I Don't Know If I Can Do This Anymore. I Feel Like I'm Endangering These Kids...

[SilverSabre25]

(((HUGS))) to everyone out there feeling this way. I have been there before. Sending you virtual support and gooey chocolate bars!

And also, ::High Five!::'s to everyone who is being supportive; I was afraid when I saw this thread that it [the responses] would be very flaming and harsh; I'm so happy that it's not.

happyface

[nannyde]

I have not called Nan yet. I wanted to give it a little bit after I posted before I made the decision to do that...(thanks for the offer to speak, Nan, really do appreciate it!)

If you need me I'm here. If you don't have long distance out of your state or country you can p.m. thru here or Facebook (daycare whisperer) and I can call you. I have free US and international long distance.

[Kaddidle Care]

(((HUGS))) to everyone out there feeling this way. I have been there before. Sending you virtual support and gooey chocolate bars!

And also, ::High Five!::'s to everyone who is being supportive; I was afraid when I saw this thread that it [the responses] would be very flaming and harsh; I'm so happy that it's not.

happyface

What she said.

I have felt that way from lack of sleep and PMS. When I first started working at a Daycare I felt like the kids ****ed up all of my patience and energy and I didn't have much left for my own child. Thankfully things got better.

Please make sure you are getting enough sleep. (I personally have a rough time shutting off the computer late at night when the house is quiet but when working I have to discipline myself.)

[saved4always]

I realize you are two different posters, but seriously...call Nan! She can offer you some great insight on making changes, doing what YOU need to do and how to get a better handle on a lot of issues daycare providers go through. Not only is she a seasoned vet, she is a nurse, and a mentor and great confidant.

Call her. It can't hurt. Please.

I agree with Blackcat.....definitely call Nannyde. It sounds like she is very qualified to help both of you logged out posters deal with your issues and feelings and figure out what to do next. Just the fact that you are both posting on here says that you need some help. Doing childcare at home is not an easy job. It can be very lonely and very stressful. I'll be praying for you both!

[sharlan]

I admit to having those days once in a while. When I know that I'm having a bad day, I will turn on a movie or cartoons that I know the kids will watch, toss an old sheet on the floor, pop some popcorn, fill sippy cups with juice or water, and sit on the floor with the kids and watch a movie.

IMHO, you may be filling isolated and need to connect with another adult (either someone here or a trusted friend). Do you have a nearby park that you can walk to, somewhere the kids can run and scream? Isolation gets to me faster than anything else.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope that things improve for you.

[Unregistered]

logged out for privacy...

im glad to know im not the only one feeling this way ... i love all my kids so much and regret when i am mean and yell or grab them a little too rough i have days where i lose it and cant control it.. i feel so guilty and pray to change.

[Crystal]

Although I am supportive of those who have difficulty controlling their "yelling voices" I IMPLORE those providers who grab/spank/etc. to STOP. Take a step back when you feel that anger welling up inside you. Learn to recognize your limits and STOP. If you feel that STRONGLY and cannot stop, then you MUST stop caring for other people's children. Not only would you be doing it for the children, but for your own self as well. If you are laying your hands on children out of anger, it only takes one small slip for it to become something MUCH bigger than that....which would affect each and every person involved for a what may be the rest of your life.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, get some help, or quit caring for other people's children.

[sharlan]

I admit to having those days once in a while. When I know that I'm having a bad day, I will turn on a movie or cartoons that I know the kids will watch, toss an old sheet on the floor, pop some popcorn, fill sippy cups with juice or water, and sit on the floor with the kids and watch a movie.

IMHO, you may be filling isolated and need to connect with another adult (either someone here or a trusted friend). Do you have a nearby park that you can walk to, somewhere the kids can run and scream? Isolation gets to me faster than anything else.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope that things improve for you.

I feel that I need to clarify my post. My bad days, once in a while, do not include getting to the point where I fear that I will harm a child. But when I feel myself getting snappish, I know it's time for a movie and popcorn or an outing.

[Logged out]

I can totally relate to the original poster - I've been feeling really at the end of my rope lately, (I feel like I could have written that original post myself) and it is good to know I'm not the only one.

Just hoping to offer my two cents, and hoping these work for me as well, but I've realized that things were going really well for me until the addition of my most recent child, and I've let the family know that they need to find alternate care because it doesn't seem to be the best fit for the child - lots of crying/colick, which is making life very difficult for me and the other kids.

I can TOTALLY relate to feeling "shack-wacky" (and I love the term), we live kind of in the middle of nowhere and I feel totally stuck in the house. I've started having a neighbor kid come over one evening a week to watch my daughter so I can get out after the kids go home - go for a run, take a yoga class, do whatever I need to do - without trying to coordinate with my husband and demand he be home at a certain time so I can make an exercise class. That has made a WORLD of difference, and I always notice my stress levels ramping up if I've cancelled the sitter a few weeks in a row.

In response to Crystal, who recommended getting out of the business completely if you feel that out of control, I do agree. If it's just not a good fit for you, it's just not, and no amount of movies, assistants, or anything is going to make it perfect, and the safety of the kids and your own mental health is most important. I've been trying to set up a separate business that I can do from home so I can still be home with my daughter but can bring in some income - maybe you could brainstorm other work you could do from home besides childcare? I have so much respect for the providers who have been doing this for so long and seem to have reach a level of ease and "zen" in their work - I wish I could do it too! I've worked with kids for a really long time, have a degree in child development, and I thought this would be a cake walk, but it's the hardest job I've ever had. Childcare providers are NOT paid enough and do not get enough respect!

Many thanks to the original poster for having the courage to say something and start this conversation!

[cheerfuldom]

Although I am supportive of those who have difficulty controlling their "yelling voices" I IMPLORE those providers who grab/spank/etc. to STOP. Take a step back when you feel that anger welling up inside you. Learn to recognize your limits and STOP. If you feel that STRONGLY and cannot stop, then you MUST stop caring for other people's children. Not only would you be doing it for the children, but for your own self as well. If you are laying your hands on children out of anger, it only takes one small slip for it to become something MUCH bigger than that....which would affect each and every person involved for a what may be the rest of your life.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, get some help, or quit caring for other people's children.

Agree! Its important we know our own limits and live within those for our own sanity and for the kids safety. I have gone over my own personal limit several times (too many kids, too many hours, etc.) and its up to me to see this and take the appropriate steps.....I have let particular kids go that were just too much for me, or cut back on the number of kids or the hours I worked in protection for me AND them.

Please, everyone, remember that nothing is as important as these children! It is not right to continue caring for kids when you know for sure that you cannot handle the stress and exhaustion that comes with it, or worse, if you begin to neglect or abuse children (which I feel yelling/grabbing/hitting would be). We all have occasional bad days but if you feel yourself continually going over the edge with your attitude or actions, please take the steps and make some changes for the better!!!

[Blackcat31]

In response to Crystal, who recommended getting out of the business completely if you feel that out of control, I do agree. If it's just not a good fit for you, it's just not, and no amount of movies, assistants, or anything is going to make it perfect, and the safety of the kids and your own mental health is most important.

This is so very true! If you have any inkling that you think you mught be a bit "too rough" or even a "little too mean", then it is definitely time for a break.

Most providers who have small children of their own at home are doing child care because they really WANT to be at home with their children and not be away from them for the majority of the day.

The first time a child is hurt in your care due to a little "too much roughness" or a second or two that you closed your tired, stressed out eyes will garner you ALOT longer away from your kids than a few hours a day.

Too many GOOD providers are serving time or criminally charged for just that one day where you are too frazzled, too stressed or too tired.......

Many of these women are good, loving, kind hearted people who truly were fantastic providers.....just too proud or embarrassed or ashamed to admit, they needed a break.

It IS ok to say, I need a break or I can't do this anymore.

I've been trying to set up a separate business that I can do from home so I can still be home with my daughter but can bring in some income - maybe you could brainstorm other work you could do from home besides childcare?

This is a very good point that I don't see mentioned often, but if your ultimate goal is to be with your children and work from home, there ARE many other options out there.

It just requires a little research and a little digging to find one(career/job) that would work for you.

We read/see stories every day about people who found ways to raise their children without having a 9-5 job.

[dave4him]

I have been there many times, just catching myself yell or get mad and i dont like it. I do my best to keep as accountable as i can to others adults.

[clep]

I remember a couple of years back I started having a really hard time every day. I was still patient and loving with the children, but felt myself stressed every day and hating my job. I was stressed mainly with the passive parents that create demanding, out of control children.

One of my mom's gave notice as we were clashing on everything. Once that mom and her son were gone, the difference in my day home was night and day. I didn't have a demanding, controlling mother and out of control child throwing tantrums all day around.

My stress was instantly gone and my day home became the way it used to be. The mom and son were with me for three years. In that time, her parenting skills did not grow with her child and it showed in his behavior. It was so gradual that I didn't even notice. I was desensitized to what was happening over time.

It has been a good lesson to me and was very helpful in my case.