Please tell me I'm not overreacting.....

[Willow]

DCB, age 2, had diarrhea twice last week. Once Thursday, once Friday.

Thursday Mom told me dad and dcb were eating a bunch of nuts Wednesday night, that dad gets the same way and that she was sure that's what it was from. He had no fever and didn't look ill so I was satisfied with her explanation, let him stay the day, and let him return Friday. Mid morning he did it again, this time it was bad enough it shot out the legs of his diaper, went immediately through his pants and got onto the carpet in the playroom. This time it had a sickish smell to it. I told her he needed to be picked up, especially because there was only shorts left in his cubby and if it happened again...in shorts.....just barf. She didn't respond, didn't respond, didn't respond.....finally a good nearly two hours later she told me she had gone in to town, now knew he was sick, but wanted to know if it was ok for her to leave him there while she went out to lunch with her husband first and ran some errands. She knows my policy on that to begin with, much less how I'd feel about it when her own son was obviously sick and needing her.

So yeah, umm....NO.

The two didn't show up until a good hour after telling her she needed to come pick him up immediately. I saw on dads facebook page that evening they did go out to lunch regardless after all.

She shows up this morning and tells me she has no idea what happened, he didn't have a single bad poop all weekend at home. I don't really believe her but how do you ask for proof of that so fine, whatever. I'm just finishing up making lunch and BAM. Blow out number three. Again out the legs. Again straight through the pants and again all over on the playroom carpet.

I tried reaching her and she didn't answer. I've texted her that she needs to come pick him up and no response. No one on her emergency contact list is answering and I. AM. TICKED. I am straight done cleaning up especially disgusting smelling feces off my carpet and her obviously not taking this seriously at all. It would be one thing if this was happening and she was actually concerned, but about nothing ticks me off more than when a parent doesn't take the health of their child seriously. This is my non-vaxing family and she thinks because of that her children are never actually sick with anything. It'll all pass, she need not do anything special in regards to their health beyond that.


I get the feeling she is absolutely lying to me about him only having bowel movements like that here and I absolutely believe she is intentionally ignoring me now.


I wouldn't want to term over something as ridiculous as bowel movement issues but what the heck else am I supposed to do??

Any advice as to how to proceed up to and including if you just plain think I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill are welcome.


Much thanks as always.

[JenNJ]

It isn't about the BM. It is about being an attentive parent and abiding by her contract. By not answering, she is neglecting her child.

I would have a serious talk after hours and explain that she either gets him checked out, promises to answer when you call/text/email and updates her emergency forms or she has to leave.

[daycarediva]

UGH! YUCK! First, I would address that your sick policy is ***XX and that he needs to be picked up in this EXACT time frame and have them sign it. Second, I would ask that he be seen by a dr. You could say you are concerned it is listeria (going around) or whatever you want but it needs to be addressed.

I have a dcb who had/has this issue, he isn't sick, but he does have some food sensitivities. The parents are working with the pediatrician (and I) to determine what it all encompasses.

I know that MOST parents are very unsympathetic to what their children do at/to my home and property. Dcb had a blowout, (the day after coming back from a supposed 100% potty trained weekend) and I had to throw away an n8x10 area rug. Mom shrugged and said "well accidents happen you aren't expecting me to pay for that!" It was another MONTH before dcb was actually potty trained, and I still haven't been able to replace my rug.

[momofsix]

DCB, age 2, had diarrhea twice last week. Once Thursday, once Friday.

Thursday Mom told me dad and dcb were eating a bunch of nuts Wednesday night, that dad gets the same way and that she was sure that's what it was from. He had no fever and didn't look ill so I was satisfied with her explanation, let him stay the day, and let him return Friday. Mid morning he did it again, this time it was bad enough it shot out the legs of his diaper, went immediately through his pants and got onto the carpet in the playroom. This time it had a sickish smell to it. I told her he needed to be picked up, especially because there was only shorts left in his cubby and if it happened again...in shorts.....just barf. She didn't respond, didn't respond, didn't respond.....finally a good nearly two hours later she told me she had gone in to town, now knew he was sick, but wanted to know if it was ok for her to leave him there while she went out to lunch with her husband first and ran some errands. She knows my policy on that to begin with, much less how I'd feel about it when her own son was obviously sick and needing her.

So yeah, umm....NO.

The two didn't show up until a good hour after telling her she needed to come pick him up immediately. I saw on dads facebook page that evening they did go out to lunch regardless after all.

She shows up this morning and tells me she has no idea what happened, he didn't have a single bad poop all weekend at home. I don't really believe her but how do you ask for proof of that so fine, whatever. I'm just finishing up making lunch and BAM. Blow out number three. Again out the legs. Again straight through the pants and again all over on the playroom carpet.

I tried reaching her and she didn't answer. I've texted her that she needs to come pick him up and no response. No one on her emergency contact list is answering and I. AM. TICKED. I am straight done cleaning up especially disgusting smelling feces off my carpet and her obviously not taking this seriously at all. It would be one thing if this was happening and she was actually concerned, but about nothing ticks me off more than when a parent doesn't take the health of their child seriously. This is my non-vaxing family and she thinks because of that her children are never actually sick with anything. It'll all pass, she need not do anything special in regards to their health beyond that.


I get the feeling she is absolutely lying to me about him only having bowel movements like that here and I absolutely believe she is intentionally ignoring me now.


I wouldn't want to term over something as ridiculous as bowel movement issues but what the heck else am I supposed to do??

Any advice as to how to proceed up to and including if you just plain think I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill are welcome.


Much thanks as always.

In my opinion you wouldn't be terming over the bowel issue at all. You would be terming because they totally disrespected you by going out to lunch after you told them very clearly to come and get their child. You would also be terming because mom lied (probably) to you about this not happening all weekend, and also for the fact that she is ignoring your attempts to contact her-what if this were a real emergency, you don't ever ignore the one who has your child!

[Blackcat31]

It isn't about the BM. It is about being an attentive parent and abiding by her contract. By not answering, she is neglecting her child.

I would have a serious talk after hours and explain that she either gets him checked out, promises to answer when you call/text/email and updates her emergency forms or she has to leave.

I agree with JenNJ. I too would be having a serious discussion with BOTH parents about their lack of being reachable (which IMPO is sooooo important) and about the lunch thing.

As far as the diarrhea, I have had kids not have any BM's at home but have nothing but loose runny stool while at daycare so it is possible (even a slim chance) that he isn't having diarrhea at home and only while with you.

I would still send him home though. If it helps any, I tell parents that once I reach them to pick up a sick kid, they have 30 minutes to get here or my $1 per minute late fee applies. If no one is reachable, then we have a talk since again, having a reachable, RELIABLE contact person is so important....gosh, what if it was an emergency?

I kind of think your instincts are correct in that she (DCM) is probably ignoring you.

One of the rules that works really well for me is ~ Keep your child home for 24 hours or if they get sent home from care, they stay home 48 hours. Seems to be a "miracle cure" for situations like this...

I personally wouldn't term over this either but I would be quick to have a discussion regarding some of the issues happening.

Sorry, you are dealing with this at all.

[e.j.]

It isn't about the BM. It is about being an attentive parent and abiding by her contract. By not answering, she is neglecting her child.

I would have a serious talk after hours and explain that she either gets him checked out, promises to answer when you call/text/email and updates her emergency forms or she has to leave.

You are not overreacting; they are being very disrespectful of you, your home and your policies.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Try this text "there is a problem with Jimmy. Please call asap". They should answer THAT immediately.

[crazydaycarelady]

So he was fine all morning until lunch? Does he seem sick? I have had kids that just had loose bowel movements but weren't sick. Maybe she needs to go up to bigger diapers?

[cheerfuldom]

So he was fine all morning until lunch? Does he seem sick? I have had kids that just had loose bowel movements but weren't sick. Maybe she needs to go up to bigger diapers?

This sounding like more than "loose" BMs....

anyway, I heartedly agree with Blackcat. Get the sickness policy and pickup policy ironed out, start enforcing fees if they do not respond AND pickup within your time limit.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I agree with JenNJ. I too would be having a serious discussion with BOTH parents about their lack of being reachable (which IMPO is sooooo important) and about the lunch thing.

As far as the diarrhea, I have had kids not have any BM's at home but have nothing but loose runny stool while at daycare so it is possible (even a slim chance) that he isn't having diarrhea at home and only while with you.

I would still send him home though. If it helps any, I tell parents that once I reach them to pick up a sick kid, they have 30 minutes to get here or my $1 per minute late fee applies. If no one is reachable, then we have a talk since again, having a reachable, RELIABLE contact person is so important....gosh, what if it was an emergency?

I kind of think your instincts are correct in that she (DCM) is probably ignoring you.

One of the rules that works really well for me is ~ Keep your child home for 24 hours or if they get sent home from care, they stay home 48 hours. Seems to be a "miracle cure" for situations like this...

I personally wouldn't term over this either but I would be quick to have a discussion regarding some of the issues happening.

Sorry, you are dealing with this at all.

I just added all of this to mine. My parents will be signing a new statement saying they read it come September.

[cheerfuldom]

I agree with JenNJ. I too would be having a serious discussion with BOTH parents about their lack of being reachable (which IMPO is sooooo important) and about the lunch thing.

As far as the diarrhea, I have had kids not have any BM's at home but have nothing but loose runny stool while at daycare so it is possible (even a slim chance) that he isn't having diarrhea at home and only while with you.

I would still send him home though. If it helps any, I tell parents that once I reach them to pick up a sick kid, they have 30 minutes to get here or my $1 per minute late fee applies. If no one is reachable, then we have a talk since again, having a reachable, RELIABLE contact person is so important....gosh, what if it was an emergency?

I kind of think your instincts are correct in that she (DCM) is probably ignoring you.

One of the rules that works really well for me is ~ Keep your child home for 24 hours or if they get sent home from care, they stay home 48 hours. Seems to be a "miracle cure" for situations like this...

I personally wouldn't term over this either but I would be quick to have a discussion regarding some of the issues happening.

Sorry, you are dealing with this at all.

to the bolded....OP said mom said that BMs were normal at home all weekend.....seems suspicious that diarrhea would mysteriously be happening only M-F, daycare hours....I dont believe DCM at all especially since she is clearly avoiding the providers calls, not cool!

[MN Day Mom]

I'm in Minnesota also and I recently received this postcard in the mail from the MN dept of Health regarding Shigella Infection and how they want us to follow STRICT exclusion policies with children with diarrhea, vomiting or fever... print out the card and share it with your family.

http://www.health.state.mn.us/divs/idepc/diseases/shigellosis/postcard.pdf

Here is additional information for the childcare provider http://www.health.state.mn.us/divs/i...childcare.html

[Willow]

I think she may have read this thread or something because almost immediately after I posted it she finally texted back and said she was on her way

I told her she had to bring him in to see a doc and at least try to sort this out at this point. I tried to be as non-confrontational about it using the premise of it possibly being a newly developed food allergy (which I sort of believe it could be, just from the time of blow out to the time I get him cleaned up it tears through his skin like almost nothing I've ever seen before). I told her if she was able to get a stool analysis and a note from the doc to give to me confirming it's nothing contagious he could return as early as tomorrow. Hopefully if it's something bad she'll be honest....

In the future I plan to use the generic "something is wrong with dcb, would you please give me a call immediately!" That's genius!!!

I plan to email her tonight reviewing my policies about having someone available for me to reach in the event of emergencies any time her kids are in my care. While I believe the $1 for every minute beyond the sick pick up time would work for most parents I'm not even going to put it out there for her. I could see her not giving a rip about paying that at all and leaving him here for as long as it would take for me to actually terminate them entirely out of exasperation.


I really stink at even run of the mill conversation with her. She's extremely passive aggressive and I get so mousy around her. Drives me nuts that she has that effect on me. The kids are full time and typically fantastic which is the only reason I intend to keep them regardless of her. I've come to care about them quite a bit which is one of the reasons it was bothering me so bad that she didn't seem to care the distress his GI system obviously is in.

Thanks for all the support guys!

[Willow]

I'm in Minnesota also and I recently received this postcard in the mail from the MN dept of Health regarding Shigella Infection and how they want us to follow STRICT exclusion policies with children with diarrhea, vomiting or fever... print out the card and share it with your family.

http://www.health.state.mn.us/divs/idepc/diseases/shigellosis/postcard.pdf

Here is additional information for the childcare provider http://www.health.state.mn.us/divs/i...childcare.html

Fantastic! Thanks!

I did tell her that if licensing was here and he had diarrhea like that, or they found out I let him stay after I knew there was a problem and exposed other kids to it that I could get in a lot of trouble. Not necessarily true but it took some of the "blame" off of me and in the end it did push her over the edge to actually get him in to see a doctor

[daycare]

this!!!!!

start enforcing a late fee,dont have one put one in your policy now....Trust me once you attach money to it, parents will change really fast.

I would be telling the parents that they will need to take little JR to the doc and must return with a note of diagnosis. This way you know what you are dealing with. Maybe its just a food reaction, but you don't know that unless the child goes to the doctor.

I would also be telling the parents that for the safety of their child and all other children in care this is what needs to happen. You can't allow for feces to be in your daycare room, it creates an unhealthy and unsafe environment for all of the children in care.

If they refuse to take lil johnny to the doc, then you need to put your foot down and refuse the child into care. I hate to say it, but would you want to risk losing another child because of this one? What if it is something serious and others get it? We can play the what if this or that all day, but the bottom line is that the parents have to be the ones to resolve it and the only way they will is if you make them.

I have been in your shoes and I know it's hard to put your foot down, but once you do it you will be stronger and more appreciated by all of your parents. Not to mention it feels good to stand up for yourself and your policies...