Pointless Potty Training

[Unregistered]

regular that logged out.

I have a family that is just all over the place, yet super sweet and nice.

Child has been in my care now for about 9 months, so not a new kid/family. age 3.5 with great verbal skills but not logical thinking yet.

issue is that parents have been "supposedly" potty training this child since the age of 18 months and the child is NO where near ready at all. We have had meetings about it with both mom and dad. After many talks, I find out that the child is getting punished by dad when child has accidents. Well no wonder this child won't use the toilet, that explains it all.

the parents keep sending the child in underwear with pull-up over it (which is my policy) wanting the child to potty train. I am just done with it, because the child is not potty training, I am the one trained to tell the child to go to the bathroom every hour and most of the time the child has already gone in pants.

I have told that parents that we need to take breaks and let the child be and try again later, which we do. But right now they are insisting that the child potty train and be done with it.

Of course, I know that the issue is with the dad, but how do I tell this dad you can't do that when I already have before? The parents are also on the mist of a separation because of all of their differences in parenting.

Do you think that I should just stop telling the child to go to the bathroom and just leave it be? I feel for the child, because I know the child fears anything to do with the toileting.

any advice here would be helpful

[PolkaTots]

Personally, if I had this child in my care, I would not continue the potty training process until I knew it was being reinforced at home. Fighting parents on the verge of seperation will affect the child's ability to potty train as well. I have had children in my care be fully potty trained, but regress when parents are going through seperation.

Here is the exact diapers & potty training portion of my contract:

We will always try our best to send your child home with a dry bottom, & would appreciate the same consideration when you bring your child.
Parents are responsible for providing diapers, wipes, and any other diapering necessity for their child. If I have to supply them, a charge will be incurred to the parent.
Potty Training: I will not initiate this process, only reinforce what is being done at home. Do not send your child in regular underwear until they have remained accident free for at least 1 week, and notifies me when they need to use the restroom. Pull Ups are required for children that still have accidents. I will not attempt potty training for children under the age of 18 months.
Potty Training Dress Code: Please do not bring your child in regular panties or underwear until it has been cleared with me. During toilet training, I ask that the child be dressed in 'user friendly' clothing as much as possible. The best items are shorts and pants with full elastic waists. Please refrain from using tight clothing, pants with snaps and zippers, belts, tights, long skirts/dresses or overalls. These are difficult for children to remove 'in a hurry'. If your child is wearing an outfit that they cannot remove by themselves, they will not feel confident in the training process.
Potty Trained Discount: Your child is eligible for the potty trained discount when are consistently accident free for a minimum of one week AND notify adults when they need to use the restroom or take themselves to the restroom without prompts. This discount will be applied or revoked at providers discretion.

[cheerfuldom]

If you know the child is NOT ready AND that the parents are NOT open to working together as a team to progress....then honestly, maybe you should just back off at daycare. The kid is using the pull up like a diaper anyway so nothing will change for him/her. There is nothing you can do about the home situation or about the parents working with you that you havent already tried from the sounds of it.

I have a similar situation where mom and dad are eager for a special needs 3 year old to be potty trained. She doesnt have the motivation to do it nor the physical coordination to potty without a lot of assistance plus mom and dad have conflicting "methods" and child has been in pullups for at least 6 months with no major progress. I have addressed it several times to the parents but I cant change what they are doing....they insist on sending pullups to daycare to "keep trying". So she comes here in pullups and I just backed off the whole process because she is using the pullups like diapers anyway. She isnt progression no matter how or when I remind her and take her. I cant override what is happening at home and I am not willing to lose this child by insisting she be put back in diapers or cannot make her potty train. So I leave things as is....she comes in pull ups which makes the parents feel like they are progressing with the training and I do what I can to help but there is only so much I can do. Its not an ideal situation but its the best I can do for now.

[Unregistered]

pmwfhp

sounds like we have the same situation. I want to help, but can't. I feel for the child as they watch every other child in DC become PT. I have kids that are 2 that are ahead of where this child is at, but it is because the parents are doing most of the work at home.

Like you said, we can't control what happens at home, (boy do I wish I could, ) and no matter what I do the situation is not going to change. I guess some of my post was a vent too, as I am felling really frustrated with the parents. yet the parents are the ones that are frustrated with the child.....

[momma2girls]

It needs to be started at home and child making good progress before starting it at daycare. If anyone would like to see how I have it worded in my contract, feel free to request it.

[daycare]

It needs to be started at home and child making good progress before starting it at daycare. If anyone would like to see how I have it worded in my contract, feel free to request it.

I would like to see yours.... I have potty issues too... NOT me the kids...hahah

[cheerfuldom]

It needs to be started at home and child making good progress before starting it at daycare. If anyone would like to see how I have it worded in my contract, feel free to request it.

I do have a similar policy and I refuse to continue to try something that is clearly not working. I dont lie to the parents or pretend that she is making progress. They know that she is no longer progressing here and now using pull ups as diapers. They know I just change the pullups like I would a diaper and that I cannot make this child train if she really doesnt want to or just cant do it yet. There is nothing else I can do as far as a contract is concerned unless I am willing to term over the issue, which I am not. I think it comes down to the parents feeling that keeping her in pullups is better than giving up and sending diapers. If that is what floats their boat and they are not causing drama towards me about her not being trained....so be it. AGain, not ideal for this little one but she cannot go into underwear here until she is accident free for two weeks, per my policy, and the parents refuse to back off and send diapers....so we are at an impass.

[momma2girls]

I would like to see yours.... I have potty issues too... NOT me the kids...hahah

This is what I have written in my contract:
I will assist with potty training, this needs to be started at home and child making good progress and totally understand the concept of it, before I will assist with it here. Pullups are required at all times until totally potty trained (this means goes on their own with out any assistance and reminders from myself, and be accident free for quite some time)