Several Questions All In One Post

[TGT09]

I feel like I have a few school-aged kids that I think are trying to grow up too fast. I have 7yo dcg and 10 yo dcb. DCG swears that another 6 year old dcb has a crush on her and is flirting with her. I've already told her that they are both too young for that. Also, that dcb is just being friendly. Why do they have to start saying "do you like me" so flipping young these days?! I feel like I have to literally be on my tip toes with having ears and eyes peeled. There was a ton of whispering going on this morning and I told them it needed to stop....I had visions of them trying to sneak off to kiss! I don't know whether I should broach kissing before I truly hear them talking about it or..........I'm afraid if I bring it up and they weren't thinking about it then they will truly say "hey, great idea". I told dcb's mom so if she heard anything to please tell me because that's not acceptable behavior here. What do I do?

How do you deal with sibling fighting? Any different than non-siblings?

How do you deal with kids that have the attitude "it's my way or the highway"? 7 yodcg listens to me but as soon as the other kids won't play what she wants or do what she wants...she goes off and pouts. Should I leave them alone to get through it without me? I feel so hands on for some reason and that they are always pulling me into every fight.

Do you make kids help you clean at the end of the day? I don't feel like it's my job to do that also...is that harsh?

Is it wrong to give dck's chores in general that are dc related? Helping me with drying dishes, etc.....

If you've had a long day with kids not listening, fighting, bickering, etc....do you tell mom at pick-up? Or do you keep quiet? I feel like parents should be involved so I almost always tell but I have one parent that feels super guilty that her child wasn't perfect that day. I don't have the heart to tell her that her child is never perfect. :-) I have even went so far as to e-mail mom's while still at work, at least for misbehaving. Do you feel bad talking to the dcm about child's behavior in front of the child?

A few weeks ago, I read about a website on here that is for providers to check on parents that have used other daycares and I lost the link. Could someone help? Providerlink, maybe or something??

We had several issues today with not listening and not keeping their hands to themselves. I have nothing but school-agers and a 2 year old so is there another kind of punishment for school-agers besides time out which I think they truly hate and are embarassed of so I tend to use it still. Is there something else you do?

[fctjc1979]

Kids being "too friendly" -- Until you actually see something happen, I don't think there is a whole lot you can do about this other than to keep them busy (maybe seperated) and to maybe have a chat with all your daycare kids. Have them all sit down and see if they can remember all the rules and then maybe make sure to mention keeping hands and other body parts to themselves.

sibling fighting -- Mention it to the parents and see what they say they do about it at home in order to keep things consistant. If the parents don't seem to have an anwer, ask them what they would like you to do. Since it's a family issue, sometimes it works better if the solution comes from the family. I actually once had a parent tell me that they would make their kids sit on the couch with their arms around eachother if they were caught fighting. It worked like a charm with these kids. (Don't try that without parental consent though )

pouty girl -- Let her pout. That's her choice. Or if it really bothers you, ask her if pouting is fun. When she says no, ask her why she's doing it then. Eventually she'll get the point.

clean up -- I absolutely have them clean up.

chores -- I do think it's appropriate, but if you're going to have them do this, make sure that it's in your handbook or that you discuss it with the parents during the interview so they know it is expected. Otherwise the kids may make it sound as though you have them cleaning your house all day.

communication with parents -- I definitely tell the parents how the day went at pick-up. And I always make sure that the child is standing right there when I do it. That way, the child can't tell their parent a different version later and the child knows that the parent is being made aware of their behavior.

website -- I remember that thread but don't have the link.

school-age discipline -- check out a thread called "how long can you keep a child in time out". A lot of people put their methods in that thread.

Hope this helps!!!!

[sahm2three]

I feel like I have a few school-aged kids that I think are trying to grow up too fast. I have 7yo dcg and 10 yo dcb. DCG swears that another 6 year old dcb has a crush on her and is flirting with her. I've already told her that they are both too young for that. Also, that dcb is just being friendly. Why do they have to start saying "do you like me" so flipping young these days?! I feel like I have to literally be on my tip toes with having ears and eyes peeled. There was a ton of whispering going on this morning and I told them it needed to stop....I had visions of them trying to sneak off to kiss! I don't know whether I should broach kissing before I truly hear them talking about it or..........I'm afraid if I bring it up and they weren't thinking about it then they will truly say "hey, great idea". I told dcb's mom so if she heard anything to please tell me because that's not acceptable behavior here. What do I do?

How do you deal with sibling fighting? Any different than non-siblings?

How do you deal with kids that have the attitude "it's my way or the highway"? 7 yodcg listens to me but as soon as the other kids won't play what she wants or do what she wants...she goes off and pouts. Should I leave them alone to get through it without me? I feel so hands on for some reason and that they are always pulling me into every fight.

Do you make kids help you clean at the end of the day? I don't feel like it's my job to do that also...is that harsh?

Is it wrong to give dck's chores in general that are dc related? Helping me with drying dishes, etc.....

If you've had a long day with kids not listening, fighting, bickering, etc....do you tell mom at pick-up? Or do you keep quiet? I feel like parents should be involved so I almost always tell but I have one parent that feels super guilty that her child wasn't perfect that day. I don't have the heart to tell her that her child is never perfect. :-) I have even went so far as to e-mail mom's while still at work, at least for misbehaving. Do you feel bad talking to the dcm about child's behavior in front of the child?

A few weeks ago, I read about a website on here that is for providers to check on parents that have used other daycares and I lost the link. Could someone help? Providerlink, maybe or something??

We had several issues today with not listening and not keeping their hands to themselves. I have nothing but school-agers and a 2 year old so is there another kind of punishment for school-agers besides time out which I think they truly hate and are embarassed of so I tend to use it still. Is there something else you do?

I have sibling sets, and they do have fights. I have a "no tattling" rule. The offender and the tattler go in time out if they come to me. If someone hits someone, I deal with it before the tattler can get to me. I also have a Tattle Tale Ear for those that MUST tell their woes! LOL! I don't deal with the sibling stuff any different than I do the non sibling stuff.

As for the 7 yo who pouts, let them pout. They will soon find that it isn't getting them anywhere, so they will come back to the group with a better attitude. That is my experience anyways. I have a 4 yo dcg who whines constantly. I have told her that I will not respond to her as long as she is whining. So I ignore her until she talks in a big girl voice. That has helped tremendously!

I do clean up twice a day. Before lunch time and before pick up time. I do NONE of the clean up. I tell them, I didn't have the fun playing with the toys, so I am not picking them up. Either myself or my oldest daughter supervises clean up. My daughter is a much better motivater than I am, so it usually works out best when she does it. But they clean up every piece of toys, games, puzzles, dolls, EVERYTHING. And I don't do the "Well, I didn't play with that" game. They all play, they all pick up, EVERYTHING.

I don't usually have the dck's help with chores. Only thing I do have them do sometimes is some of the older kids like to help get things ready for snack or whatever, and I let them help with that.

If I felt disrespected about something during the day, I make sure mom knows. Moms usually know if their child behaved because if they did, they get to choose something from a prize box, if we had a rough day, they don't get to.

Punishment for a school aged kid, I take priveliges away. We have lots of fun water stuff to do in the back yard. All the kids love it. If they misbehave, they are older and know better, they lose the privilege.

[QualiTcare]

i agree with the others.

as for siblings fighting. i dealt with it differently when i had SA kids that were siblings. they'd call each other "retard" and stuff like that which i would address, but i KNOW they do it all the time at home AND their mom doesn't care. it IS different if they're siblings. i wouldn't care if my daughter had a scratch from my son as much as i would if it were another kid.

and as for telling the parents about behavior at pick up - ive only told parents about stuff if it was REALLY bad. when my daughter went to daycare she was always so sweet and i'd always get compliments about how sweet she was and funny, etc. THEN this redneck lady started working there when she was in the 2 year old room. i swear, EVERY DAY when i'd pick her up, she'd be like...."your daughter pointed her finger at me and told me NO NO!"....the next day it'd be, "she looked at me today and told me not to talk to her like that!" the day before her last day of daycare she was bickering about something she'd SAID and i was like, "well, she's two years old and she's telling you NO and not to talk to her like that cus she hears those things from ME! don't worry because tmw. is her last day so you won't have to worry about it!" to me (and the other daycare workers) stuff she said like that was funny because she was so small - it's not like she was being rebellious. it just got on my nerves so bad hearing her bicker every day. i wouldn't say anything unless it was really a problem that i couldn't deal with on my own. BUT if you have to do it, make sure you ALSO tell her when he had a really good day...in front of him.

[professionalmom]

Sibling fighting - I handle the same as nonsiblings

Attitude/pouty girl - I tell them that it's not THEIR way. It's my house so it's MY way. Period. If she wants to pout, ignore her and the behavior. Obviously you have to keep an eye on her, but you don't have to respond. Pouty attitudes do not get my attention. However, you could always ask her if she's a baby since baby's cry and pout. Explain that big girls do not pout and if she wants to be treated like a big girl, she has to act like one.

Clean-up - It depends. My DD is still here after the day kids leave so what's the point, DD will just get it all out again. If I have my evening kids here, I have them pick-up. If I don't have evening kids and it's just DD, DD and I pick up together (she's still young - will be 2 next month). She helps me. I prefer to do it myself because I have an issue with OCD and want to make sure every toy is accounted for. I hate spending money on toys only to have the disappear. So when I clean up, I am doing a mental inventory. But, that's just me and MY personal issues. If I wasn't so OCD about it, they would probably pick up more often.

Chores - I don't call them "chores". I call them "life skills". I think it is very important for children to learn how to take care of themselves. If we do everything for children all their lives, how can we expect them to, suddenly, at age 18 be able to live on their own and survive? Learning how to wash dishes, dry dishes, sort laundry, prepare (no cooking except my own child when she's at least 10 yo) food/meals/snacks, set the table, clean up the table, etc is part of learning about life. My DD (2 yo next month) WANTS and DEMANDS to help. She dries her own sippy cups, dusts, picks up toys, takes garbage to the trash, etc. Of course, I often have to do it again when she's done, but at least it keeps her busy and she feels like she's being a big girl and helping mommy! I have never asked her to do stuff. She is the one that wants to. It's so weird.

Tell mom about bad day - Yes and if front of the child for the same reasons PPs have stated. If the parent seems worried, upset, mad, concerned, etc, I explain that it is normal to have bad days, especially children. If it's an ongoing thing, I ask them how they handle it at home. I wouldn't bother mom at work though, unless it was something severe like her kid injured another kid. I do not feel bad. I wasn't the one misbehaving. I was the one having to deal with the obnoxious behavior.

The link was Providerwatch.com, I think.

[mismatchedsocks]

School agers being too friendly... I would bring it up to the kids until you see something that resembles it. I do not allow whispering here either.

Sibling fighting between two school agers, I tend to make them not play with each other for a certain amount of time. I tell them that they see each other and act different at home, but it is not allowed here. I find that all school agers fight toward end of week, I think its just the having to play with certain people all week? SO I feel that if its related, they have enough time at home together to fight!

I think the 7 year old must be the age for the pouting and being in charge. I have two of them here. I split them up a few times a day, and get in the middle if I feel it is not fair for a certain amount of time. Its hard.

I make all kids help me clean all day. Normally they clean up after they are done with whatever they are playing, but you know how kids clean. So I clean it up my way during nap, that way they dont think they did a bad job!

And I dont GIVE them chores, but they are asked to help with things, different each day, and there has been no issue with that yet. I think its good to have the daycare kids ( no matter what age ) help you clean, fold towels, wash toys, etc.

I tell the parents IF it is unbearable. Usually I handle everything, and there is not too much I "tell" parents. But when I do I tread lightly. "Bob was having a rough morning listening and being nice to his friends, but after we had a talk, he apologized and we will have better day tomorrow, right bob?"

Providerwatch is the website.

I do not put older kids in time out UNLESS its for lying, or hitting, or something really big. I do use the "grab a book and pillow and go read by yourself until you can join the group with better choices." I also have had a child write sentences, when all else failed, and I had permission from mom. The lying improved after he hated his friends playing wii, when his privilage was taken away. Oh that is the big thing i stress here. "
SCHOOL AGE PRIVILAGES" that is what I tell them all at beginning of summer, or remind them when they start, or start to all act up. It is things like, wii, gameboys, computer time, ALONE outside time at naptime, or being my helper one day a week during nap, which means they can follow me around and we can talk. They love all those things and if they act up, those things are taken away, and they are treated like the "littler ones" with set quiet time, and no private outside time.

My school agers are the hardest to keep busy. I feel your pain. I made scavenger hunt lists at beginning of summer ( which was only 10 days ago.... 10 weeks to go) and each time we go for walk ( daily!) we grab one and the kids have to find everything on the list. Tomorrow we are going for a walk and the school agers are sticking on rubber gloves and we are picking up trash in the neighborhood. We also are going to the movies tomorrow, ( 10am movie $1 for older movies) and I told older kids IF they are good for the next two weeks I will take JUST the older kids to the next one.

I also allow the older kids to play outside without me at nap time. My room window is facing backyard, and I usually check email, email photos, and have sight to the little ones, and usually one awake baby in with me. My assistant will start with water for them, if they prove they can listen.

Lots of rules for them, but I have not had one complaint and am upfront with them and parents about them. I tell them it is hard to have 5 week old babies to 12 year old kids to watch, teach, nutrure, and me still stay sane each day. Most are siblings of younger kids, so they get it!

[TGT09]

Wonderful ideas and suggestions! Thank you so much!

[MarinaVanessa]

I have 7yo dcg and 10 yo dcb. DCG swears that another 6 year old dcb has a crush on her and is flirting with her.

They are at that age and yes they grow up young but there's not much that can be done. My daughter is 5 and every time a certain friend of my fiance's (and very handsome) comes by, she's all over him ... AND SHE'S ONLY 5!! She sits next to wherever he sits, wants to sit in his lap, hug him and cuddle near him etc. She's even asked him to spend the night! (I was mortified) The only thing I can do is tell her that this makes people feel uncomfortable and that there are things we don't say or do to people because they are not polite. You can try discussing it with the kids just by saying that they can't talk about "liking" boys or girls around the other kids because other parent's may get upset. Just make it a rule. As for whispering ... good luck with stopping that . I try to keep it at a minimum by explain to them whispering excludes the other kids and remind them of my "everybody or nobody" rule ... but it still happens.

How do you deal with sibling fighting? Any different than non-siblings?

I deal with it the same. No fighting or pushing etc with any of the kids is ok. If it happens (and it does sometimes) they can't participate in the activities that we are doing and must play by themselves. If they can't keep their hands/words to themselves they can't participate with the other kids. If it's harsh verbal or amy kind of physical contact I have the child explain what happened to their parent at pick-up.

How do you deal with kids that have the attitude "it's my way or the highway"?

Well they obviously don't get their way but if they are bossing the other kids kids then I interject. Otherwise I let the kids solve their own problems. If it's just a certain child that does it then I talk to the child then to the parent. If the child is whiner/cryer I have a "crying corner". It's like a time-out of sorts. It's the only place in my home where crying and whining is allowed. They have to sit at that spot and they can cry/whine all they want (it doesn't bother me at all) and their behavior is ignored until they completely stop (including sniffling) and until they tell me that they are ready to participate (play). Then they are welcomed with smiles. During play if a child starts to whine or cry the other kids will tell the child to go to the crying corner "Oh, you're crying. You should go to the crying corner". I don't even have to say anything . Their peers do all of the work. Crying and whining is at a minimum now. For tattlers (overexaggerators etc) I have a "tattling turtle" go tattle to him. He wants to hear all of your problems and he always listens.

Do you make kids help you clean at the end of the day?

Yes. Several times a day in fact. They clean up right before lunch (toys), after lunch (their plates go in the sink and they pick up their trash, loading their dishes in the dishwasher etc), after nap (they pick up and fold their mats, fold their blankets and put them away), after crafts and at the end of the day. I also don't let them take all of the toys out. I have bins with toys of the same kind and I choose which 4 get played with. They have to put all of the toys away in a bin before we can take another bin out.

If you've had a long day with kids not listening, fighting, bickering, etc....do you tell mom at pick-up? Or do you keep quiet? Do you feel bad talking to the dcm about child's behavior in front of the child?

Teachers talk to parents in front of the child and so do I. I'm not harsh and don't ever say that a child is bad but I do believe that if a parent doesn't know that there is an issue than the issue will never get resolved. I have the child explain to the parent in their own words what happened. Sometimes other feelings come out then that shed light to the situation. Having the child tell his/her parent when they have done something bad (IMO) gives the child reluctance to do it again.

[momofboys]

Wonderful ideas and suggestions! Thank you so much!

Thank you for asking those questions! They were some that I needed answered also, in fact I was just going to post how others encourage kids to clean up and I got some helpful advice. Thanks!