4y Old That Ignores Others

[WImom]

I have a 4 year old DCG that ignores others when they call her name. I know she can hear them just fine. They will say her name up to 10 times but she just ignores them and they get frustrated. I will end up saying her name and saying to answer ______. Which is getting really annoying.

She does this at mealtime and playtime. How would you handle?

I've told her she needs to answer someone when they are saying her name. That's is not nice, etc.

Any advice?

[laundrymom]

I would answer the children calling her, I'm sorry Sarah, but nevaeh is having trouble listening right now. I'm going to have her sit on this spot until her ears start working again.
Then I'd march her over to a spot and park her there for a bit.

[KEG123]

Are there any other "red flags" so to speak? My son is the same way, and though he hasn't been evaluated for it, I'm wondering if he's "on the spectrum."

[daycarediva]

Does she ever answer to her name the first time? If not, then I would bring it up the parents as it is a large indicator for autism.

If she is just being rude, then I would tell the other children "Oh, I guess Jane doesn't want to have fun playing with you." and let it go. My dd was a big loner/solitary kid and ignored other kids when she didn't have the social skills to say "I want to play alone" kwim?

[WImom]

No, she has no other issues. I think she's just being rude.

She answers me right away when I say her name.

[daycare]

I would answer the children calling her, I'm sorry Sarah, but nevaeh is having trouble listening right now. I'm going to have her sit on this spot until her ears start working again.
Then I'd march her over to a spot and park her there for a bit.

I do similar to this.... going back to my motto "kids who don't listen don't get to have any fun", it even apply from child to child.

So the child that is ignoring others would be sitting in a spot without anything and would find a way to turn their ears back on. It's rude to ignore people and at 4 yrs old they know it.

[Heidi]

Yes...it's rude (assuming there isn't an issue), but I don't know if I'd get myself too involved in that. First of all, it gains her attention. She's a celebrity now because everyone wants her attention. That's probably her payoff. I certainly wouldn't consider it a punishable offense.

I'd tell her one more time, at a time when it's not an issue (like away from the group), that it's not very kind. I'd ask her if she can tell you why she does it. Does she just want to play by herself? Is it just too much talking at her sometimes? Maybe she has a hard time filtering out all the conversation. If she needs more time alone, help her figure out how to get that, and how to communicate that in another way.

My oldest is not a "group" person, even now..at 22. He does fine socially, but he's definately not the guy at the party with the lampshade on his head. He can, however, talk my ear right off sometimes.

Then, I'd let it go. If someone keeps saying her name, just say "DCG doesn't feel like talking right now. Maybe you could try again later".

[daycare]

Yes...it's rude (assuming there isn't an issue), but I don't know if I'd get myself too involved in that. First of all, it gains her attention. She's a celebrity now because everyone wants her attention. That's probably her payoff. I certainly wouldn't consider it a punishable offense.

I'd tell her one more time, at a time when it's not an issue (like away from the group), that it's not very kind. I'd ask her if she can tell you why she does it. Does she just want to play by herself? Is it just too much talking at her sometimes? Maybe she has a hard time filtering out all the conversation. If she needs more time alone, help her figure out how to get that, and how to communicate that in another way.

My oldest is not a "group" person, even now..at 22. He does fine socially, but he's definately not the guy at the party with the lampshade on his head. He can, however, talk my ear right off sometimes.

Then, I'd let it go. If someone keeps saying her name, just say "DCG doesn't feel like talking right now. Maybe you could try again later".

this is very true and great point.... I have one like this and then I have one from what it sounds like that the OP is dealing with that does it just to be rude or mean.

I guess I should have said that you need to get to the root of the issue, is the child just wanting attention or being rude or do they just really not want to play with this child and need some space.....

I would start out with seeing why the child is doing it and then go from there with suggestions made by all on here

[WImom]

Yes...it's rude (assuming there isn't an issue), but I don't know if I'd get myself too involved in that. First of all, it gains her attention. She's a celebrity now because everyone wants her attention. That's probably her payoff. I certainly wouldn't consider it a punishable offense.

I'd tell her one more time, at a time when it's not an issue (like away from the group), that it's not very kind. I'd ask her if she can tell you why she does it. Does she just want to play by herself? Is it just too much talking at her sometimes? Maybe she has a hard time filtering out all the conversation. If she needs more time alone, help her figure out how to get that, and how to communicate that in another way.

My oldest is not a "group" person, even now..at 22. He does fine socially, but he's definately not the guy at the party with the lampshade on his head. He can, however, talk my ear right off sometimes.

Then, I'd let it go. If someone keeps saying her name, just say "DCG doesn't feel like talking right now. Maybe you could try again later".

I laughed at the celebrity thing - she is..... Everyone wants to play with her and they all get so excited when she comes every morning. Maybe it's all going to her head....

Thanks everyone. I think I'll just remind her it's not nice. Alot of the time it's when they are all playing together. Now...it's mostly two kids she does it too and maybe she is just sick of their questions. So I'll have to tell her to just tell them "I don't feel like talking now".

[clep]

I used to have a child like this. I kept a list of her favorite things to do close by and all the supplies to do it. I let her know ignoring is not acceptable behavior and if she chose to not be nice with the other children she would not be around them. Every time she did it after that, I would simply lead her to her spot to sit at without speaking to her and would engage the other children in one of her favorite activities that she could not join in.

She got tired of missing out and it only lasted two days after that. She answers the children very quickly now. When the other children were frustrated, that was all the attention she needed to continue the behavior so me ignoring it didn't do anything except allow the other children to feel frustration.

[DCMama]

i'm sure you may have done this, but I remember one time when working at a child development center, a girl was rewarded stickers when she show improvements on whatever she needed to improve on. i.e. lying, following directions, pretending to go restrooms, napping, and listening in general. But to be honest I think it will only work if parents are involve and are in on this. Only award them when they improve and punish them when they do not listen. Consistency is really key, it's harder for us as providers to change them when all of the sudden the parents are doing something completely different from our methods. gl