Well, I Deserved That I Guess.....

[youretooloud]

I really don't have any excuse for what I just did.....

It was a complete lack in judgement...

I interviewed for two part time kids. Perfect age for my group.

But when they showed up, they were OBESE! Like both kids were at least 30lbs overweight. (2 and almost 4 yrs old...boy/girl)

SO, the kids came in and seemed to enjoy themselves, the older one made a friend right away, and proceeded to be happily drug around the house by his new friend.

Mom explains everything about the kids, the hours, the needs etc. THEN, she says "As you can see, we do not limit foods, and they eat when they want, they have access to the pantry, but not the fridge, so I usually leave the cold food out on their tables. We don't have dogs, so you will need to keep the dog locked up. (I always do)

So, I said "Well, we eat at specific times only, and we eat snack, lunch, then snack again, but nothing inbetween.. I can't make food available at all times"

She (very nicely ) said "I can provide the extra food for them, but they can't just eat three times during the day".

I said (here's where it fell apart) "I can't do that because I have five other kids who will expect to eat all day long too..... Bobby would love to eat all day too, but I can't do that *I put both hands out towards her two kids in a gesture meaning Can't turn Bobby into what your kids are* to him.

There was no way to get out of it either... I felt like such a jerk. I can't even describe how bad I instantly felt. Mom's feelings were visibly hurt, and I stammered for a minute. I couldn't even form a thought to apologize.

It was the tackiest, most unprofessional thing I think I have ever done in my life. (not counting high school)

Obviously, she ended the visit with "Maybe this won't work out, I appreciate your time".

[Wigglesandgiggles]

I kind of think she needed to hear that.

[Crazy8]

do not beat yourself up about it... maybe the way it came out didn't sound as you had intended (although it doesn't sound that bad) but mom needs a wake up call on what she is doing to her kids. How on earth can a 4 year old be 30 lbs overweight???? That is insane. I hope she gets more people to tell her no to that way of eating/feeding them.

[PolkaTots]

Leaving food out all day for the children to graze on??? Yeah, that would go over real well with my food program auditor! Sheesh...some parents are unbelievable! I wouldn't feel too bad about what was said, obviously that parent has some learning to do. I can't imagine she will have an easy time finding a provider to follow her meal philosophy...

[youretooloud]

do not beat yourself up about it... maybe the way it came out didn't sound as you had intended (although it doesn't sound that bad) but mom needs a wake up call on what she is doing to her kids. How on earth can a 4 year old be 30 lbs overweight???? That is insane. I hope she gets more people to tell her no to that way of eating/feeding them.

I think she would have been open to hearing about it, but the way I said it was so rude and judgy. I COULD have said "I just can't do that, because I can't afford to feed all the kids all day". But, Instead I pointed at her children and said "THAT".

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

1. She stated her expectation of what you NEEDED to do.

2. You corrected her expectation with what your RULE is regarding food.

3. She attempted to politely go around your rule because it just didn't work for her.

4. You corrected her expectation again with reality.

Really, I don't see that you did anything wrong. Could you have made a softer/gentler comment about it or some lie? Sure. But, reality is reality and being obese is certainly not healthy for her own two children and you contributing to a third child's obesity (really, making him obese) is a form of abuse. A lie isn't going to save those children's lives.

I think you unknowingly did yourself a favor. Seems like Mom isn't too keen on common rules and would be fighting you tooth and nail the entire time she was in your business.

[SilverSabre25]

My 4.5 year old barely weighs 30 lbs...well, 41.6 but still, if she was 30 lbs overweight she'd weigh as much as my solid 8 year old nephew! That's insane!

I think mom needed to hear that; don't beat yourself up. Maybe she'll wake up and realize that she's making a HUGE mistake.

(disclaimer: I'm pretty overweight/obese myself but it ain't from having free and clear access to all the food in the house!)

[MyAngels]

We've all said or done things that we would change if we could go back, so don't beat yourself up about it. And in all honesty, it was something that A) she needed to hear, and B) she will undoubted hear again unless she makes some changes.

[crazydaycarelady]

Yeah, the delivery wasn't that great, but hopefully the mom heard what you were trying to say.

[laundrymom]

Think of it this way, she will call her girlfriend, mom or sister and gripe about you, they will see it as an opportunity to talk to her about their own feelings on her kids weight. Using you as a starting place. It may not have been tactful. May not have been polite, but it may just be what she needs to hear. (((())))

[youretooloud]

My 4.5 year old barely weighs 30 lbs...well, 41.6 but still, if she was 30 lbs overweight she'd weigh as much as my solid 8 year old nephew! That's insane!

The littlest one was wearing a juniors top as a dress. She had to weigh at least 50 lbs, and the four year old had shorts for a much older child on that went to his ankles. He had a polo shirt that was probably for a 14 yr old boy. HIs shoes had to be unlaced so they would fit his feet.

I really don't think I have many chairs and things that the four year old could have sat on without it breaking or not fitting him. My ikea chairs would not have held up to him.

Both were nice, polite, happy kids. Both played nicely with the toys, and were just really good kids. They just moved here from Nebraska, so hopefully she doesn't know enough people here yet to talk bad about me to potential clients....even though what I did was really wrong.

[cheerfuldom]

you could always apologize for your approach on the subject, although clearly stating that you are not open to changing the rules. perhaps you could have phrased it a nicer way but the rule still needed to be expressed.

[sharlan]

My 4.5 year old barely weighs 30 lbs...well, 41.6 but still, if she was 30 lbs overweight she'd weigh as much as my solid 8 year old nephew! That's insane!

I think mom needed to hear that; don't beat yourself up. Maybe she'll wake up and realize that she's making a HUGE mistake.

(disclaimer: I'm pretty overweight/obese myself but it ain't from having free and clear access to all the food in the house!)

My 9 mo weighs 28 lbs. She was breast fed solely until 5 mos, then both formula and breast. We didn't start foods until 8 mos. She is starting to wear 24 mos clothes. She's also 31" tall.

[Willow]

I'm sorry, but not just allowing but encouraging your children to form unhealthy eating habits to the tune of it causing them major weight problems? That's abuse. Period. No matter which way you slice it that's doing bodily harm and it's unacceptable.

I would have said the same thing and not felt bad about it at all. Maybe a little thrown that mom was visibly upset by the truth, but not guilty for having come out with it. As long as it wasn't directed at kiddo and kiddo's feelings were hurt I don't think you were out of line.


It's one thing if she recognized there was a problem and was looking for guidance and help, but to so much as demand you continue to enable them in that way? That's just sick.




Think of it this way, if they were very visibly underweight and she was demanding you diet them wouldn't it be natural to have a similarly strong reaction?

[Willow]

My 9 mo weighs 28 lbs. She was breast fed solely until 5 mos, then both formula and breast. We didn't start foods until 8 mos. She is starting to wear 24 mos clothes. She's also 31" tall.

If you were feeding her a box of twinkies every day then that would be comparable.