I Don't Know If I Can Do This Anymore. I Feel Like I'm Endangering These Kids...

[Logged Out for Privacy]

I don't know if doing home day care is the right thing for me. I am doing it because I want to spend time with my kids but we need an additional income, too, and really, what it costs for daycare for 2 kids as opposed to what I make...well, it just wouldn't make sense for me to go back to work.

But I am finding every day here lately, a little more and a little more, that these kids are driving me crazy.

Not just a little crazy. Like, about once or twice a day, I scream at them for something crazy. I've lost control.

Yesterday I reduced 2 year-old DCG to tears. She followed me to DS's bedroom when I laid him down for a nap, stomping her feet behind me as she walked and singing, "LA LA LA LA!" very loudly, so carefree. Woke him up, he started crying. He's a horrible sleeper in the best of times. I scolded her and told her to please go back into the living room to wait for me. Another DCG napping in another bedroom heard the commotion and woke up and started crying also, so I rushed in to try to comfort her back to sleep. Who should come after me doing the exact same thing, stomping and singing, but DCG. I grabbed her by the shoulders spun her around, and guided her back to the living room. I then yelled, "GET UP ON THAT COUCH AND SIT STILL FOR 2 MINUTES FOR GOODNESS SAKE!"

That is bad enough, but what really scares me is that I feel myself letting go. Like I feel like i'm busting apart at the seams and that I am actually afraid I might hurt these kids. Like it''s taking every inch of my being to keep as controlled as I can. I've been finding myself more strict with even my own kids and very no-nonsense. I have never, never hit any of these kids, and I never berate them, but I just feel like I'm screaming things like, "NO, STOP!" and "I already told you to get out of her room!" "Stop this, stop that!". Maybe I was just not meant to look after children. :-( I used to have LOADS of patience and now...I'm lucky to make it through one day without having to raise my voice to a scream just to get their attention.

Please help me. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this. My husband is a huge help around the house so I know it's nothing that he can really help with, I just need to be able to talk to someone. :-(

Hubby stayed home from work a day last week and heard me...at the end of the day when all the kids were gone, he told me it sounds like I have no control over the kids. They're *good* kids, I mean it's not like they're marking on the walls or flushing stuff down the toilets or anything, but it's things like, "Stop going up on my bed, the cat is sleeping there, leave her alone, she will scratch you" types of things that they just aren't listening to because they always hear me sqawking at them, my words just don't matter to them any more.

I think part of it is that I am going shack-whacky. Before this, I had a car, I could pop my kids in the car whenever I wanted and go to play groups and get groceries if we needed it...not an extravagant day out, but we got out! Now, I don't even have a working vehicle, and even if I did, it's only a hatchback and we can't even squeeze a 3rd carseat in the back. Considering my two kids are a given, there are my two car seat spaces gone. So we couldn't go anywhere anyway. When hubby comes home it's a race to get supper, the kids cleaned, the kitchen cleaned, and the kids in bed, and by that point our local grocery store is closed and I'd have to drive 30 minutes into town to pick up milk. So I just get milk at the gas station and just come home.

Today I was getting lunch ready. It was 12:05. We eat anywhere between 12 and 12:30. They just had a snack at 10:30. I had just rounded them up in the living room and went to take something hot out of the oven and they all swarmed me. 4 of them circled around me, dealing with a hot oven, two yelling, "is it ready yet?!" one crying because I won't pick him up, and another crying because she misplaced her pacifier. OMG, overload. "LIVING ROOM. NOW!!" Like, it's just gotten to the point of barking 1 to 3 word commands.

One of the parents picked up her child the other day and made the comment, "I could never do what you do. I have 3 kids and it is all I can do to get through one day and into the next. You are so patient and kind to these kids", and I almost started bawling with guilt and shame. What am I supposed to do? I feel so lost.

[nannyde]

Logged out. You can call me. I'm free for the next two hours. If you want to block your number we can do a visit without you telling me who you are. If you don't have free long distance just pm me thru here with your number and I'll call you.

My cell number is 515-974-9536
My home number is: 515-266-6399

Tori Fees

[Logged Out for Privacy2]

Me too.

Thank you so much for posting this and being honest. I feel exactly the same way, except, to be honest, I've fallen a little more out of control.

I used to be a classroom teacher dealing with 28 kids at a time, but I had breaks, specials like art, music, recess, lunch, prep time. I had co-workers and I had accountability.

Now I'm alone with these kids all day everyday. I find myself struggling with anger, for no reason. On days when I'm not even that busy. I don't like it, I'm worried I might not be safe with them and maybe I shouldn't be doing this job, but I can't tell anyone. I find myself being too rough with them, and yes, I have spanked some on occasion. Not hard, just a swat or two. I find myself grabbing by the arm too rougly and clenching my jaw and being mad in my head.

I can't tell anyone because like you said, shame and losing my whole family, business, life. I don't know what to do either. I keep trying to pray about it, but then not much longer I lose my cool.

I'm so embarrassed to post this, I don't want people to think I'm a monster and I haven't had the guts to post it, thank you OP for posting how you're really handling it.

[daycarediva]

I think that it takes a good person to recognize that you are at your limit. I urge you to find help. I would take a break, CALL IN SICK and take your kids somewhere fun! (((HUGS)))

[Blackcat31]

I don't know if doing home day care is the right thing for me. I am doing it because I want to spend time with my kids but we need an additional income, too, and really, what it costs for daycare for 2 kids as opposed to what I make...well, it just wouldn't make sense for me to go back to work.

But I am finding every day here lately, a little more and a little more, that these kids are driving me crazy.

Not just a little crazy. Like, about once or twice a day, I scream at them for something crazy. I've lost control.

Yesterday I reduced 2 year-old DCG to tears. She followed me to DS's bedroom when I laid him down for a nap, stomping her feet behind me as she walked and singing, "LA LA LA LA!" very loudly, so carefree. Woke him up, he started crying. He's a horrible sleeper in the best of times. I scolded her and told her to please go back into the living room to wait for me. Another DCG napping in another bedroom heard the commotion and woke up and started crying also, so I rushed in to try to comfort her back to sleep. Who should come after me doing the exact same thing, stomping and singing, but DCG. I grabbed her by the shoulders spun her around, and guided her back to the living room. I then yelled, "GET UP ON THAT COUCH AND SIT STILL FOR 2 MINUTES FOR GOODNESS SAKE!"

That is bad enough, but what really scares me is that I feel myself letting go. Like I feel like i'm busting apart at the seams and that I am actually afraid I might hurt these kids. Like it''s taking every inch of my being to keep as controlled as I can. I've been finding myself more strict with even my own kids and very no-nonsense. I have never, never hit any of these kids, and I never berate them, but I just feel like I'm screaming things like, "NO, STOP!" and "I already told you to get out of her room!" "Stop this, stop that!". Maybe I was just not meant to look after children. :-( I used to have LOADS of patience and now...I'm lucky to make it through one day without having to raise my voice to a scream just to get their attention.

Please help me. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this. My husband is a huge help around the house so I know it's nothing that he can really help with, I just need to be able to talk to someone. :-(

Hubby stayed home from work a day last week and heard me...at the end of the day when all the kids were gone, he told me it sounds like I have no control over the kids. They're *good* kids, I mean it's not like they're marking on the walls or flushing stuff down the toilets or anything, but it's things like, "Stop going up on my bed, the cat is sleeping there, leave her alone, she will scratch you" types of things that they just aren't listening to because they always hear me sqawking at them, my words just don't matter to them any more.

I think part of it is that I am going shack-whacky. Before this, I had a car, I could pop my kids in the car whenever I wanted and go to play groups and get groceries if we needed it...not an extravagant day out, but we got out! Now, I don't even have a working vehicle, and even if I did, it's only a hatchback and we can't even squeeze a 3rd carseat in the back. Considering my two kids are a given, there are my two car seat spaces gone. So we couldn't go anywhere anyway. When hubby comes home it's a race to get supper, the kids cleaned, the kitchen cleaned, and the kids in bed, and by that point our local grocery store is closed and I'd have to drive 30 minutes into town to pick up milk. So I just get milk at the gas station and just come home.

Today I was getting lunch ready. It was 12:05. We eat anywhere between 12 and 12:30. They just had a snack at 10:30. I had just rounded them up in the living room and went to take something hot out of the oven and they all swarmed me. 4 of them circled around me, dealing with a hot oven, two yelling, "is it ready yet?!" one crying because I won't pick him up, and another crying because she misplaced her pacifier. OMG, overload. "LIVING ROOM. NOW!!" Like, it's just gotten to the point of barking 1 to 3 word commands.

One of the parents picked up her child the other day and made the comment, "I could never do what you do. I have 3 kids and it is all I can do to get through one day and into the next. You are so patient and kind to these kids", and I almost started bawling with guilt and shame. What am I supposed to do? I feel so lost.

Thank you so much for posting this and being honest. I feel exactly the same way, except, to be honest, I've fallen a little more out of control.

I used to be a classroom teacher dealing with 28 kids at a time, but I had breaks, specials like art, music, recess, lunch, prep time. I had co-workers and I had accountability.

Now I'm alone with these kids all day everyday. I find myself struggling with anger, for no reason. On days when I'm not even that busy. I don't like it, I'm worried I might not be safe with them and maybe I shouldn't be doing this job, but I can't tell anyone. I find myself being too rough with them, and yes, I have spanked some on occasion. Not hard, just a swat or two. I find myself grabbing by the arm too rougly and clenching my jaw and being mad in my head.

I can't tell anyone because like you said, shame and losing my whole family, business, life. I don't know what to do either. I keep trying to pray about it, but then not much longer I lose my cool.

I'm so embarrassed to post this, I don't want people to think I'm a monster and I haven't had the guts to post it, thank you OP for posting how you're really handling it.

I realize you are two different posters, but seriously...call Nan! She can offer you some great insight on making changes, doing what YOU need to do and how to get a better handle on a lot of issues daycare providers go through. Not only is she a seasoned vet, she is a nurse, and a mentor and great confidant.

Call her. It can't hurt. Please.

[Meeko]

Logged out. You can call me. I'm free for the next two hours. If you want to block your number we can do a visit without you telling me who you are. If you don't have free long distance just pm me thru here with your number and I'll call you.

My cell number is 515-974-9536
My home number is: 515-266-6399

Tori Fees

You are one awesome lady.....lovethis
Hope you can help this poor provider. Sounds like she needs some help and a shoulder.

[Unregistered]

I also wanted to say thank you OP for having the courage to post this. It's obvious that you care about the kids or you wouldn't be concerned by your thoughts and actions. I have felt like this in the past and I felt very alone, not having the courage to even post here. I did a lot work on myself and identifying ways to take better control of my program and the kids and feel very confident as a provider now. Definitely take the opportunity to speak with Nannyde. If you decide to continue daycare know that you are not alone and you can take control and be the provider you want to be.

[momofsix]

You are both being very brave and transparent here and I commend you for it. It's awesome that you're recognizing the need and reaching out for help.

I myself have never talked personally to Nan, but others here have almost claimed a miracle in their daycares after talking to her and following her advice, so call her!

Best wishes and hugs to you both.

(and good to hear from you again Nan!)

[Crystal]

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. Do know that just talking about it and admitting that there is a problem is a HUGE step in the right direction.

Is it possible for you to take a break, or possibly get some help, even part time? Would your husband support you quitting? Also, perhaps you are experiencing depression? Have you talked to a doctor about how you feel?

Thank you for having the courage to admit that your are struggling. I believe many suffer in silence and the children end up paying the price. Keep talking about it. Here. With your husband. With a close friend. With Nan if you feel comfortable doing so. The more you talk, the more advice you recieve, the more support you gain, the better you will feel.

Know that there is alot of support here and that, even though there are disagreements here, we are all friends and do care about one another and the children in our care. You need the support, so please continue to talk about it.

[Meeko]

I don't know if doing home day care is the right thing for me. I am doing it because I want to spend time with my kids but we need an additional income, too, and really, what it costs for daycare for 2 kids as opposed to what I make...well, it just wouldn't make sense for me to go back to work.

But I am finding every day here lately, a little more and a little more, that these kids are driving me crazy.

Not just a little crazy. Like, about once or twice a day, I scream at them for something crazy. I've lost control.

Yesterday I reduced 2 year-old DCG to tears. She followed me to DS's bedroom when I laid him down for a nap, stomping her feet behind me as she walked and singing, "LA LA LA LA!" very loudly, so carefree. Woke him up, he started crying. He's a horrible sleeper in the best of times. I scolded her and told her to please go back into the living room to wait for me. Another DCG napping in another bedroom heard the commotion and woke up and started crying also, so I rushed in to try to comfort her back to sleep. Who should come after me doing the exact same thing, stomping and singing, but DCG. I grabbed her by the shoulders spun her around, and guided her back to the living room. I then yelled, "GET UP ON THAT COUCH AND SIT STILL FOR 2 MINUTES FOR GOODNESS SAKE!"

That is bad enough, but what really scares me is that I feel myself letting go. Like I feel like i'm busting apart at the seams and that I am actually afraid I might hurt these kids. Like it''s taking every inch of my being to keep as controlled as I can. I've been finding myself more strict with even my own kids and very no-nonsense. I have never, never hit any of these kids, and I never berate them, but I just feel like I'm screaming things like, "NO, STOP!" and "I already told you to get out of her room!" "Stop this, stop that!". Maybe I was just not meant to look after children. :-( I used to have LOADS of patience and now...I'm lucky to make it through one day without having to raise my voice to a scream just to get their attention.

Please help me. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this. My husband is a huge help around the house so I know it's nothing that he can really help with, I just need to be able to talk to someone. :-(

Hubby stayed home from work a day last week and heard me...at the end of the day when all the kids were gone, he told me it sounds like I have no control over the kids. They're *good* kids, I mean it's not like they're marking on the walls or flushing stuff down the toilets or anything, but it's things like, "Stop going up on my bed, the cat is sleeping there, leave her alone, she will scratch you" types of things that they just aren't listening to because they always hear me sqawking at them, my words just don't matter to them any more.

I think part of it is that I am going shack-whacky. Before this, I had a car, I could pop my kids in the car whenever I wanted and go to play groups and get groceries if we needed it...not an extravagant day out, but we got out! Now, I don't even have a working vehicle, and even if I did, it's only a hatchback and we can't even squeeze a 3rd carseat in the back. Considering my two kids are a given, there are my two car seat spaces gone. So we couldn't go anywhere anyway. When hubby comes home it's a race to get supper, the kids cleaned, the kitchen cleaned, and the kids in bed, and by that point our local grocery store is closed and I'd have to drive 30 minutes into town to pick up milk. So I just get milk at the gas station and just come home.

Today I was getting lunch ready. It was 12:05. We eat anywhere between 12 and 12:30. They just had a snack at 10:30. I had just rounded them up in the living room and went to take something hot out of the oven and they all swarmed me. 4 of them circled around me, dealing with a hot oven, two yelling, "is it ready yet?!" one crying because I won't pick him up, and another crying because she misplaced her pacifier. OMG, overload. "LIVING ROOM. NOW!!" Like, it's just gotten to the point of barking 1 to 3 word commands.

One of the parents picked up her child the other day and made the comment, "I could never do what you do. I have 3 kids and it is all I can do to get through one day and into the next. You are so patient and kind to these kids", and I almost started bawling with guilt and shame. What am I supposed to do? I feel so lost.

My heart aches for you. Call Nannyde and let her help you. Just know we are all in your corner. All the best to you and lots of hugs

[MizzCheryl]

Oh Please call Nanny De!! She can help you!!
She is the absolute best and knows her stuff!!.
Nanny De you ROCK!!
So glad to see you posting on the board!!
happyface happyface happyface happyface happyface happyface happyface happyface happyface happyface happyface happyface happyface happyface

[countrymom]

we've all been in your shoes. I think what helps is taking a vacation, you don't have to go anywhere, but a break from the dcg's. There are days that I say screw this, I don't care if I don't make any money for the week, my sanity and spending time with my kids is way better.

also, it sounds to me like your not sure what to do with the kids, we've had alot of freeplay lately (still renovating) so we go outside, I sit in a chair and they play, when they come and want to hang out with me (entertain them) I tell them to go play with toys.

also, I started doing this a couple of months ago, when its 5pm, no one in my house is talk about daycare. No one is to ask me who is coming, no is to talk about what the daycare did or didn't do. I found that my kids where driving me crazy with this, I felt that I never left my job. Now that I started clamping down on this, omg its so nice to talk about other things and not daycare.

[Heidi]

Logged out. You can call me. I'm free for the next two hours. If you want to block your number we can do a visit without you telling me who you are. If you don't have free long distance just pm me thru here with your number and I'll call you.

My cell number is 515-974-9536
My home number is: 515-266-6399

Tori Fees

Whoo Hoooo! Welcome back, Nan! We missed you!

As for OP, please call Nan. I was going to make the same offer, but got here too late. She will help you, I know it!

[EchoMom]

we've all been in your shoes. I think what helps is taking a vacation, you don't have to go anywhere, but a break from the dcg's. There are days that I say screw this, I don't care if I don't make any money for the week, my sanity and spending time with my kids is way better.

also, it sounds to me like your not sure what to do with the kids, we've had alot of freeplay lately (still renovating) so we go outside, I sit in a chair and they play, when they come and want to hang out with me (entertain them) I tell them to go play with toys.

also, I started doing this a couple of months ago, when its 5pm, no one in my house is talk about daycare. No one is to ask me who is coming, no is to talk about what the daycare did or didn't do. I found that my kids where driving me crazy with this, I felt that I never left my job. Now that I started clamping down on this, omg its so nice to talk about other things and not daycare.

This is a great idea! I also have found some stress relief by playing really nice kids bible songs I like, it really helps lower my blood pressure and get in a positive attitutude! And it's a really nice atmosphere for the kids to walk into at drop off time.

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

Definately call nan but here are a few thoughts....How many kidlets do you have? The best thing that I did was I have a dedicated playroom and a schedule. The playroom has a, ok we call it the baby cage, but it is like a rug rats play pen.. you know the octogon thing and it has a gate on the door. If I need the kids to be secure I can have them be. The playroom has limited toys in it so that I don't have a huge mess! My playroom, kitchen, breakfast room and bathroom are also gated off from the rest of my house. These are the only areas the kidlets are allowed in. This greatly increases my sanity (Note: my oldest kidlet right now is almost 3 so today I have 3 one yr olds and 2 2yr olds. I have an odd assortment no more than 6 at a time but ranging starting again next week when school starts is 2 6 mo, 4 1 yr olds, 3 2 yr olds, and a just turned 4 yr old! So only 2 potty training and 4 working on it! so I need a safe place to plop them!)
So set up a safe gated area! This also means I can walk out to the kitchen pour another cup of coffee and regroup!)
Second, a set routine or schedule. Unless if they are babies they sleep according to my time schedule. Believe it or not I have all 6 asleep in the the same room! I love naptime.. it is my sanity!
so I "ideal" that I work from is as follows-
6:30- 9 kidlets may be arriving on the 6:30 end we may snuggle and snooze a couple more minutes but generally if they arrive 7 or after we are off and moving. Breakfast, playing in the playroom etc. By 9 everyone is dressed, little girls hair is done (I like it pulled up and secure) and diapers (bathroom) is all done! Breakfast every morning is cereal (organic o's), bananas and milk unless I offer up bagels or toast, sometimes I make waffles or muffins but I try to keep it simple. They eat much better this way! Playroom is retidied.
9- if at all possible we go out for a walk. I like to wear them out early! They tend to settle down then..
If it is nice when we return we may play outside for a bit on the patio. This morning we washed out potatoes for lunch outside
between 9:30 and 10 we are back inside. (check diapers and offer the bathroom and a drink of water- little bathroom size dixie cups) I read them a story and we do an activity. you can look at my facebook page for ideas https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?...sSteinelsHouse
then they play while I pull together lunch.
(on the playroom and toys I switch out toys frequently!! Keeps the interest level up. And I add appropriate theme props. So we have farmer's market baskets with the food this week.)
11 we eat lunch as soon as they are at the table with food I set up playroom (which they picked up before coming to the table) for naptime. Putting down their cots throwing a sheet over the toy shelf etc, pulling curtains.
As they finish eating I clean them up and change diapers. I have an order based on who will lie down without me in the playroom and who will create chaos. So by a little after 12 I am rocking those that need it to sleep. Yes, I have trained them to stay on their cots.. if they don't fall asleep I rock them generally they are all down within 10 minutes. Yup. They are trained. We play hard and sleep hard. They wake somewhere between 2:30 and 3. (babies nap in my dining room)
3 we clean up nap stuff change diapers,go potty etc.
3:30 ish we have a snack (generally fruit and crackers water)
They play after that. Either back outside or in the playroom.
I will offer a "free art" choice (playdoh, collage stuff etc. esp. in the winter.
4:30- 5:30 so kidlets are picked up.
5:40 dinner for the ones that I will have until 6:30
6:15 everything is picked up and I will read until moms get here

Planning is a big key if you have activities it helps. Also if I am cooking the kids are in the playroom or strapped into chairs or high chairs. I try to have some "instant activities" sorting type things or puzzles. If the little girl could have had something to do maybe she wouldn't follow you. Putting her at the table with crayons or pom poms to sort may be helpful. Busy kids are content kids
I hope this helps some. I have had the crazy days! I once looked at a little 2 yr old and said "Tyler! You're going to drive me crazy!" He didn't miss a beat, he looked at me and said "OK, you get in the back and I'll drive" and took off pretending to drive a car! I have a 1 yr old right now that I do not leave unattended! He is in the "baby cage" if I have to walk out of the room. He is one that will hurt himself or others (he has even tried to take apart my window airconditioner!) so I know better. I can't get mad at him I have to be aware!
Another idea would be if you have a preteen neighborhood girl that is good with kidlets maybe offering her a few bucks to come "lifeguard" in the afternoon for a few hours (summer a few mornings) I homeschool, so my dd (now 21 and at college) and ds 15 have always been around to be an extra set of hands. But, that might give you a few moments of help.
If you have any questions just ask Blessings.