First Time Mom Thinks She Knows Everything

[Missani]

Yep, I have a rear facing 20 month old. I also have my 4 year old in a Britax that goes to 80 lbs., so he will be in a car seat (not booster) until then. I don't drive my dck, but if I did, I would have to be able to afford Britax or Graco seats for all of them (I probably have enough already as we have 4-one for each kid for each car, my mom has 2, and my mil has 1) and would have to have the space to rear face all kids under 40 lbs. or at least until age 2. It's not worth it to me. I make their safety a top concern in all other aspects of our day, so why would it be any different in the car? It really bugs me that I have one dc mom who keeps telling me "The day she turns one we are turning that carseat around, if not before." This mom has been in at least 4 car accidents that I know of (including a rollover) and her baby has already been in one with her. It just wouldn't be worth it to me as a mom, and as far as liability goes, as a provider either.

However, as far as know it all moms, that does get annoying. Is there any way you can do the old "smile and nod" approach and do it your way when she isn't there? I don't mean as far as safety, etc. is concerned but maybe remove the teething necklace/not wear the baby/use an occasional disposable if necessary/etc. I must admit, I've been guilty of this before. The one that especially gets me is the baby wearing. It is especially difficult if they hold or wear the baby all the time and co-sleep and never let the baby cry. It's not that I disagree with this type of parenting, it's just that the baby usually requires a lot of care/holding/physical contact in the daycare setting and it's just not very practical. They usually don't sleep well either because they are used to physically touching someone all of the time. It's nice and all, I just can't do that here, and I think it is just fine to encourage some independence from a baby here and there.

And it's true that not all moms like this are know-it-all and annoying. I've been a breastfeeding, organic food mom, too, and I consider myself quite normal.

[laundrymom]

And it's true that not all moms like this are know-it-all and annoying. I've been a breastfeeding, organic food mom, too, and I consider myself quite normal.

Ive always said normal was overrated. =-)
my new mantra,.. live life in 3D. =-)

[MarinaVanessa]

I have also seen that it's recommended for children under the age of 2 to sit in a rear-facing car-seat in the backseat of the car however, like someone else said ... it's recommended. It also said "as per manufucturer recommendations" meaning if the manufacturer of the carseats says it safe then do it. Meaning as long as the child is within the car-seat's age and weight specifications then it's safe. In other words, don't put a child that weighs 40 lbs into a carseat that has a weight limit of 35 pounds.

Here's where I question the logic ... I've seen infant carseats that are rear-facing that say that they'll hold up to 35 lbs. What?! Have you ever tried to stick a child that weighs 35 lbs into a rear-facing carseat?! My 6yo daughter barely weighs 60 lbs now and she just turned 6 in december. You want me to fit a child that weighs more than half her size (and she's 3 times older) into a rear-facing car-seat? How? Cut a hole into the backrest of the backseat of my car? Where are their legs supposed to go?

[Missani]

The longer the legs get, the more they fold up-like a frog.

[kendallina]

I have a first time Mother and boy does she think she knows everything and it gets on my nerves seeing how she always tells me how to do this or that and informs me of things like I dont have a clue. Well today she brings me a bigger carseat because she says her Son is to big for the carrier when he is only 17 pounds and 6 months old well the carseat she brang me is a huge model she got from a yard sale and I check the back and guess what its expired so I tell her the seat is expired and its to big for my van I have the smaller version of the caravan so I go on to tell her that her Son can use the other babies carrier he doesnt use anymore because it hold up to 22 pounds and its longer and when her Son is 1 years old he can sit in my childs carseat forward facing well she came back with APA says a child should sit rear facing up untill the age of 2 years old and he is gonna sit rear facing for that long I was thinking WTH what 1 year old wants to sit staring at a seat I know my kids loved sitting forward facing at one I didnt say anything back as she knows everything have any of you had to deal with a Mother like this. This is the first time for me she is all about breastfeeding, cloth diapering, eating organic, baby wearing, which is there is nothing wrong with that Im just not that way and Ive never had another daycare parent that way. She is also getting rid of the kids doctor because he didnt agree with one of her home remedies which was odd to me too her kid is also now wearing a teething necklace I dont get it.

The APA's suggested guidelines changed about a year ago I think on having children rear face until age 2 (or even longer). It is MUCH safer for the child.

ETA: I really should look at the date of these threads before responding and also read all responses before mine...

[Danielle]

I won't get into the carseat part much b/c tmcp2001 has said it well. My 3 year old son is still rearfacing and will be until he hits 35lbs (limit of the seat) then will be in a harness till 80 lbs. Carseat safety is something I don't play around with! When it comes to rearfacing, my motto is "broken legs-cast it. broken neck- casket." Meaning, don't worry about the legs, worry about the neck. If the crash is enough to break legs, it would have broken a neck.

Teething necklaces....awesome!! My daughter wears one and I never know a tooth is coming through until I see it. I also wear a bracelet for pain I have from an injury. It's amazing!! Here's where we got ours: http://hyenacart.com/inspiredbyfinn/

[kendallina]

Yep, I have a rear facing 20 month old. I also have my 4 year old in a Britax that goes to 80 lbs., so he will be in a car seat (not booster) until then. I don't drive my dck, but if I did, I would have to be able to afford Britax or Graco seats for all of them (I probably have enough already as we have 4-one for each kid for each car, my mom has 2, and my mil has 1) and would have to have the space to rear face all kids under 40 lbs. or at least until age 2. It's not worth it to me. I make their safety a top concern in all other aspects of our day, so why would it be any different in the car? It really bugs me that I have one dc mom who keeps telling me "The day she turns one we are turning that carseat around, if not before." This mom has been in at least 4 car accidents that I know of (including a rollover) and her baby has already been in one with her. It just wouldn't be worth it to me as a mom, and as far as liability goes, as a provider either.

However, as far as know it all moms, that does get annoying. Is there any way you can do the old "smile and nod" approach and do it your way when she isn't there? I don't mean as far as safety, etc. is concerned but maybe remove the teething necklace/not wear the baby/use an occasional disposable if necessary/etc. I must admit, I've been guilty of this before. The one that especially gets me is the baby wearing. It is especially difficult if they hold or wear the baby all the time and co-sleep and never let the baby cry. It's not that I disagree with this type of parenting, it's just that the baby usually requires a lot of care/holding/physical contact in the daycare setting and it's just not very practical. They usually don't sleep well either because they are used to physically touching someone all of the time. It's nice and all, I just can't do that here, and I think it is just fine to encourage some independence from a baby here and there.

And it's true that not all moms like this are know-it-all and annoying. I've been a breastfeeding, organic food mom, too, and I consider myself quite normal.

What would it solve for her to remove the teething necklace and put the baby in a disposible diaper every now and then? Just because she doesn't agree with how this child is being raised?

I can understand if the parent is wanting her to hold the baby for more than what is practical for a daycare provider, but I didn't see that mentioned at all...

[sahm2three]

I have a first time Mother and boy does she think she knows everything and it gets on my nerves seeing how she always tells me how to do this or that and informs me of things like I dont have a clue. Well today she brings me a bigger carseat because she says her Son is to big for the carrier when he is only 17 pounds and 6 months old well the carseat she brang me is a huge model she got from a yard sale and I check the back and guess what its expired so I tell her the seat is expired and its to big for my van I have the smaller version of the caravan so I go on to tell her that her Son can use the other babies carrier he doesnt use anymore because it hold up to 22 pounds and its longer and when her Son is 1 years old he can sit in my childs carseat forward facing well she came back with APA says a child should sit rear facing up untill the age of 2 years old and he is gonna sit rear facing for that long I was thinking WTH what 1 year old wants to sit staring at a seat I know my kids loved sitting forward facing at one I didnt say anything back as she knows everything have any of you had to deal with a Mother like this. This is the first time for me she is all about breastfeeding, cloth diapering, eating organic, baby wearing, which is there is nothing wrong with that Im just not that way and Ive never had another daycare parent that way. She is also getting rid of the kids doctor because he didnt agree with one of her home remedies which was odd to me too her kid is also now wearing a teething necklace I dont get it.

Well, I didn't wait until 2, but my kids were AT LEAST 18 months old before I turned them around. When my kids were that little, the recs were staying rear facing until they were at least 1 AND 20 pounds. My kids were teeny tiny. My daughter was barely 16 pounds at a year! So, it took some time! As for the home remedies, I understand that too. I never used the teething necklace, but I am guessing it is an amber necklace. I know of a friend who used them and her kids NEVER had teething issues! So, don't knock it till you try it! I think that is what is wrong with western medicine these days! It is med pushing at its best!

[SilverSabre25]

I'm actually really glad to see so many other providers who agree with and practice extended rear-facing. Watching the crash test videos and reading a bit of literature was all it took for me to be convinced of the safety of ERFing. Maintaining a child rear-facing until at LEAST age 2 may just be a recommendation...but it SHOULD be the law. Would you sacrifice a bit of convenience at the risk of your child's life?

It bears reposting this link: Crash Test Videos The videos are near the bottom of the page. Watch them. Imagine your sweet child in that car seat.

Having a child RFing past the age of 1 is NOT inconvenient. It's really not that hard *at all* to stick them in the seat or have them climb in themselves, reach over, and strap them in. No harder or more annoying than when they're forward facing. They can see out the window just fine. Their feet get curled up, crossed, stuck straight up the back of the seat...whatever. They are usually very comfortable cocooned into their little safe nest.

Rear facing is SAFER. Hands down. My DD rear faced until she was almost 3 in her Britax Roundabout. She outgrew it by height this summer and was 39 inches and almost 31 lbs when we switched her. She's 90th percentile height/75th for weight. She was actually annoyed the first week or two because she didn't have anywhere to rest her feet.

PLEASE read the literature. PLEASE watch the crash test videos. PLEASE think about it. You care so much about health and safety in every.other.instance...why not this one?

[Keri'sKids]

I have NEVER heard of rear-facing until 2 years old. But I just checked. It appears that she may be right. Trust me, I AM shocked. My DD will be 2 next month and she has been front facing since she hit the 1 year & 20 lbs mark. I was thrilled. After all, when it's just the 2 of us, she is calmer because she can see me. BUT, all the info I checked out a minute ago also said that you need to follow the seat's recommendations. If it's not built to protect a child over 20 lbs, it's not helping.

I'll bet this mom is young. I was a first time mom at 33 and everyone was shocked at how laid-back I was. But, I also had a ton of experience with kids, so I didn't flip out over every little thing. I love when I have a DCM under 25 and she acts like she knows it all and I'm so kind of idiot. I jsut want to say, "hey, I've been taking care of kids since before you were even conceived. You can't possibly know more than me. I'm NOT saying I know more than you or that I'm better than you. Just don't insult me by saying you know more than me!" But, I have too much class to lower myself to their immature level.



OY! Why do these moms have to give the rest of us a bad reputation! Not all of us breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing moms are this arrogant! I promise you. I breastfed and I loved it. I think I'm the only one I know who was getting a full 8 hours of sleep per night from the time my baby was 2 weeks old. But, it's not for everyone. We did the cloth diaper thing for most of the first year, then DD's urine output became too much (changing every 1/2 hour!). But I loved the cloth diapers. Tried baby wearing. DD didn't like the sling until she was a little older, but it never caught on for us because we tried to start later. I believe in it, it just wasn't for DD. Eating organic is nice and I do try to buy organic when I can afford it. But, I'm not fanatical about it.

I guess I'm the type of mom who had an "ideal" picture in my head before I became a mom. But, I had the brains to modify my "ideals" to fit my DD and her personality. Nor am I arrogant enough to tell someone else that there's only one way to raise a child. Every parents needs to find what works for him/her and his/her child. Just tell this mom to get off her self-righteous high horse, get real, and leave her opinions at the door. Just joking. Don't say it. But, you can think it - everyday if you have too. Then there's the even famous eye roll once the door is closed.

Wow!! Your last paragraph is right on the mark! Good for you to know what is best without going with the herd. I applaud you.

[Missani]

What would it solve for her to remove the teething necklace and put the baby in a disposible diaper every now and then? Just because she doesn't agree with how this child is being raised?

I can understand if the parent is wanting her to hold the baby for more than what is practical for a daycare provider, but I didn't see that mentioned at all...

I'm fairly new to this board, but I am starting to find it difficult to post/read. I don't want to offend anyone or start any sort of argument, but it seems like almost every post someone starts to "jump down the throat" of a poster about something. I thought that this was a place where providers could ask for advice in solving problems. Of course, there are always different solutions to any problem and that's why it helps to ask for suggestions.

In this case, the poster said she was frustrated essentially because this parent does things differently than the way she does them. She feels her knowledge and expertise are in jeopardy because someone who is new to parenting (and without child care experience) is telling her how to do things and she feels it is something she knows more about. I can understand that being frustrating. There are many ways to parent and to be a provider. My suggestion was simply that maybe if it is something that doesn't matter much anyway, maybe she could try it her way and see if it works. If not, maybe she could try the mom's way. Either is fundamentally fine and she should do what works best for all involved. This way she won't frustrate the parent because she is hearing and really listening to the mother's advice, and she won't be frustrated herself because she is able to try it a different way if she prefers.

I don't really understand how that is offensive to anyone. I consider myself to be a non-confrontational person unless it is necessary. In this case, I don't think it's necessary to confront the parent nor do I think it is necessary to further frustrate the provider. I am simply offering a solution that should work for everyone. If it doesn't, then try someone else's suggestion. That is what these forums are for. If this is not what the forums are for, then I am misunderstanding something and am happy to keep my opinion to myself in the future. However, for what it's worth, I have never had a problem getting along with people (clients, parents, children, coworkers, patients, etc.) in my career(s) and I have been complimented regularly for my ability to work with virtually anyone.

Maybe I was misunderstanding the forum, and based on a few very critical remarks I've received in my short time here, I think that I might be. Perhaps I will continue to be a lurker and keep my measly suggestions to myself in the future. Again, sorry to offend. I assure you, it was not intentional.

[QualiTcare]

every time i see carseat controversy, i always think about how my siblings and i rode in the bed of my dad's pick-up truck - and NOBODY cared! just sayin'

[Abigail]

However, as far as know it all moms, that does get annoying. Is there any way you can do the old "smile and nod" approach and do it your way when she isn't there? I don't mean as far as safety, etc. is concerned but maybe remove the teething necklace/not wear the baby/use an occasional disposable if necessary/etc. I must admit, I've been guilty of this before. The one that especially gets me is the baby wearing. It is especially difficult if they hold or wear the baby all the time and co-sleep and never let the baby cry. It's not that I disagree with this type of parenting, it's just that the baby usually requires a lot of care/holding/physical contact in the daycare setting and it's just not very practical. They usually don't sleep well either because they are used to physically touching someone all of the time. It's nice and all, I just can't do that here, and I think it is just fine to encourage some independence from a baby here and there.

And it's true that not all moms like this are know-it-all and annoying. I've been a breastfeeding, organic food mom, too, and I consider myself quite normal.

Missani, welcome to the site. I enjoy reading everyone's point of view and opinions. I saw before someone bolded a section of this and questioned you and you posted backing yourself up. Not that this is a debate or anything, but I agree that if you (the provider) has policies in effect that are different than how the parents (new or not) practice at home, that once they sign a contract they're agreed to follow your policies while in daycare. If you cannot hold a baby all day, I wouldn't use the baby holding either. If you don't cloth diaper, then I would require them to bring in disposible diapers to use in daycare. I personally wouldn't switch from cloth to disposible in daycare without the parent's permission because they might have them in cloth for a specific reason. I'm not a mother yet, but I learn so much from this forum and enjoy hearing *most things....not slamming people's opinions and I try not to myself. If a thread is a "hot" one for arguing, I just never post in it. LOL.

I'm afraid to watch the carseat demo's because someone said they cried....I'm about to go to bed and don't want to have a nightmere, so I'll pass for tonight

I would always visit family/friends in the hospital when they have a baby and usually ask what they had to do....most hospitals I've visited in the last few years have videos that the new parent, or parent again, must watch and sign off on before being discharged. I've asked my sister many times (she's got 4 children) if I could watch them, but she said they're boring and didn't want to see it again, LOL, but I still want to see it. I guess I had to respect the new mom and just wait my turn! Unfortunately, I found that our local hospital ONLY has papers for you to read through with a hospital employee to verify you understand the basics....how sad, I want to watch videos so I sure hope they "upgrade" their requirements by the time my children come along! Sorry this post was soo long, I'm tired and tend to ramble on. Good night.

[Unregistered]

Im the one who posted this to begin with. The little boy is 1 now and yes Mom is still a know it all LOL I either set her straight now a days or say nothing at all. I agreed to cloth diaper with her Son and honestly its no biggie its all in one cloth diapers I just change him like a regular diaper but put the diaper in a zip up bag. He is also rear facing for now I dont know if I will keep it up till he is 2 but I will try. She is a good daycare parent besides she knows it all but like I said I just try and let it roll off my back ot set her straight. She also turned out to not mind him eating non organic food so he eats what I cook the other think she brings is organic milk because I cant afford it.

[momma2girls]

every time i see carseat controversy, i always think about how my siblings and i rode in the bed of my dad's pick-up truck - and NOBODY cared! just sayin'

I remember growing up, and we went to Idaho on vac. which is probably 2-3 day trip for us. We had 5 siblings. My Mom and Dad had a car, and my little brother just fit in the back window. This is where he rode alot of it!! !!! Can you imagine? I can't even believe it! Ha!! THis was also 38-40 yrs. ago!! HA!!!