing.

Can I ask why you write a letter vice speaking to dcm and dcd? For once, I'm out of ink, so I can't print anything and 2, doesn't that seem a bit distant? I'm really not trying to be rude, I am just ignorant in this matter I guess

He comes only 2 days and gramma watches him the rest of the week. dcd works with the schools so he also spends a lot of time with dcd.

He's actually doing a little better now that he took a 15 min nap, but I just have this feeling come next Wednesday that he will be just as bad as he was on Monday, kwim?

Am I a bad provider for not giving him more time to adjust? But I don't want to go beyond the two week adjustment period and then have to give them a two week notice while he's crying

[Blackcat31]

I personally would talk with parents and not write the letter but I was assuming most providers aren't as blunt as I am.

If you prefer to talk with the family so that you can really convey to them how much you have tried and all, then I say speak with them instead of going the letter route. I think open honest communication is ALWAYS best.

[Nickel]

Mom texting me and asked how he was going and I told her that he was really fussy this morning that he took a very short nap, ate a little but was going through bouts of playing and crying. She asked if she should come get him. And I told her I think he's really tired but he gets really upset when I try to put him to sleep.

I even tried rocking him to sleep with a bottle, but that didn't work either. I tried cio out too but he cried for 20 min and it was just getting worse. I tried rubbing his back. I even put him in my baby swing! I didn't tell mom all that

I think I'm going to recommend he come for half days 4 days a week so he can adjust or that we term. He's just not happy at all. Today he goes through spurts of playing and then crying so I don't really know what to do. I guess we will let mom decide!

And yes, I'd rather just talk to dcm. While I am not always blunt and hate confrontation, I'd rather do that then give a letter, kwim?

[Blackcat31]

I think it is great that you are willing to simply speak with mom, especially if you have been giving her daily notes/progress updates and she is already aware of the fact that he is having trouble adjusting.

I also think it is a great idea to suggest half days on a more consistent basis so that you are giving them a chance to see if it really is his sporatic schedule or what.

It almost sounds as if he might have an ear infection..... the crying, playing, crying, playing seems suspicious...kwim? If it isn't that, then he definitely needs a more regular schedule of attendance so you can rule that out too.

If all that fails, I am sure mom/dad will completely understand why you have to term.

[Nickel]

Do you ever wonder if parents can hear you, or see what you are doing???

Mom called me a little bit ago and asked how he was doing and I told her. He was very fussy going through bouts of crying and playing. But mostly fussy. So she came and picked him up and took him to grama's house. Weird, right? She did kind of hint about not comiing back that maybe it wasn't working out. I did offer 4 days a week for half days to see how he would do. She said she'll talk to her husband and let me know. I couldn't give up on him. No matter how frustrated I was. But then I wonder if they had some type of recorder or walkie talkie. . I know i'm paranoid, but I said some mean things to my husband. Not mean, but just that I didn't want to work with him and I was done. But I said that because I was frustrated and tired and cranky. He is such a cute baby. I mean absolutely adorable, but when he cries for hours on end, it's really hard.

Am I the worse person on earth??? I feel so guilty.

[daycare]

I had to let one go for the same reason. It is too difficult for a young one to be PT in my opinion. They can't adjust because it's not consistent enough.

Here's what I wrote to the family I let go. I did offer full time if they were interested but I basically did it because I knew they would never go for it.

Dear ***,

As we have discussed, *** is not adjusting as well as she needs to in order to be in this childcare setting. I believe that it is in the best interest of *** that she either attend full time to provide a more consistent routine or that a more suitable childcare situation be found for her. It is my recommendation that you seek a situation that would better meet her needs, such as a nanny, babysitter or a center with two teachers in the infant room so that one can devote more time to ***. I’ve enclosed a list of resources that may help you in your search.

As per our child care agreement, the first two weeks of care are probationary. ***'s last day in care will be ***.

this is an awesome letter!!!!!!

[Blackcat31]

Do you ever wonder if parents can hear you, or see what you are doing???

Mom called me a little bit ago and asked how he was doing and I told her. He was very fussy going through bouts of crying and playing. But mostly fussy. So she came and picked him up and took him to grama's house. Weird, right? She did kind of hint about not comiing back that maybe it wasn't working out. I did offer 4 days a week for half days to see how he would do. She said she'll talk to her husband and let me know. I couldn't give up on him. No matter how frustrated I was. But then I wonder if they had some type of recorder or walkie talkie. . I know i'm paranoid, but I said some mean things to my husband. Not mean, but just that I didn't want to work with him and I was done. But I said that because I was frustrated and tired and cranky. He is such a cute baby. I mean absolutely adorable, but when he cries for hours on end, it's really hard.

Am I the worse person on earth??? I feel so guilty.

Meh...you can't please every child every time. You can only do so much. If the baby isn't doing well, you are doing what is best for him by letting him go or by trying a different tactic.

If you just kept doing things your way without concern for this child, that would make you one of the worst providers there is....so NO, you are NOT the worst person on earth

[lovemykidstoo]

Do you ever wonder if parents can hear you, or see what you are doing???

Mom called me a little bit ago and asked how he was doing and I told her. He was very fussy going through bouts of crying and playing. But mostly fussy. So she came and picked him up and took him to grama's house. Weird, right? She did kind of hint about not comiing back that maybe it wasn't working out. I did offer 4 days a week for half days to see how he would do. She said she'll talk to her husband and let me know. I couldn't give up on him. No matter how frustrated I was. But then I wonder if they had some type of recorder or walkie talkie. . I know i'm paranoid, but I said some mean things to my husband. Not mean, but just that I didn't want to work with him and I was done. But I said that because I was frustrated and tired and cranky. He is such a cute baby. I mean absolutely adorable, but when he cries for hours on end, it's really hard.

Am I the worse person on earth??? I feel so guilty.

Please don't feel guilty. I know exactly how you feel because I've been in that exact situation twice. The first time the baby was a year old and I took her. I kept her for 3 months and she NEVER got better! I would be in tears by the end of the day. Finally my husband said, you have to terminate them. I finally did and I felt terrible. The mom cried, I cried. She actually said that she was surprised it took me that long and atually brought me a gift the next day. The second time I took a 9 month old twice a week and she did the same thing your child is doing. I did it for 2 months that time and again said done! Honey, we don't get paid enough to listen to that. you tried everythig you could. The baby just was not adjusting for whatever reason. As far as worried about them listening to your conversation, it is possible you never know. There are voice activated devices. If they bring diaper bags in to your house, if it makes you feel better check them. It's your right. I think it's illegal to tape record someone without their permission I think. I have an extra change of clothes and diapers and wipes at my house, so there is nothing to hide a recorder in. That's not why I do that BTW, but just saying! I find it less clutter around the door without everyone bringing a bag daily. You were worried about terminating. Maybe they'll make it easy on you and decide it for themselves. You'll be happier.

[Nickel]

Please don't feel guilty. I know exactly how you feel because I've been in that exact situation twice. The first time the baby was a year old and I took her. I kept her for 3 months and she NEVER got better! I would be in tears by the end of the day. Finally my husband said, you have to terminate them. I finally did and I felt terrible. The mom cried, I cried. She actually said that she was surprised it took me that long and atually brought me a gift the next day. The second time I took a 9 month old twice a week and she did the same thing your child is doing. I did it for 2 months that time and again said done! Honey, we don't get paid enough to listen to that. you tried everythig you could. The baby just was not adjusting for whatever reason. As far as worried about them listening to your conversation, it is possible you never know. There are voice activated devices. If they bring diaper bags in to your house, if it makes you feel better check them. It's your right. I think it's illegal to tape record someone without their permission I think. I have an extra change of clothes and diapers and wipes at my house, so there is nothing to hide a recorder in. That's not why I do that BTW, but just saying! I find it less clutter around the door without everyone bringing a bag daily. You were worried about terminating. Maybe they'll make it easy on you and decide it for themselves. You'll be happier.

Thank you thank you. I do feel a little better. I just hate that he cries all the time. It really takes a toll. but when Mom comes he is so sweet and absolutely adoreable. He even has little dimples and his whole face lights up when he smiles. I just wish he was that way for me. I do secretly hope Mom terms. He is just really having a hard time and he's a big baby! So not easy to hold but that doesn't even work!

That is kind of creepy if they really DID put something in the diaper bag. I guess I need to put them away ! not that I'm doing anything wrong, but we all vent sometimes. It doesn't mean that we don't like what we do or like the dcks, but we all need to vent sometimes!

[lovemykidstoo]

Thank you thank you. I do feel a little better. I just hate that he cries all the time. It really takes a toll. but when Mom comes he is so sweet and absolutely adoreable. He even has little dimples and his whole face lights up when he smiles. I just wish he was that way for me. I do secretly hope Mom terms. He is just really having a hard time and he's a big baby! So not easy to hold but that doesn't even work!

That is kind of creepy if they really DID put something in the diaper bag. I guess I need to put them away ! not that I'm doing anything wrong, but we all vent sometimes. It doesn't mean that we don't like what we do or like the dcks, but we all need to vent sometimes!

That's how the 2 that I termed did too. As soon as mom walked through they were happy. I would say, now you're making me out to be a liar!! I totally understand your feeling on the diaper bag thing. It definately doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, but I would venture to say that all of us have said something that we wouldn't want the parent to hear. Even if it's just "oh this kid is driving me nuts". Doesn't mean that you or I are bad providers, just means we're human. It's not like you're smacking the baby or anything. We all need to vent and most of our venting would not be appreciated by the parent!! No different than the parents venting about their job. In no way means you're doing something wrong.

[sharlan]

You tried, that's all you can do. No every home is right for every child and not every child is right for every home, make sense?

Part-time is really hard on little ones, IMHO. Some can handle it, but most can't. I think of it as too many chiefs for one little Indian.