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Hi, I just an interview with a parent that ask me if she can come to child care for the first 3 days for 3-4 hours each day with her children... Do other providers find this acceptable or distracting??? Thanks*
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No way no how! -
Way too distracting!-Amanda. Mom of 2 boys (08/22/2008 and 04/14/2011) and own a HDC.Comment
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uhhh. no!
I have had parents come for a playdate for an hour or so on a morning, and I have had parents leave their children for an hour or so as a test (or both). But, noooooo..
"wow, you are really concerned about your children's adjustment, and I appreciate that. But I find it's best for the children if they jump right in and get used to everyone right away. It's just too confusing if you stay that long the first few visits, and then leave them here later".
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"( Wow......that...) but, we have a GREAT routine here, and having another adult around is just too distracting, and the kiddos tend to act out. I am SURE your kids will love comming here, but I can't accomidate such long visits. It's just too hard on everyone"Comment
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I would not do it.
Give her some references and tell her to call licensing.
If she is not comfortable after this, then she needs to hire a nanny.
Maybe the first day, she can stay for 30 minutes but that's it.Comment
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NO WAY JOSE!!! I have allowed them to come stay for a half hour or so and even that is disruptive enough, no way would I allow longer.Comment
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I allow a few playdates before care begins but do not allow parents to stay for more than one short playdate (and this is only if they ask, I dont offer this). I have plenty of parents ask to stay though and I just tell them that it is disruptive and that I find it actually hinders the transition for their kids, who dont understand why mom came at first and now does not come. I have never found the playdates to be helpful at all for the kids but will consent to them for the parents sake on occasion. I can usually tell which parents need just a little reassurance before beginning care and which ones will never be satisfied, no matter what I do. I am fine with helping the transition a little bit but am not open to the huge ordeal of a parent sitting around at my house, critiquing for hours on end.Comment
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if you are in CA its not legal anyways. I was told that anyone that would be interacting with the children for more than 30 minutes would have to be approved my licensing, passing all necessary fingerprints, background and TB test. Let me find what section it is under and I will give it to you. I show this to parents that request this.
Also, when I did not have a helper, I told them that I could not allow for it to go on for more than 30min because if I needed to use the bathroom or one of the kids did, that I am legally not allowed to leave that mom in the room with the children alone, I could be in big trouble.
Also for the safety of all children, I just don't allow it, as I don't know what the persons real intentions are.Comment
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I do have them come either in the morning or afternoon for an hour or so to meet some of the other kids and let me play with their child first. But, then they must be comfortable with leaving them with me. If they would like to do a couple of half days to "settle in" that is fine.
I might suggest, that on the first day, they do a half day, come eat lunch with us and then take her child home. Now, that is if this child is old enough to be eating lunch. If it was a baby I wouldn't make that offer!
I have several moms that have lunched (or dinnered) with us. I just make sure all of my other kidlets know we are having a guest for lunch and then kicking them out and taking nap.
I would be sure to write awesome notes and take pics on what her child did!Comment
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I have let parents come for a pre-arranged visit before the child starts their first day. But this was only half an hour, maybe 45 minutes at most, for thier child to meet me and get to know me a little bit before starting a full day without mom. I would never have agreed to 3 or 4 hours. That would just be too distracting and I think the child could actually have a harder time letting mom leave the first day if mom hung around so long the previous time they "visited".Comment
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yes that is another good point savedforalways made...
I tell the parents that you want to start them off the way that it will be everyday. Do not set the child up with a sense of false hope that mom will stay. Stay consistent as possible allowing no room for negotiations. Unless mom can stay that long everyday, then don't start it out that way. I would tell her that and tell her that she needs to trust you. Let her come day one for about 35min or so and if she is still uneasy, then she can call some of your references.Comment
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I disagree with the other posters. I actually expect that parents stay for at the very least the first full day. This was one of the things I was pleased to be able to start once I opened my own program (as opposed to centers/public school where I'd taught before). My teaching is inspired by the preschools of Reggio Emilia, Italy, where there is a very strong connection between home and school, and I first got the idea from there. I find that while there are certainly difficulties involved, they are far outweighed by the advantages. The kids are very comfortable having their parents there. But more importantly, it's a learning opportunity for everyone. The parents learn a ton about our routines and how and why we do things the way we do. I learn about how they interact with their child, how they settle them for nap, how they help them eat/go potty/whatever. It tells you far more than you learn by asking. And for me, it establishes the strong relationship I want between families and the program.
It all depends on your vision for your relationship. I want very committed, very involved parents, and that's made clear from that first day.Comment
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That's sweet! I wish I could have your optomistic outlook on this one, but experience has taught me that there is way to much misbehavior when both parent and provider are present. I would be trying to teach both the parent and the child the rules and routines here at the same time, and from the testing behavior I see during drop-offs and pick-ups alone, I'm pretty sure it would be a small disaster.
I guess it depends on your client. If you have highly educated, on-board families who think 95 percent like you do, it could work. For me, I live in a rural area with most parents considering daycare a necessary evil-not an early childhood "experience".Comment
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I agree with this as well, with the infant toddler Montessori training they teach us about "phase ins" and it depends more on the child. If the child is very attached to the parent and cries when they leave, doing a phase in is very helpful. You do have to set boundaries and limits though, and make sure you have someone else to help you that day because even though as a provider we understand some moments can be a bit chaotic , some parents don't understand that, so extra hands helps. Especially if u do have to use the bathroom
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If parents stay for phase in I give them a sheet that explains they will be like a fly on the wall, bring something to read, try not to give eye contact or praise or distract , have them sit in a chair, not on the floor where their child will likely try to climb in their lap. if they have to take a really important call then leave something of theirs on the chair and talk outside...
I found that doing this with very attached parents and children was very helpful because imagine leaving ur child in a place with people you basically do not know or will ever know on a personal level...it helps establish that trust between u and the child and the parent. I remember dropping my daughter off in daycare and watching her crying and them telling me oh don't worry she will be fine once u leave, but I knew in the bottom of my heart she felt abandoned and I wish they had a phase in program there...but again every child is different, some are totally okay when their parent leaves and some have a harder time adjusting....
How old is the child/children by the way ?
If you want more info u can pm and I can send u the paper I give to the parents and an article on phase in from my training...Comment
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In Europe EU is it required the first 3-4 weeks the parents to be there w/the child. example If you find a Kindergarten in Germany and they will not do it ,it will be bad practice for the Kindergarten (preschool) .The first 3-5 days for 1-3 hours day ,and then in the second week(not on Monday`s) the parent can go put still have to be in the building ,then if the teacher/provider tells the parent they can go for about 30min. ,next day a little longer.... .
Its for the child to get used to the new place and all the new stuff, and children/teachers/providers..... they have found small children are not as often sick if they get placed the easy way into a new place.
I hope this helps too. I only know about it becouse I do childcare in Germany not on base and follow this requiredments. I move a lot ,my husband is a service member.
I think after I have seen it ,its wirly helps the children and also you will meet the parent better and see if you a good fit.I have a chair were the parent sits and the child can go to, the parent is not aloud to play with onther children in my care.Comment
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