Insulted By New Kid

[SilverSabre25]

HERE IS HOW I DEAL WITH THE BOSSY KIDS. I LET THEM THINK THAT THEY ARE IN CHARGE BY GIVING THE POWER OF DECISION.

DCK- I don't want to wash my hands
DCP- washing hands is not a choice, would you like to wash your hands or would you like me to wash your hands? Let DCK decide. Count to 10 in your head and give them the chance to make a "Good decision like a big kid". If they don't do it, you do it for them and move on.

The park-

DCK you are not playing safe and I don't want to see you get hurt, if you would like to continue playing, you can play over here or you can come sit by me. Please make a good decision, because I really want you to have fun. Again count to 10, let them decide and then move on with their decision.

I often use the phrase, please show me that you can make a good decision.

If children struggle to make a good decision, I will LET (AKA MAKE) them go to a thinking mat where they can think about what they want to do....AKA TIME OUT......

As for the name calling, I would just down right ignore it form now on. She is trying to push your buttons.

The counting to ten is a great tactic; I do that a lot for things. I do count aloud though (helps teach them to count :P sort of, but it gives them the reminder that there *is* a deadline and they usually end up choosing by 8 or 9, or even by 1 or 2).

[Countrygal]

HERE IS HOW I DEAL WITH THE BOSSY KIDS. I LET THEM THINK THAT THEY ARE IN CHARGE BY GIVING THE POWER OF DECISION.

DCK- I don't want to wash my hands
DCP- washing hands is not a choice, would you like to wash your hands or would you like me to wash your hands? Let DCK decide. Count to 10 in your head and give them the chance to make a "Good decision like a big kid". If they don't do it, you do it for them and move on.

The park-

DCK you are not playing safe and I don't want to see you get hurt, if you would like to continue playing, you can play over here or you can come sit by me. Please make a good decision, because I really want you to have fun. Again count to 10, let them decide and then move on with their decision.

I often use the phrase, please show me that you can make a good decision.

If children struggle to make a good decision, I will LET (AKA MAKE) them go to a thinking mat where they can think about what they want to do....AKA TIME OUT......

As for the name calling, I would just down right ignore it form now on. She is trying to push your buttons.

This is exactly what I do - at least not when I'm frazzled to distraction!!! It works every time for me. I used it several times today. New dcb would not be quiet for our "nap" quiet time. I gave him the choice. Quiet or lay down longer. He chose to lay down longer. OK, his choice. The next time he chose to be quiet ( ) Did the same thing with lunch. I know you want to play, but I said it is time to wash hands for lunch and to line up. You may make the choice. Do you want lunch or would you like to skip lunch today? Guess what he did? Lined up, of course. I won't do this indefinitely, and certain things need to just be done eventually, but I figure with the new ones I need to give them some slack.

As for the clothes comment - she couldn't possibly know - she's repeating something she heard someone(probably mom or dad) say to someone else, imo. The "fat" comment - I've had that one before - for me, it's true. Kid's are sometimes honest to a fault. It's rude, yes, but it's a teachable moment!

[saved4always]

Hmmm.

I agree that the insults are more of attention-seeking and control ( I hurt you so I win) than anything, and that's not the big deal. That wasn't what I was referring to.

Its the rude disobedience that struck me ("Im going to climb here anyway"). I always have felt that a child who is blatantly disobedient with small things has the great potential to do the same thing when the provider says "there's a fire, we need to get out quickly" or "stay on the sidewalk, there's a car". In which case, I do think it's important that the child quickly understand who's in charge at daycare and that she needs to obey that person at all times.

Yes, this is very important, too. She needs to respect your authority in everything so that you know she will listen when there is an emergency.

[PitterPatter]

Thanks for all the great advise everyone! I tried a few different things today I think the sit down talk did well. Today I heard "wow shes big" when I left the room. When the boys told on her she came and admitted it. I just said ok thank you for telling the truth. Then she added "but I wasnt calling you fat I said big because you are an adult not fat because you aren't fat right?" LOL I explained again I am overweight but it is rude to call someone fat. She said OK and walked away. At lunch she said "looks like you still didnt change your clothes but I know you do now right?" I just laughed and said right. Later, on our walk a bald man had a bandage on 1/2 of his head. She pointed up and yelled EWWW whats on his head?? I apologised to him and reminded her of manners and pointing out other peoples problems.

As for the flower picking battle it's still going on. She picked 3 today and ripped each up after I told her 3 times before not to do it again. I put her in a quiet chair so she could think about why she is not listening to me. She said she wants to have a flower but it's not as pretty as she wants so she rips it and finds another. :confused: OK just dont pick anymore of my garden.

We did hit a bump at the end of the day when I told her to stop screaming and running around the dog. She said "I hate dogs" I said if that is true then you may not like it here for very long because Ebony is here to stay. She said nasty "WHY" with hands on hips. I said because she is MY dog and this is MY home and MY dog comes first. I got the spinning hair flip and stomping away. :: Sorry but my dog (still puppy at that) does come first! Especially against a new DCK with an attitude problem.

[countrymom]

I still don't know, I think she's playing you. I think she's telling you what you want to hear. I would never agree with her when she called you big, she's belittling you but in her way. I would have said, "you hurt my feelings by calling me big, even if I'm an adult, we don't make fun of peoples sizes"

[laundrymom]

I would tell her ugly words and attitudes are not welcome at childcare. If she would like to begin using nice words and nice attitudes, then she can play, of not she will have to sit by herself until the ugly goes away.

[providerandmomof4]

I have dealt with the disrespect all summer long. We took one week to focus on manners! And this is with SAC's! I told them that hand stamps are not only for following the rules but also for showing me your manners. Saying, "please" and "thank you" also for saying nice things to your friends at daycare, instead of mean things. Also for choosing to speak nicely to me! I had one dcg that liked to tell me "I hate this daycare," or "I hate dcg," every time she couldn't do what she wanted. I responded calmly and said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, maybe you would have more fun if you treated your friends, my house, etc, a little nicer and then you could get stamps, stickers, etc." It worked. She really turned it around. Just testing me I guess. It was funny, toward the end of summer she would correct other's rude behavior by saying, "that wasn't nice!"

[PitterPatter]

I have dealt with the disrespect all summer long. We took one week to focus on manners! And this is with SAC's! I told them that hand stamps are not only for following the rules but also for showing me your manners. Saying, "please" and "thank you" also for saying nice things to your friends at daycare, instead of mean things. Also for choosing to speak nicely to me! I had one dcg that liked to tell me "I hate this daycare," or "I hate dcg," every time she couldn't do what she wanted. I responded calmly and said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, maybe you would have more fun if you treated your friends, my house, etc, a little nicer and then you could get stamps, stickers, etc." It worked. She really turned it around. Just testing me I guess. It was funny, toward the end of summer she would correct other's rude behavior by saying, "that wasn't nice!"

I have never tried hand stamps I will have to try it and see how that works. Glad it worked for you.

[daycare]

When I worke with school age I did this

Draw a traffic light in permanent marker on a nice size white board
Give each kid a car magnet and write their name on it

You will also let each child make a pretend driver license.
On the DL you will make 10 boxes on it that you will use later to check off or whole punch. I chose to laminate the cards and check the boxes.

I also purchased a cute treasure chest with goodies and coupons that allowed special stuff. Like Popsicles.

How I managed it.

All cars start on the white board. First time you catch a child doing going you ask them to place their car magnet on the green light. Don't forget to praise them.

Kid is having some listening issues or behavior issues, they have to place their car on yellow.

And of course bad behavior that continues goes to red.

Now here's where the driver license comes in. If they stayed in green all day, they get their licensed punched two times. Do this all week, you get a treasure chest prize and coupon.

If you end up in yello, you only get 1 whole punch/box checked off. At the end of the week if you have at least 5 points on your card you can chose 1 coupon from the chest.

If you get into the red at anytime, no whole punch and you get a ticket sent home telling mom/dad....

It worked wonders for me. I use this when I coach sports too, just a little different way.