Policy on Hitting?

[bluemoose_mom]

What is your guys policy on hitting and kicking YOU?

And do you believe that hitting from a nearly 4 year old is considered normal behavior?

What is your policy on hitting other children, at the same age range?

How long do you give to resolve hitting?

[daycare]

I may sound harsh, but if a child hit or kicked me they would be on the one way train outta here...No way would I deal with that.

As for the other kids, depends on the age of the child and how often it is occurring, as well as if the parents are willing to work with me on stopping the behavior.

I have a zero tolerance for violence policy, so I don't think that I would hang on to a child too long who was violent.

However, I would try my best to help the child and try to find the root of the problem. The last thing that you would want is to lose another child over a child like this.

[bluemoose_mom]

No hitting or kicking other children (yet) just me.

It's only happened 3 times in 3 months, two of those being this week.

Root of the problem: this kid has never been disciplined. Mom never does time out (cause he won't sit for her, I barely get him to sit), doesn't spank, doesn't take away privileges, just ignore's ALL wrong behavior until he redirects himself. Old daycare provider put up with way too much naughty behavior, so he didn't get much there either.

She also thinks it's normal behavior.

We're working on it, and mom says she's going to start being more consistant, and do time out...we shall see.

Most of the time, he's a good kid. Only needs time out...maybe 2 in a good week, up to 4 or 5 on a bad week. Good weeks are more common.

For the record, I have very little tolerance for this type of behavior. The only reason he is still here is that he's not hit anyone (yet), the other children aren't copying him, and mom says she's willing to work together.

I sent him home at 10 am this Wednesday after he kicked me.

I have a 10 m dcg, 17 month dcg (sister of 4 year old), part time 12 m dcb, 3 yr dd, and nearly 4 yr dcb (the hitter).

[daycare]

At 4 years old they know hitting is wrong.
For me I could not tolerate being abused by anyone child or adult.

How long has mom been trying to help u and how is she ??

[bluemoose_mom]

We talked on wednesday when she came to get sister, so we have only been working on it since then.

She says she's going to be more consistent with him, and do time outs.

I'm not sure how that is going to work, I see him really resisting, and mom caving...which is only going to make things worse.

They don't make him listen, ever. For example, he's told by dad to stay inside until dad is ready but often dcb goes outside any way. Dad just lets him, instead of making him come back inside.

Mom also insinuated that since I'm a daycare provider, I should just "deal" (expect) it. GRRR. Not going there.

[daycare]

We talked on wednesday when she came to get sister, so we have only been working on it since then.

She says she's going to be more consistent with him, and do time outs.

I'm not sure how that is going to work, I see him really resisting, and mom caving...which is only going to make things worse.

They don't make him listen, ever. For example, he's told by dad to stay inside until dad is ready but often dcb goes outside any way. Dad just lets him, instead of making him come back inside.

Mom also insinuated that since I'm a daycare provider, I should just "deal" (expect) it. GRRR. Not going there.

if that is the mentality of the mom, I don't think that this situation is going to improve.

If thats the way the mom wants to be, the next time that child hits you, I would be calling her to pick him up and telling her, now its your problem.

In my experience, if the family is not on the same page as you now, they never will be and this whole saga will only continue. YOu need to tell the DCP that this CAN NOT continue this way. Either she and dad help put stop to it or find other care.

I know that this is not what you probably wanted to hear, but you have two options. Deal with it and be miserable about the situation or you can make the problem theirs, because it is there problem, not yours....

[momma2girls]

I would never allow biting or kicking.

[Countrygal]

I recently had a sibling pair that liked to hit, scratch and push the other children. Pretty much daily. They were pretty good kids otherwise, but several times caused someone else to be hurt. I tried talking to the dcm numerous times about it and tried to work with her, but she told me flat out she did not want to go home at night and discipline her children, she just wanted to play with them. A couple of weeks later I got a call from their dcd and he ripped me up one side and down the other because his little girl had a scratch. I was totally incompetent and he was pulling his kids. He yelled at me for a good 15 minutes, blaming all of his kid's problems on my 6yo.

My point being I learned the hard way that if the parents won't work with you there is nothing you can do. And sooner or later they are going to turn all of the problems back to you. So now if I had a child that was over two who purposely hurt other children, they will be gone. Period. It is pretty obvious that the parents have NOT been working with the child for four years - they are not very likely to start now.........

Just IMO, but that was my story.

[dave4him]

I wrestle with the kids all the time, but if anyone hits or kicks out of anger or frusteration they go in time out or get spanked if they are mine.

[bluemoose_mom]

if that is the mentality of the mom, I don't think that this situation is going to improve.

If thats the way the mom wants to be, the next time that child hits you, I would be calling her to pick him up and telling her, now its your problem.

In my experience, if the family is not on the same page as you now, they never will be and this whole saga will only continue. YOu need to tell the DCP that this CAN NOT continue this way. Either she and dad help put stop to it or find other care.

I know that this is not what you probably wanted to hear, but you have two options. Deal with it and be miserable about the situation or you can make the problem theirs, because it is there problem, not yours....

I agree with all the the above. I did send him home on Wednesday, at 10 am. It got through to dad that this is in fact a problem. Mom knew and has been devastated by this, and doesn't understand why this is happening. I did tell them that this can not continue...and I won't be miserable about this situation. I just feel like we can get somewhere...small chance perhaps, but if it's there, I want to take it. I just don't know how long to give it, especially since the hitting/kicking is spaced apart so much. It might be a different story if it happened multiple times a day...

[bluemoose_mom]

countrygal-Mom and I had a pretty good heart to heart, and mom is realizing some of her mistakes and seems willing to correct them. As to whether or not it's going to happen, only time will tell. I just don't want what you described to happen and I don't know how much time to give it.

dave4him-That is the biggest problem here, is that the hitting happens during time out (because he's never been forced to sit there) and it takes him 15 minutes plus to sit in time out for 3 minutes--and that's with 3 months of consistency from me. As for spanking, (which I do rarely with my 3 year old) how does that work with daycare kids present? I have been hesitant to not do it at all, cause I don't want the 4yr old going home and telling his parents....

[Kaddidle Care]

I personally feel it's a 3 strikes you're out kind of a deal. 3 times with other children or 3 times with an adult.

Unfortunately, my last boss felt that full time enrollement was more important than the employees. We all were hit and kicked by the child more than once and the child even ran across the room and jumped on one of the employees that was tying the shoes of another child.

You had to keep a constant eye on the child to prevent him from hurting the other children.

It's one of the reasons that I quit. I refuse to be physically abused by anyone's child and when they act like this, I no longer have patience to deal with them.

[providerandmomof4]

I had a dcg that used to hit and bite, and anyone around her when she was triggered (usually her brother or one of the other kids taking her toy) was her target. She was from a family with six kids and second from the youngest. She was two. She would also hit or bite me if I couldn't pick her up, say I was holding the baby. I talked, talked, and talked to her parents. I tried ignoring the behavior because I think she was looking for that negative behavior attention. I tried working with her one on one. I tried various alternatives to time out, because I don't think they work with children that young. But in the end, I think her parents actually didn't mind it and thought it was funny that she was "standing up for herself." Sometimes she would kick her sister (12mths) and then just smile...very jealous of the baby. A sad situation and I truly feel that she was demanding more attention and wasn't getting the attention she wanted at home. It was sad, but ultimately I couldn't keep the family of three dck's. The last convo I had with dcm after she had bit another dcg for no apparent reason...mom said, "well there's really nothing I can do about it.." Wow...then there's nothing I can do either unfortunately.