Is It Really Too Much To Expect That My DD Should Have Some Alone Time To Play

[MaritimeMummy]

Some of you might remember me posting about this before. My full time DCG is 2.5 and she copies everything my 3 year old DD does. She's always in her face. She's always imitating her. Always trying to sit close to her. I mean, they play well together but there are times during the day where my daughter just needs to be alone. So she heads off to her own room to play, and DCG follows her. Then I hear my daughter say, "Mummy! DCG is in my room!" and I go in to tell DCG she needs to leave because DD needs to play alone for a bit, and she comes stomping out VERY upset and sits in a corner and winces and pouts for a good half an hour. This happens MULTIPLE times a day. And even then, when DD goes in her room ad if she's still playing in there after DCG is done with her sulk, DCG opens her door (DD shuts her door so the little kids won't come in) and it just starts all over again.

What am I supposed to do? I already explained not to go in each other's "bubbles" but all that does is have DCG crowd DD and DCG says in a tattletail voice, "DD is in my bubble!"

She's a good kid but holy heck she's got to learn boundaries. What can I do? I've tried talking with the mom but she just says, "well, she idolizes your daughter, she talks about her at home all the time". Yeah, but the thing is that she only has to HEAR about it at home. I'm living it. ugh.

[countrymom]

my ydd just told all the kids they were too loud because she couldn't hear the "shake it up theme song" I'm lucky, my kids have their bedrooms are upstairs, so they can escape. I would just keep redirecting dcg, sounds to me like dcg doesn't know how to play by herself thats why she keeps following your dd. I don't know what else to tell you, just that my kids are the same way (heck they are this way with each other )

[Country Kids]

Is there a way you could gate off the way to your daughters room?

[MaritimeMummy]

...sounds to me like dcg doesn't know how to play by herself thats why she keeps following your dd.

that would have been my first thought but the kid actually plays REALLY WELL by herself. It's surprising considering how much of a shadow she is to my DD.

It's such a shame, it really is. When my DD gets her time alone, she is fine to come back out and play with DCG. She just begins to feel so constrained,

[MaritimeMummy]

Is there a way you could gate off the way to your daughters room?

Not really, the bedrooms are in the same little corner of the house as the bathroom and DCG goes to the toilet independently (I come along to wipe, but she does everything else and TBH sometimes I don't even know she's in there until I hear her call my name, LOL). So really, I'd have to put a gate up in my daughter's door frame..

What are the restrictions, if any, on putting one of those door knob child proofing thingers on the outside of her door? So that DD can get out but DCG can't get in?

[SilverSabre25]

You need to be proactive and on that dcg. "DCG, where are you going? You're not allowed in DD's room. Here, play with [cool toy]." Over, and over, and over, and over...and eventually she should get it fairly automatically.

You could also teach your DD to "exit" the play by saying, "Excuse me, DCG, I need to go play on my own for awhile. See you later!" or something like that to signal to dcg that they play is ending for now.

[Country Kids]

My kids have them on their doors! They are older but we have them on all the doors that have nothing to do with childcare and it was approved by my liscensor.

I would go that route and have daughter completely shut her door and see how that works.

[Crazy8]

my own kids rooms were always off limits to dc kids. It was their space alone, they had their own toys in there, etc. I always felt they needed to know that despite my job as a home daycare that they did not have to share EVERYTHING and every inch of their home. My playroom is gated, so daycare kids stay there, my own can come and go as they pleased. Can you gate off your daycare area/room??

I think the key is to NEVER allow her in DD's room. It needs to be a permanent thing, not occasionally you can go play in there, but sometimes you can't.

[sharlan]

No, your dd should have some alone time, just as all the other kids should. I really don't know how to get to a child that has "personal space" issues.

My eldest granddaughter did and the only thing that broke it was time and maturity. She's 16 and still forgets at times.

[Heidi]

Not really, the bedrooms are in the same little corner of the house as the bathroom and DCG goes to the toilet independently (I come along to wipe, but she does everything else and TBH sometimes I don't even know she's in there until I hear her call my name, LOL). So really, I'd have to put a gate up in my daughter's door frame..

What are the restrictions, if any, on putting one of those door knob child proofing thingers on the outside of her door? So that DD can get out but DCG can't get in?

I wouldn't think there are any restrictions for that, since it's not a daycare room. Plus, it's not limiting the ability of a child to get OUT of danger-like fire.

I would very plainly and simply tell DCG that your daughters room is OFF LIMITS. Period. She has her room at HER house, and this is your daughter's house. DCG can learn that boundary. It might have to be a "punishable" offence for a while.

If you're daughter wants to play with her, she can come out to the general area.

My son is 11, and he sometimes invites SA's to come in his room, but it is off limits to younger children, and it's always at his discretion. Luckily, my SA"s this summer are nice kids (and most of them are relatives), so it's been a NICE summer!

[JenNJ]

I would consider the door knob cover on the back or maybe even a retractable mesh gate for the door of your daughter's room. This way your dd isn't isolated from you.

[crazydaycarelady]

I would make your daughters room off limits to the dckids and lt your daughter know taht is "HER" space.

I know it may seem unfair to the dckids but I think our own children deserve a few perks or special things during the day. They put up with so much already and our own children still need to feel special to us when they are surrounded by a houseful of other kids.

[spud912]

I agree, the dcg needs a physical barrier from getting into your daughter's room (like the door lock or gate). Also, you will need to do a lot of redirection. I have a gate between the playroom and the bedrooms, but the older kids know how to open it. I use it mainly to slow their desire to go down the hallway. It took several months of reminders and redirection to prevent them from going back there, especially to prevent them from following me if had to go back there to get something. Eventually they all caught on and they just need an occasional reminder.

[saved4always]

I would child proof the knob on the outside of your daughter's room and make it a non-daycare area. I don't know why that would be an issue with liscensing. You can get in easily and your daughter can get out easily. Your daughter needs to have her own space. I never allowed daycare children to play in the bedrooms. They did sleep in pack n plays in the bedrooms, but that was the only time they were in them.

[Angelsj]

I would make your daughters room off limits to the dckids and lt your daughter know taht is "HER" space.

I know it may seem unfair to the dckids but I think our own children deserve a few perks or special things during the day. They put up with so much already and our own children still need to feel special to us when they are surrounded by a houseful of other kids.

Agreed. My kids have always had their own rooms, that dcks can only visit if invited. There are main toys (for everyone) and personal toys (kept in my own kids' rooms.) Personal toys/rooms are for the kids who live here.

These kids have their own rooms at their own homes, and would not want them invaded constantly. It is only fair that our kids get the same benefit.
Tell the dcg to leave your dd alone unless she is invited in or dd comes out to play.