Frustrated

[Unregistered]

Hi! I would like to get some feedback on some frustration I have been dealing with lately! I have been doing daycare for about a year now and have been enjoying until the beginning of this summer...some days I feel like I just want to close. I have 3 children of my own all boy ages 9,4,1. I have a dcg 4. And 3 siblings..dgc 3, dcb 5, and dcb 9. My problem is dcb 9. he whines and crys about everything. This child has no motivation to do anything and just wants to lay on floor complaining about how bored he is..I try everything to give him more "grown up" things to do...My son(9) helps with the little ones...plays with the baby...joins us in activities like playdoh, coloring, or simply drawing a pictures...Last week I gave them a paper that I wrote on top of the page "What i want to be when i grow up" and asked them to draw underneath what they wanted to be..dcb(9) said I don't want to do anything or have a job...I just want to stay home all day...while this shocked me as all the others kids were super excited about this project including my oldest son...i just dont know what to do with this kid...sometimes dc dad picks up youngest dcb for ball games..and dcb (9) runs to the door..daddy im so bored can i go to work with you...so annoying to me and makes me look bad in front of parents..I asked dc dad what he does at home and his response was "he does chores all day"...

My other problem is my oldest son can not stand this boy...and gets upset on days when he is here.. My son is very independent and keeps himself entertained..goes to friends house..goes to library or to grandmas..he is allowed to ride his bike to these places..and when dcb is here, he feels trapped...they do not have the same interest..my son is very mature for his ages and well dcb is not..he fell on the sidewalk while 'playing in my backyard and scraped is knee..a tiny little scrape and he screamed and cryed "i want my mama" for over an hour over this..when dad came at pick up time, he said "daddy i fell down and got a booboo..

When dcb is here, the youngers siblings are a nightmare...when he is not here, I have little to none problems with them at all..

I don't know how to go about dicussing this with his parent as I don't want to lose the younger siblings...they are a pleasure to have and get along great with the kids..Any ides you have would be much apprectiated...On days he is here I just want to cry...

[boysx5]

I don't have any advice but just have to say I'm in the same shoes as you with a six year old girl I have. I have told the parents and they said she is having time adjusting to being here well this is week two and we are still having issues. She brags and the parents treat her more like 12 than six which I have issues with. I also have her two year old sister and she tries to tell her what she can do when I say different today I told her in a nice way that she needs to listen to me I'm in charge then she cried about that. I don't want to lose the two year old sibling I have had her since a baby. I am going to try to get by with enjoying my vacations and then they go on one and hopefully the days will past quick also I love this site so I can come and vent and know I'm not alone it really does help

[QualiTcare]

my guess would be at this point since these kids DO annoy you....they can probably sense it. even if you don't think they can, they probably can. maybe you should try being EXTRA nice to them and bonding with them so they respect you. THEN, have a talk with them about what it is they are doing that bothers you. kids generally WANT to please you. if they feel like you care about them and you let them know you disapprove of what they're doing...they'll probably stop. just tell them once you've reeled them in..."i really don't like it when you talk about all the things you have," or..."i don't want you to be bored. it upsets me to think you're not having fun here. what do you think would make your time here more fun?"

my guess is these kids probably need attention. i had a kid that used to annoy he crap out of me with tattling. he would also do things to other kids JUST to annoy them. when i sat down and talked with him...he told me that his dad beat his mom (and his mom did break up with him) but he really missed his dad even though he "hated" him, etc. his mom worked a lot because she was single. he just wanted attention and didn't know how to get it. after our little talk, when i'd see him getting ready to do something he shouldn't, he'd be looking at me also...and stop before i had to say a word.

i could be wrong in your cases, but a lot of DC kids are dying for attention and have no idea how to communicate. the little boy that always says he's bored may just want to do something as simple as playing a game on the shelf he's seen that has never been opened, but he's too afraid to ask. you know how kids are. when they see a cake, they'll say, "man, i've never tasted cake before," instead of saying, "could i have a piece of cake?" it can't hurt to try.

[mac60]

School kids can be difficult. I have 1 here everyday, and 1 2 days per week. We spend our mornings outside, and during nap they have 3 choices, either play outside, sit at table with the crate of schoolage activities. or take a nap. That's it, that is their choices. We don't use the word bored here ever. I hate that word and using that word will get you a TO. I don't feel it is my duty to entertain schoolage kids, or any other age child 8 hours a day. Kids need to learn to play without an electronic device in front of them. They need to use their imagination.

[nannyde]

The dynamic of the older school aged kid's happiness while he is in care threatening your position of caregiver to the younger kids is a looser. A child that age can NOT sense that he has power over you. His happiness can't dictate what will happen with the younger siblings.

In my many years of experience I have seen WAY too many providers trying to pacifiy older siblings to "keep" the younger ones. It doesn't work. The older kid will sense that you are VESTED into his happiness and will consequently NOT be happy. You can never do enough or be enough for him.

Sit down with the parents and tell them how badly he is behaving. Tell them you have offered activities and he refuses. Tell them that you feel like you have to keep him happy in order to have the younger siblings stay and you don't like that he has this kind of power over you.

HIs options need to be to do what you guys are doing, go read by himself, or go lay down. His complaining is misbehavior and your won't tolerate it. He doesn't get to share his feelings about how "bored" he is or how much he wants his "mommy". He needs to entertain himself and be a good member of the group.

Put your foot down with him right now and get it straight. When he starts his stuff tell him to be quiet and stop saying those things or he's going to spend time completely away from you guys and completely entertain himself. You don't have to set up wall to wall "keep him happy" stuff because what makes him happy today won't tomorrow. It will be a never ending cycle of you doing higher and higher level activities for him with an end result of him being unhappy anyway.

I don't know why parents put school agers in groups like this. It is usually when the "sibling discount" is so high that they can't pay for the younger kids in day care and get the care for the older kid at the very low rate the "sibling dicsount" offered at the home day care. They end up getting a really low rate for the school ager because of the sibling discount and can't replicate that rate unless they stay with the provider who has the younger sibs.

Another reason I see is that the older kid has been kicked out of so many summer programs that the parents think they have a better chance of making it thru the summer if they have them in home day care.

Either way it's not good.

Are you giving them s a sibling discount? If you are then maybe that's your in. Tell the parents you are only charging X for his care per week above and beyond the three and five year old and you can't have this level of work for only X dollars more a week. If he is going to require an adult just for his happiness then you have to charge more per week for him so you can get a helper in to keep just HIM happy. Or... he could knock it off and be a part of the group.

Stopped doing school age care MANY years ago. Not my age group.

[boysx5]

the girl I have wants to do nothing I can stand on my head and its not good enough we try games slip and slide games and anything you can think never have I had a child like this. The problem with her is she is six going on sixteen and the parents what her to be older I think they have her all into The Twilight series which I don't think is good for a six year old and that is all she talks about

[Vesta]

School agers are such a mixed bag.
I've got a 6 year old that is a complete pill, some of the time. I'm slowly pulling her out of her "attitude issues". I've had to be kind of harsh with her, sending her away from me whenever the whining and moaning starts, letting her know that she's just irritating me and nothing good comes out of me being irritated.
She's extra annoying because all my other kids (a mix of 4,4,5,7,7,7,8, and 12) will all be happily occupied with whatever and here comes princess, "oh, woe is me".
She's getting better though, 4 weeks into summer break.
The 12 year old is a jewel. I was surprised she was back thinking she wouldn't want to be here anymore, the 8 year old is her little brother. Wonderful kids(except for eating issues, which I have learned to ignore after 3 summers of it) who I'm actually happy to see.
But if a bright 12 year old is not bored, I don't understand how a 6 year old can be so completely bored out of her skull (while her 5 year old sister is also busy)

I've had my share of school age that I wanted to just tell to get out of my house, but all it takes is just one to throw everything off.

Can you maybe have him make of list of what he would like to be doing. You may get a lot of crap that you can't pull off (my princess seems to think I should have an in ground pool, roller rink, bounce park, and a Wi all at her disposal, I don't transport, because I physically can't) , but there might be some things that could actually work out (like more sidewalk chalk, clipboards and paper outside, letting him write long letters to mommy and daddy about how much his life ****s...)

[judytrickett]

I recently had an epiphamy. I no longer offer ANY school-aged care. Once you reach September of the year you go off to Kindy you are DONE with me. I just don't wanna deal with ANY school-aged kids.

One, because it is HARD to deal with a mixed age group that spans so many years and developmental stages. Two, because school-aged kids equal LESS money but still take up a spot. And three, because they always bring more problems to the daycare simply because of the myriad of environments they are in on a daily basis. They have rules and home, rules and school and rules at daycare and they are ALL different. The kid doesn't know if he's coming or going. Toss in all the negative school-yard recess crap they pick up and it's a nightmare.

I also don't like the way school-aged kids "interpret" things that happen during the day and report back to the parents. And the parents, being parents will ALWAYS take their child's side. So, while I might be done taking crap from a 7 year old that child says I was "mean" or "unfair" etc and the parents eat that up. I don't get paid enough to have to defend myself to parents over the interpretation of a manipulative school-ager.

No school-aged kids!

[boysx5]

I recently had an epiphamy. I no longer offer ANY school-aged care. Once you reach September of the year you go off to Kindy you are DONE with me. I just don't wanna deal with ANY school-aged kids.

One, because it is HARD to deal with a mixed age group that spans so many years and developmental stages. Two, because school-aged kids equal LESS money but still take up a spot. And three, because they always bring more problems to the daycare simply because of the myriad of environments they are in on a daily basis. They have rules and home, rules and school and rules at daycare and they are ALL different. The kid doesn't know if he's coming or going. Toss in all the negative school-yard recess crap they pick up and it's a nightmare.

I also don't like the way school-aged kids "interpret" things that happen during the day and report back to the parents. And the parents, being parents will ALWAYS take their child's side. So, while I might be done taking crap from a 7 year old that child says I was "mean" or "unfair" etc and the parents eat that up. I don't get paid enough to have to defend myself to parents over the interpretation of a manipulative school-ager.

No school-aged kids!

I'm going to start doing this since my youngest will be in first grade this year after you turn five I'm done I believe once they hit five they become much more work and I would rather have the babies so much eaiser

[Unregistered]

Today dcb (9) is here...He was having a fun time playing tractors and farm on the floor with the other kids...When dc dad showed up to drop of younger sibling (he had a ball game this morning) he pulled that "daddy im so bored, can i go to work with you"...dad said no. I told ddc dad that he is fine and that he was having fun until he showed up...i am not annoyed by this child, he is a nice boy and at times, its nice to sit down and have conversations with him..talking about school etc..I am having a hard time with him..he told me that home he just sits and watches tv all day. Kinda funny cause when I interviewed the family they told me that is what they don't want them to be doing...but I believe that is what there "spending time together as a family thing" is watching tv. This child has no motivation to do anything and just wants to spend his time here complaining about everything. The thing that really bothers me the most is that his younger siblings are pretty much uncontrollable when he is here, and i have mentioned that to his dad..his 3 yr old sister is very snotty and talks back alot when he is here..I never have to tell dc parent about them acting up, only on days that 9 yr old is here. I don't know what to do. I guess **** it up and hope the school year gets here fast. I think next summer I am only excepting children 6 and under...its gets to complicated with the older ones and I don't feel is right that my 9 yr old son feels like has to be friends with this child. I do tell him to be nice and polite, but he feels as though he can't go anywhere, (to friends house, swimming, library, etc) when dcb is here. Thanks to all of you for suggestions and comments..this is a really neat website and i have gotten alot of info from just reading others posts

[Golden Rule]

"Because you are the Mommy......."

Sorry...thought I went out of this thread......so embarrassed.... Was supposed to be a new topic.